tiptoe through the dark hallway. All is quiet. Good. My lips move in a silent prayer. If I just can get to my room without being noticed, I’ll be fine.
“I’ve been waiting for you.” Palmo’s calm voice echoes from the darkened kitchen.
I shrink towards the polished banister and hold my breath. Now what? Her tall shadow appears in the doorway. “Won’t you come in for a moment?” As silently as I entered the hallway, I move into the kitchen. Palmo sits at the stove. The soft smolder lights her loving smile.
“Ama-la,” I say, and bow my head to hide my burning shame and tears.
“Oh, Nordun,” she says and chuckles. “You look like one of my juniors, waiting to be reprimanded after being caught with their hand in the tsampa bag.” Her slender hands hold my heated face.
As soon as I’m met by the grace in her eyes, the floodgates of my heart break open, and a stream of hot tears engulfs me.
“Now, my child.” She draws me near the fire and sits with me until the storm has passed, leaving me empty and anew.
“You didn’t expect it to be easy, did you?” She hands me a warm drink, a pure green tea with honey that sooths the raw inside of me. I sniff.
“I never expected anything, really.” My eyes still sting with the disappointment of the day, and with a burning throat, I tell her everything that happened, including my own inconsiderate, unkind actions.
“And now all I feel is a harrowing ache tearing through my being,” I say, “And I can’t breathe, it pains so much.” My hand holds on to my heart.
She nods. “That is the hurting of your tender heart,” she says and puts her hand on mine. “The hurt of a heart that has opened itself to the world.” Her hands slide down my lap, enveloping my other hand with the warmest touch. “And that is good, Nordun, for it’s a heart that flows with tenderness, encompassing all joy and all suffering; it’s a compassionate heart.”
I let her words rest between us as salt stains my cheeks.
“And now you have a choice,” she says, and tips her head to the side. “You either let the hurt harden you, shutting down, closing off, and becoming rigid and indifferent to the sorrows of samsara.” A fiery amber ignites in the depth of her eyes. “Or you remain open to care for all, the suffering and the joy, no matter what, and let yourself be led by your compassionate heart.”
She sips her tea, and her eyes keep glowing over her cup onto mine. My fevered mind surrenders to her truth and the enormity of it all—to the realization that I don’t have a choice—or rather that I’ve already made mine.
“But how?” I say, and my voice breaks. “How, when my heart feels so small, it wants to run and hide?” My eyes close, my fists clench. I so desperately want to know.
“Courage, my child.” Palmo’s voice is steady and clear. “The courage to trust the knowing of your heart, time and time again, in the full understanding that all sentient beings possess an innate goodness.” She sighs. “Even though it is thickly obscured, and they have no way of knowing, it is still there.”
I open my eyes to the serene glow of her wisdom, steeping her in the most delicate of hues of golden and blue. I blink.
“Courage, my child.” Her voice resonates from the distance, a rumbling thunder echoing from the mountains afar. “When you are trying to help sentient beings, you will encounter difficulties. You must make your decisions and take the consequences.” Her words roll in on the speed of lighting, and I bury my face in my hands for the clap to crash through. “You must have courage, Nordun. You must have a warrior heart.”
I shudder as her words come thundering down, for it brings me my deliverance; the acknowledgement of the truth I was searching for. My hands slide down, drawing the veil of confusion, of the doubt I’ve been hiding behind. I’ve made my choice not so long ago, and now I’m ready—with all my heart—to fully follow through.
Clarity has returned to my vision, and Palmo pours me another drink with zest.
“You’ll need it tonight.” She nods at me, understanding my unspoken words.
“The guard.” I say as my mind speeds ahead, already far beyond the gate. Palmo snickers.
“You don’t think anybody in this house can be bought, do you?” An amusing smile curls her lips.
“No, Karma’s generous donation will provide our lamps with the finest of butter for a very long time.” She straightens her back and stretches her legs. “That, my dear, you can be sure of.”
I shake my head. This woman!
“In fact, it’s this very guard that will escort you to your sister,” she says. “Whenever you’re ready.”
And thus, I walk with her blessing, straight to the gate where the watchman is waiting.
A slice of silvery moon has chased away the thundering clouds, illuminating the dark sapphire sky with her most brilliant opal luster.
I look up in wonder as I step onto the deserted main road—how quickly the shadows have vanished. I draw my hood—the vast open sky holds a biting midnight cold. With an empty mind and only the footsteps of the guard to follow, I set course to my sister. I’m sure I’ll know what to do when I get there.
The guard knocks on an anchored door, and a small shutter slides open. Muffled words are exchanged, and the window closes again. With a deep screech, the heavy latches release their grip, leaving a crack open for me to slide through. I duck, and the next moment I’m blinded. Total darkness surrounds me as I stumble through.
“Last door on the right.” A harsh voice resounds in the gloom, and I steady myself against the cold stucco of a hallway. My feet shuffle forward, and my hands search their way along the coarse plastered wall. Muted voices and stifled sounds hide behind the closed doors as I pass, while my eyes familiarize themselves with the dim.
At the last door, I halt, and my mind works again. What now? I lean in and put my ear to the thin timber frame. A familiar giggle comes through and I breathe a sigh of relief—she’s in.
My knuckles prompt the door.
“Lanying.” My voice is a whisper I’m sure she won’t hear. I spread my fingers and push the door. It opens, and a soft streak of light lands on my feet. I step in, not at all prepared for what I’m about to behold.
“Sisterrrrr!” Lanying shrieks, and her head pops up from under a heap of blankets, a wide, wicked smile on her face. She throws her long loose locks to the side and rises, her slim frame naked and proud.
“I suppose you won’t join us?” She pulls the entangled layers on the bed and I freeze. A smooth, white body, rounded and curved, slides from under the covers, clinging on to a single sheet around her waist. A woman.
I can only stare as Lanying licks her lips in amusement. “Pretty, eh?”
She raises her eyebrows and grins as the woman slips past me, her undisguised shame shoving me out of her way. “No need to rush out,” Lanying hollers. I turn my eyes away, my hand in front of my mouth. A woman.
“Oh, come on,” Lanying says and sighs. “It’s not like you haven’t seen a naked woman before.” She sits on the bed, her body still uncovered as I meet her provocative stare. My hand drops, my shoulders sag, and a hard lump chokes in my chest.
“I have,” I say, my voice thick.
I blink, and my mind blanks as it registers what my eyes see. From her slender shoulders to her slim tights, her entire torso is covered with the pearly shine of serrated lacerations. Scars. The fearsome reminders of the most hideous abuse are branded on her body.
Lanying bares her teeth in a grin.
“I wasn’t joking when I said it was them or me.” She pulls her dress from under the bed. I swallow and move closer, while my mind runs off to hide from the sigh of so much suffering.
“I’m so sorry.” My words get stuck. “I…” She waves her hand while looking for her trousers, shaking her long knife from the shaft of one of her boots.
“You’ve done me a favor by turning up like that,” she says. “I was getting bored with that girl, anyway.” She twists her long locks into a bun and secures them tight behind her collar. “I’m sure you’ve got something far more exciting for me.” She jumps up and beckons me on the bed. “Do tell, I’m feeling quite adventurous tonight.”
So, I sit down and tell her all that happened since our unfortunate parting this afternoon, including the futile attempt of Karma to keep me in. Lanying wrinkles her nose.
“I warned you,” she says. “He’s no different.” A pleased gleam locks in her eyes. “He’s tried the wrong woman, though.” She throws her arm around my shoulder. “You’re doing me proud.” I suck in my cheeks, and erase the Karma I know, the man with his gentle green gaze and his tender touch from my mind.
“So, I need to see my uncle,” I say. “Tonight.” I clench my hands into fists, only to release them again the next moment. Lanying shakes her head.
“They won’t do anything tonight,” she says. “That family of yours, they’ll wait.” She dangles her legs from the side and wiggles her feet.
“How can you be sure?” I glance at her from the corners of my eyes.
“I know Karma, and I know of his ways.” Her voice wavers for a moment. “He’s good, really good.”
I turn and frown. What does she mean?
“Karma has the patience of a predator,” she says. “He doesn’t rush.” Her eyes narrow. “He’ll spot them, those snakes, and he’ll observe.” She bends to adjust the straps on her boots.
“He’ll leave them be for a while, allow them to feel safe, and then…” She sucks in a sharp breath and my stomach clenches.
My fingers grip around the edge of the mat.
“He’s excellent with the knife.” Lanying turns to me, and her eyes widen with an eerie admiration. “I’ve seen very few men who can wield a blade like he does.” She straightens her back. “Sure, he has plenty of experience with that vindictive family of yours. Even so, it’s in his blood, for sure.” She lifts her chin. “You know about it, don’t you? His Mongol descent?”
I stare at her, my mind taking in all she says. A predator. Plenty of experience. It’s in his blood. A raw fear rips through my heart
“Yes,” I say. “I know.” I close my eyes as her words rush through my veins.
“So, what are we doing tonight?” Lanying’s voice bounces off the bed.
I shift my weight on the mat and wait for the tingling to return in my numb fingers and toes.
“That’s a good question.” I open my eyes as while she fastens her belt, I tell her about the spell and that all I want to do is to get it back. “And warn them, so they’ll go.”
She pinches her ruby lips to a whitened line. “A spell…” She leaps to the door, swings it open, and lets out a low hiss. Within no time her two men come stumbling in, one after the other, half dressed and clearly not amused. A heated conversation in the foreign tongue follows, in which Lanying clearly has the upper hand.
“Yes, she carries a pouch with her.” Lanying turns to me. “Never lets it out of her sight, it’s bound to be in there.”
Another intense discussion, mixed with some indecent gestures on Lanying’s side unfolds before me, and ends abruptly with Lanying stamping her feet and the two guards speeding off, most probably to their room to get dressed.
“I suppose your uncle’s not very open to reasoning.” She plants her feet wide apart. “So, we’ll take my men to encourage him to move on.” A smug smile dons her face. “And leave that serpent to me.”
Her hand glides down and strokes the silver shaft secured to her thigh. “There’s a special place for the vilest of women like her, and I’ll take every pleasure in showing her the way.”
The gleam in her eyes mirrors the cold flash of her blade as she draws it—just for a moment—then it’s gone.