to start today. Even the sun—spinning her shiniest, most golden rays through the vale—can’t seduce us this morning.
With little sister calmed down, we take up our usual position—Karma in front, me following, and Dendup closing our line. Giving the grieving family some respite, Dendup swings little sister in the front of his saddle, which creates a big giggle through her tears. While whistling along with the chorus of the birds, he gives her the reins of his horse for the day. Needless to say, it puts a smile on the face of both of them.
The sun on our side, we ride into the green open valley towards Derge, but my thoughts are stalled on the merciless mountain and the little brother she claimed last night. With no body left, his steam of consciousness floats free now, roaming the death bardos for an unknown time. I wince. How confused and afraid he must be right now, finding himself in such haunting territory, all alone. Om mani padme hung.
As my mind forms the words of prayer, my fingers fumble with the red string on my wrist that my sisters left me. A small pang of regret stretches across my heart. If only I could get word to my sisters in seclusion. Their powerful prayers and offerings would guide the little one through his dark in-between, for no matter where the mind is, it will hear. Om mani. My eyes scout the horizon. There’s no way to get any prayers done—the nearest monastery is still a day away.
I shift back in my saddle and draw my shoulders. We’ve prayed for so many of the deceased, my sisters and me. My heart still carries the words and the honest intention, for none of that hasn’t changed. Om mani. For the benefit of all sentient beings.
With a sigh, I loosen the reins. Somewhere out there is a little one in need, and wherever he may be, he can hear me too. So my horse will have to lead us today, for I will pray and do the offering, from my own fragile mind to his in the in-between. I lift my face to the sky to receive her welcoming warmth and let the beads slide through my fingers. Om mani padme hung.
“Everything good?” Karma turns around to check on his following. I raise my hand.
Everything’s good. When he throws me one of his wicked winks, I dare to meet his eyes and smile back at him. My heart makes a little leap. Cho La has taken a life, but she’s also granted one—to me. The clarity I feel, the lightness in body in mind—it’s true what Father said about ascending her peaks. If she doesn’t demand your life, she cleanses your body and mind.
A surge of gratitude surges through my being. I close my eyes, seeking the stillness to be of solace again. The warming breeze plays with the silky fur of my collar, a smooth gaze against my face. A fleeting thought drifts by—one of a tender, precious life—and I return to my silent prayer once again.
With a mellow sun as our companion, and the bountiful valley providing plenty of fresh foraging for our animals on the way, the caravan doesn’t take many stops today. I don’t mind, for my prayer carries me through the day with ease. Dusk sneaks up on us before I even notice, chasing an orange red sun behind the western peaks. With our caravan spread out under an indigo firmament, Dendup lights a fire and the first twinkles appear.
“You did well today,” Karma says as we tie down our horses for the night.
I nod. “My body’s used to the saddle by now.” I hoist my bag on our pile near the fire. “Finally.” My hands on my hips, I stretch my back with ease.
“That’s not what I meant.” Karma slumps down against the bags. “Come sit.” He gestures for me to join him.
“I heard you.” His voice low, he rests his hand on my thigh.
“You heard me?” I raise my eyebrows and let my thoughts go over today. What does he mean?
“Your prayer, my love.” His face softens and his warm hand covers mine. “All day around us.”
My prayer. He hears my prayer, the silent words in my mind. How’s that possible? My gaze draws to the fire, the orange tongues licking their way to the sky.
“But…” I turn, the heat of the flames gushing against my cheek. My eyes search and find his, fiery sparks reflecting in a green gleam.
Tiny wrinkles appear in the corner of his eyes. A smile draws up his lips.
How did he hear?
“Hey, lovebirds.” Dendup’s laughter roars above the flames, pulling me out of my wonder and right back in the now. “Who will fetch this old man some tea?” He wrings his hands and rubs his legs. “Or something else to warm the inside of me?” He plunks down at Karma’s side.
I jump up and start rummaging through our bags. How unthoughtful of me to let my elder go thirsty. Tea. My hands find the right provision, but my mind’s still lost for answers. How did Karma hear?
As Karma hauls the fresh water, I spread out what’s left of our food. Even with my eyes cast down, I feel Dendup’s gaze on me. As I glance up, he throws me a quick wink. My shoulders drop and we both burst into laughter.
“Sorry sister,” he says. “I can’t help it. You’re just so easy to tease.”
I roll my eyes. “You tell me,” I say and hand him his cup and tsampa pouch.
“Still, we’re doing better every day,” he says. “Aren’t we?” With a puff, he throws a bit of the fine flour in his mouth and chews it.
“Any chang left, by chance?” His eyes dart over our bags and I get up to see.
A fierce hiss escapes from the blaze as Karma bangs the kettle down the fire.
“Nope,” he says and looks Dendup in the eye. “Tea is what’s left.”
I stall, my eyes on the bags.
“Ah well, it’s Derge tomorrow morning.” Dendup rubs his whitewashed moustache and sighs. Handing him the left-over butter, I crouch down beside Dendup again.
“At least there’ll be some decent chang waiting there for me.” His fingers mold the creamy fat into a little ball while he looks up to me, that typical tease on his lips. “And an entire day of rest for you youngsters to go about.”
My toes curl in my sandals, and I still cringe, but only a little this time.
It’s like Dendup said—we àre doing better, day by day.