Robbie has a collection of clocks. I know it sounds like pussy stuff but dont hate on it till you hear me out. When his mom and pops took off to I dont know where and left behind Robbies sorry ass, all he had left was this house he grew up in and even though its crumbly now and everythings broke hes still got his pops legendary clock collection. Theres like fifty of those bitches. Ones a giant grandfather clock with a cabinet big enough to hide Midge. Theres cuckoo clocks with sheep dancing and birds singing and shorties carrying beers. Theres also clocks with Mickey Mouse and this dude Elvis and this black and white cat with moving eyes that dont tell anyone but freaks me out.
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One thing Midget does in her spare time is take the clocks and mess them up speedwise and timewise so none a them are accurate, so when a bunch happen to go off at the same time its like a lucky sign, you know? Drives Robbie crazy though. The second we open Robbies door to leave, a bunch of clocks start dinging and donging and I pause to be appreciative. Omens like that increase your confidence and you need confidence before you walk down Yellow Street with a big fat wad a green. Yeah, its morning but lots a business goes down in the morning on Yellow Street. Junkies still wandering for a fix and hos that didnt make enough for their pimps. Us three are pretty hardcore for kids but it aint like none of us are packing chrome.
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Best thing to do is lighten the mood with a humorous crack so right when the door shuts I turn to Dag and scream <Bitch, now hand over my money!> Dag laughs and laughs and laughs and she looks so fly in her fuzzy long skirt and her red jacket with all the zippers. Dang!
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I style myself tight too. You dont need to worry about that. I thug a XXXL whitey so the hood rats know Im a hundred percent street. Havent laundried it for a few months but it dont smell too bad really. Then I super style it with a jean jacket I markered all over with the best lines from Fellowship of the Ring. The left arm says <DONT YOU LEAVE HIM SAMWISE GAMGEE> and the right arm says <THEY HAVE A CAVE TROLL> and the back says <I SWEAR TO YOU I WILL NOT LET THE WHITE CITY FALL, NOR OUR PEOPLE FAIL>. Lots of people make fun of my jacket, street people and school people and teacher people too. Theyre just jealous though cuz its the baddest ass jacket they ever witnessed and even if my markering isnt super neat I know I spelled everything correct cuz I checked the internet.
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At least Dag and me dress proper for the cold. Midget hasnt dressed proper one day in her whole shrimpy little life. Today shes got on some dirty green sweatpants and a dirty green shirt. Her shoes are green too and I guarantee thats coincidence cuz Midge is too little to know anything about creating styles. Little sister isnt wearing a jacket, a hat, a scarf, nothing. Its Halloween, girl! Wind gets chilly! Its refreshing on my pinkeye but thats the only good thing about it.
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Midge doesnt complain though. Midget never complains to nobody except bugs. You heard it right. Bugs, yo. Like insects. Its got so normal in my brain that its hard to remember how mightyducked up it is. Any time Midge gets excited or worked up, what she does is root around till she radars some bugs and then she whispers out her feelings. One thing Robbies cribs got a bunch of is bugs so I figure thats why she likes to go there so much.
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I wish I was punking you but the whole things true. Midget has brain damage. Dont ask me how it happened. I dont really enjoy talking about it. I guess I mostly wonder what she tells the bugs. You think she talks about me? I guess thatd be all right. She talk about Moms too? And all a Moms big time troubles? I guess its nothing to stress on. Nothing at all. What do I care what some small little girl that isnt even my real sister says about Moms to a bunch a flies and centipedes?
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We arent even off the stoop before Midge kneels down and investigates our jackolantern like shes from CSI Miami. Must be some beetles or worms up inside that big orange bitch. Moms bought it from some banger with a shopping cart full a pumpkins and even though it was fungused I was psyched cuz Moms hardly ever gets out of bed and when she does its only to cross the street to reup her cigs cuz the dude that works there wont let me buy any for her. Last time Moms acquired me something special like that was once upon a time and a galaxy far away.
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I lugged that big orange bastard all the way down Yellow Street cuz Robbies got ten Ginsu knives hes super proud of and I knew theyd be perfect for doing pumpkins. Robbie warned me it was too early for carving and dang, yo, turns out fat boy was correct. Here its Halloween day and the jackolanterns mouth is sucked in like No Teeth Mike, this dude that shoots up across from school. Its all withered and rotten and a gross poop color. Every time I look at it I think about Moms cuz shes the one that bought it special for me and also cuz shes up in her room getting all withered and rotten too. Maybe Moms has bugs in her head like the jackolantern does? That would explain a lot.
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Some things arent good to think on though so I yank up Midge by her green sweaties and give her a shove so we can get our show on the road. Right off I regret it cuz what if you can catch pinkeye off clothes? If Midget wakes up tomorrow with a crusty eye Im gonna suicide myself. So I let her run up ahead. Robbies lawn is soggy like the Dead Marshes Frodo almost drowned in but I got my snowboots on so I smash through it like one a them dozers that are everywhere.
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Dag squeals cuz shes a girl. Now her tights have spots a mud. Sorry, Dag! Dags the whole reason Im even wearing snowboots in October. Dag taught me how snowboots are helpful when youre stealing a theft. If a uniform rolls up, hes not gonna think to check snowboots for stolen goods. Plus my boots have blue and silver stripes that are very fresh. Plus theyre comfortable. Plus I aint got any other shoes currently. People at school tease my snowboots but they can eat a dick.
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Few blocks past the burnt down super fun to play in Taco Bell ruins we see Deformo pacing around under a underpass. Hes this super ugly ass malformed ass homeless dude that spooks me real dire cuz a his nasty ass deformed ass face. He used to hang out closer to Pinebluff Glenn Estates, begging for food and sleeping all over the dang place, but the dozers keep chasing him closer to Yellow Street.
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I have nightmares about Deformo, for real. I dont know if his mom ate bowls a toxic waste when she was pregnant or what but hes a straight up horror movie monster. I aint ever seen him except from a distance and, yo, thats how my precautionary ass wants to keep it. Knowing Dag she might try to get all deep in discussion with that horror movie monster but thats not good for Midget. Deformo would give Midge bad dreams till she peed the bed. You got to be safety first when it comes to little bitches.
* * *
We hit the sidewalk and I put my fists in my jean jacket and glare down the block at Deformo so it looks like Im packing. Isnt a total lie either. I may not have a gat but I do have six ninja throwing stars from KBK Pawn on 33rd. Two a them are four point carbon steel. That sharkweek is no joke. But I also got a eight point shuriken, a six point kohga, a four point black ronin, and baddest of all a stainless steel ninja disc designed like a dragon with scythe blades. I had to theft forever to afford that one. But its a smart value cuz it came with a nylon pouch free a charge and good thing too cuz that sharkweek is sharp! If Deformo ever gets his gross ass too close hes gonna get ninjaed!
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Out here you better be armed. Inside Robbies crib it doesnt matter cuz youre protected on all sides like Helms Deep. No orcs are gonna breach that stronghold! Once I cracked that joke to Dag and she hit me playful like shorties do and so I think about saying it again. Then I remember my pinkeye. I cant be letting Dag touch me today even though itd be nice. So I fall back and forget about pumpkin bugs and Moms and all a that troublesome junk and just watch Dags red zipper coat go bobbing down the street toward the dozers like she owns this whole bitch. Its too bad she dont want my wiener cuz sometimes shes pretty as hell.