Chapter Two

Breathe

Finn called the very next day.

Marissa was still a bit hung over, she and Fred had finished off the bottle of Jameson’s and fell asleep watching Eighties’ sitcoms. When she woke up, she went home to check on Grandma and take a shower. That’s when the phone rang.

She took the call, wrapped in a towel. They agreed that they would meet on Monday afternoon at Caffé Argine, a small Italian-style coffee bistro near her house. As luck would have it, Finn was staying with his grandfather not even five minutes from Marissa’s neighborhood.

“Small world,” he had said, and she agreed.

Determined to not let anxiety take over, Marissa busied herself with the plants in the backyard. One of the things she loved about her grandmother's house was the backyard. The house was a deceptively large Tudor style home, built in the thirties. It was one-and-a-half stories, and Marissa had the entire upstairs suite to herself. But the backyard was a showpiece of plants, trees, and flowers leading down to a small stream that ran in back.

It was early January, so there wasn’t a whole lot to be done, but she checked over all of them for signs of frostbite anyway. Florida winters were tricky, and one day of seventy-degree weather could be followed by two or three days in the thirties, so the poor plants became a little bi-polar.

“It’s not like I am anti-romance,” she explained to the Reblooming Weigela as she examined its stalks for signs of frost bite. “My problem has always been that I fall too deep, too quickly. And then I get my heart broken. I always gave my trust too easily. I was naive. Well, never again for me. I promised Fred that I would go out with this guy, and I will. Once. But it is just a coffee, and that’s it. We will enjoy an afternoon and then walk away. No harm, no foul. No hurt feelings. Everything will go back to normal.”

“Who are you talking to?” Gayle, Marissa’s mom, appeared at the back door carrying a glass of iced tea for each of them.

Marissa jumped. “Oh, just talking to the plants.”

“Oh? Well, your grandmother is trying to move the furniture again.” Gayle set the glasses on the patio table.

“I don’t even want to ask,” Marissa sat back on her heels and stretched her back. Grandma was always trying to move the furniture around, even though she was eighty-nine and frail. The whole reason Marissa moved in five years ago was because her grandmother had broken her back in three places while trying to move the sofa bed by herself.

“I stopped her,” Gayle told her. “She's watching TV now. What are you doing out here? It’s cold.”

“Just making sure the plants didn’t freeze last week.” Marissa stood up, groaning as she did.

Gayle laughed. “Marissa, you act like you're as old as your grandma. She wants to act fifty years younger, and you want to act fifty years older! I don’t know what I am going to do with the pair of you!”

They sat down together at the table and sipped their tea. “Well, I guess we balance each other out! And I don’t want to act fifty years older. I’ll have you know I have a date on Monday.”

“With who? Fred?” She arched her brow.

Marissa was reminded that she inherited her sarcasm from her mother. She laughed. “No. Not Fred. It’s a guy I met at the restaurant last night. He is new in town and asked me to show him around.”

“Is he good looking?”

“He is better than average.” Yes, he’s the most gorgeous man I have ever laid eyes on, and I am terrified.

“Is he picking you up here?”

“No. I am meeting him somewhere public. And I am not telling you where, because I don’t want anyone accidentally showing up.”

Gayle gave her a conspicuous look. “Fine, then I won’t ask. But you be careful.”

“You know I will.”

* * *

They had agreed to meet at two o’clock. That felt like a safe time for Marissa. It was mid-afternoon, plenty of hours before dark, and most people would be at work. That meant fewer people around to watch her bomb out on the first date she had been on in over ten years. Jesus, has it really been that long? she asked herself. Yep, it really had. She had divorced Mark just after her thirty-sixth birthday. Since then, she hadn’t even thought about dating. She had been working, taking care of family, basically just living her life day-to-day, and romance had never figured into it.

She changed clothes three times. It was cool enough out for a jacket, so she decided to go with the white-pants-beige-suede ensemble that was comfortable yet semi-stylish. She painted her nails. She shaved her legs. She went through all the motions that she could remember from back when this was a daily routine in her life.

She sat in her car a full ten minutes before she started the engine. Damnit, she was nervous, and she hated feeling that way.

She saw him as soon as she turned into the parking lot. He was sitting at one of the outside tables, and there was a girl (who looked to be in her twenties) standing by his table talking to him. She wore a mini skirt with tights, boots to her knees, and a tight sweater. She was laughing and flipping her hair. Finn said something and she leaned down and touched his arm.

Marissa instantly felt territorial. That little girl was flirting with her date! All nerves tossed aside, she parked the car and walked towards them.

Finn spotted her immediately, and his smile changed from polite to genuine.

“Ah. There is herself now,” he said and stood up.

“Hi Finn,” Marissa said as she approached.

He reached out and took her hand, “Judy here was just telling me about a park around the corner where we could feed the ducks.”

“Um, it’s Julie. My name is Julie,” the girl said flatly, clearly disappointed by Marissa’s arrival.

“Oh, is it, darlin’? I’m so sorry. Julie.” He looked at Marissa, “Maybe we could start our tour there, after our coffee.”

“Yes, maybe we could, right now I am craving some caffeine,” she squeezed Finn’s hand, “It was nice meeting you Judy. I mean Julie.” She smiled warmly. Nothing like a cat fight to banish the butterflies!

“Yeah. Nice to meet you too. Bye, Finn,” Julie said as she turned and walked slowly away.

“I could do with one of those scones I saw someone carrying out a few moments ago, how ‘bout you?” He asked as he opened the door for her and escorted her in, never giving Julie a second glance.

* * *

“Are you sure you’re not too cold, sitting out here?” he asked her.

“No, I’m very comfortable,” she assured him. They had ordered their pastries and coffee and decided to sit outside facing the garden. During the spring and summer, it would be bursting with flowery color, but today it was just greenery and twinkling lights. The temperature was in the high sixties and there was a slightly cool breeze, but since both of them were wearing leather jackets and boots, the air felt perfect.

Marissa was amazed at Finn's ability to put her at ease. Her nerves were mostly gone, and she felt like she was having coffee with a good friend. A good and gorgeous friend with a very sexy accent who placed all his undivided attention squarely on her. Her confidence soared.

“So, what do you think about strolling through that park?” he asked.

The park. Marissa knew exactly what Judy/Julie had been trying to do. “Oh, I don’t know if we’re ready for that park, yet. Duval Park is just a few streets away. But it is a notorious make-out spot.” she told him. Did she just say yet?

His eyes twinkled. “Oh, you don’t say? Tell me, now.”

She laughed at the funny face he was making. “It’s true. Many a’ good girl has lost her virginity in Duval Park.” Did she just say virginity? Good Lord, somebody stop me!

“Well, then, perhaps we will save that for another day,” he told her with a hint of promise.

She felt a jolt of electricity shoot straight up inside her that she hadn’t felt in quite a while. She tried to mask it with a sip of coffee. “But maybe, if you’re up for it, we could go to the Riverwalk. There is usually a lot of activity there after five o’clock. Lots of sidewalk musicians and artists, things like that.”

“Well that sounds like a whale of a time,” he told her. “But I’m in no hurry. I like it here, where I have you all to meself.”

She swallowed. Hard.

“It is pretty here. In the spring these bushes will be bursting with flowers.” She tried to guide the conversation to more emotionally neutral ground.

“Aye, I can see it now. There is a bougainvillea, a banana shrub, a cluster of dombeya, firespike, and gardenia…”

“Wow! You know your flowers!” she said. Even though she knew the species of the flowers in her backyard, she couldn't identify anything else on sight.

“Aye. I studied botany at uni. I could impress you with the Latin binomials if you want.”

He has an undergrad degree in environmental science from Trinity College. She remembered the other night, reading his resume with Fred, and felt guilty. She felt like she had been invading his privacy. “Oh, you’ve impressed me already. I enjoy gardening in my backyard, but all I see here is a bunch of green shrubs.”

“Awwww…no, lass. You have to look deeper, see the potential that is waiting inside.” He looked into her eyes. “Don’t you think?”

“Y--yes. That is a pretty good philosophy.”

“So, which is your favorite? Of the flowers?”

“Gardenia,” she replied without hesitation. “I like tulips, too. But for some reason, I have always loved the gardenias.”

“The symbol of a pure soul,” he said and chuckled. “Sorry, the university taught me the science, but my gran taught me the mystery.”

Don’t fall for him, Marissa. You. WILL NOT. Fall. For this guy. In the past. that was just the kind of line that could push her over the edge. “Your gran?” she asked.

“My mother’s mother. She would say that the wee folk showed you the gardenia because it matches your spirit.”

“Wow! I like her already. And you are here visiting your grandfather?”

“Aye. My father’s father. Sadly, the only family I have left is my Gran and my sister back home. My only other living relative is Grandda. When he called and said that his health was bad, I decided to come over and visit with him, while I had the chance.”

“That’s great, Finn. I’m sure he appreciates the visit.”

“Oh, and he’d better. When I got here his health is fine. He’ll probably outlive meself.”

Marissa laughed. “He was lying?!”

“Yes, the old goat. He just wanted me to come over. It’s okay, though. The visit is turning out even better than I expected.” He flashed another beautiful smile.

“And how long will you stay?” That was the most important question.

“I have a visa for six months.”

“Your job doesn’t mind you being gone that long?” Oops, I’m not supposed to know about his job. Damn, gotta be more careful.

“No, they don’t mind. I can do my work from anywhere.”

“What do you do?”

“Well, that is less interesting. I am a software engineer. A computer nerd, Americans would say.”

“A computer nerd who knows that gardenias symbolize a pure soul. That is definitely not un-interesting.” She told him.

He almost blushed. “Enough about me. I want to hear all about yourself,” he said.

“Oh, there isn’t much to tell. I studied Psychology in college, but last year I went back to school to get a master’s degree in Mythology and Folklore. I’ll be finished with that degree in about six months, I just need to complete my thesis. Then I don’t know what I’ll do next.”

“Then you would love it in Eire. There’s plenty of folklore to study there. What is the topic of your thesis?”

“A comparative study of the folklore of different regions. I am spotlighting the similarities in myth around the world and then comparing the differences. I would love to travel to Ireland and collect some folklore first-hand. It would be intriguing to hear the tales as they are told today.”

“Sure, and my Gran would talk your ears off! She claims to know the personal names of all the wee folk that live in the bog. She could tell you some stories, I’m sure.”

“I’d love to hear them!”

“What else, then?”

“Huh?” Marissa said.

“You’re often studyin’ and what else?”

“Well….I do a little bit of freelance editing. For fiction. And I take care of my grandmother.”

“Do you now?”

“Yes.”

“And how is she farin’?”

“Grandma? Oh, she’s fine. She’s very stubborn, willful, she has COPD but smokes like a chimney, has osteoporosis but loves to climb ladders, that sort of thing.” Marissa smiled.

“Och. She is a pistol, then.”

She laughed. “Yeah. She’s a pistol.”

“So you are close to your family, then. Do you come from a big family?”

“Not immediate family, no. I have one younger brother. He is married with three kids. Then there’s my mom, her sister, and Grandma. My dad passed away a few years ago.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to be hearing’ it. My parents passed on a long time ago. It is just me, my sister, and Gran. And Grandda, of course.”

“And your cousin Phil,” Marissa reminded him.

“Ack. Who could forget Phil? He is a good egg, really, don’t know him well. I just met him last week, when I arrived here. He and his wife are a little older, but they seem like good people.”

A little older? “How old are they?” she asked.

“Close to fifty, I guess.” He told her.

And there it was.

She didn’t respond right away. She wasn’t sure how to respond. Should she just go ahead and tell him her age, so that it could all be over, and she could go home? Should she ask him how old he was, how old he thought she was? What to do?

At that exact moment, a small screech owl landed on their table. She cocked her head, looked at each of them in turn, then she picked up what was left of Marissa’s cinnamon roll, and flew away.

“Can you believe that?” Marissa asked, astonished.

“Well,” he said, “Gran would say that the owl is a holder of secrets, and that herself there has agreed to keep your secrets safe.”

“Why does it have to be my secret? Why not yours?” she asked playfully.

“Well, it was your dessert she ran off with.”

She looked at him dubiously and saw the sincerity in his eyes. Was the Universe trying to send her a message? Hold your tongue, the Universe seemed to say.

Marissa decided to let the age issues drop for the day.

* * *

“Is that you, Finn?” Jack McKenna called from his armchair when he heard the front door open.

“Yes, Grandda, tis only me,” Finn hung the keys to the rental car on the hook by the door and went into the den to see his grandfather.

He felt as if he were walking on air. What an afternoon! Marissa had turned out to be exactly what he expected and more. He was a little surprised with himself, the way he talked with her about his family. He never talked about his Gran or Grandda to anyone except those who knew them personally. But with Marissa, his eccentric family secrets just spilled out of him. And she not only listened, but responded! She had delighted in his recounting of Gran’s heretical stories and Grandda’s infamous stunts. She didn’t judge, she appreciated.

“What’s wrong with you, boy? Have you been dipping in my whiskey?” Jack took one look at the goofy grin plastered on his grandson’s face and assumed he’d been drinking.

Finn laughed, loudly. “No, Grandda. I’ve not had a drop. And besides, if I wanted a drink, I don’t need your whiskey. I am thirty-eight years old; I have my own whiskey.” His Grandda seemed to forget that he was a grown man now, not the fifteen-year-old he had been when Jack immigrated to America.

“You do?” Jack looked at him, “Where is it then?”

“I’m not tellin’ ya, old man. Have you had your dinner?”

“Naw. Did you?”

“No, I haven’t eaten yet. Why don’t I see if I can throw something together for us, then?”

“Just make sure it's fitting to eat.”

Finn went into the kitchen to cook dinner, leaving Jack in the den to watch Wheel of Fortune.

* * *

Marissa sat at her vanity staring at her cellphone. She dreaded calling Fred to give a report on her afternoon with Finn. She had spoken to him last night when he called to let her know he had made it home safely, and his last words had been to remind her to call him the minute the date was over.

How could she tell him that she had one of the best dates of her life and that she didn't intend to ever see him again? Fred would argue; he would cajole. He would accuse her of breaking her promise. She would become defensive. He would become sarcastic. Why bother?

She applied her Estée Lauder Revitalizing Supreme Plus all over her face and neck, her skin drinking it in like a sponge. "They are older...close to fifty..." He had said. Maybe it was better that he had made that comment. It was a death knell to any of her burgeoning fantasies, solidly grounding her in reality. She was too old for him.

Never mind Fred, how was she going to tell Finn? She had told him that she had a good time (which she did) and that she would call him (which she wouldn't). Was that enough? If she didn't call him, wouldn't he just get the hint and move on? Maybe he could find Julie.

That was the wrong line of thinking because jealousy started rolling up from her stomach. "Stop it, Marissa," she told her reflection in the Victorian cherry-wood vanity mirror. "You can't dump him and then be jealous when he dates someone else."

But the thought of those blue eyes looking at someone else, and that soft voice whispering in another woman's ear made her blood boil. But you know he's a great guy, and he deserves to find a great girl.... Yeah, but not Julie. Some other girl, maybe, back in Ireland. Far, far away.... Great. Now I am arguing with myself.

"Aaargh!" she threw herself face down on the bed and listened to the soft “Whoooo, woooo” of the owl in the tree branches outside her window.

Why all this angst over a future that does not exist? He will leave the country in six months. Forget about the long-term and focus on the short-term.

Marissa lifted her head. Wait--that made sense. She rolled over on her back to stare at the ceiling fan, letting this new logical argument take shape.

You are in the perfect situation. There is no possibility of a future, and you know that up front. There is nothing to mess up, nothing to misconstrue. Use this opportunity. Enjoy yourself with no reservations, no judgements. Just exhale and let go.

Where was all this wisdom twenty years ago? Was it possible to date Finn while keeping a safe emotional distance? Yes, she believed she could, if she stayed vigilant. Why not? Other people did it all the time. Casual dating, there was nothing wrong with that.

She picked up her phone and texted Finn.

- Had a really good time today. Thanks again. (Smiley face)

A reply dinged her phone immediately.

- Me too. When can I be seein' yourself again? (Smiley face with heart-shaped eyes)

- Friday?

- 7:00?

- See you then.

She texted him her address, put her phone down and smiled. She could do this.