Midgets so excited she does a dance. She dances her ass around the whole trash ass crib. She doesnt even notice when Robbies phone starts to buzz. Fat boys face goes sick and he probably skids his drawers. I cant figure it. Robbie didnt act like a chump with his last dealer. But this dealer man has his fat ass shook. I half expect Robbie to pick up one a them expensive apples and smash the phone till its dead. Instead he whines <Why wont he leave me alone?> like its dealer man that called him for a package instead a verse visa.
* * *
Proud a Robbie, though. He bears down and answers, he goes <Yeah, what?> and then his eyes go big like hes been punked and he sits his wide butt on the table right on top a the apples and razor blades and candies. He responds all perplexed. <Mrs Fullerton?>
* * *
Back in the day when Moms was normal, she used to say some things are horses of a different color. Its a saying old folks say that means some sharkweek is different than other sharkweek. Well this horse here is colored different as hell. There isnt nobody in the whole world that gives a mightyduck about Robbie except this one nice old uppity up called Mrs Fullerton. Mrs F has a son and when Robbie was just a child he saved that sons life.
* * *
Once there was this football game, right? Folks around these parts are stone cold nuts about high school football. Home team is named the Knights and what folks like to do is come to the games dressed up in armor. Right next to the field theres this hill down where kids go during the game to get high and Robbie, hes just ten years old, he goes there and rolls up on some big teenage fools messing with a tiny little white boy. Their armor and helmets are cardboard like usual but the relevant thing to the story is how their sword isnt a prop. Its a genuine ass sword. Nobody knows where they snagged a real sword but thats not relevant to the story.
* * *
Robbie hides his ass before they find his ass. Fools a course keep playing rough with that unfortunate ass child and sure enough things turn accidental and the sword goes right through the side of his neck. You know the perpetrators fled that scene quick. But Robbie crawls his young ass out and investigates. Situations dire as hell. Child is jiggling around, squirting blood as tall as Robbie. If you saw Lord of the Rings you know what kind a damage a sword can do. Even if its not a legendary sword like Glamdring or Andúril. Even if its just some regular orc sword. The Fullerton child is bleeding out and there isnt a single pothead or junkie juvenile around to help.
* * *
So Robbie takes off his shirt and wraps it around the childs neck and does it careful without strangulation. Then he picks that child up. My brain cant even cope. But Robbie picks up that bleeding child and climbs up that steep hill and makes it to the Knights field where theres always a ambulance waiting for footballers to break their legs. That Fullerton child poured blood like a keg but he lived, man, he lived.
* * *
First time Robbie told me that story, fat boy was proud. Dang straight! If I pulled that Superman stunt off Id be telling my peeps about it every morning noon and night! Robocops would start showing me respect and shorties would be fighting for my wiener. Crossing all those yard lines with that child in his arms was the greatest moment in Robbies whole life. Picture in the paper and everything. But Robbie? Robbies the most confounding adult person I know. These days he doesnt like to speak on it. You bring it up, he hits you.
* * *
Course I developed a theory. Mrs F, see, shes kept up with Robbie across all a his miserable ass years. She calls him on the last day of every month plus she sends birthday money and holiday cards and sometimes drops by with angel food cake or pasta salad. Middle school she did it, high school she did it, after Robbie dropped out she did it, and she does it now even though Robbies a grown ass man. That nice old bitch is dependable as hell! So heres my theory. Mrs F reminds Robbie about times he dont want to be reminded of. Every time he gets a phone call or birthday card or pasta salad, more time has gone between him being a young ass hero and him being a fat ass loser thats got cannibal mice in his walls.
* * *
I met Mrs F back when I first knew Robbie. Lady brought us a strawberry pie so good I strawberry puked after me and Robbie feasted the whole thing. Mrs F has long brown hair with a gray streak like a garter snake and little round glasses that make her look smart, and the first time she talked to me I was shy as hell. I was all <Yes maam> and <No maam> and my feet kept shuffling like I was a poopypants baby, just like Robbie said. Thats why I feel fat boy on this one. Nice folk like the Fullertons? They dont need to be seeing Robbie while hes spoiling away like meat in a dumpster.
* * *
Im mostly psyched it isnt the dealer man calling back to grief Robbie. Midget hasnt stopped dancing for supermilk so I join her clowning ass and we kick through the takeout boxes Robbie uses for plates and big gulps he uses for ashtrays and dried up medicated pads he uses for hemorrhoids and we dont even care about the mice running scared all over. In the kitchen Robbie mumbles the same crap he always does to Mrs F, <Uh huh> and <Nuh uh> and <I guess>, so I get inspirationed and tell Midget what we oughta do is make sure the doorbell works before all them trick or treaters come over to ring it.
* * *
We hurry our asses outside and ring the bell but, you know, we got to be inside to hear it, so we haul ass back inside but we go too slow so we run our asses back out and ring it again and this time are ready so we sprint inside hard as hell but still cant tell if the ring is ringing full force so we do the whole thing again and again till we get laughing so hard we belong in the lockup with Lotte. Midges so silly she takes a break to bust out some more excellent headstands on the lawn but sometimes I get in a mood where I go outta my dang head, so I keep going, ringing and running, ringing and running.
* * *
Robbie fixes me with a murder look so I know the doorbells got him bugging but I keep at it. Im not deaf. I can hear the call with Mrs F turn bad, and talks dont ever go bad with a nice old bitch like Mrs F. But like I said this day is realer than any day previous, just like tonights gonna be realer than any Halloween ever before, and every time I run past Robbie I hear him say cold robocop crap like <I dont want you calling me anymore, Mrs F> and <Listen to me, youre not welcome here.> Stuff that might break your heart if you werent running around like youre racing the devil.