Chapter Seven

Stuck in a Moment You Can't Get Out Of

“What time were we supposed to be there?” Jack asked from the backseat of Finn’s rental car.

“Phil said to come around seven pm, Grandda. We are not going to be late.”

“Well, I have never been late to nothing in my life. If I have to go, I am not gonna show up late. It’s just plain rude,” he grumbled to himself.

Finn rolled his eyes at Marissa seated next to him. “We won’t be late,” he repeated.

“Is the wind too much on you, Jack? Are you okay back there?” Marissa asked. It was early March, and since the weather had warmed up again, they had left the top down on the BMW 430i convertible.

“Aw, this wind ain’t showin’ me nothing. I’ve stood on the rolling deck of a schooner in the middle of a hurricane…”

Finn just rolled his eyes again and shook his head silently, and Marissa giggled, knowing it was just another one of the old man’s tall stories. The three of them had been invited to Cousin Phil’s house for dinner, and Jack was reluctant to go. He said that Phil and Betty’s house was always one hundred degrees inside, and he didn’t want to miss the latest episode of Dr. Pol on Animal Planet. Finn insisted Jack come along, thinking he would give them an excuse to leave early. Finn won the argument.

“And how is Phil related to you, again? How is he your cousin?” Marissa asked.

“Technically he is not related to me by blood, only marriage,” Finn answered her quietly, hoping Jack couldn’t hear. “He is Penny’s son. Grandda’s second wife. I’m not really sure how we started referring to him as Cousin Phil.”

“Oh, I see,” she said.

“I’ve only met him a few times. And I’ve never met Betty before at all.”

“Well, then,” she muttered, “This is gonna be a fun evening.” She leaned her head back against the headrest and watched the town fly past.

Phil and Betty lived across town in a once affluent neighborhood that had decayed into middle-class hell. Their previously up-scale five-bedroom ranch house needed painting, and the rose bushes along the walkway needed pruning.

“Hello! Come in!” Betty answered the door wearing a pink dress and an apron, She held a whisk in her hand. “You’ll have to excuse the mess. The grandkids are here, so there is a little bit of chaos at the moment.”

They were ushered into the den, where Phil was sitting in an overstuffed recliner, reading a newspaper. The floor was strewn with toys—action figures and toy cars, children’s books, a plastic gun and foam darts, there was a Barbie’s Beach House set up in the corner of the room with all its accoutrements.

“Phil!” Betty exclaimed, “I asked you to have these toys put away before seven!”

Phil replied from behind his newspaper, “Why bother? They’ll just pull them all out again…”

Betty cleared her throat in a threatening manner, and Phil looked up from behind the paper.

“Oh! Jack! Finn! You’re here!” He got up to shake their hands. “Marissa, so good to see you!” He placed a quick peck on her cheek, and then had the sense to look sheepish. “Please excuse all this mess. The grandchildren, you know…” He looked around the room, seeing it through the eyes of his guests.

“Oh, it’s fine,” Marissa offered, “I have two nephews and a niece. I understand.”

Phil smiled, grateful for the comment.

Betty sighed. “Can I offer any of you a drink? Dinner should be ready in about fifteen minutes.”

“I’ll take a whiskey,” Jack said as he moved a coloring book and settled down on the deep sofa.

“I’ll take care of them, Betty. You just make sure the roast doesn’t burn.” Phil was making his way to the wet bar on the other side of the den.

A high-pitched squeal erupted from somewhere inside the house and grew quickly and steadily louder as it neared the den. In less than a second (which seemed to Marissa like an eternity), a little girl came running into the room.

“Grrrandpaaaa,” the little girl whined as she ran to Phil.

“Oh, my goodness, what is the matter, Princess? What could be so terrible?” He picked her up and wiped her teary eyes.

“Bobby said he was gonna put a sp-sp-spider in my bed-d-d,” her sobs and sniffing were desolate.

“Well, now,” Phil sat down on the opposite end of the sofa from Jack, with the six-year-old girl still in his arms. “If he did that, then we would have to put a snake in his, wouldn’t we?”

“Would we?” She sniffed again, but her face brightened.

“Oh, I think we would have to...”

“Grandpa, whatever she is saying is not true! I didn’t do nothing,” a boy, who looked to be around age eight, entered the room.

“You two need to calm down before you wake up your sister. You haven’t even said hello to our guests,” Phil said.

The kids looked around, noticing Jack, Finn and Marissa for the first time.

Finn waved at them, and the girl buried her head against Phil’s chest.

“Hello,” the boy said.

“This is Bobby, and this shy little girl is Danielle,” Phil beamed. He looked down at Danielle. “You remember Great-Grandpa Jack, don’t you? This is his grandson Finn, and Finn’s friend, Marissa.”

“Hello,” Danielle murmured into Phil’s neck.

“So, where was that drink?” Jack interjected.

“Oh, yes…sorry…here, Danielle, you sit right here, and Grandpa will be right back.” He sat the child down on the couch and she immediately scrambled to the farthest corner of the cushions.

Marissa smiled at her. “Is that a coloring book you have there?” she asked. “I love to color.”

“You do?” Danielle asked.

“Sure. I color all the time.”

The child slid off the couch and walked over to Marissa with the coloring book. “This is what I drew today,” she said, turning to a page in the middle of the book.

“Oh wow! That’s really pretty! What’s that under that tree? Is it a rabbit?” Marissa was able to draw the girl out of her shell and within minutes, Danielle had crawled into her lap with the book and a box of crayons.

 

Finn watched Marissa as she talked to the little girl. Here was yet another side of her that he had never seen. She would make a great mother, he realized, and immediately felt the old pull that he had buried years ago. Don’t go there, his internal voice cautioned.

Bobby sat in the middle of the floor next to his Hot Wheels racetrack, ignoring everyone else. He reminded Finn a little of himself at that age, a loner with a spoiled little sister—at least that’s how his eight-year-old brain would have viewed it. His sister Fiona was two years younger than he, and as children they would have acted the same way these two were acting now. The older brothers always got less attention than their cute younger sisters.

Finn surreptitiously retrieved the toy gun and a foam dart from the floor at his feet. He took aim and shot it at Bobby, hitting him in the leg.

Bobby jumped and looked over at Finn, and Finn smiled.

“Can you hit the bull’s eye?” Bobby asked, pointing to a target that was taped to the far wall.

“Let's find out!” Finn laughed.

Marissa sat on the floor at the coffee table, coloring with Danielle. She watched how easily Finn had brought Bobby out of his shell and made friends. He would make a great father, she said to herself.

“Dinner’s ready.” Betty appeared in the entryway.

“I want to sit next to Marissa!” Danielle said.

“I want to sit next to Finn!” Bobby said.

Marissa and Finn smiled at each other and shrugged.

Dinner was pot roast with mashed potatoes and brussels sprouts. The children, now comfortable with their dinner guests, carried the conversation. The topics mostly centered around Ireland, and what it was like in a different country.

Marissa listened to Finn tell stories about his youth, and his sister when they were growing up. He had Jack’s natural gift for storytelling, so the adults were just as enamored as the children. She took the opportunity to observe both Phil and Betty. Finn had once described them as “older, almost fifty,” and she had secretly made the comparison to her own age.

Is this how he views a fifty-year-old? she wondered. Grandparents living in a worn-down house in a worn-down neighborhood. Is this how he would see me if he knew my age? She watched Finn interacting with the two kids. He looked so happy, so full of energy. I can’t give him children, she reminded herself, damning the flush of heat that was beginning to spread through her. Not now, stupid hormones, she thought.

They made it through dinner and was enjoying a cup of coffee at the dining table when a baby’s cry floated down the hallway.

“Oh, that’ll be the baby awake from her nap,” Betty said as she got up from the table. “Excuse me, I’ll just be a moment.”

“There’s another one?” Jack asked.

Marissa giggled at Jack’s forthright manner.

“The baby Chloe is two months old,” Phil explained. “I don’t think you’ve ever had the chance to meet her, Jack.”

“No,” Jack said, “I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure.” His tone was flat.

Betty returned with a small baby wrapped in a pink blanket. “At least she let us finish our dinner.” She laughed as she sat down.

“Oh, how precious,” Marissa said, because that is what people always said about babies.

“Here, would you mind holding her for just a minute while I go warm her bottle?”

“Me? Oh, um, I…I don’t know.” Alarm bells started ringing in Marissa’s head.

“Oh nonsense! You won’t break her. Here, it will be just a minute.” With no further ado, Betty placed the baby in Marissa’s arms before she could find an excuse not to accept it.

She looked down at the baby. She was pretty, with a chubby little face and a sprinkling of thin blonde hair. Contrary to stereotype, Marissa had never really been fond of babies. She and her ex-husband had never had children, and for that she had always been grateful. Now at age forty-six, menopause was knocking at her door and she knew she would never have any. It had never bothered her until she saw the way Finn lit up around Phil and Betty’s grandchildren. How badly did he want children of his own?

The ride home was quiet as each of them were lost in their own thoughts.

Finally, Jack said, “It’s not that I don’t like the wee ones, ya know. I just don’t think they should be allowed to rule the house. All those toys everywhere, and everyone trying to comfort them and mollify them. Did you notice during all of dinner no one could have a conversation because the little ones were busy asking too many questions? Children should be seen and not heard. That’s how it was in my day.”

“You’ve been holding that in for a while, huh?” Marissa turned in her seat to look at Jack.

“Humpf,” was his reply.

* * *

“I want it to go on record that I emphatically oppose this, Marissa. You are making a mistake,” Fred was pleading with her on a video call.

“It’s not what I want either, Fred. But it is what I have to do,” she replied. “I just don’t see any other choice. Sometimes loving someone means letting them go.”

Marissa had agonized all the way home from Phil’s house. But in her gut and in her heart, she knew she had to end things with Finn. She had to give him his freedom before things went any further.

“But you said you are in love with him,” Fred reasoned.

“I am. But I have to break up with him before he falls in love with me. I know you don’t like it when I say this, but: I am too old for him, Fred. He deserves a younger woman. One who can give him a brood of children. If you could have seen him tonight, playing with those kids…” Her voice caught in her throat, and she swallowed hard, to try to clear the lump that was settled there. “The only way I can give him that is to let him find someone else.”

“That is not the only way. The two of you could adopt, or find a surrogate, you could foster some kids who need a home. There are lots of ways to build a family, Mars. You don’t have to choose the nuclear option.”

“Fred, I am not arguing this. My mind is made up. He needs to be set free so that he can find a woman that can give him a family. Finn and I are over and that is that. I just have to find a way to tell him.”

* * *

“Your lady looked awful pretty playing with those kids,” Jack said to his grandson.

“My lady always looks pretty,” Finn retorted.

“She looked like a natural mother,” Jack said.

“Grandda, whatever you’re hinting at, just say it.”

“Have you told her you can’t have kids?” Jack asked.

“No, it hasn’t really come up.”

“Don’t you think it’s time maybe it did?”

“Why? Why are you bringing this up?” Finn was becoming defensive. He had been battling the same thought all the way home.

“I see you two together. I watch the two of ye, and I see how serious things are getting. And I saw her tonight looking at those kids like she was seeing her own future. She needs to know, Finn. You owe her the truth before things go any farther.”

“What am I supposed to say? ‘Oh, sweetling, by the way, I had the mumps when I was twelve and I’m shooting blanks now.’?”

“Well, that is one way to go. Don’t know if I’d do it quite like that.”

Finn stared at the TV. His sterility was a topic he didn’t discuss with anyone. He accepted the fact that he couldn’t father children, thought he had made peace with it years ago. But he could never shake the feeling that it made him less of a man. That thought he kept buried deep inside, and never looked at.

But Grandda was right. Marissa did have a right to know, if they were going to have any future together. And he wanted a future with her desperately.

“Alright. I’ll talk to her about it,” he capitulated.

“You need to do it soon,” Jack said gently.