Calm seas were forecast for Sunday morning so I arranged to pick up Nathan and go for an early morning swim. We’d done that quite often since I’d first invited him to join me and I had to admit I enjoyed the company.
‘Are you okay?’ I asked him as I drove towards Lighthouse Cove. ‘You seem very fidgety this morning.’
‘I want your advice on something, but it’s a bit embarrassing.’
‘Fire away.’ I gave him a reassuring smile. Whatever was on his mind, it couldn’t be as embarrassing as telling Carly about my ‘playmates’ or my husband’s ‘dungeon’.
‘It’s Molly,’ he said eventually.
‘Our Molly at The Chocolate Pot?’
He nodded. ‘I’ve always liked her but she had a bit of an on-off thing with Cody so I backed off.’
‘Did she? When?’
‘Last year. He’s at uni in Edinburgh now. I don’t think they stay in touch and, well…’
‘If you like her, just ask her out,’ I said when he tailed off. ‘What’s the worst that could happen?’
‘She could say no.’
‘And the best that could happen?’
He smiled. ‘She could say yes.’
‘And you’ll never find out which it is if you don’t ask. If it’s a no, then you’ve still got a friend. It might be slightly awkward when you’re on shift together at first, but that’ll pass. But I don’t think it’ll be a no.’
‘You don’t?’
‘No, I don’t. And I think you should ask her after your shift today. You’re not on again together until Thursday so that’s plenty of time to lick your wounds if it’s a no which, as I say, I don’t think it will be.’
‘Thanks, Tara. You’re the best.’
‘It’s true. I can’t deny it.’
Out of my peripheral vision, I could see he was grinning. It warmed my heart, not just thinking of two lovely young people getting together, but that Nathan had come to me for advice. That would never have happened before. And I’d never have noticed Molly gazing at him fondly across the café before, quickly averting her eyes if he looked up. I’d always thought that I had everything I wanted at work but getting to know the team had given me something I never even knew was missing. It made me feel valued. It made me feel wanted. And I hadn’t felt that way in such a long time.
I parked the car and we pulled on our wetsuits then crossed the road. Leaning against the sea wall, we both paused to take in the view. There was nothing like seeing a dark expanse of ocean stretched before us, brightening as the sun steadily rose.
‘Race you to the sea,’ I called, sprinting down the steps.
Back in the flat after dropping Nathan home, I showered then sat down ready for a busy day of crafting. The Christmas decorations would be going up in The Chocolate Pot the following week. I always decorated on my own because it was more practical to do it when we were closed. The thought of trying to work round customers and staff members carrying trays of hot drinks was too much like an accident waiting to happen.
Needle felting had quickly become my new favourite craft. I’d made a few decorations that way over the past five or six years, but it had become a bit addictive for me this year and I’d produced more than expected which was something I had to be thankful to Jed for. After our encounter outside the gym in January, I’d been so angry that I’d wanted to punch something – or someone – which was not exactly the state of mind I was usually in after an hour of Pilates. Back home, I dug out a needle felt penguin I’d previously abandoned and there was something about stabbing a barbed needle into the wool that did wonders for my mood. What a tension-releaser.
I was super proud of the needle felting decorations I’d made over the past year and was dying to hear what the team thought of them next week. It would be the perfect opportunity to reveal my secret identity as The Cobbly Crafter but I wasn’t sure I was ready. I’d already revealed so much.
As closing time at 4 p.m. approached, I stretched, cleared my crafts away, changed out of my snuggly clothes then made my way downstairs to check how the day had gone. I opened the door then screamed at the cries of ‘Surprise!’ Party poppers exploded and streamers were unfurled in my direction.
My heart thumped as, mouth agape, I looked round the sea of faces. In among my team – including all those who hadn’t been on shift that day – were friends from Bay Trade and some regular customers. Carly was there with Liam and her sister, Bethany. I spotted Marc with George and Sofia, and Maria’s best friend Callie and her kids. So many people and they were all smiling at me.
‘I don’t understand,’ I said, completely flummoxed as to what was going on.
‘You wouldn’t let us make a fuss on your actual birthday,’ Maria said, ‘so we decided to celebrate your half-birthday.’
‘My what?’
‘You are exactly thirty-six and a half years old today,’ Carly said. ‘So happy half-birthday to you.’
I pressed my fingers to my mouth and blinked back the tears, feeling quite emotional. ‘Oh my God! I can’t believe you’ve done all this.’
There were hugs and gifts. So many gifts. Having had no birthday presents since my twenty-second birthday, it was a shock to see so many brightly coloured gift bags and packages, knowing they were all for me.
By half four, several more Castle Street traders joined us after their own businesses closed. I’d never seen The Chocolate Pot so full and it gave me a valuable insight into what it might look like at Maria and Marc’s wedding later this month and how we could use the two floors.
I felt like I was in a dream. Everywhere I looked, there were people smiling, chatting, laughing and they’d all gathered for me. I’d set myself up for an isolated existence yet somehow I’d managed exactly the opposite. For the first time since primary school, I had friends. Real friends. Swallowing hard on the ever-present lump in my throat, I blinked back tears once more.
I spotted Maria and Carly craning their necks then whispering to each other and nodding. Carly disappeared upstairs and, moments later, the guests from up there traipsed down to the ground floor.
Maria and Carly stood together four stairs from the bottom and asked everyone to gather round.
‘I think we’re all here now,’ Maria announced to the hushed gathering. ‘A huge thank you for joining us today as Tara reaches that highly celebrated milestone of thirty-six and a half years.’ She paused for laughter. ‘For anyone who doesn’t know me, I’m Maria, and I’m the assistant manager at The Chocolate Pot, I’ve worked here for seven years now and this is my way of thanking Tara for taking a chance on me and for being the best boss ever.’
She looked at Carly who smiled. ‘Hi, everyone. I’m Carly from Carly’s Cupcakes next door. I opened my business five years ago and, when Maria asked if I’d like to help her organise a half-birthday event for Tara, I jumped at it. From the very start, Tara’s always been there for me with advice, guidance and a helping hand. I’m very proud to call her my friend.’
My bottom lip started to wobble as they both smiled warmly at me. I hoped the speech was nearly over because I was already close to losing it and any more nice words would tip me right over the edge.
‘You can probably tell that we both think the world of Tara,’ Maria continued, ‘but we know we’re not the only ones. Tara, you’re going to hate this, but tough. We distributed some pieces of coloured card to as many guests as we could and asked them to either write down what they like most about you or a funny anecdote involving you.’
I put my hands to my burning cheeks. ‘You didn’t.’
‘We really did,’ Carly said. ‘We’ve compiled a scrapbook that we’ll give to you later, but we wanted to share a small selection.’
‘The first one’s from Sarah from Seaside Blooms,’ Maria said. ‘Where are you Sarah?’
Sarah raised her hand. ‘Here.’
Maria held up a piece of card. ‘Sarah says, “On the day I took over Seaside Blooms, I started the morning with a drink and a croissant from The Chocolate Pot. It was also the start of a new friendship. Tara, you’re a brilliant chef, an inspiring entrepreneur, a gifted mentor and an amazing friend. Happy half-birthday”.’
Everyone clapped as I made my way to Sarah and hugged her.
Maria and Carly took turns to read out a few more lovely comments then announced it was time to cut a cake that Carly had made.
‘Sheila, do you want to bring out the cake?’ Maria called.
Carly put her arm round me and whispered in my ear. ‘I made something that’s special to you but nobody knows why and they won’t hear it from me.’
The lights dimmed and a decidedly off-key chorus of ‘Happy half-birthday’ began as Sheila emerged from the kitchen holding a large cake covered in candles.
As she got closer and I could see the theme, I gasped. A carousel. A bright yellow and red canopy protected the cream horses. One of them was ridden by a woman in a flowing red coat, and another by a child and a man. Carly had remembered every bit of detail.
My eyes met Carly’s and she gave me a gentle smile as I fought to hold back the tears.
‘Thank you,’ I said. ‘It’s perfect. Today is perfect.’
‘The Best Day Ever,’ she whispered.
I took a deep breath, battling to control my emotions, then leaned forward, readying myself to blow out the candles. What to wish for? The obvious thing was to wish for Jed to leave me alone and to leave Whitsborough Bay, but I caught sight of Nathan standing nearby, and pictured his earnest expression on the seafront earlier as he’d talked about Molly. Taking a deep breath, I blew. I wish for Nathan and Molly to find love together.
With great reluctance, I cut into the masterpiece that Carly had created.
‘Why a carousel?’ Lana asked, gazing at the intricate horses.
‘Because I’ve never made one before and it seemed very summery and seasidey,’ Carly responded. ‘I know it’s not summer anymore but we are at the seaside.’
I loved that she’d anticipated an answer to questions about the cake. Although I’d opened up about losing my parents, I hadn’t talked about Mum’s mental health challenges and subsequent suicide. As Maria had said, they didn’t need to know everything.
I couldn’t quite believe the effort and attention to detail that everyone had gone to. If I’d ever had any doubts about Whitsborough Bay being home and these people being my family, they evaporated that day. And at that point, I couldn’t keep the tears at bay any longer and spent the next hour or so blotting my cheeks and blowing my nose.
Back in my flat that evening, exhausted but happy, I curled up on the sofa with Hercules and read through the entries in my scrapbook. It was a revelation seeing myself through the eyes of others. I wondered whether they’d have said the same things a year previously but so what if they wouldn’t have done. The person they saw now was the person I really was.
Making my way over to the huge pile of gifts spread across the dining table, I slowly opened each one, savouring the sensation of peeling back the tape or peeking into a gift bag. I’d been well and truly spoilt. As I stood back and surveyed the generosity of my guests, it struck me how ‘me’ all the gifts were – the cosy me that I kept hidden. Perhaps I hadn’t kept it that hidden after all. Perhaps, despite my protective tower, they all really did know me. That feeling of being alone nudged at me again. I pictured all the couples and families from my party earlier and wondered for the first time whether I’d made a huge mistake in refusing to have a romantic relationship ever again. I could spend my evenings at Pilates, at Bay Trade, at The Hope Centre or mentoring but I would always come home to an empty flat and go to bed alone. Did I really want to do that forever?