Half an hour later, Elijah still couldn’t believe what he’d done.

Alara had been patched up and given a sedative to knock her out while Heath’s spell finished repairing her leg.

The image of her injury was burned into his mind. It flashed through his mind’s eye, making him sick.

He squirmed on the sofa in Nik and Alara’s bedroom.

Alara and Nik had taken over Gage’s old rooms once they’d come back to Crescent Manor as the Alpha pair. Though the space was definitely bigger, the furnishings were no more opulent than those in his and Verika’s chambers.

Would he ever own anything half as nice? The thought of fussing over a mortgage and credit card bills sounded blissfully mundane. Peaceful, even. He wanted that kind of life for him and Verika.

But if he didn’t get his shit together, that was never going to happen.

He’d lost control of his inner wolf again. The first time he had nearly killed Verika, a diverted disaster that still made it difficult to face himself in the mirror. Now, Alara had been the victim. He was hurting people he cared about, and felt powerless to do anything about it.

The guards Gage had posted inside the room watched Elijah like hawks, barely blinking. Elijah couldn’t fault Gage for being careful. Hell, it made him feel better they were there. He didn’t exactly trust himself right now.

They were big boys, too, and imperially trained. These guys could probably fuck him up six ways to Sunday without breaking a sweat. Not that he had any plans on testing his mettle.

Guilt and regret washed over him anew as he turned his attention back to Alara.

He had some apologizing to do…soon as she woke up.

But first, he needed to sort some stuff out on the inside.

There could be no more running from his trauma. It was finally time to face his nightmares—or risk letting them destroy his life and everyone in it.

Verika wandered the garden, trying to sort out her thoughts. And having absolutely no luck.

Elijah had insisted on waiting beside Alara’s bed until she woke up. Sensing he needed some alone time to figure things out, she’d volunteered for some fresh air. Though it bothered her to leave her mate by himself when he was in such a wrecked mental state. She wished there was some way she could make it better, some magic she could perform to take away all his pain and suffering.

But that’s precisely what had landed them in this mess in the first place.

Magic.

It had been a long while since she’d felt so helpless. Magic could fix damn near everything. That’s one of the things she loved about it. But it was a double-edged blade that could also deal irreparable harm.

Elijah, and so many others like him, couldn’t be healed from an outside source. They were going to have to heal themselves.

Elijah choosing to wait for Alara to wake up so he could beg her forgiveness was part of that healing process. And she suspected he didn’t want Verika around right now because he was so ashamed over what happened. He didn’t need to worry about her judging him; she assured him she loved him to the moon and back.

Which was why she didn’t argue when he asked her to be alone, no matter how much it pained her to walk away.

Verika rounded the corner. She was back at the courtyard with the stone angel. She’d been aimlessly wandering around, lost in her own thoughts; she hadn’t paid attention to where her feet took her.

She sat down on the bench and watched the koi swim about. Alara was right—it was peaceful. A good thinking place.

A chilled wind brushed her hair, smelling faintly like—

She startled, looked around.

That was magic she had detected, though faint. She was sure of it.

Her skin tingled with the sense that another paranormal creature was near, but the signature wasn’t strong enough to detect exactly what it was.

Footsteps approached, sounding harried.

A second later, the sensation vanished, right before Gage walked into the courtyard.

Verika scrambled to her feet. “Your Majesty,” she blurted. Should she do a curtsy? Did she even know how to do one?

Gage rolled his eyes and sighed in exasperation. “Please, not you, too. I get enough of that ‘Your Majesty’ business as is.”

The tension drained out of her body, and she smiled. “I could see how that would be annoying.”

“You have no idea,” he mumbled as he ran a hand through his disheveled hair. He looked more haggard upon his arrival, much leaner and wearier than the passionate, soft-spoken man she remembered.

But he was no longer just a man—he was a king of wolves. Thousands of them, all the lives of which were on his shoulders. And from the looks of it, it wasn’t a light load to bear. The job of High King had already taken a toll on him.

Her heart squeezed. Maybe after this was all over, she could find a way to help him with the stress. She hated seeing any of her friends suffer.

Gage paced a time or two, looking as though something was on his mind. “I just came from the dungeons.”

“Oh,” Verika said quietly, twisting the hem of her shirt in her hands. “How is he?”

Gage inhaled a long breath, let it out. “He’s calmed down, somewhat. So that’s a relief.” He pressed his lips together. “It’s going to be awhile, I think, before we’ll be able to bring the two of them together again.”

Verika swallowed hard. She’d expected as much. Nik could hold a grudge.

Gage sighed and pointed at the bench. “That seat taken?”

“Not at all. Besides, you’re a king. You can do whatever you want.”

“Still polite to ask.” His eyes sparkled with his smile. The mirth was gone as quickly as it came. They both stared out at the fountain, the running water the only sound as the minutes stretched on.

“I’ve never seen him like this,” Gage murmured. “Eli was always so strong. Now he’s… I don’t recognize him.”

Verika watched him in silence, waiting for him to continue.

Gage’s nails dug into the bench. “Mistress Black changed him, just like Malachite changed most of the members of our pack before I became Alpha. They broke them inside. Some days I think we’ll never put the pieces back together. Even I’m still trying to come to terms with what Malachite did to me, what he made us do to each other in those fighting pits. I…I know where Elijah is coming from. I get it. And I want you to know I don’t blame him. It’s not his fault, him being the way he is. It’s Mistress Black’s.”

Verika’s throat grew tight. “I’m sorry we brought this on you guys. Eli didn’t want to get you involved. He wanted to protect you for as long as possible.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. There’s nothing you could have done to protect us. It was coming regardless of your actions.”

She supposed he was right. In hindsight, they weren’t the only ones involved in this fight. The whole nation was, if the string of attacks the DPI had been called out to investigate were any indication.

“I guess this means we’ll be going with plan B, for finding Mistress Black’s lair,” Verika said.

“We could try again—”

“No,” she said firmly. “I won’t risk subjecting Elijah to more buried memories. I can’t do that to him. I won’t, even if you are a king and command it.”

He stared at her. Finally, he blinked and smiled. “You might not have been a werewolf for long, but you’re as ferocious as any she-wolf I’ve ever met when it comes to protecting your mate. I’m glad Elijah has you.”

Her lashes fluttered as her cheeks heated. It was the first time Gage had really said much of anything about her relationship to his brother. “Thanks,” she mumbled, looking away.

Gage stilled. He tapped his head. “One of my guards just informed me Alara’s woken up. Nik will want to see her. He made me promise to tell him the second she woke up.” He stood and held out his arm. “Shall we go see her ourselves?”

Verika stood. “Let’s take our time, so Elijah can have some one-on-one time with her. I think they both need it.”

“Agreed.”

They started to walk away. Verika’s spine tingled, and she glanced behind her. The sensation of being watched was back.

“What is it?” Gage looked around.

The tingling dried up, and Verika shook her head. “It’s nothing. Just my imagination.”

Or, at least, that’s what she kept telling herself as they walked back toward the manor.