Chapter Eighteen

When Ally awoke on Christmas morning, Noel’s side of the bed was empty. She figured that her soon-to-be ex-roommate had slept on the couch downstairs. Noel worried that baby Chelsea’s late-night feedings would keep Ally awake, but Ally didn’t mind. Having the baby around was comforting, and she loved the moments when she got to cradle little Chelsea Rose.

She lay in bed and tried to focus. It was Christmas Day. Travel day. Time to go home, though there was no relief in that. Only dread. She was at least glad the plane was heading back to L.A. Better to face the music sooner than later. When she was with Tina the night before, Tina had gotten a text that the plane was scheduled to leave at two in the afternoon. Ally had sixty days to figure something out before she was locked out of the studio she’d worked so hard to build. She rolled over in bed and sat up so she could see out the window. The sun was up and shining brightly through the pane. She glanced at the clock on the bedside table. It was just after nine. She still had a good five hours before her flight home. She lay back down for another moment, gathering her thoughts, and then rolled out of bed.

Ally lingered in the shower, letting the hot water roll down her face and body. She was going to miss that shower, that room and house, and the feelings of tranquility and serenity she’d had in Bethlehem. She thought of Jake again and felt a deep regret for the pain she knew she’d caused him. It’s for his own good, she told herself as she turned off the water.

And she almost believed it.

Ally heard the voices as she came out of the guest room and started for the stairs. She was dressed and packed to go. She’d even checked under the bed. The mix of voices that drifted up from the living room weren’t totally familiar. She recognized Noel’s and Peggy’s, but there was a man’s voice she couldn’t quite place, though it was familiar.

“Ally!” Noel jumped up as Ally came around the corner into Peggy’s living room. “I’ve been waiting for you to come down! You’ll never believe what happened!” Noel gave Ally a hug and then led her over to where a short, stubble-faced, balding man was sitting on the couch cradling baby Chelsea. Nearby, sitting in a chair in front of the fireplace, was a young man who looked to be in his late twenties. He had a cup of coffee in hand and was wearing a white dress shirt with a gold bowtie hanging loosely around his neck. He stood up when he saw Ally. Ally looked at the man holding Chelsea and smiled.

“Brian,” she said. She knew him right away. He started to stand up. “No, it’s fine,” Ally said. “You’ve got Chelsea Rose. I’ve heard so much about you, I feel like I know you.” What in the world is he doing here? Ally wondered. And how did he get here?

“Same here,” Brian said. “Ally Ally Ally is all my NoNo ever talks about.” NoNo? Ally thought. Cute nickname. Ally was still confused at the surreal scene. How did this happen?

“So, I have to ask,” Ally said, “how in the world did you get here?”

“Well,” Noel said, “you’ll never believe it.” At that moment, Peggy came in from the kitchen. She had a replacement bottle for the baby.

“Oh, Ally. There you are,” Peggy said. “I made you breakfast.”

“So, Peggy,” Noel said, “Ally wants to know how Brian got here.”

“That’s right,” Ally said. “Unless it was a Christmas miracle. Then it requires no explanation.”

“I suppose it was something of a miracle,” Peggy said. “That’s where Patrick comes in. He drove Brian out all the way from New Jersey. Patrick, say hello to Ally.” They all looked at the young man now standing in front of the fireplace.

“Hello,” he said. He was formal and reserved.

“Hello, Patrick,” Ally said. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” Patrick said and then sat back down. Ally wondered about the quasi-uniform he was wearing. Was he a friend of Brian’s, a relative?

“Come outside with me,” Peggy said. “And I’ll show you.”

Still puzzled, Ally followed Peggy out on the front porch. There was a long black car parked just on the other side of the gate. What in the world is a stretch limousine doing in Bethlehem? she thought. She looked at Peggy, who could obviously see the confused expression on her face.

“Jake,” Peggy said. “Patrick is a driver for Gold Star Limousines. He picked up Brian in New Jersey in the wee hours of yesterday morning and drove for some thirty hours straight to get him here in time for Noel and Brian to spend Christmas morning together. It was Jake’s Christmas present to them.”

“Wow,” Ally said. “That’s…that’s some gift.” She felt a welling up of joy flow through her. It was the most thoughtful gift she’d ever heard of, and it could only come from a man with a good and selfless heart.

“Yes,” Peggy said. She rested a hand on Ally’s arm. “That’s just Jake.”

“So, Brian’s going back on the plane, too?” Ally asked. “Will there be room?”

“Oh, no,” Peggy said. “Noel, Brian, and the baby are staying here through New Year’s, then Jake will take them to Denver to catch their flight home.”

“Oh,” Ally said. “Wow. That’s great.”

“And we all sure wish you’d do the same,” Peggy said. “Christmas is a time to spend with the ones you love,” she said. “And we all love you, Ally.”

Ally felt her eyes moisten. How very tempting it sounded—spending an old-fashioned Christmas and New Year’s in Bethlehem. But she knew she had to get home. She had to find a way to get her life back on track, and she knew she could never be worthy of a man like Jake until she did.

“Thank you, Peggy. But I just can’t. I’ve got to go back to L.A. When that plane leaves this afternoon, I need to be on it.”

Peggy took Ally’s hand and squeezed it. “I understand.” Peggy turned and headed back inside, leaving Ally on the porch alone. Ally stepped down into the yard and noticed that the snow from the night before had blanketed the yard and hedges and parked cars with a couple inches of fresh Christmas white. But the sun was out, and she could tell it was warming up. She was in her favorite dark gray turtleneck and really didn’t feel all that cold. She headed down the walk and through the gate. There were New York plates on the long black car, and she could see “Gold Star Limos” on the license plate frame. She looked across the street to Jake’s house, wondering what in the world a limo ride like that must have cost him. Then again, he did start the company, so he probably got a pretty good deal.

…

Standing next to his Christmas tree by his living room window, Jake could see Ally outside, lingering by the limousine and glancing over at his house. She appeared to be waiting for something. Does she want to see me? Jake wanted to go out, but he wasn’t sure. She’d made her feelings clear the night before at the Christmas Eve Dance. What he thought they had, the connection he was sure of, was nothing to her. He’d just been a placeholder until it was time to go home. He swallowed. He wasn’t entirely sure he believed that. What if she was just lying to save face? What if she was afraid to get close, just like he was? He watched for a moment longer, then headed to the kitchen. Moments like this call for some hot cocoa, he thought.

“Merry Christmas.”

Ally had just started back in and turned at the sound of Jake’s voice. The way she looked in her jeans and a tight-fitting sweater made his heart kick into high gear. Man, she’s beautiful, he thought.

She smiled when she saw him. “Merry Christmas to you, too.”

“Hot cocoa?” Jake asked. “Microwaved it myself.”

“Sounds good,” Ally said. Ally came through Peggy’s gate to meet him halfway. Jake pretended to hand her the mug in his left hand, but then changed his mind and gave her the one in his right.

Ally laughed. “What, did you spike that one?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Jake said, “with a little peppermint schnapps.”

Ally smiled as she took a sip. “Wow. Very chocolatey. But good.”

“I put in two packs,” Jake said. They stood silently sipping for a moment. What’s left to say? Jake thought. Do words really matter anymore? For a moment, he wondered if maybe he should just turn around and go back.

“Listen,” Ally said, “I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you last night. The eviction news really threw me for a loop because the studio was all I had left. That was my way out. My chance to try and rebuild.”

“You okay?” Jake asked.

“Yes. No. I’m not sure. Looks like Tim stopped paying the studio rent several months back. It’s obvious he’d been planning his little elopement for a while.”

“I’m so sorry,” Jake said.

“It’s just one more thing I have to deal with,” Ally said. “Another reason I really need to get back to L.A.” Ally nodded to the long black car. “So, the limo,” she said. “That was some Christmas present.”

“Yeah,” Jake said. “I was just trying to impress you.”

She laughed. “Well, it worked.”

“That’s your ride to the airport,” Jake said. “He’ll take you whenever you’re ready.”

Ally smiled. “Thanks. That’s very thoughtful.” But I’d much rather you take me, she thought with a twinge of disappointment.

“Sure beats my pickup truck,” Jake said.

“I don’t know,” Ally said. “I think you’ve got a pretty sweet ride.”

“You sure you don’t want to stick around for Mom’s Christmas dinner?” Jake asked. “It really is something to behold.”

“Oh, I’m sure it is,” Ally said. “But, somehow, I don’t think the plane’s going to wait for me.” Ally looked at him, and Jake wondered what her eyes were trying to tell him, if anything. Tell her you care about her, he ordered himself. Just say it. What have you got to lose now? Jake flashed back to his mother’s words.

Do you tell her and risk your heart, or do you keep it to yourself and live with knowing you could have had true love…for the second time in your life? So, all you need to know is one simple thing. Do you love her?

“So,” Ally said, breaking the awkward silence, “I think I’m going to finish getting ready.”

“Sure,” Jake said, tipping his mug at her. “Probably won’t see you before you go. I need to head down to the diner, handle a few things.” Jake could tell from the look on her face that she didn’t believe him for a second.

“Okay,” Ally said. She took one last sip of cocoa and handed him her mug. “Merry Christmas, Jake.” She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him, whispering in his right ear. “Thanks for everything.” She broke away quickly and stepped back from him. Tell her, you idiot, Jake urged himself. Don’t just let her walk away. But, instead, he just kept his cool like Ally Henderson was some casual acquaintance he’d run into at the post office or the drugstore.

“Merry Christmas, Ally. Have a good flight home and…good luck.”

“Thank you,” Ally said and turned and headed back to Peggy’s.

Jake watched her go and let out a painful breath he didn’t know he was holding. She stopped just inside the gate, and Jake thought she might turn back to look at him one last time. Instead, she just headed up the walk and disappeared inside. Jake stood for a moment, looking at his mother’s house. The old pain of loss welled up again in his gut.

You never should have let your guard down, he chastised himself. Then, he thought of a holiday movie he’d recently streamed where the man ran through the airport terminal and stopped the woman he loved just as she was about to board her flight. It was in those days before 9/11 when you could still do those sorts of scenes. With everyone watching, he convinced his love not to get on that plane—to stay…and have a cup of coffee with him.

If only life was like a movie, Jake thought. He knew he’d never find the right words to stop Ally from getting on that plane. He knew he’d never be able to tell her how he truly felt about her. And then he again thought of Kate, and the feeling that had kept him awake at night in the days and weeks after her death. It was regret that had him staring at the ceiling in his bedroom and a burning wish that he could somehow go back, back to the last moments of her life and have five minutes. Just five minutes to hold her hand and tell Kate how much she meant to him, how her being in his life had made everything so much sweeter, had made him feel as if he’d been gifted some extraordinary treasure, even if he was only able to hold that treasure for one fleeting moment. Jake’s deep pain at losing Kate was made all the more agonizing by the fact he had never truly said goodbye. He had never gotten the chance to say Thank you for being in my life.

And now Ally was leaving him, and, unlike with Kate, he knew the day and hour of her departure. Yet, despite having experienced the pain of regret, he still didn’t have the courage to tell her how he felt, to say those three simple and deeply profound little words. I love you.