Nobel laureate C.V. Raman, who discovered an important optical phenomenon which is named after him as the ‘Raman Effect’, was a strict teetotaller. Once, in Paris, at the 25th anniversary celebration of his discovery, he was offered a glass of champagne. “You may know the Raman Effect on alcohol,” he said while refusing the drink, “but I certainly won’t let you see the alcohol effect on Raman.”
Einstein was travelling by tram in his hometown in Germany and had an argument about the change after paying the fare. The exasperated conductor shouted: “Go and learn some basic arithmetic.”
The teacher asked the science class: “Give me an example of how heat expands things and cold contracts them?”
A bright kid raised her hand immediately.
“The days are much longer in summer than in winter” was the sharp reply.
Sir Issac Newton, the great scientist to whom is attributed the discovery of gravity, commissioned a carpenter to make a shelter for his cats in the backyard. He asked the carpenter to make two holes for the cats to get in and out: A small one for the kitten and a larger one for the big tabby.
Albert Einstein was once asked to explain his Theory of Relativity in simple terms for a layman to understand. “When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute and it’s longer than an hour. That’s relativity,” he explained.
In a science class, the teacher boils some water in a beaker. When the water makes a bubbling noise, he asks: “Why is the water making this noise?”
A back-bencher volunteers an answer: “That’s the germs screaming before being killed.”
Professor Misra was travelling to Roorkee to take a practical examination. In the evening, he opened his dinner packet and after finishing packet, he threw the empty packet out of the train, saving the rubber band for possible use in future. When he got back home, his wife wanted back the silver spoon that she had kept in the dinner packet.
Then the professor realized that he had thrown away the spoon along with the soiled packet though he had saved the worthless rubber band.
The chauffeur of a famous scientist hearing the same lectures had it by heart. Tired one day, the scientist asked his chauffeur to take his place while he sat in the last row of the auditorium with his face covered. The chauffeur’s lecture went quite well, and at the end, he asked if there were any questions.
“Yes,” said a member of the audience and asked a highly technical question. Panic-stricken for a moment, the chauffeur recovered his wits and replied, “Oh, this is an easy one and I will let my chauffeur answer it.” Saying this, he pointed towards the scientist.
A newly-awarded PhD scholar attended a seminar where he had to present a research paper. Not used to public speaking, he was very nervous and decided to read through his written communication. However, he could not comprehend why people suddenly laughed in the middle of his presentation. He came to know later that he had also spoken out the P.T.Os at the end of each page, while reading out.
The United States government spent a few million dollars trying to develop a pen that would work in the zero-gravity of an astronaut’s capsule, but without success. Frustrated, they approached the Soviet space agency.
“Simple,” they replied, “We use pencils.”
A professor of zoology kept his crabs in an open tank. On being asked whether he was not afraid that they might escape, he replied, “They are Indian crabs. No sooner one starts climbing up, another will immediately claw it back. There is no danger of one climbing high enough to the top and escaping.”
A boy was caught eating during biology lesson. The teacher asked him angrily, “What do you think you are doing?”
He replied, “A practical experiment on digestion.”
A student, who thought he was very smart took different parts from various insects and glued them together. He took the creation to Charles Darwin, the famous naturalist, and requested him to identify the insect.
“Did it hum when you caught it?” asked the scientist.
“Yes, it did,” enthused the smart one.
“Then, it’s a humbug.”
The chemistry professor at Lucknow University wanted to bring home to the students the virtue of observation. So, one day, he takes a beaker containing urine to the class. He invites the class to sample it and tell the taste. None in the class accepts his offer. Then the teacher dips his finger in the beaker and licks it saying, “If I can do it, why not you?” Then, some students pick up enough courage and follow the teacher.
After a few students have tasted the urine with disgust written large on their faces, the professor remonstrates them, “Gentlemen, if you had only been observant, you would have noticed that I put my forefinger in the beaker but licked the middle finger.
The famous ornithologist, Salim Ali employed a fresh zoology graduate as his assistant. He was taken on field trips but his powers of observation were woeful and he could not comprehend even simple instructions. Before letting him go, Ali told him: “Sorry, you could never be a bird-watcher because you are birdbrained.”