Ava took one look at me when the curtain fell for the interval, and I knew, without her uttering a word, that she was thinking the same thing as me.
"So...that was a little graphic," I said, once we'd stepped into the bar for the fifteen minute break.
That was an understatement. It seemed like almost every other word was a profanity. But it wasn't just the swearing, the filthy sex talk made for a very unpleasant viewing experience. Perhaps if I'd been on my own it wouldn't have been so bad; but with Ava, I burned with shame. She must have wondered why I'd brought her to such a play.
She laughed. "On the plus side, my curse word vocabulary has been expanded ten-fold."
"Do you want to get out of here? I think we've seen all we need to see," I said.
"Yes!" She nodded heartily, and chuckling we left the theater.
We went to a bar a few doors down, a quiet place with mellow blues music playing in the background. She ordered a couple of cocktails.
"To us," I said, raising my glass and clinking it against hers. "And our new friendship."
"I'll drink to that."
I'd been nervous coming into the bar, knowing that it would be just the two of us, talking, delving into each other's lives. But once the alcohol started flowing, I relaxed.
"My husband thinks it's weird that I'm hanging out with you." By now my tongue was much looser, and my inhibitions on standby. I was in that happy, comfortable spot between sobriety and tipsiness, and planned to keep it that way.
"It doesn't matter what he thinks. Do you think it's weird?" She was leaning back easily in her seat, one slender leg crossed over the other. If my eyes had their way they would never be averted. It must have been the alcohol that was making me think like this, making me wonder how it would feel to touch those legs, how soft her skin was. Or how warm the inside of her thighs would be.
I cleared my throat, dragged my eyes away hurriedly, suddenly aware that the room was getting hotter.
"No, I don't. There's nothing wrong with people making new friends."
"Agreed. And so what if it's a little weird. I like spending time with you. A lot." She sipped what was left of her drink. Now it was her turn to look away.
"It's a nice night out. Do you maybe want to go for a walk along the canal?" I said, the idea just springing into my head. I don't know what made me suggest a walk, of all things. I hadn't gone for a pleasant stroll with anyone since a date in college. All I did know was that the drinks were finished, I didn't want another, but I definitely didn't want the night to end. Because that would have spelled goodbye for the whole weekend. I wanted to prolong this as long as possible.
"Sure. I was actually gonna suggest it myself."
She paid up, left a tip, then we headed out. There was only a slight breeze in the warm night air. Perfect weather for a stroll with a beautiful woman. An almost perfect night, if you discounted the atrocious play.
It was quiet on the streets and roads. We walked side by side, in-step, talking about nothing. Peaceful. I could have done this with her all night.
But then I switched gears. "Okay, I have to know. It's probably the burning question on everyone's minds at the school: why are you single?"
From the way her eyes grew wide, I knew my question alarmed her.
"I know it's very forward of me to ask–"
She nodded. "It is very forward."
"And you absolutely don't have to answer."
With the ample street-lighting I could see the little smirk that teased the corners of her mouth. "So we're getting personal now, are we, Dani?"
"Sorry, I know, it's none of my business. It's just that you're beautiful, and smart, and funny, and...God, the perfect woman. The perfect partner. And if someone like you is single, then the rest of us are doomed."
I could hear myself babbling but could do nothing to stop it. When had I progressed into solid tipsy state?
"And you said everyone at school wants to know this too?"
"The men at least."
Her smirk grew. "And you, of course."
"I mean, isn't there anyone you're interested in? Someone you want to get to know better?"
"Maybe." She smiled coyly.
"Okay, great, now we're getting somewhere." Although I played up the excitement, it was contrary to what I actually felt upon hearing that she was interested in someone. Why did I feel as though someone had punched me in the gut, twice?
Did I even want to hear about the punk who had stolen her heart? Probably some six-pack with jaw implants! Someone fake and plastic who would treat her like a trophy, ignoring the fact that she was amazing inside as well as out.
"Why are you so interested in my love life?" She chuckled.
"I don't know. Maybe because mine is so dire, I find it therapeutic focusing on other people's."
"You want to know why I'm still single? That right there, what you just said. I decided a long time ago that I would only date when I was sure I'd found someone truly special. Because I never want my love life to be dire. Real love, the kind that never dies or ages, retains the same potency throughout, no matter what. That's what I want."
My heart broke a little when I listened to her speak. Because I remembered the time when I'd been holding out for the same thing, been convinced I would find it if only I looked hard enough. And then Dominic came along, a wolf in sheep's clothing, promising me the world and giving me years of heartache instead.
"I hope you find what you're looking for." I meant that too. Just because my chance of eternal happiness was over, didn't mean I didn't want her to have that.
"I hope you do, too."
We stared at each other, stopped walking. Here we were, two women searching for exactly the same thing, but we couldn't give it to each other. I wished desperately that I could have been...I could have been the one she was waiting for...
As soon as the thought entered my mind, it spooked me. I turned away quickly, fearing that I would fall into those large blue eyes. It was crazy. And there was nothing to be gained thinking that way.
We started walking again. "You shouldn't wait forever, otherwise you'll have to keep fighting off all those hungry married men at school," I joked. "I mean, everyone's smitten with you. I can't really blame them. I kind of am myself. What do the kids call it these days, a girl crush?" I chuckled abashedly.
"You have a crush on me?" she teased. "I think you just said that."
I laughed hysterically, nervously. "Yeah, and I'm out of luck there, huh? I'm obviously not your type."
She stopped walking. Her face became serious.
"Actually, you are," she said. "You're exactly my type."
It all happened so fast. One minute she was looking at me, and the next her lips were on mine. So fast I didn't have enough time to decide what to do with my mouth.
And then it was over. She was staring at me, slightly horrified. Her expression a reflection of mine, it seemed.
I just gawked at her, my lips parted, slightly moist from her kiss.
"Oh my God, I'm sorry. I–I don't know what came over me. I'm sorry. Goodnight." She turned and hurried away, moving impossibly quickly for someone in heels.
"Ava," I called after her, but she didn't stop, didn't even glance back at me before jumping into a taxi.