long?” Dendup jumps in his seat, his sulked face a flush, his hands fluttering in stupefied gestures.
I halt at the doorway of the kitchen, taken aback by his abrupt outcry. The image of Sonam that has walked with me ever since we left the temple is erased in one swift swipe. Sure, dusk has fallen, but Dendup knew we would be at the temple. Karma pulls me along his resolute stride and before I know it, we’re sitting across an agitated Dendup.
“Missed us then?” Karma’s sarcastic tone reinforces his tense glance at the table full of sweet reeking cup. Chang. My eyes shoot from the scattered dishes to Dendup’s reddish blotched nose and stained cheeks. Is he drunk?
“Hmff…” Dendup grimaces and for a moment, it looks like he’s going to eat his moustache—again. “We need to talk.” He waves at the matron. “But first we eat.”
My stomach grumbles in agreement. Good. I sit back, reassured. He’s not too drunk and whatever’s on his mind can wait until after dinner.
At Dendup’s order, the matron serves a chunky thukpa that seems to invigorate all three of us. Smacking the last bit out of the bowl, Dendup starts grumbling again. His hands draw over the table.
“Listen, I said no secrets between us, right?” Dendup’s eyes glare from under his frown, and I freeze.
Secrets. My stomach knots as the last gulp of thukpa attempts to find its way back up my throat.
“And sister, when we set off,” Dendup says, turning to me. “You promised you would do as we told you, didn’t you?”
A taste of bitter bile fills my mouth, but I nod. This is not good. He knows. My mind bounces in all directions, a heat spreads from my chest up to my neck, drowning my cheeks in a fiery blush. He knows my real reason for coming along to Lhasa. How?
“What are you on about?” Karma’s voice interrupts my frantic thoughts. “We’ve been to the temple and back.” He rests his gaze on me, as calm as ever.
Dendup waves his hand again in annoyance. “I know, I know.” His fingers spread on the table and he leans in even further. “I’m just saying it’s time.” He pauses, and I hold my breath.
Time? I push the sour taste on my palate back and clear my throat.
“What time?” I’m lost as my thoughts run out of options.
“Time for us to bring you to safety, sister.” Dendup leans back and draws his hands around another cup. “You tell her.” He points his chin at Karma, who’s kept his gaze on me all the time.
“Safety?” I raise my voice. “What safety?” My eyes shoot from Karma to Dendup and back, my mind following in their trail.
“Nordun, love.” Karma leans in and rests his hand on my arm. “The next few days…” He pauses, the tiny lines around his eyes deepening. “It’s not safe for you to be out here, not with us.” The meaningful glare in his eyes says it all. My eyes widen as a sharp blow shatters my ribcage, leaving me breathless and gasping for air.
“Don’t.” My eyes widen and I put my hands to my mouth to smother my thoughts, but it’s too late. A gruesome portrayal of death and deception slashes across my mind. “Please don’t say it.” My whisper is hardly audible. I shake my head.
“We’re not…” Dendup reaches across and wraps his huge hand around my other arm. “Your uncle, he’s a dangerous man. We don’t know what he’ll do.” His voice takes on an almost fatherly tone, and genuine concern shines through his rugged facade.
“That’s why we’ll take you to a secure place,” Karma says. “A place your sisters asked me to bring you.” He shifts next to me.
My sisters? I blink.
“It’s only for a few days until…” Dendup’s words freeze midway as he sees me cringe. He averts his eyes, but not before showing me the twinge of remorse that flickers through.
I raise my hands.
“Wait.” I turn to Karma. “My sisters, you said?” My thoughts stumble over Karma’s words. He nods.
“Pema and Tsomo.” His hand gently strokes my back.
My mouth opens, but my mind stalls. How? I sag back in my seat and cast my eyes in my lap, the red thread on my wrist a blurred line in my vision. My sisters again.
“Better we go now.” The tone of Dendup’s voice leaves little room for arguing.
My fingers fumble with the knotted string. Karma and Dendup—they’re sending me off, and my sisters told them to. Where’s my part in all of this? I raise my weary head and nod.
“Yes, better go now.” I look at my companions and can’t help a little smile curling in the furthest corners of my mouth. Their stupefied stares are almost comical to me. They must have expected a pleading reply from me, begging them to let me stay. Well, if there’s one thing I learned from being on the road, it’s picking my battles wisely.
So, we walk the streets of Lhasa again, Karma and me, but now in the soundless shade of the night. His hand holds me tight, as if he expects me to run off at any moment.
I glance at him, my feet struggling to keep up with his stride.
“It’s close,” he says, as if he wants to convince himself this whole situation is fine. I can almost touch the reticence, floating like pallid slivers of fog between us.
“I’m good.” My breath streams out like a sheer silvery puff. I pull my scarf tight. I still have no idea where I’m going, but I’m keeping a close eye on the twists and turns we take.
I’m a total stranger to Lhasa right now, but I want to make sure Lhasa’s not a total stranger to me in the morning.
“Here it is.” Karma halts in front of a narrow gate, leading into one of the many inconspicuous wooden houses lining the road. My hands glide along the cold iron of the bolted doorway and I sigh. That’s secure alright.
“Nordun, love.” Karma’s words are a hoarse whisper in my ear. “Promise me you’ll stay here until I get you.” His thumb strokes the edge of my jaw, and his lips tentatively graze my forehead.
“Promise me.” His strong arms grip tighter, and I nod.
“Don’t let anyone lure you out of here.” He slides his hand under my chin and tilts it to meet his dark gaze. “Not little sister, not Lanying.” His heated breath caresses my cheeks. “Stay in, love, and stay away from her.” His voice lowers, and an ominous apprehension ignites in the depth of his eyes. I lean back and raise my eyebrows at the sudden change in his face.
“But…” I stop as he puts his lips to my ear in a hushed hiss.
“I tell you.” He secures his arm around me, and his hand digs deep into my hip. “She’s not capable of caring about anybody but herself.” His sneer smolders with resentment. “She can’t be trusted. I’ve experienced that firsthand, believe me.”
I flinch at the ferocious intensity of his tone. What is this?
Clang! The next moment, we both jump at the bolt snapping of the gate, swinging open on its heavy hinges to a crack just wide enough to sneak through. Karma clutches my hand and steps into a dim courtyard.
“Ama-la.” Karma bows to the stately silhouette standing in the doorway ahead of us. “Thank you for receiving us.” A tall shadow floats towards us, revealing herself in the fiery glare coming from the open kitchen door.
“You are most welcome.” A soft yet unwavering voice resounds in my ears and I freeze.
Unable to move, I can only stare. Before me stands the spitting image of Tsomo, my beloved sister in seclusion. My mind boggles. That elongated face, those almond-shaped eyes, slightly older, yes, but exactly like Tsomo’s eyes.
“Please, come in.”
Even her voice…
I blink, and my eyes settle on the collar of her maroon robes. Where are my manners? “Ama-la.” I bow, not knowing what to say.
“Please, from our families,” Karma says, as he offers his bag to her. “With so much regard.” A shadow shoots from the gate to receive the offering.
“That’s not necessary.” She waves her hand. “We’re most happy you’ve come.”
Karma ignores her protest and places his bag in the rushing guard’s arms.
“I have to go.” He bows his head. “As you understand.”
The woman nods and extends her hands in a blessing.
“Nordun, please.” Karma turns to me, his eyes blazing the softest of summer green again. “Don’t forget your promise.”
The back of his hand glides gently across my cheek and rests on my parting lips for a reply, but the words won’t come. My mind hasn’t caught up with what’s happening.
It’s not until the steely clonk of the sliding bolt resounds in my ears again, and a loving arm leads me into a cozy kitchen, that I find some sense in this all.
“At last we meet.” The woman pours me a cup of tea in the empty kitchen. I look up, my face in a total daze. She laughs. “I see Karma hasn’t told you then.” She puts the kettle down and sits with me.
“I’m Palmo, your sisters’ aunt.” My hands wrap around the steaming cup. “You’ll be staying with us for a few days.” I nod. That part is obvious to me by now.
“I’m sorry,” I say, and look at my trembling hands and my teeth clatter. “I’m a bit…” I choke, and my throat fills up with an emotion I can’t explain. It’s a sweltering heat, shattering my frost-bound bones, and it sucks the life right out of me.
“It’s fine,” she says, and throws her wool scarf around my shivering shoulders. “You’ve had a long day, a long journey.” She folds my hands in hers, the most caring embrace. “First you’ll sleep, then we’ll talk.”
Her arms hurdle around me. She leads me to a plain room in the back of the house and puts me to bed under a pile of itchy wool.
As soon as she closes the door, my body sinks into the squishy mat, and my mind lifts to the wooden beamed ceiling. Instinctively I curl up, folding my body to lay it in the tender hollow of his, of Karma’s, and the most intense longing rips through me. I clench my fists in shame as I realize how frayed and fragile my aspirations have become. With everything that’s happened, and everything that is bound to unfold, all I yearn for now is to rest my head against the flat bone on his chest, and even my breath to the faint drum of his heart.
My fingers search inside the collar of my shirt. There they are, so soothing to the touch. I slip the strand around the back of my hand and press the cold jade into my cheek.
Please let sleep arrive and fill this aching void in me. I close my eyes. Om Tare.