(A bedsit in London. Maybe there are fresh stains on the carpet.)
(A WOMAN wakes up. She is crumpled and unable for life.
12.11 p.m. She has slept for as long as she can.
She stands in her space. She turns the radio on. Static rings out.
The radio springs to life and ‘Knock Three Times’ by Dawn plays.
She is transfixed by the sudden music. Perhaps she sways tensely.
The house does not smell good. She does not smell good.
She walks to the window. She stands in front of it but makes no move to open it. This window will not be opened today.
She stares out, into space.)
Woman
Woman
Man
Bus Stop
Smoking
Phone
Hello
Maggots
Stop
Mick Café
Morning Mick
Sandwich Board
Mick
Woman
Downturned mouth
Looks Irish or maybe Bulgarian
Woman
Girl
Dopey bitch
Stop
Stop
Stop
[This is] Pointless.
(She gives up on the window.)
(She goes to a packet of biscuits and begins to eat. She chews some, well, and then spits out.)
(She sprays air freshener all over the space; and then, herself.)
Putrid
No point crying over… No
It is a known fact that a life needs witnesses
Ssh!
If a tree falls in a forest and…
But shur…
Girl
No
Girl
NO
Mick Café
Boy
Boy
Brown
Lovely
Rushing
Stooped over
Can of
(She stares.)
Can of
Lager
Tanora
Energy drink
Green slash on the tin
Energy
Energy Boy
Three times more men kill themselves than women
Girls
Women
Ladies
Women
Three times more
Or two times
Suicide
Energy Boy is suicidal
He is
Killing himself because of
Not enough. Energy?
Too much energy?
Maybe his girlfriend died
Or his mother
Or his
Sister
Maybe his sister died and the boy can’t cope at all
Maybe she
Lingered in a
Hospital ’til she died a bit
And then died completely
Or was knocked down by a speeding bike
Or got an infection and her blood turned septic and she died of pus and poison
Or slit wrists sideways up the arms
Or murdered with a hammer after a rape
Or died when a baby was coming out of her
Or brain cancer
Or died on the operating –
Or fell and cracked her skull
Or
Or
Or
Okay
I hope someone put face cream on her. Before her coffin
Energy Boy doesn’t seem very interested in creams. Maybe it doesn’t matter
No!
Good to keep up standards
Even when you’re dead
Oil of Olay or
Stop
They jump off a bridge
The boys
Up to the top and
Off
Into the air
Must feel like – (Carefully imagines the sensation of falling.)
Whooooooooooosh
Traffic though
What if
What if you land on a girl who just passed her driving test
Illegal to kill yourself
How can they punish you?
Why don’t the girls kill themselves too?
Would you?
No
Why only the boys?
Mainly the boys?
How come?
Willies
Tough out
Man up
Hard as nails
Very brave
Man’s man
Girls not brave
Girls crying
Ladies
Women
And
Holding hands
Are they?
We weren’t holding hands
We did not hold hands
You were not interested in my hand
Were you?
Except for one time
Once only
Adults
London town
Tight hands
Sweaty yours
And not-so-sweaty mine
But delighted to have some of your sweat
I wanted to go in there for you
Wanted to lay down on the black table thing and do it for you
But mostly
Most of all I wanted you to keep holding my hand
For months and months
Until
Tiny
Item
entered
Stop
No tiny item
Ssh
Only an operation
Or a
A procedure instead
Stop
Dirty hands
How often should you scrub your nails?
Always filthy
I only ever had two hands inside me
Number One
Long yellow fingernails and he was always at himself wasn’t he?
He put his thumb up me
Down an alley
Felt scratchy and huge
No thanks David
Let him put the thing itself inside of me instead so as not to have to feel the thumb any more
Thumb felt more intimate than the real yoke
The peeen is
Fast and dry and done
Peee nis
Stupid word
What was Jamie Murphy’s penis like?
Married penis
Maybe his wife chopped it off after ye did it
Up the
Vagina
Ears hot
Why?
Hot ears
The Smell making my ears hot?
Smells like
Eggs and rot
Rotty ears?
No
Ears burning
Hot ears
Ears burning
Means
Someone’s talking about you
None of their business
Absolutely no need to talk about other people’s business
Leave me to be
What business is it of yours?
Keep your nose out of people’s business
Don’t be telling them my business
Under any circumstances
Why did you have to tell everyone everything?
Talking
What did you tell people about me
What did you say?
Hmm?
None of their
Dumpy
Weird
Quiet
Private business
About my life and
Our private business
Not on
Should have said nothing
Should have been trustworthy
Held my confidence
Held your tongue instead of
Should have been we
Whispery sisters instead of
Strangers
But
Foggy rainy day, us on the bed
You hungover
Me delighted you were staying in with me
For once
Remember episode three where she has the talk with that old woman who puts drugs into her coffee
Straight in
To make her day better ’cause she’d no one
Where did she get the drugs?
Do you remember and our girl was wearing a beautiful dress but she got soaked in the rain which was a shame but she didn’t mind ’cause it made her realise that everything was going to be okay
Even when it was raining
And we had Maltesers and popcorn
The two of us
Sitting in a blanket
And you were laughing and you gave me your pyjama pants ’cause it was freezing
You had not topped up the gas card
That’s why it was freezing
But
They were your favourite pyjama pants
Fleecy and with yellow polka dots
Made me feel like a bear or a toddler
Safe
And we watched eight episodes in a row
All through the night
Laughing and passing remarks
Shovel hands of popcorn and you made more and more ’til the whole place stank of it
And it was
Safe and melty and
Then
Normal service resumed
Where are you going?
Dunno
Could you get the shopping?
Not today no
Are you coming back soon?
Yeah later
Later late?
Jesus back off
Gone
Door slammed
Nag
Left behind
All of a long Sunday
Sundays are a bad day
Sundays are cold
Sundays are like a big shop where there is a leak of yellow water coming out of the wall and you don’t know what you went in for and your legs are mad itching and you stamp them into the ground ’til wee comes out of you and everyone stares and you drop the bottle of beer you’re trying to pay for and it smashes and cuts your hand and you bleed a lot of blood down onto the wee and they hate you and they tell you to get out for the way you speak at the checkout girl but she is patronising and blotchy and confusing and
Stop
(There is noise from upstairs, heavy footsteps.
She freezes dead in her tracks.
She watches the ceiling.)
What did you say to Mam about me?
Hmm?
Ha?
Phone home
Hi Mam
Hiya
Standing
On her own
Flat
Call centre
Dry skin
No friends
Will not go to the bar
Will not drink a Campari and talk to the men
Has not changed
Is the same
Not cut out for London
Very weird
Very peculiar girl
Dopey bitch God forgive me
More in her line to come home
Better suited to her to be home
Easier
Simpler for her
London is very
Fish out of
Loopy
She’s after getting very big
In very bad form
Mean
Itchy
Obsessed
Very hard oover
For her
Locked door
No sign of her doing anything
Lists on the wall
In marker
Controlling maybe
Who draws on a good wall
Weirdo
Call centre
Home
Call centre
Home
Call centre
Home
Call centre
Home
Hello I’m calling from
I see that you have supported us in the past
Hello I’m calling from
I see you
Hello
I see that you’ve supported us
(English.) Can you remove me please
Stop ringing me
Don’t ring
Stop ringing us
Is there no other job you could get my love?
Stop fucking ringing me or I swear to God
I swear to God You stop ringing me
What? I’m not. You rang me
You stop ringing me
Stop it
Is that what you told them Linda?
Pathetic
Me
And successful
You
You are fancy and chatty and good
And I am rotting and peculiar
You are glamour and shiny bar stools and people in and out of the flat
No people in the flat Linda! I told you. Our flat.
That’s that
But then you didn’t come home for two full weeks did ya and
I couldn’t bear you not being here
Me
Wandering and doing
Nothing
My own face in the window and the mirror and the screen
Watching out the window
Mick Café
Strangers passing
Boy
Woman
Phone
And just me
Me
So when you finally walked in
‘Okay. People welcome in the flat. People in the flat no problem.’
And then a steady stream of them
Even though you were actually
Filthy
Tampons in the toilet
Left there no matter how many times
No shame
I scrambled to hide the dirt and the pubes of you
From your friends so they couldn’t see the grubbiness
And you
Free
Friends
And dancing
Dancing in tops
Put on some music and just
C’mon dance
Me still
Stupefied
Dance for God’s sake
Dance
Dance Girl
Dance C’mon Dance Dance with me Dance c’mon Dance
DANCE
You look so fucking ugly Linda do you know that.
Disgrace
In front of them
And I pulled the radio out of the wall and punched in the speakers with my fingers
So I didn’t have to look at you
Gyrating
Weird
Private
Didn’t want to be looking at you doing that
So I smashed it
There
Easy to break
Cheap
Came with the flat
Long gone
But you wouldn’t let up
You wouldn’t settle
Why couldn’t we just settle in?
That’s all I
Not so much to ask in return
Nothing else
You and me
Staying here
Safe
And telly
Warm telly
And lovely
But no
Let’s go here
Let’s go out
Why aren’t you in work today
What’s wrong with you
Perfume
And your belly button poking out of tops
Feelings and friends
Strangers
In our place
Pads and knickers and
Always looking for something better
Settle
Let’s try a class
Let’s go and look at a thing
Come to the pub one time
Come on we go out
Why don’t you meet me here
Let’s learn a thing
Let’s invite them over
Let’s run
Let’s do a course
Let’s get pissed
Let’s knit a blanket
Let’s make and dance and move and invite weirdos into the flat and tell new people things about us that are none of their fucking business and prance around and talk with a ridiculous English accent even though we had only been here a small while are we’re IRISH
Little flat
Me
I bought Sweet Williams for the window
Keep it nice
Always
In case
Lit a tealight
But you never saw it
Eight hours burning guaranteed
Gallivanting as they say
Gallivanting
What did you tell them?
Linda?
What did you say?
Linda?
(The phone rings. She is utterly cowed by the noise. It rings out to silence.)
Awful
Interruption
No
No need for constant
Noise
People have no peace
(Noise from upstairs.
She is consumed by a feeling at the noise but paralysed to take action.)
(She finds the fleecy pyjama pants with the yellow polka dots and puts them on.)
Now
Lovely
And now what?
Now what?
Go
Outside?
Like this?
In your
Go outside
Yes
The big door
The door downstairs
Twenty-seven steps
And
Big door
Front door
Door and then
Air
In my face
And
What?
Outside
And
See
Who?
Strangers
No
Just
Outside
But first
The door
The door
The door
The door
The door
The door
The door
Stop
Just
Bridge
Suicide Bridge
Danger
Off the bridge and
Whooosh
Be cold on my skin
I think
Refreshing
Air
Air
To breathe
for a minute
Fast air before
Blood on the pyjamas
Lots
You’d be fuming
No
Bridge is a twenty-minute walk away
Twenty minutes
Twenty
And with spikes on the top
To stop the pigeons
Or
I don’t know
Pigeons aren’t jumping off bridges
There’s no need for them to jump
They can
Fly
Obviously
No sense
So the bars are for people so
So how many people have jumped off it?
How hard is to get on top of it
How do you get there if not in a car?
Do my legs go twenty minutes?
Stop
But
What if you land in front of an old man whose brother just got diagnosed with cancer
Or a baby in a car seat?
What if a toddler sees you
Dead and twisted after the fall
What if you really upset a stray dog
Remember when that student threw himself off the College of Commerce
Or
The Shaky Bridge
Penneys
Off of Mam’s house
Off in front of the number 5 bus to The Lough
Imagine if you jumped in front of Uncle Jonny
Does Uncle Jonny even still drive the buses?
Jesus Mary Mother of God
Is that your one after jumping in front of the bus
Dopey bitch God forgive me
What in the name of God is she at
In that top
Like a whore
She’s not married at all y’know
Single still
Dead now anyway
So neither here nor there now
Ah, still though
I hope someone puts face cream on me
If the box is open?
Maybe closed so as to hide the
No
She looks great anyway
Very herself
Isn’t it?
I was just saying there Moira, doesn’t she look beauutiful?
Doesn’t she?
She could almost be
She could
But she’s not
Is she?
Are you on your way back here?
Linda?
’Cause
I could
I could live in the cupboard maybe
And you could have the flat
I’d be starved though
No
But
They did used to bury women inside buildings
And bridges
As a punishment for whatever thing they did wrong
They’d put them into a little hole with a bit of food and then just build walls around them ’til there was no escape and leave them to die.
They might bring them water so they would stay alive longer and sometimes they stayed alive for years.
Would you bring me a sandwich or
No
(She stares at the ceiling.)
Did she stay with you overnight?
I know that you were mad about her
Mad about her
Up and down the stairs to her day and night
Lovely to hear ye both stomping through the floors ’til three o’clock in the morning
Not fair
Stomping
Selfish
And
And
Sex noises
Sex noise
Sex noises
Disgusting
She’s
And she smells of oil and her hands are
Rough
And you couldn’t get enough of her
Up
Down
Thud thud stomp stomp day and night
You just threw your bag in the door and not even a hello
Linda?
Did you do the list?
Did you finish the list?
Did you get the shopping?
I need something
Did you pay the electricity?
Linda?
Did you get what I asked you to get?
Linda ?
Linda???
Nothing
No basic
Not enough help
Just me
Day and day and day and day and day and day and no you
I said you could have people here
Against my will
But no
Not good enough for you
Instead the noise
Over and over
Racket
Bad enough when just her up there but now you
My sister
Up there ruining my days
And I couldn’t
Bear it
The bed
The bed and your voice
Strangled and sex
And her
On top of you
And why can’t you just come down here
To me
Stay here with me
(She screams at the ceiling, almost wild.)
JUST
GET DOWN HERE LINDA
(Pause.)
I came over with you
I gave you my hand when you were scared
Mawkish skinny English nurse cocking her head to the side and
I did the papers for you and I helped you and I paid for it.
Every penny from the video shop.
Got a fat boy fired because they thought he was squirrelling away the euros but instead it was me
I told Mam
Linda has an interview
Big interview and I’m going to move over with her
Well, I’ll just quit for now. I can always come back to it
I know it’s a good job but London
And Linda needs a flatmate
So it’s better me than some stranger
You two are thick as thieves suddenly
We are ya
We are thick as thieves suddenly
Flatmates
New
Better me
Than some God-knows-what over
God knows who
So
Saving waiting booking
Until
Time!
No fuss
No one at the door to wave goodbye
Couldn’t get out fast enough
Plane
Squished in
Couldn’t talk about what was about to happen ’cause of all the people nearby
Breaking the law
Thelma and Louise
Not really
No word from you
I gave you a sandwich
Shaking hand
Sick stomach you said
Morning sickness my hole
Gawking balls of vomit in the airport toilet and once on the tray table
Peculiar dry vomit sticking to your face
Disaster
But I had you
In the clinic
Linda
Are you sure?
Are you sure?
Because I could?
Mind it
And what harm?
I might sing it a song and take it to the to the
To the
The and the
Tate
And it would be such a fancy life
London baby
And imagine that
The two of us
A small family
Disgusted
Disgusted at the notion
I’m not ready
It was a mistake
I’m not able for this
So
Stop
My choice
Nothing to do with you
My body
Stop It now love
Please
Let go of my hand and let the English people take it out of you
It would have been
No
A
walnut
Then a bigger nut
Then a fruit
Then a bigger fruit
Then a pineapple
A pineapple
And soon
A baby
No
Quiet
Couldn’t say anything to you
About babies
I drew pictures
And wrote a story in a book
Secret
Secret stories and planning for us three even though no one else was coming
You were shaky and bloody and gentle at first
Soft and here
And grateful
For the help
Lovely
But then
Relieved
Better
Free
Healthy
Gone
Running off in jeans
Skinny as anything
Pulling pints
Cash under the table
New life for Linda
New lease of
Door slam
Gone
Door
Gone
So
Notebook
Yes
Keeping track in my book and writing down things
About the call centre
And about me
Your mam used get bullied badly by Anita Cummins but I slapped Anita from below and got her in the nose and it pumped blood all down her school uniform and she never bothered us again. Thick as thieves.
And we could have stayed in and watched things
I could have shown it Beaches. All about two girls who have the summer to end all summers…
Even if you weren’t ready
I might have been
Babies just eat and sleep and want to watch telly and
Stay in
Maybe
But that’s
Weird
Not my choice
Apparently
Not on
You could have just got pregnant a different time couldn’t you?
(Sings.) It must have been cold there in my shadow
Stop
Locked door
Door slam
Nothing
Barren maybe
Never know
Neither here nor there anyway
Together
Imagine
Imagine?
Us two
Mams
You’d rather die
We should have gone to Syria.
What would we have done though
I was sorry to hear. Sorry for your misfortune
I apologise to hear about your accident
No
Get well
But you don’t live here any more I think so
So
Me
No one
You should come back
I can’t get out
And now
How will I
Linda?
How will I
Sure
But sure look
Lookit
Anyway
But shur
Ah you’re as well off
We’re all grand
You’ll be better before you’re married
What doesn’t kill you makes you
Well
God only gives us what we can handle
It is the strong man who
Not a man though
Girl
Lady
Woman
Stop
You used to be there.
Didn’t you?
Do you remember?
No
All gone
Will we watch telly?
Can you just occasionally flush the toilet after yourself no?
Poo particles in the air.
John shat three times today in four hours
That’s a new record
Even for him
Plops through the wall
Smells of cock and lavender leaking in
You look tired
Was the bar mental
Were the fellas all over you?
Are you coming home after your shift?
Okay
I’m only asking
Did you bring the teabags?
Jesus fucking Christ Linda
Why can’t you just bring the teabags
It’s on the wall in permanent marker
I can’t make it any bigger
Barry’s Tea Bags before they run out
Chops for Tuesday
Chicken on Wednesday with roast potatoes in a bag
Peas and sweetcorn and ham on Thursday
Chips on Friday with
And
You’re never here on Saturday
Sunday
So
Why is it so hard
I just want things nice
Normal
Simple
Why can’t you just settle?
I put your shoes in the bin
Red trainers
But didn’t stop you
No stopping you
Where are you going?
Where are you going?
If you go up there to her again
I will not be responsible
You lesbian
You dirty
Stinking
Sorry
But
I can hear you
I can hear ye
Do you understand
Through the night
And
And thudding
And
(She makes sex noises and bangs.
She is driven demented by the memory.)
Yes I went up to her
Linda
No chops
No tea bags
No simple respect
No love
No basic
No interest
In me
Whatsoever
Knock on her door knock
Knock
Yes knock
Yes I made a friend
Like you wanted
Socialising isn’t that what you wanted me to do?
No Linda’s fine
She’s not in
I just wanted to
Can I?
And there she was
All round and soft and kinda friendly and kind of confused
But she had wine
Two for a fiver from downstairs
White
Vinegar
But down the hatch
And put my finger on her breastbone
Here
Then another finger and another
And lower
Her skin was freckly and I hated her
But I touched her
And she said No no
Linda would be very
I said that you were kissing loads of people
Boys and girls
In our flat
Very casual
Not true
Not true at all
You
Dreamed about her and said her name at four in the morning
Linda is actually quite serious with a man named
Graham
Upset face
Tear
Another tear
Cross
But more sour wine
Kept pouring and
Touching arms
And watching a programme about animals
Until she’s bleary
And I put a kiss on her
And she puts one back
Half-hearted
But
And I hold her horrible chest
And let her do the finger things that ye were doing
And I hear you come home downstairs
And I got very loud and I got very very loud upstairs
So you would know
And I pounded myself into the floor
So you could hear
And I writhed and screamed and pretended
Felt mad
Felt wild
When I just wanted very badly to be with you in the flat in your warm pyjamas with tea and a TV show after having the right dinner at the right time
With you
With you
Didn’t we move over to be together
Didn’t we?
Or was I just until you didn’t need a sister any more
Me on my own while you flit around
London Linda
Fits right in
Sexy
Gyrating
Selfish
Stupid
Back down
To face your face
Steaming
Red
Pooling in your
I can’t believe she would touch you
She wouldn’t. You must have forced her
I didn’t need to force her
Didn’t admit to my lie
Graham
What’s wrong with you? Seriously though
Why is your face so crooked?
Your nose jutting out
Everyone laughs at you. They wait for stories about you at the bar
I tell them everything about you.
How you lock yourself in the flat and never walk outside
Ever
How you won’t shit in your own home ’til everyone in the building is at work
How you went ten days without a shit because you were so petrified someone would hear the plop
How you bleed through your ratty tracksuit pants every single month even though you got your first period when you were nine and should have it sorted after two fucking decades
How you used to run home from your zero-hours job and pelt in the door and triple lock it even at 4 p.m. in June
Before you even lost that
Hermit
Petrified
Useless
What is the point?
You hate everyone and trust no one and how you are fucking obsessed with me
Obsessed
You fill notebooks with made-up stories for a thing that never even existed
Never even close
Jesus Christ
Do you want to marry me? Do you want that? Married lunatic sisters penned behind a locked door for the rest of our lives?
Ha?
Fucking psycho
I shouldn’t have
Pushed
You
Didn’t think my arms would let me
But
Won’t get over the sight
Shattered your bone
Collarbone
When you fell
So peculiar to see it poking out through your chest
If you hadn’t hit the coffee table maybe we would have been
Grand
Her calling the ambulance
You screaming blue murder
Threw up on the carpet
Shattered
Poking bone
Open doors
All of them
Wind blowing up the stairs
And then a
Man
Shouting questions
Who’s coming in the ambulance?
Not her
Don’t let her – Do you hear me? Do you hear me?
I hear you
Blue lights
Clattering trolley
Gone
Empty
And
Now what?
Now what
What?
What will you do?
Police
Her
Stories about me
Court
Outside
Door
What
Door got very heavy
While ago
Years ago
Couldn’t seem to get outside
Like you could
You zipped out
I tried to push the big doors but my stomach
Tried to go out and
Tried
But out was impossible
It is impossible
It’s a very heavy door
By anyone’s standards
And couldn’t bear to see
People
To face
Strangers
The
Thing I did
To your heart
And your bones
Your bone
So just
Don’t go
Don’t bring grapes
No Lucozade
Don’t say sorry
Don’t show up
Don’t hold your hand
This time
So
Me
Me
Gone you
Me
Hiding
Standing
Sitting
Doing nothing
Locked door
Phone
Nothing
Listening
For her
In case she
Knocks
Or
Someone comes and
So
Sorry
I’m sorry I’m really sorry okay? I’m sorry I’m saying sorry I said sorry I’m sorry sorry I’m very sorry okay? Sorry I’m sorry I’m saying sorry I’m sorry okay? Sorry like Sorry I said sorry Sorry I’m sorry like
Sorry?
Better before you’re married
What doesn’t kill you makes you
What if you fall in front of two sisters going out to celebrate their exam results
Sisters
In tops and going
Dancing
That’d be
Unfair
(She faces herself in a mirror and puts on face cream.)
But shur look
(She faces the door and, without putting on shoes or coat, and, with difficulty, she walks outside.)
(As the door closes behind her and she is gone, the phone rings. And rings.)
(It rings out and goes to a beep.)
(Linda’s voice, Cork, young, fills the flat.)
LINDA (voice-over.) Hello?
Hello?
Answer the phone
Answer the fucking phone
Are you for real?
Are you actually not coming? I’m here on my own like
I should get the police on to you
But…
I’ve said it was an accident
That you weren’t very well in yourself and you didn’t mean to cause any… damage
I can’t believe this
I know you’re not quite…
I know it’s hard
It really hurts… And no one is visiting
And, the woman next to me is dying and everyone is bawling
And her daughters are constantly here and
Could you come?
Please?
Come down to me?
Could you bring me my spotty pyjamas and a pillow. And maybe a Wispa. The food is shite
Please
I’m in the main women’s ward. Take the 68 down and get off at the hospital and straight in? It’s close by. Please
Okay love? Okay?
Hello?
(The voicemail beeps off and the lights snap to dark.)
(End.)