Abbeville, late October 1917
An acceptance of life
‘Edith, we must talk. You’re worn out. Every night for weeks and weeks now you’ve sat by Captain Pevensy. You’re not getting your rest, and I have to tell you that we must now send him to the French Military Hospital in Shaftesbury Avenue, London. It is where we send all our special cases. He is fit to travel and needs more than we can offer.’
Edith knew that what the French matron was saying to her was true. Laurent had made many improvements in the four weeks since he had arrived, even though he remained very ill.
Laurent looked up at her. Still only able to say a few words, he mouthed, ‘I love you.’
She smiled through her tears. ‘I know. I will not abandon you, my darling. I will travel with you.’
His face lit up.
She didn’t feel any concern about leaving; during her long absence the team had taken on new doctors and had reshuffled their responsibilities. It wasn’t that she wasn’t needed, more that she wouldn’t be missed too much, as there was a full team without her.
Seeing a smile on the matron’s face, Edith asked, ‘You understood what we said to each other?’
At the matron’s nod, a little laugh escaped Edith as she voiced her thoughts. ‘You French are amazing. If I had said that in a British hospital, I would be in trouble for fraternizing!’
‘Ah, but we French love lovers. I will leave you a while and go and make the final arrangements.’
Turning back to Laurent, Edith told him, ‘I’m glad this day has arrived. There is something I haven’t told you yet; nor have we broached the subject of my true status when I met you. I only know that you at last received my first letter to you, and you gave me no indication that its contents changed things between us.’
His eyes closed and he shook his head. The gesture told her it didn’t matter to him. When he opened his eyes she read compassion there and felt emboldened to continue. She chose to speak in English, in the hope that the soldiers around them wouldn’t understand, and told him of her pain at finding that the Tolenskis had moved and taken her children.
‘But I have had a letter which gives me hope that they are in England! I don’t know why the Tolenskis have done this, but it is important for me to catch up with them and claim my girls back.’
His attempt at a smile tore at her and made her feel sad. She looked away, determined not to show her distress. Laurent had not yet seen what had happened to his beautiful face. It would be a shock to him, but there was hope it could be repaired; at least she was sure the gaping hole could be covered and, though scarred, wouldn’t look so distressing.
As soon as she arrived in England she would contact her dear friend, Wilfred Young. They had done their basic training together as surgeons, and he had gone on to specialize in plastic surgery. He now worked in Cambridge Military Hospital, where his expertise was used to help disfigured soldiers returning from the war. She knew he would be able to help Laurent.
Saying her goodbyes to Connie, Nancy, Jennifer and Mark had become an emotional affair. All knew that Edith wouldn’t be returning this time. From what they said, they imagined that she intended devoting her life to Laurent. There was nothing for her to deny in this, but part of her wanted to tell these wonderful friends the truth. Not being able to do so left her feeling a little out of the close-knit circle they had formed.
She had, however, told them about her charity, and they had all spoken of a reunion once this bloody war was over. Connie and Nancy thought they might like to work for her charity. ‘That’s if the pay’s right. I’m done with being an angel of mercy. I’m going to line me pockets when I get home and set meself up proper,’ said Connie. Then Nancy had said, ‘Well, I don’t care about money. I just hope there’s a bloke waiting somewhere for me. I’m not for being a spinster. I want a proper life with kids and all of that!’
This had deepened her own feelings of longing: longing for Laurent to get well, longing to be reunited with her little girls and even deeper still, a longing for the day to come when she could marry Laurent and they could adopt the twins and become a proper family, without the scandal of their birth ever getting out.
The ship looked magnificent. A liner, HMS Opulous, had been commandeered as a hospital ship at the beginning of the war and had served well. Her interior still displayed the grandeur of her intended working life, showing the luxury of an age Edith thought would never return.
There had been no objection to Edith travelling with her patient, though settling him in had been taken over by the medical staff, leaving her to wander around the ship and find her cabin. She found that she was sharing with an Irish nurse, a bubbly girl who lifted her spirits. ‘It’s nice to meet you, Doctor. I’m Helen. I’m from Belfast, where it is sure that the girls are all beautiful and the men are as hopeless as the day they were born.’
Laughing out loud, Edith said, ‘Pleased to meet you too. Are you working today?’
‘I am that. I’m on duty in an hour, when we sail. We are doing the first bit in shifts as it is very tiring. The staff who do the reception of the patients need a break as soon as that is done. I’ll be on duty at twelve noon, till we dock in around three hours’ time. We’ll not be far offshore by then.’
‘Well, here’s to a safe crossing.’
Within half an hour Edith was by Laurent’s side again. His face showed the strain of the journey. ‘Try to sleep, darling. It only takes a little under three hours to reach Southampton. Then an ambulance will take you to London. I’ll come to you just as soon as I can.’
The journey had gone without a hitch and Laurent had been made comfortable. It was a wrench to leave him, but Edith had a pressing need: to get to Jimmy’s Hope House and see Ada.
One look at Ada’s face told of bad news. After coming out of her welcome hug, Edith held her at arm’s length and asked, ‘What is it? Has anything happened?’
‘There’s no easy way of telling you, Miss Edith, but they’re gone.’
‘Gone? Gone where?’
‘Eeh, I don’t knaw. Mrs Tolenski told Michael – he’s a bloke as works for Lady Eloise’s charity and speaks languages – that they were planning to go to Poland. But I reckon, with how things are, they would find that an almost impossible task. I’m sorry. I tried to keep them here. I visited them and tried to make friends with Mrs Tolenski, taking her food parcels and gifts for the babbies, but it didn’t make any difference.’
Edith backed onto the chaise longue in the window and plonked herself down. Her legs wouldn’t hold her any longer, as the shock had ricocheted through her. Looking around the office to which she had summoned Ada, it was as if she was looking for something to anchor her, as her body took the full blow of this news.
‘By, I’m reet sorry, Miss Edith. I wish I had different news to tell. I’ve done all I can to find out sommat about where they’ve gone, but those living in the flats the Tolenskis were staying in are a close-knit bunch and no one would tell me owt.’
‘It’s not your fault, Ada. Oh God, my girls – my babies are gone again.’
‘I don’t knaw how you’re to cope with this, Miss Edith, but I do knaw as you can. You’re strong, and you have your young man who needs you.’
‘I won’t cope, Ada – not ever. This pain is too deep ever to be reconciled with. I have no one to turn to. I can’t hire an investigator, for fear of the truth coming out. I can’t go looking myself. Why? Why did they do this? They knew my intentions. They knew I would return. Oh God, it is unbearable.’
Ada’s look of worry deepened. She crossed the room. Somehow it didn’t feel as if she was taking liberties as she sat beside Edith and took her hand. They had shared pain before. They were friends.
There was very little comfort in the gesture, but what little there was Edith would hold on to. She would throw herself into this charity and fighting for the rights of women, a cause still close to her heart; but most of all, she would concentrate her efforts on getting Laurent whole again, and their future together. That would bring her happiness. A marred happiness, but happiness all the same.
Ada, when we are alone, drop my formal address. You are very dear to me and we are friends. You must just remember to use it when we are in company.’
‘Ta, Edith. I can think of nothing better than to have you as me friend – well, except me Joe coming home and us getting married, that is.’
‘I know. We are both suffering in different ways, as most people on Earth are.’
Aye, we’re all in same boat. But we have to find a way of going forward towards the future. What kind of future that’ll be, none of us can knaw, but we have to keep going and to maintain hope.’
‘We do, Ada, we do.’
As Ada left her, Edith leaned back and allowed the tears to flow. It was better to shed them now, and then she could compose herself for her visit to Eloise and Jay’s new town house, and then to her own home. It would be good to be surrounded by those who loved her. From them she would draw strength. She would give all that she could to help others, and more especially to help Laurent recover. As Ada said: they must. She would join the march to the uncertain future. She would have Laurent by her side, and Eloise would walk with Jay. Ada would have her Joe. If God was good, Christian and Douglas would come home and pick up their lives, and life would have some normality and happiness to it.
But she knew she wouldn’t take the road forward as a follower of others; that wasn’t her nature and would leave her too much time to dwell. No, she would be more of a worker for change and would work to shape whatever future they were left with after the war ended. She only hoped it would end in the victory that looked likely, now that the Americans had truly arrived and their full might was behind the rest of the Allies.
Ada hesitated as she left the room, but then decided that Edith needed this time to herself. Eeh, that Kaiser bloke has a lot to answer for. But then this war is meant to end all wars, so if that is achieved, sommat good will have come out of it.
Soon her life would change. Lady Eloise had looked into Beryl being moved nearer and that was now likely. So she’d get a chance to rebuild their relationship, and settle Beryl some. She’d devote her spare time to that. It might even, one day, be possible for Brendan to see his mam. She hoped so, as mams shouldn’t be separated from their young ’uns. The anguished cries she could hear coming from Edith, and her own knowledge of the agony it caused, told her that.
One day soon there would be peace and they could all go about the task of rebuilding their lives and those of others. She couldn’t wait for that day, and neither could she wait to see Joe again. She’d take five minutes to fill in another visitor request form. This would be her fourth request since she last saw him. All these requests had been refused, but she wouldn’t give up. None of them could ever do that . . .