Chapter Fifteen

Lilah was so scared she might burst into tears. She’d fed Shayla at three a.m., and the feeding had gone fine, then fed her again at six fifteen a.m., and that had gone textbook, too, except afterward, her little daughter had cried, and cried, and cried. She’d tried holding her and walking miles around the room. She’d tried feeding her again an hour later and been summarily rejected. She’d tried rocking her and putting her in the bassinet to cry it out. Now she was back to the rocker, an exhausted maternal failure, as well as a houseguest from hell who couldn’t comfort her own screaming infant.

Izzy tightened the belt on her fluffy white robe and then sat on the arm of the rocking chair, bleary eyed and concerned. “Do you think she’s hungry?”

“I’ve tried feeding her. She won’t latch on. It’s something else, but I don’t know.”

“You’ve burped her?”

“Yes. After every feeding, I gently rub and pat her back. I think something’s wrong. Maybe she can’t digest? Maybe she’s allergic to my milk? I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t.” She pitched her voice up to be heard over the baby’s wails.

“Does she have a fever? Or could she be colic-y?” Izzy asked, while staring at her phone where she’d run fussy-newborn searches.

“No fever. The baby thermometer says she’s normal. I don’t know about colic. She hasn’t really pooped yet. Should she? I mean, she’s only had liquids, and it’s been less than forty-eight hours.” Why hadn’t she researched this before? Why wasn’t she more prepared? What kind of a mother was she?

A knock sounded at the door. “Everybody decent?” Trace called in a gravelly, sleep-deprived voice.

“Come in,” Izzy called.

He peeked around the door. “Where’s that sad princess?”

“I’m so sorry,” Lilah said, her chest clenching. “I don’t know what’s wrong. I’ve got an appointment at the clinic this morning. Hopefully, Dr. D can help.”

Trace shuffled into the room, wearing a white T-shirt and gray sweats. “You guys look beat. I could walk with her for a while. Good practice,” he added with a dazed grin in Izzy’s direction—a grin that reminded her so much of Shay her heart stumbled.

She thought about her dream of him and how he’d said everything had happened how it was meant to happen. Had her pain-wracked brain conjured it as a way to absolve her guilt? Watching Trace lift Shayla from her arms and put her over his massive shoulder told her it hadn’t worked. A heavy weight bore down on her, all the more so now that their baby was here, and she clearly didn’t have the mothering instincts necessary to help her thrive. Shay’s absence left a bigger hole than ever and her part in causing it more unforgivable.

Trace began walking with Shayla, sort of bouncing her and thumping her back with his big hand. It added percussion to her pathetic cries. Uh-oh. Trace didn’t know his own strength. That might be too hard. She opened her mouth to say something, but just then the baby let out an audible burp. He turned to face them, a triumphant smile on his face. “Does that feel better?” he murmured to the baby, still bouncing and thumping. “Did Uncle Trace fix every little thing?”

In response, she spit up on his shoulder.

He automatically lifted her away, and three sets of eyes inspected the now-quiet infant cradled in his hands. Silence held for a full thirty seconds before Lilah processed that her baby had just thrown up on their host.

“Oh, no!” She rushed forward, grabbing a small cloth off the dresser on her way. “I’m sorry.”

“No worries. Seriously,” he added when she tried to scrub at the damp spot on his T-shirt. “Honey, leave it. This isn’t my fancy shirt. And even if it was, shame on me because I’m pretty sure spit-up comes with the territory. Look on the bright side.”

“There’s a bright side?”

“You betcha.” He handed the content baby to Lilah, accepted the cloth. “We all just learned something valuable. This”—he slung the cloth over his shoulder—“was very important.”

Izzy wrapped an arm around her shoulder and smiled down at the quiet baby. “Well, now that she’s her normal, happy self, how about if Trace and I take her for a little while so you can get ready for your appointment?”

The idea of parting with her baby sent a pang of panic through her, but she tamped it down and forced herself to act logically. She really needed to shower and dress, and she couldn’t give Shayla undivided attention while she did it. “I…okay. I’ll be quick. Don’t hesitate to come get me if you need me.”

“Take your time,” Izzy said and lifted the baby into her arms. “We’re here to help.”

Yes, Lilah acknowledged as she rushed into the bathroom, they were helping, tremendously, but no, it wasn’t their responsibility. As she showered and dressed, she reminded herself that she needed to figure out how to do the day-to-day things on her own. Single parents managed, somehow. Her own mother had, and she was living proof, so no matter how overwhelming it felt right now, raising her daughter on her own was doable. She couldn’t live under Izzy’s and Trace’s roof forever or rely on them to watch the baby at any given moment.

But Lord, did it feel overwhelming at this moment. Stepping from the shower, she dried off while running down all her to-do’s. She needed to find a place to live, and to afford that place, as well as food, diapers, clothes…everything. She needed to go back to work. Savings would only float her for so long. To go back to work, she needed to find a caregiver. Last week she’d spoken to the head of the Little Cubs preschool at the local Methodist church, which had seemed like a good option, but they couldn’t take Shayla until fall. What was she going to do until then? she wondered as she pulled on a pair of black leggings and an oversize chambray button-down. She couldn’t very well wait tables at The Goose with a baby strapped to her.

Life, she acknowledged with a sigh as she dressed, would be so much easier if she still lived and worked at the inn. If her mother still loved her, and… She stared at herself in the bathroom mirror and shook her head. No sense wasting time on ifs. The situation with her mom wasn’t going to change overnight, or possibly at all.

That sad fact settling on her forced her to face disappointment she hadn’t meant to set herself up for. But consciously or not, she’d harbored a secret hope that Ford would be right. Once the baby arrived, her mother would relent. The radio silence so far suggested the news of Shayla’s birth hadn’t changed her mother’s heart. Or mind.

It was what it was. No point brooding on it.

Luckily, the morning turned out too pretty and busy to brood. Izzy drove them to the clinic for her first post-partem checkup and Shayla’s newborn screening panel. And despite the crying jag that morning, she was a healthy baby. Some of the test results would take time to come back from the state’s lab, but she showed no signs of jaundice, passed the hearing screening, displayed all the normal instincts and reflexes, and just generally got a big thumbs-up from the doctor for being “so neurologically there.”

Afterward, Izzy drove them into town so Lilah could get her car, which was parked by The Goose. On the way, her phone chimed from the handy mesh pocket of her new diaper bag. She retrieved it, riding a wave of hope that the call came from her mom, only to have the hope crash under her when the number filling the screen turned out to be one she didn’t recognize.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Lilah?”

She didn’t recognize the voice, either. “Yes.”

“Hi. Um. It’s Ray. Ray Sandoval.”

Okay, talk about random. Ray wasn’t a complete stranger, but she couldn’t think of one reason he’d have for contacting her. “Hi, Ray. How can I help you?”

“Well, actually, I was hoping we could help each other. First off, congratulations. I heard you had yourself a brand-new baby girl.”

Obviously, he been talking to someone from Captivity recently. “Thanks. You heard right.”

“How’s she doing? And you?”

“We’re both good. Officially. I just left the clinic, and Doctor Devan couldn’t be more pleased.”

“Great. That’s just great. I know you gotta get back to that baby, so I’ll try to make this quick. You know how I have that little house down by the cove?”

“I do.” She’d never been there, but she easily pictured his little blue-shingled cottage with the sloping tin roof. He used it as a getaway during spring and summer and sometimes even a place to bunk if he made a late run to Captivity during the fall or winter and got stuck on account of weather.

“Yeah, well. I’m not going to be able to use it this summer, and I’m not too keen on putting it up as a vacation rental, ’cause people trash places and you can’t get reimbursed for the damages and I don’t want to deal with the headaches, but I don’t want to leave it sitting empty, either. That’s another good way to end up with a trashed property.”

“Did you want me to swing by now and then and check on it?”

“Not exactly. I heard you might be looking for a place to live for a while. Would you be interested in moving into my place for the summer? It’s pretty basic. Just a one bedroom, one bath, with a sleeper sofa in the living room if you have a guest. But it’s got all the necessities, and everything works. Remodeled the kitchen and bath last year.”

She glanced at Izzy, who was pulling into a curbside parking spot near her Jeep. An actual lead on a place to stay? All summer? Her heart skipped. “I…maybe. How much would you want to charge for rent?”

“No, no. No rent. I’d ask you to pay the utilities while you’re there and keep the yard tidy, so the neighbors don’t complain. Call me if something needs repaired and I’ll get someone out there to see to it. That’s the deal. Interested?”

“Oh my God. Yes! Very interested. When would you want to—?”

“I’m in town today, flying out this evening. Could you meet me over there in…oh, I don’t know…maybe an hour? Take a look at the place and see if it works for you. If so, I’ll hand you keys, and we’ll call it a deal.”

“Yes. I’ll be there. And thank you, Ray. Thanks for thinking of me. See you soon.”

She disconnected, then turned to see Izzy smiling at her. “You look like you just won the lottery. What’s happened?”

“Ray Sandoval just answered one of my prayers.” She quickly explained while she unlatched Shayla’s carrier from the rear-facing baby seat that had been Archer’s and Bridget’s baby shower gift. She handed the carrier over to Izzy and went to work digging in the crack of the backseat to find the safety latch.

“You don’t have to rush off, you know,” Izzy said. “If you don’t like the cottage for any reason—any reason at all—or you’re not quite ready to go solo, you can stay with us as long as you want.”

“Oh, Izzy.” She gave up the battle for a moment and faced her friend. “I know. And I truly appreciate your generosity. Everybody’s been so kind. You, Trace, Bridget, Archer.” Her chest tightened a degree, but she worked to keep her voice normal as she added, “Ford.”

And speaking of Ford…she glanced over Izzy’s shoulder to see him walking down the covered sidewalk toward The Goose. What he did for faded jeans, a tan Goose-logo T-shirt, and a couple days of skipped shaves affected her in stupid ways, all the more stupid because a long-legged brunette in a snug white T-shirt, a short jean skirt, and chunky black boots walked beside him. Dark sunglasses covered both their eyes, but still she knew the exact moment his attention locked on her. She swallowed and forced a friendly smile even though jealousy slithered and burned like an electric eel in her chest. “Hi, Ford.”

“Hey, Lilah.” He stopped a good two feet short of where she stood. A silence stretched after his greeting, just long enough to make her feel awkward. “Hey, Iz,” he said, as if just now noticing her. His attention swung back to Lilah. “I didn’t expect you to be out and about. How are you?”

“I’m good. Fine. Izzy took Shayla and me to the clinic this morning, and—”

“I thought you said you were fine?” He pushed his glasses to the top of his head and assessed her with his dark, measuring eyes.

“We are.” She reached over and took the baby carrier from Izzy. “Doctor Devan’s pleased with both of us.”

The woman beside Ford—no, correction, girl—came closer, pushed up her sunglasses, and crouched to peer at Shayla, snug in the carrier. Yes, definitely a girl. Maybe sixteen? The realization dispelled the jealousy but left a lot of questions.

“Your baby is so cute,” she said in a low, soft voice. “So tiny. How old?”

Ready to burst from curiosity, she nonetheless swallowed it down and found a smile. Maybe Ford was interviewing a new waitress. A young one. “She’s two whole days old.”

“Aw. She’s adorable.”

“I think so, too.” Lilah looked the teen over while she was distracted by the baby. Morning sunlight caught the clear, brown rings encircling the pupils of her wide, deep-set hazel eyes. Eyes framed by straight, dark brows. The girl had high cheekbones, a small, straight nose, and a square chin with a little dent in the middle, just like… “Oh my God. Oh. My. God.” Her gaze leaped to Ford. “It’s Mia.” She switched to the girl again. “You’re Mia.”

The girl straightened, clearly surprised, then turned to glance back at Ford before refocusing on Lilah. With a slow, pleased smile and a sweet blush that melted Lilah’s heart, she replied, “Yeah. That’s me. I don’t realize anyone…knew.”

“He told me all about you. But I didn’t think you knew.” And maybe now wasn’t the time to get into all that, right there in the middle of the sidewalk. “I’m so pleased to meet you,” she said instead. “You have no idea.” To cover the conversational pothole, she quickly went on, “This little bundle is Shayla, and this”—she smiled at Izzy, standing there blatantly trying to piece things together—“is my friend, Isabelle.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Mia replied.

“Same.” Izzy smiled. “How long are you visiting?”

“All summer,” Mia said at the same time Ford answered, “That’s under discussion.” They had themselves a short, silent standoff over the inconsistent responses. Eventually, Ford cleared his throat and said, “Possibly for the summer. We’ll see.”

Mia’s winning smile was a feminine version of her father’s. “I’d love to babysit, if you need one. Back home…” Her smile faded a little at the mention of home, but she reinforced it. “Back home, our neighbors across the street had a baby girl just before Christmas. I went over after school three days a week, as sort of a mother’s helper, to earn spending money. I fed her, played with her, changed her and stuff.”

“Did you like it?” Lilah asked.

“I loved it. But Kelly went back to work in May, and they hired a nanny, so…” She shrugged. “Anyway, here I am.”

“Here you are,” Lilah agreed, slightly dazed by that fact alone.

“What are you ladies up to?” Ford asked.

“Just trying to get the car seat moved over,” she explained, lifted the handle of Shayla’s carrier to the crook of her arm, and leaned into the back passenger-side door of Izzy’s Yukon to dig with her free hand into the narrow space where the seatback met the seat for the latch to release the base of the car seat. “The thing is hard to undo.”

“Let me give it a shot.” He walked over, took her arm to move her aside, and leaned into the backseat to wrestle with the latch. Before she thought about the propriety of it, she automatically dropped her gaze to his butt, to admire how perfectly it filled out his jeans. Belatedly remembering his daughter stood by no doubt watching her ogle her father’s backside, heat swept into her cheeks. Desperate to find another place to rest her eyes, she glanced over at Izzy and saw her friend, too, checked out Ford’s butt. Good Lord, they were objectifying him right there in front of his teenager. She risked a peek at Mia, who watched both of them with a hint of a grin on her face. Something—probably her guilty expression—turned Mia’s grin up a notch. “Ford’s a DILF, huh?”

“Huh?” he said from inside the car, responding to his name.

“Nothing,” Lilah said quickly. “Nothing at all.”

“Got it.” He hefted the base out of the car. “Show me where you want it.”

“I’m just over here.” At Izzy’s silent offer of outstretched hands, she handed the carrier over and then led the way to her car, snagging her keys from the diaper bag as she went.

With the doors unlocked, she came around and leaned in the backseat from the driver’s side while Ford muscled the seat in through the passenger side. It took him mere seconds to secure it in place.

“Thanks,” she murmured. “So, when did Mia—?”

“I got the heads-up literally just after Shayla arrived. I ran out of the clinic to arrange a flight to Anchorage with Mad, with the plan of intercepting her and putting her right back on a plane for home, but…” He let out a breath, slowly, and looked up at her from across the backseat. “Nothing went as planned. At least, not as I planned. It’s a long, harrowing story.” He dragged a hand through his hair, unconsciously leaving gullies in the thick, sun-burnished mess. “I’m not sure what I’ve gotten myself into.”

She met his serious stare with a self-conscious smile. “I know how you feel.”

His lips quirked. “Help me, Lilah.”

“You have it easy. Yours talks. She can tell you what she wants or needs.”

“She sasses. She is mule-stubborn, and she won’t take no for an answer, even when it’s plainly for her own good.”

Shayla’s hungry wail carried from down the sidewalk. Her breasts tingled in response. A response along the lines of “Again? Already?” “She can feed herself,” Lilah pointed out.

“I was just about to open The Goose and show Mia around. Come in. You can use my office to…” His gaze lowered, then jerked away to peer through the back window, and she realized he’d stared at her breasts. “You can use my office to, uh, see to her.”

“Okay. Sure. That’s probably a good idea. I’m meeting Ray at his cottage in fifty minutes.” Feeling about as graceful as a sea cow on land, she backed out of the truck, shut the door, and came around to the sidewalk.

“Ray Sandoval?”

Ford looked…hmm. Not exactly surprised by the information, not exactly suspicious. She couldn’t quite define his expression. Cagey, maybe, though she couldn’t think why he would be. “Yes. Apparently, he won’t be using it this summer and he doesn’t want to leave it empty, so I seem to have scored myself a place to live for the time being.”

“Huh. That’s a happy coincidence.”

“I know, right? This isn’t my typical luck. Hopefully, it’s a sign that things are starting to go my way. But they’ll go much smoother if I can feed and change Shayla first, so thanks.”

“It’s nothing,” he replied and draped his arm around her as they slowly walked back toward The Goose where their girls and Izzy waited. He surely meant it as a friendly gesture, but her pulse scrambled at the close contact—the heat of his body and the scent of freshly showered man. “Come back to work soon. Soon as you’re ready. I’m begging you.”

And this, too, was a friendly gesture on his part, letting her know she had a job waiting whenever she was ready to resume. “I could come back as soon as Dr. D clears me, maybe as early as next week, but I need to find someone to watch Shayla. The preschool can’t take her until fall. So if Mia’s serious about looking after a newborn and earning some money, she could be the answer to my prayers.”

He lowered his sunglasses and his mouth lifted into the faint smile he wore so well. “Could be the answer to both our prayers, Lilah.”