By the time I made it back to The Chocolate Pot, my side was burning with a stitch and my feet were throbbing. Running uphill in high-heeled boots after a huge meal and a few glasses of wine was not the way I’d expected the evening to end.
Inside the café, I blew my hair out of my face as I stood with my back against the door, trying to steady my breathing. Was I wrong to run out? Had I made things worse? Would the mature approach have been to stay and plead my innocence? I made my way to the drinks machine, shoulders slumped. This was all unchartered territory for me. Age thirty-six and I had no idea how to behave in a relationship.
Clutching onto my vanilla hot chocolate, I was about to open the internal door at the back of the café when a loud rap on the glass startled me. Heart thumping, I turned slowly. Jed with looking through the window with his hands cupped round his eyes, just like he’d done in January. Back then, I’d been full of hate for the man I thought had deceived me but now all I felt was love.
‘Tara!’ he called through the letterbox. ‘Are you in there?’
Tempting as it was to stay in the shadows and ignore him, I placed my yellow mug on the nearest table and unlocked the door. I opened the door and stepped back to let him in, keeping my head down. He could be the first to speak.
But he didn’t speak. He wrapped his arms round me and gently pulled me to his chest. I didn’t resist but I didn’t return the hug, standing rigid in his arms. He stroked my hair and tightened his hold. It was only when he whispered. ‘Please forgive me,’ that I relaxed against him.
Time seemed to stand still as we clung onto each other, hearts thumping, our breathing rapid. I could feel the regret but also the pain with each tightening of his arms. Right now, he needed me and I could act hurt or be angry with him, or I could be his lighthouse.
I pulled away from him and took his hand. ‘Let me make you a drink then we’ll go upstairs.’
He nodded. ‘I’m really—’
‘Wait till we’re upstairs and we can talk properly.’
‘We can do apologies later,’ I said, settling down onto the sofa beside Jed. ‘Tell me what happened with Aaron first. Did you find him?’
Jed smiled weakly. ‘Thank you. Yes. He’d got lost and must have doubled back on himself because he pretty much ran into me. He stopped, probably shocked to see me there, so I took my chance and asked if we could talk. He was adamant that he didn’t want to talk to me but it was obvious from the way that his eyes were darting about that he was scared about being lost. He might have sounded all mature and full of attitude in Le Bistro but the poor kid’s only twelve.’ He shook his head. ‘I said I’d give him some money and point him towards the nearest taxi rank but I wanted him to answer some questions first. He reluctantly agreed and I asked what made him think I hadn’t wanted him. I knew what the answer would be, of course, but I wanted to hear it from him.’
‘Ingrid and Declan?’
Jed nodded. ‘Right from the start, apparently. They told him Ingrid had never tried to deceive anyone and had always believed he was my son, which is absolute crap because Ingrid admitted to me that she’d known from the start that he was Declan’s. They also told Aaron that, as soon as I discovered he wasn’t mine, I wanted nothing to do with him.’
‘What a horrible thing to say to him. He must have felt so rejected.’
‘Tell me about it. It was so unnecessary and clearly it’s messed him up.’
I lightly squeezed his arm. ‘What else did you ask?’
‘Whether he’d missed me.’
‘Oh, Jed. Of course he did. What did he say?’
‘I thought he was going to give me a load of attitude about not giving a toss about me but he looked up and there were tears in his eyes. He mumbled, “maybe before I knew the truth”, then he must have been annoyed with himself for a moment of weakness because he shoved his hand out and demanded money and directions. It broke my heart to see him running off again but I couldn’t make him stay.’ He ran his hands down his face and exhaled loudly. ‘What a mess.’
‘But not your mess. You didn’t do any of that. Ingrid and Declan did. You can’t blame yourself for any of it. You didn’t walk away from him. You begged them to let you see Aaron and you went down the legal route when they wouldn’t let you.’
He looked at me, tears brimming in his eyes. ‘I still think of him as my son.’
‘I know you do. Hey, come here.’ I held him tightly as his body shook with deep sobs. ‘I’m here for you. Let it out.’
‘Oh, God, I’m sorry,’ he said, pulling away from me some time later and wiping his damp cheeks. ‘I don’t know where all that came from.’
‘I’d imagine you’ve hidden the hurt and grief away and seeing him again tonight has brought it all back.’
‘He looked so grown up yet I could see a frightened little boy in there. I’m so angry with them for putting him through that. They could have scarred him for life.’
‘What happens next?’
‘The girls tell me they’re in touch with him and they’re going to do their best to smooth things over. I’d like to see him and explain but I don’t want to confuse him further. Much as I want him to be, he’s not my son and I can’t play a part in turning him against his real parents, no matter how much they deserve it.’
‘You’ll just have to give it time. Let him make his own mind up while he’s here or perhaps when he’s back in Aus. If you push too hard, it might push him away altogether.’
‘I know. It’s such a fine line. And speaking of pushing people away, I’m so—’
I placed my finger against his lips. ‘There’s nothing to be sorry about. You were hurting about Aaron and you thought I’d let you down and you now know the truth.’
‘The girls were so shocked to see him. They had no idea he was here.’
‘I think your parents were pretty shocked too.’
‘And the rest of the diners.’ He rolled his eyes at me. ‘Not quite the birthday celebration we had planned.’
I stood up and pulled him to his feet. ‘I think you need to go home and smooth things over with your family.’
‘What about you?’
‘I’m fine. Bit gutted I didn’t get any birthday cake, but I’m honestly okay with this, Jed. I really do understand. I think your girls need their dad, though, and plenty of reassurances that you’re not mad at them for keeping secrets. Plus your poor parents saw their long-lost grandson tonight and, if I’m not mistaken, that’s the first time they’ve ever seen him in person.’
He nodded. ‘It was. They’ve only ever seen him on Skype before.’
‘Then they’ve got to be hurting too.’
‘I can’t go unless I know I haven’t lost you.’
‘Do you have a “dungeon” hidden below the gallery and a whole secret life I know nothing about?’
He smiled weakly. ‘That would be a resounding no.’
‘Then we’re all good and you’re not going to lose me. Although there’s something I do want from you before you leave.’ I stepped closer to him and tilted my head.
Jed cupped my face in his hands and his lips lightly touched mine sending a zip of energy racing round my body. I slipped my arms round his neck and pulled him closer, kissing him with more fervour. I’d been worried that I was leaning on Jed but tonight’s shock encounter had shown that, early days or not, our relationship really was a partnership. I needed Jed but he also needed me. Now, I could fully let him in.