Time to time I ride the bus to Yellow Street when its icy cold but this route isnt my route and Im not acquainted with these particular crackheads. Whole back a the bus is took up by this white lady that breathes like a pig and is wearing scraps a rags all filthed together. Across the aisle from me is this black brother and hes a straight up junkie with his skin mightyducked and his teeth mightyducked and his eyeballs jerking around like he thinks the whole group a us are gonna pull our knives. Theres also this gal that looks real normal except every five minutes she screams out incredible truth bombs like <ALL MY BANK ACCOUNTS, WHY ARE THEY SHRINKING?> and <THE CHINESE CONTROL THE PRESIDENT!> I dig this bitch! Too bad shes gonna end up playing checkers with Lotte.
* * *
Then this dude with no legs gets his wheelchair lifted in with a elevator thing and even though it takes a long time its fascinating cuz I enjoy science. Robbie though hes so impatient he starts hollering at No Legs Man about how hes gonna be No Arms Man too if he doesnt hurry his ass up. Other folks give Robbie applause like they think handicappers are the root of all evil. Violence is thick up in that bitch. I wish I had my Barack Obama mask so I coulda gone to the front all presidential and been like <All us robocops got to chill cuz at the end a the day all a us are Americans and we got to deal with our stupid ass problems together.>
* * *
You know Robbies big time stressed cuz he doesnt let me pull the cord for our stop and thats the funnest part. The hood we step out at? First time I ever laid eyes on it. Its got a liquor store and a place for lotto tickets but the rest a the block is boarded up and theres not any folk like, you know, living lives, besides the corner crews signaling the boys across the street to hook up buyers. You know how crack boys do. Also the whole block stinks a fish. I ask a squirrel whats up with that. Cuz theres a squirrel there too.
* * *
Fresh turf cant shake me. True, the people here arent demographical like they are in my hood. In my hood theres a lot more white folk that I guess fell on hard times or got IRSed or what have you. I get a bad thought and I mean real bad. What if these pushers think Robbies my pops? Thats a nightmare scenario! If they jack Robbie, then they got to jack me as well. And who doesnt lay eyes on Robbie and want to jack his fat ass?
* * *
Robbie scopes the road signs and waddles his butt to a corner where we meet a grade school girl tough as hell. Kid spits expert too, accurate like me and my ninja stars. She talks fast, laying it out about blue tips and yellow stripes and da bomb and how much we want a each. Robbie cant get a word in. After the child finishes she pats her stomach like shes gonna show us her gat unless we speak up. Robbie says hes supposed to get with Kyle so wheres Kyle at? Girl says mightyduck off. Robbies got twenty years on this diaper baby but hes sweating it. He shows her his phone record with Kyles digits. Girl considers it and says if we two are fibbing shes gonna place a cap in both our behinds. Robbie smiles like thats a fair deal. Speak for your dang self, homes!
* * *
Little girl passes us off to a tall brother with giant headphones and a mess a scars on his cheek and also no ear, and this tall disfigured music enjoying deaf brother takes us down the way to a pretty nice place with a good fence where he knocks on a door and talks real quiet through the crack before he waves our asses in. Robbie a course has to bust out his church voice. He goes <Thank you very much, I appreciate the assistance.> By now Im practically praying we do get filled with heat.
* * *
We stumble our asses down a dark scary hall that has cool colored lights at the end. I dont know what Im expecting. Room full a gold? Bunch of G string shorties rubbing their butts on stripper poles? Well, its nothing like that but its still pretty tight, a big spacious ass room styled so correct its like weve entered a fantasy land. Blue neon lights glowing everywhere and freestyling from the speakers is none other than my boy Lil Wayne. Hey! Thats my joint right there!
* * *
Im krumping before I even notice the bar stocked with a thousand alcohols and the walls with a bunch a life size pictures a soccer dudes. I dont know sharkweek about soccer but maybe I oughta learn! Rest a the rooms got foosball and a pool table shaped like a stop sign and wait, wait, hold up. Dang, robocop! This crib has a ferret! Now I wish Midget had come after all cuz little sister enjoys the hell outta wildlife. This bad ass ferret is bopping around to Lil Wayne and is wearing a scarf.
* * *
Furniture is tight too. Big pink and yellow bean bags and chairs that look like eggs. Plus theres two pimped out lazyboys facing a projector screen playing Mass Effect the best I ever saw it played. The video game mastermind is this dude wearing a red do rag and doing his controller so fast its like hes got supernatural powers. Id be satisfied to stand here the rest a my life watching this genius do his thing but you know Robbie. Fat boys always got to be crapping the bed.
* * *
Robbie introduces himself real formal. Kyle, I guess this is Kyle, he ignores it. Hes got some video game people he needs to slay. After some rad explosions he pauses the game and strolls to the bar to pour him some pistachio nuts. Kyles wearing a whitey like hes street but also PJ pants with palm trees and pineapples. He yawns like massacring all them computer men wiped him out. Oh and check this. Dudes fat. Like Robbie fat. How come his fat makes him look like a cool ass killer?
* * *
<Whats wrong with your boy?> Kyle goes.
* * *
<Oh, hes just dancing> Robbie says.
* * *
Dancing? This is krumping, bitch! Maybe Kyles got a rule about no krumping in the crib and even though thats a bullcrap rule he does have a ferret in a scarf so you got to credit him for that. The neon in the room goes from blue to pink and Kyle sighs huge like hes sick a dealing with dumb asses and their krumping sidekicks. He doesnt even look at us when he does the menu. Doesnt confuse us like the little girl did with brand names either. Sugar, base, stones, caps, horse, bolt, bump, beans, A, E, TNT, dust, crystal, reefer. He rattles off prices too. Not bad for a dude half sleeping.
* * *
Robbie does a retard grin and whips out his chip. Yo! You arent supposed to flash cash like that! Kyle starts scanning like we might be narcs. He asks Robbie who I am. Robbie says Im nobody. Kyle asks how come Robbie only has small ass juveniles for friends, he a pervert or something? Robbie says Im not a friend, Im just some kid that keeps showing up to his crib.
* * *
Dang. Thats cold. Makes me feel kinda low. Kyle laughs real mean and he goes <Whats wrong with little mans eye?> and Robbie says I have pinkeye and Kyle makes a face like hes disgusted and then he squints so he can read my jean jacket. <Sandwich Gamble, whats that?> Chuckling mightyducker asks it like hes ignorant and now I dont give a sharkweek if hes the baddest Mass Effect player that ever lived, Im gonna set his ass straight. My markering isnt perfect, but its obvious it says <Samwise Gamgee> and Samwise Gamgee happens to be my number one robocop. Before I can say anything Robbie finishes counting and holds out his money.
* * *
Kyle shakes his do rag head. Hes all woke up now. He says <You kill me. I mean that. You think you can walk in here after all these years and pay wholesale? No way. Thats not how this is going to play. You pay double. You pay double for what you did.>
* * *
Robbie says <What I did? Come on, Ketchum, I didnt do anything to you!>
* * *
Just like that the mood in the crib gets nasty. Neon lights go from pink to orange. Mass Effect switches to sleep mode. Ferret in the scarf starts choking on pistachio shells. Even Lil Wayne starts moaning ominous. Cuz Kyle is Kyle Ketchum, #69 Kyle Ketchum, the same infamous ass psycho that beat Robbie close to death with a beer pitcher back in the day. Lots a bewildering business starts making sense to my brain. How come Robbie didnt want to call the new dealer man. How come he put it off so long. These fat boys here were teammates long before sharkweek went south.
* * *
Ketchum says <You are one blind asshole. You cant see right in front of you.>
* * *
Robbie goes <Everyone liked Coach S. I know and Im sorry.>
* * *
Ketchum says <Who cares about everyone? Im talking about me.>
* * *
Robbie goes <Come on. We are adults now. Lets be mature.>
* * *
Ketchum says <Let me remind you about me. I screwed off in school. I dont think I finished a single test. But Coach S? Coach S was a stand up guy. Coach S was going to fix it up for me. He was going to make some calls, get me a football scholarship, set me up for life, cuz he recognized I had talent out there blocking for your insane ass. Jesus, Robbie. You ever visit him in the hospital after what you did? You know how many operations he had to have? You know how painful it was? He ended up losing his family and everything cuz he wasnt the same man anymore. They shouldve forced you to visit, forced you to see what you did.>
* * *
Robbie goes <I understand. I do. But that was ten years ago.>
* * *
Ketchum says <Coach S didnt make phone calls for anyone after that. I had to make things work for myself. Well, here I am, and I got a bunch of boys under me. You think that was easy? You dont know. You dont deserve to know. All you got to know is this wasnt the plan. This wasnt the plan for me and it wasnt the plan for a whole bunch of guys depending on Coach S. And thats on you. All that is on you. To hell with double, you fat asshole. You want any of my stuff? Itll cost you triple. My opinion is you shouldnt even be allowed to use. You need to deal with what you did with a clear mind. Go see if anyone else will even talk to your Benedict Arnold ass.>
* * *
For a tired ass Mass Effect genius that used to be a blocker Ketchum has excellent speech skills. He picks up his ferret and kisses it all over its belly like we arent even there. Robbies face goes red as hell and its got nothing to do with how the neon changed colors again. Now blubber butt cant afford but a little sliver of the drugs he came for and thats doing a number on his self esteem.
* * *
Whole scenes got me feeling mixed up. Robbie said Im not his friend. Whats that about? But at the same time, Im feeling fat boy. Im feeling him hard. Theres no more Mrs Fullertons out there keeping tabs on his ass, you know? If hes got business to take care of, hes got to take care of it himself, just like #69 Kyle Ketchum did after Coach S got mangled. This whole town does Robbie same as Ketchum, unfair as hell, and tonight, with or without Ketchums drugs, theyre gonna be sorry.