I was unable to console Ramesses at Nefertari’s funeral as circumstances allowed no intimate contact with the royal family. I acknowledged him outside the temple with a nod of my head and he briefly left the cortege, came to my side but could not speak of his grief, which was deeply etched on his face. He merely took my extended hand, accepted Ipi’s murmur of condolence and shook his head in sorrow. I muttered a few words of empty comfort and he was gone, his sons clustered around him offering support.
At the conclusion of the internment, he went straight back to the royal barque and immediately sailed southwards. A small number of servants and officers of the Royal Guard embarked with the king and his sons, Merenptah and Khaemwaset. The plinth on which his wife’s coffin had been borne for its voyage to Thebes had been hurriedly removed and, on the king’s instructions, burnt. I heard that four horses and two chariots had been loaded on board, together with hunting equipment.
When we met again, he said the party had sailed with no particular destination in mind. His grief had unmanned him and he wished only to flee to the solitude of the desert. On the journey towards Nubia, he and his party made no landfall at any of the settlements on the Nile, much preferring to encamp on a deserted river bank. If he felt so disposed, he and his sons took the chariots and went hunting, to the consternation of the Royal Guard commander. Remote parts of Upper Egypt were the stronghold of roving bands of brigands noted for their merciless attacks on those who left the safety of the river in areas where the royal writ was but a trace in the sand.
The commander was not concerned about the royal group being savaged by wild animals as he had hunted with the king and knew he and Prince Merenptah were skilled with spear and arrow. Both would protect Prince Khaemwaset, a scholarly fellow not known for his prowess with weapons, being more at home with texts in the confines of the Memphis temple. His fears proved to be unfounded. At nightfall, father and sons returned with some dead animal draped over the chariot’s side. They ate well but simply – game being an easy meal to prepare over a fire and they were well used to the spartan food of the hunter’s camp. Ever thoughtful, the king brought a goodly supply of wine and beer which he shared with the sailors, soldiers and manservants. After they encamped on the first night, Ramesses gathered the men together and addressed them.
“All of you have been with me for many years. You, Tjeti, have commanded the royal barque for so long you have grown river weed upon your shoulders. Memisabu, you and the soldiers you chose for this voyage, fought with me at Qadesh and many other campaigns. Sepa, you have held the rudder of my vessel for more excursions on the river that I can count and always my passage has been guided with skill.”
“I have suffered a grievous loss, one which I fear may break my spirit. On this journey, I wish you to be my companions and forget that I am your king. We will tell jokes, talk of war and women, eat good but rough food and perhaps, as the sky darkens at night, drink much wine and beer together. I know of your loyalty and devotion to Queen Nefertari and I feel you share in my loss. I bring only two of my sons with me – to invite them all would require many transport vessels.” There was laughter from the men. “I brought Khaemwaset as I believe it is time he smelt the air outside a temple and got a little dirt on his kilt.” More laughter, as it was known the prince was fastidious in his personal habits. “Merenptah is well known to you as both a warrior and hunter. He is conversant with dirty clothing and getting a little blood on his hands. Let us enjoy this voyage as equals whilst it lasts for we will have enough time when we return to the cities to become ruler and subject again.”
It took a few days to realise the king meant what he said. The men relaxed and there was an ease within the group. They fished, making unfavourable remarks about the king’s inability to catch anything other than bait fish, hunted on foot when the game was close to the camp, got very dirty from their informal landings and encampments, bathed in the Nile together and related many stories of war, previous hunts, of foreign lands, women and told many jokes that would not find favour with their womenfolk.
Prince Khaemwaset proved to be a raconteur of note and he visibly unbent, especially after he had fallen into an ooze of black mud whilst helping to moor the vessel one afternoon and was greeted with howls of laughter. He willingly took lessons from the soldiers on the use of the spear and sword and, even though it was recognised he would never acquire the prowess with weapons of his father or brother, he could at least defend himself adequately. He drew the men’s admiration when he stood his ground in the face of a charging lion and he caught more fish than any of them. When asked to reveal the secret of his success with rod and line, he winked and said catching fish was like training priests – you needed a lot of patience, the right food on the hook – and knowing when to jerk the line.
The group sailed ever southwards, past Hierakonopolis, Aswan and Elephantine, past the islands of Philae and Sehef and the great temple at Abu Simbel until they reached Buhen, near the Second Cataract. At first, the king spent much time by himself, sitting at the prow of the vessel or walking along the river bank in silence. No-one made comment about the tears on his cheeks nor when his body shuddered with inaudible sobbing. Death of loved ones was known to all the men and they respected his need for solitude. However, when they ate their evening meal around the camp-fire and the wine and beer took hold, he began to thaw and, after two weeks, all could see that he was healing, his grief assuaged by the passage of time and the companionship of his compatriots. Then, one morning, a month after they had left Thebes, Ramesses told his companions it was time to retrace their steps and return to the city. The barque turned downstream and they made swift passage to Abu Simbel, stopping to allow Ramesses and the princes to meet with Ashahebsed and inspect the temple. On they sailed, making official stops at Elephantine and Hierakonopolis. Just before they reached Thebes, the king asked that the barque be brought to the river bank. Once the vessel was moored, he called the men together on the deck. He thanked each one personally and took each man’s hand into his own. He addressed them,
“From my heart, you have the undying gratitude of your king. Whilst the gods have reconciled me with the loss of my queen, it has been your warmth, understanding and fellowship that has healed me the most. You will all be well rewarded in the Afterlife and I will ensure your life here in the kingdom is made more comfortable. What I can grant you is but a small repayment for what your camaraderie has meant to me, in this difficult time. Now, let us return to Thebes and see if there is still a kingdom for me to rule.”
The barque arrived at the Theban quay, unannounced. When labourers were called to unload the chariots and horses, people became aware Ramesses was in their midst. The mantle of kingship was again firmly in place and cheering broke out from his subjects as he drove towards the temple. Their beloved Pharaoh had returned.
A messenger arrived at my office with a note asking me to join the king at the palace, early the following morning. I knew of his return and was honoured he wished to see me so soon after his arrival. Next morning, I drove over to the palace and was admitted to the throne room, where he sat surrounded by scribes and administrators. He looked up when I was announced, smiled warmly and requested that I wait a few minutes, whilst he finished some business. He called for a servant to bring food and grape juice for both of us.
I watched him closely whilst he dictated orders, read documents and discussed matters with the officials gathered near the throne. Fifty inundations had come and gone since his birth and he was beginning to show signs of aging. Still a large-framed man, though a little less muscular and there were new lines etched on his face. Remarkably, his hair was still untouched by grey, unlike mine. His instructions were issued crisply and the air of command more than evident. He finished with his entourage and dismissed them with a command to return at his call. He rose and came to where I was seated, awaiting his pleasure.
After quenching his thirst, he grabbed a handful of dates, a beaker of juice and asked me to accompany him. We walked out onto the courtyard and sat on a granite bench facing a small ornamental pool shaded by acacia and pomegranate trees. Brightly coloured fish played amongst the lilies in the pond. A turtle, taking in the warmth of the sun, reposed on a rock embedded in the pool. A long watercourse fed the pool from the river and the sound of water trickling on rocks created a pleasant backdrop to our conversation.
Ramesses turned to me. “My friend, you look well. I trust your wife and children also enjoy good health?”
“Master, we are well. Ipi complains about gaining weight, my children give us endless trouble as they approach adulthood, your workload continues to keep me busy at my desk but, otherwise, I lead a life of ease.” I smiled.
“Sennefer, I apologise deeply for not seeing you after the funeral. I appreciate that Ipi and Nefertari were intimate friends but I admit I could not face you at the time. I had considered ending my life after her death and possibly would have done so if not for the support of my sons. You would have perceived my desire and I did not wish to burden you with thoughts of my self-destruction. You are too dear to me.”
This was a startling admission. The taking of one’s life was regarded an evil act and widely thought to deny the soul of a person, who had taken their own life, any possibility of a Second Life. At the moment of judgement, the soul would be found dishonoured and given to the Devourer with despatch. We were silent for a moment. “And now?” I asked. He told me of his sojourn with his sons and companions. He had obviously thought deeply on his future.
“I spent much the time taking the measure of my life and its achievements. I have many children, my second wife, Isetnofret, is loyal and devoted, there is peace and prosperity in the realm and my friends obviously care for my welfare, so I stayed my hand from its intended course.”
“I am glad you reached this decision, for who else would burden me with work if you had gone?” We both laughed lightly.
He became pensive again. “Do you know when the breath left Nefertari, I cried out to the gods in anguish? I beseeched those whom I believe to be my father and brothers. I went on bended knees to the temple in Memphis and knelt before the shrines. Once before, at Qadesh, Amun heard my pleas and I hoped to hear his consoling voice again. I wept bitter tears and tore my garments in my despair as the pain was like an arrow in my side that I could not pull out. Did the gods speak to me, did they offer succour in my hour of harrowing distress? Sennefer, I heard nothing, not one word nor whisper came from the gods. The statues were silent, the shrines empty of the soothing words I begged to hear. Until that moment in my life, I had no doubt of my union with the gods.”
He paused, taking a swallow from the beaker. “You would know better than anyone the temples I have built in honour of the gods. My realm is spangled with monuments dedicated to the gods and their many consorts. I have, with true dedication, observed the rituals each year and made rich offerings. The temple estates are greater now than ever before. The river brings its yearly blessing, the granaries are full and I have ruled with the certain knowledge my destiny was guided by the gods. Hearing nothing, I believed my heavenly father and brothers had deserted me and the death of Nefertari was a sure sign of their having broken their bond with me. It was then I decided to end my life.”
I did not break my silence, wondering to whom else Ramesses could speak so freely?
“On the day her body was taken by the embalmers, I decided to kill myself. I lay on our bed, her place beside me cold. Never again would I look into those eyes and feel her embrace, hear her words of comfort when the burden of kingship was almost too heavy to bear, her laughter forever gone. At that moment, knife in hand, its tip just breaking the skin on my side, I heard her voice calling my name.”
Tears sprang from his eyes, wetting his cheeks. I looked away. Would I also be like this when my wife died?
With effort, he calmed himself. “I leapt from the bed and looked around our chamber but saw nothing. Her voice caressed my ears again. “Beloved, I am not far away. I was your partner in love for many years and I will remain at your side until you join me in eternity but you must wait until Osiris calls for you. Your time has not yet come. I am now as one with Amun, who watches over you, and always he will be your shepherd. Beloved, my hand remains in yours.”
“I have not heard her voice again. The services at Memphis and her interment in the chill crypt almost destroyed my soul. I fled Thebes like a whimpering child. Amun intervened yet again through the support of my sons and comrades, who have restored me. I know Nefertari was sent to my bedside to prevent the terrible evil I had in mind. Today, through these acts, I am again sure of my unity with the gods.”
I did not know what to say. Ramesses could see my reticence and he placed his hand on my shoulder. “Sennefer, it is your quietness I have sought as there are none other I could confide this to, not even my sons.” He took a deep breath, stood and took my hand. “It is enough in one’s life that a king can find one true friend in whom he can place complete trust- you are that man. Enough! I must return to the business of being a king. I wish to review all my building projects. Be prepared to pay homage to your pharaoh at your office just after the sun reaches its zenith tomorrow.” He said, smiling again. “Now Amun has let me know of his continued presence in my life, I must manifest my devotion to him. Until then, my friend, I bid you farewell with my heartfelt thanks.”
Sailing back across the river to my office, I knew then what had passed between the king and I cemented the greatest bond between two men. His confession would remain a secret I would take to my grave.