reveal a tangerine moon. The day at Chamdo market has come to an end. Crackling fires light the market square’s stalls, from which the shouts of the traders push the last of their day’s produce onto the folks drifting back to their dwellings and inns at the edge of town.
“Good to see you youngsters.” Dendup’s cheerful voice echoes over the clatter of our horses’ hooves as we rush into the courtyard. He must have been waiting for us, for he’s already hopping out of the doorway as soon as we’ve turned the corner of the yard.
“Here, let me,” he says and takes my horse’s lead as I dismount. “You go inside. You must be tired.” He sounds a bit out of breath, and a remarkably fresh smell of citrus surrounds him.
“Well, thank you,” I say, happy to hand him my horse—my throat feels bone dry and dust cakes my face. I could do with a wash and a fresh cup of tea.
I skip to the basin at the back of the house and splash the icy water until my cheeks tingle. So good. My eyes close, the cool drops run down my neck.
Shì… Yīqiè shùnlì… A faint, snakelike murmur drifts from the yard and I can’t help but listen…
Zuò zhŭnbèi… It’s Karma’s voice, in the foreigner’s language. I can’t make out which one. Who’s he talking to?
My hands clasp around the metal basin, and I shiver. The water has soaked the back of my shirt by now. I run my scarf through my neck, the gritty leftovers from the road prickling my skin. My mind wavers, but my feet are already flying towards the yard, curious to see who’s there.
I’m too late.
“Hey.” Dendup’s eyes shoot over Karma’s shoulder as soon as he sees me. “You’re not in yet…” An edgy smile curls his lips and he steps aside, shielding a swift shadow rushing out of the gate.
“No...” My voice trails off and I lean to the side, but Dendup mirrors my movement, preventing me from catching a last glimpse of whoever they’re talking to.
“I freshened myself up a bit and then I heard you talking.” Keeping my eyes on the swinging gate, I vein a relaxed smile, but my insides are anything but calm. “In a foreign language.”
Tense glances drift between the two of them. I wasn’t supposed to hear this. I shiver again. This time it’s not from the cold.
“Just a trader.” Karma turns on his heels. “Come, let’s get you to the fire.” His arm hooks around my rigid shoulders and he strides me into the kitchen.
Dendup’s following in our trail. What can I say?
With the unease growing between us, we settle down, and the matron serves us a hearty meal. Even her cordial manner, her delicious thentuk, or even the roaring fire she’s put on can’t warm the bitter cold that’s occupied my heart.
Dendup and Karma are making casual conversation. I know they’re trying to lighten the air, but I can’t.
Lies. My mind’s swirling. Tears prick behind my eyelids. The steaming soup scorches my tongue as I slurp the brew down as fast as I can. A sour taste stains my mouth. Can I blame them? I have not been honest either, for I’m not only here on pilgrimage.
“I’m going to sleep.” My voice croaks. I raise my weary bones, avoiding their gaze.
“Sister.” Dendup’s strong fingers clasp around my wrist. “Stay.” His grip tight, he pulls me down. “We didn’t mean to be rude.”
I bite my lip and glance at him, his face a pleading look. My fist clenches. I’m fighting hard to hold back my tears. To no avail. My knees give in, and I cast my eyes at the wooden floor. He is my elder, after all.
“We…” Dendup’s voice is subdued now, and he releases his tight grip. “We’re family, and there’re no untruth to be told between us, but...” He turns to Karma. “You tell her.”
My heart beats against my chest, rapid and numb. Tell me what?
“Nordun, love,” Karma shifts himself next to me, his voice a low whisper in my ear. “We’re only trying to protect you.”
I blink and raise my chin. “From what?” I swiftly wipe my cheek and settle my gaze in the distance. “Protect me from what?”
A heavy silence crashes upon us, and my shoulders drop. I already know the answer. They don’t want to burden me with their gruesome plan and all that this will involve.
“Karma and I—we know what we’re doing.” Dendup leans in and rests his heavy hand on my arm again. “Besides, it’s not of woman’s concern, you know that.”
I shake my head, and the iron fist around my heart tightens its grip. It is of my concern!
“There’s no need to lie or cover up—we all understand what you’re doing,” I say and heave. “Or planning to do.” I lean back, my face heated, my voice thick with emotions. “I might be naïve in the ways of this world, but I’m not stupid.” Regardless of being a woman.
My eyes flash between the two of them, and even though my vision is blurred, my breath stalls as I detect the look on Dendup’s face. It stirs something deep inside of me—genuine worry has replaced the tense expression on his face. There’s an honest concern for my wellbeing shining through in the weathered face of this rough mountain man.
“No, you’re not,” Dendup says. “On the contrary.” He waves his hand. “But the less you know of all of it, the better.” His voice takes on a grave tone.
“By now Tennah—and most likely his sons—understand we’re on to him.” Dendup wrings his hands. “Your uncle’s a devious man, sister, and we have no idea yet what he’s going to do.” He pauses. “Of course, we have our connections keeping an eye on him, but in the meantime, we can’t be too careful.”
The blood rushes to my head as I realize the danger Uncle still presents. He has killed my mother and he won’t hesitate to… My mind blanks at the horrendous thought. I’m such a fool. Of course, Dendup and Karma are trying to protect me. That’s what our men do. And they’ll go to all lengths to... What was I thinking? I cringe at the thought of my selfish behavior.
“I’m sorry,” I say. My voice halts. “I know you have my best interest. I don’t mean to make things difficult for you.” My apology’s sincere. My eyes cast in my lap again, my fingers twirl the red string on my wrist.
“You’re anything but difficult, sister.” Dendup’s voice is almost convincing. “But like I said, we want to keep you safe, and the less you know.”
I nod and am met with an unexpected, pleasing smirk on his face. Why’s he smiling like that?
“And it would help if you stopped wandering off on us.”
What?! I shoot up as his smirk breaks out in a grin, filling the space between us with lightness and laughter.
“Me?” My voice pitches and I put on my most innocent face, but nobody—including myself—is buying it. They know about my trip with Lanying to the hermitage the other day. Dendup slaps his knees, and Karma pulls me into his side, chuckling all the way. No use hiding it anymore.
“It’s like Dendup said.” Karma’s warm hand tucks the loose strands of hairs behind my ears. “There’s no untruth to be told between the three of us.” His fingers slide down my neck, and a tender touch lingers along.
“And there’s nothing to cover-up either,” Dendup says, as he frowns from under his bushy eyebrows. “For even in the darkest shadows of the night, the truth will always reveal itself.” His gaze darts over the kitchen and stops on the matron, busying herself around the now smoldering stove. A swift spark ignites in his eyes. “Now, if you youngsters will excuse me.” He jumps up and runs his fingers through the messy mop on top of his head. “I’ve got some wandering to do myself.”
With a spring in his step, he shoots away from us, his arms already stretched out to the becoming lady of the inn.
I shake my head as Karma leans back and draws me next to him. What to make of a man like that?
“He’s a good man, love,” Karma says, as if he can read my puzzled thoughts. “And you did right not to tell on him.”
I smile, and my body relaxes into his. Of course, Karma knew. He’s been with Dendup on the road for so long, he knows of Dendup’s relentless fondness for the chang.
“Still, no more lies, no more cover-ups.” Karma’s voice carries an insistent edge. “Promise?” He presses my head into his chest and his fingertips stroke the top of my hair, restful, content.
“Promise.” A faint sigh slips from my lips as his heart beats a soothing drum to my ear. My body, now warm and cozy, is drifting into sleep, but I’m not ready—yet. There’s one more issue that’s been lurking in the back of my mind ever since we left the stables. Now’s the perfect time.
“Karma,” I say, trying to sound casual.
“Hmm…” A distant, yet attentive murmur responds.
I swallow to steady my thoughts, for the issue I’m about to put in front of him is dear to me. She is dear to me, and I’ve never been good at plotting like this.
“Remember when you told me this afternoon…” My voice wavers a bit. “About the heart that is always free…” I clear my throat. “And can’t be taken by force, that you’ve done that before and know now it’s no good?” The words cascade from my mouth, a rapid flow that leaves me out of breath.
“Yes.” He veers up a bit. “I remember.”
I curl my toes as I hear his voice deepen and feel a slight, yet definite, ripple under his skin.
“Well.” I take a deep breath in. Come on, get it over with.
“If you know it’s no good, then why force your sister’s heart onto somebody? Why force her to marry a man she doesn’t want?”
There, I’ve said it—for Sangmo. I sit tight, and I wait, as I would wait in the calm before the storm. I squeeze my eyes s and duck in anticipation, preparing for the wild tempest of arguments to thunder my way. The stroking of his fingers has come to a sudden stop and his hand rests heavily now on the top of my head.
I sit tight and wait as the soft drum of his heartbeat replaces the rapid pounding of my own heart in my chest.
Yet, I’m waiting in vain. His hand lifts, and his fingers resume the stroking on top of my head again.
No reaction. Well, not the blast I was expecting, anyway.
“You think I would force her to marry?” His voice calm, his fingers twist my hair around.
I peep through my eyelashes. “Well.” I keep my voice and posture as small as anything. “That’s what she told me…”
And that’s what you’re entitled to. My mind lingers back to my conversation with Sangmo in the room the night we picked out my clothes. She begged me to help her, to make Karma change his mind.
“Right.” He pauses, and I dare to open my eyes again, as I detect no tension whatsoever in his demeanor.
“And you think I would succeed in marrying her off?” His voice picks up, still controlled, but there’s an intense tone in it, one I can’t discern. “Nordun.” A chuckle, barely audible, escapes from his chest. “We’re talking about Sangmo here, right?”
My body still on edge, I turn, and his fingers tangle deeper in my locks.
“Yes, of course,” I say. “Sangmo, who else?” My eyes widen as he looks down at me. He doesn’t even try to contain his glee.
“Oh, love.” He bursts out in laughter. “In case you don’t know Sangmo by now…” His hands wrap around my face. “I would make a fool of myself if I tried to marry her out, for nobody—and I mean nobody—can force that girl into anything she doesn’t want to.” He shakes his head.
“I’m afraid to admit it… but there’s no way she’ll ever obey a man… not even me.” A quick frown shadows over his face, only to be replaced by a playful smirk. “But that streak seems to run in the women of our family.”
My mouth falls open, and I want to reply to his last remark, right there and then, but my words stall and my body sags, flooded with the relief of what I’ve just heard. No marriage for Sangmo. My heart leaps as tears of joy spring in the corners of my eyes.
“Oh, thank you!” In a flurry, I swing my arms around his waist and bury my hands in the folds of his chuba. My head settles in the tender hollow of his neck.
Another chuckle escapes from his chest as his hands glide over my back, pressing me tight until I have to come up for air.
“You silly,” he says. His fingertips wipe the strayed hairs and tears from my face.
“You knowI had to set Sangmo straight before we went—it’s what brothers are supposed to do.” His lips graze my forehead and move down the tip of my nose.
“But you terrified her,” I say, as I recall her desperate plea for freedom, for a life of her own.
“I know,” he says, and shakes his head. “But there’s no harm in a bit of scaremongering, is there…?”
And as his lips taste mine, all my worries fade, for one last one, lingering one. But there is harm in it, for women like us, our fate is forever in the hands of their kinsmen. We’ll always have our freedom to fear.