“I think one of the interesting things about poker is that once you let your ego in, you’re done for.”
Al Alvarez
No one person’s ego can be allowed to dominate. Managing this at an individual and group level is vital.
Like many words in the English language, the meaning of ego has been modulated by usage and ‘abusage’ so that it now often carries a negative connotation.
We often hear something like, “He’s got an ego the size of a planet.”
Most commonly, but not exclusively, the word ego is used with reference to the male of the species.
The word ego is taken directly from Latin and is translated as “I myself”. It was most popularised by Sigmund Freud who would have used the German term “Das Ich”, which literally means “the I”.
The ego is not intrinsically a bad thing. It just becomes so when it grows out of proportion and is then directed and used for its owner’s aggrandisement.
A normal, healthy ego is what makes us self-aware and keeps us from self-harming. As we realize that other people are people too, with their own self awareness, our ego prevents us from harming those other people. Our words and deeds can indeed harm another as much as if our ego physically struck theirs. In some cases this can sometimes be more damaging and long lived.
Even though you can be on the wrong end of an inflated ego, much like our thoughts, you can’t touch one or see one under a microscope or a brain image scanner. What can be detected however is areas of the brain that suffer damage that lead to a detachment which in turn leads to a disregard for one’s self or for others. This can be seen in stroke victims who dispossess parts of their body and can, for example, put their hand in a flame because they think it doesn’t belong to them.
The ego emerges around the age of seven and, like any aspect of ourselves, it needs nurturing and care. A healthy ego is mindful of others and is aware that by hurting or harming others, you are potentially damaging yourself.
The converse is also true. If you look after your ego by controlling the direction and the nature of your thoughts, it is amazing how those around you mirror what you are thinking. This gives an organization a choice to invoke a culture of fear and bullying or creativity, love and care. I know which one I would prefer to work for.
Sometimes though it can be difficult to change direction while you are still moving. The answer is to pause for a moment for a thought.
So, remembering that we are only programmed to be able to have one thought at a time (currently), if you think about a normal day at the office, think about how much time is devoted to ideas generation.
The diagram below is a massive generalization but I am guessing it is typical for many people.
When we are alone, driving to work or in a reverie, our thoughts often revert to our internal dialog. It will of course vary from day to day or from job to job but for many of us this takes at least half of our ‘brain space’.
This dialog might be harbouring feelings of revenge, fear, anger or sadness. This can ultimately lead to a feeling of guilt for being silly enough to have been bothered about something that in retrospect was trivial. Alternatively, you might be daydreaming of what’s happening at the weekend or thinking about unrequited love of a work colleague. These types of thoughts when shared as gossip around the water cooler or over email can lead to reduced morale. They certainly aren’t focused on the work task in hand.
When we do spend time focusing on our work, this may involve a degree of observation such as reading, watching or listening. When any of these are done intently, our inner dialog is suppressed but it can cut in and out at any time.
We also spend time talking. When we are doing this, at least on the out breath, our inner dialog is temporarily halted.
At any time you can be interrupted by a colleague, a phone call or an email. It will then take you about five minutes to refocus on the task in hand. If the interruption annoyed you, it can ruin the rest of your day and stop all productivity and creativity stone dead.
With all this going on, it’s not surprising for thoughts that could be light bulb moments to be so rare. They simply can’t get a look in as the ego is working on all these other things.
To have more space for light bulb moments, it’s not a case of suppressing the ego but more that it can benefit from being directed.
You can think of our thoughts having a psychic energy but not necessarily in a telepathic sense. Again by popular usage, the word psychic has come to refer to someone with extrasensory powers. The real definition means merely that something is influenced by the human mind or psyche. Just by switching from that glass half empty to glass half full perspective is enough to refocus and redirect your psyche.
So it’s more that the energy we direct from our psyche directly leads to real world outcomes.
This is why the parallel thinking methodologies discussed earlier like de Bono’s Six Thinking Hats are brilliant for controlling the focus of ego, especially in a group environment. The ‘hats’ used early on in the process allow all the negatives and fears to be tabled. By suppressing and marshalling the more controlling aspects of ego, this paves the way for the light bulb moments to appear. Many teams have a Devil’s Advocate, who often delights in pouring cold water over any good idea, someone who is always an energy drain. With de Bono’s Six Thinking Hats they get their chance early on to table their concerns and then be neutralized. Hopefully they might then even generate a brilliant idea.
What escapes many people is that we have full control over what we are thinking at any time. It’s just that we have become accustomed not to think that we do, or even to think about it. In the same way that nobody can breathe for you or eat for you, nobody but you has control over your thoughts - unless you let them.
What is amazing about our thoughts is that just having a thought about them is enough to change them.
They are malleable, controllable and they also love to work to our best advantage. By far the best way to get them working with you is by taking up a meditative practice.
For many though their personal and business lives don’t seem to allow this, it seems like a luxury of time. In which case, just a good walk is the next best thing. If this isn’t possible, and in any case, I’d like to externally influence your thoughts with the diagram overleaf.
Imagine if you could be generating light bulb moments for a third of the time. You would then need to spend at least another third of the time focusing on tasks to bring them into physical reality. The remaining third can then be split amongst the ‘normal’ thought processes.
For some, just seeing this diagram might be enough to tip your thinking in a new direction. For others, I have designed this crystallization which not surprisingly came to me as a light bulb moment.
I spent no time worrying about it or chewing away at it. All I did was move to a task oriented mode of thinking by testing it on me and a few clients before writing about it.
When you get this level of trust in your own thoughts, what happens is that even better stuff starts to flow your way.
As I mentioned, we go about our days assuming our thoughts are random and also assuming that they are completely modified by external influences. It’s not our fault the council is incompetent about picking up our waste or the government is managing the economy so badly. Someone else is obviously at fault as these events are out of our control.
Let me dispossess you of that notion. The other six billion and more people on the planet are probably spending their thinking time with similar thoughts. They are not out to get you or me. They haven’t given it a moment’s thought.
What’s more, there are almost certainly a number of people on the planet who can benefit from your invention. Your task is just to make it affordable and accessible for them. If you were to switch your thinking from “woe is me” to “so how can I access this huge market”, a different outcome will ensue.
And here’s how to go about it:
Step 1: Sit in a chair with your back upright and imagine the top of your head is connected to the ceiling by a thin thread.
Step 2: Become aware of your breathing and consciously move your diaphragm - then close your eyes.
Step 3: Let the tension drop away from your body. Specifically we hold tension in our forehead, our neck, our jaw and our knees and ankles without being aware of it.
Step 4: Now become aware of your thoughts - let them mill around in your head for 30 seconds or so.
Step 5: Now start up a dialog with them.
You can ask them things like:
These are crazy questions, I know, but they are enough to get them under your control. After a while, your inner dialog gets fed up at being interrogated and gives up ‘thinking’.
Step 6: You can then tackle specific types of thoughts with more direct questions and commands, such as:
Worries: Ask the worry to go away and be replaced by a solution. Be open to the solution.
Anger: Ask your Heart Mind if it would look after these types of thought so that your mind can be clear.
Past memories: If something comes up from the past that keeps bugging you, ask the associated remembrance to be replaced by those that can teach you what it was you need to learn. Be open to learning from it.
Self confidence: If you are worried about your own abilities, ask for a small sign to come along that will demonstrate to you that you are liked, loved and cherished.
Step 7: When you’ve experienced a change in thinking, open your eyes slowly.
Step 8: When these types of thoughts now occur to you in your ‘waking state’, quickly remember this visualization and replace them with an alternative thought pattern.
It takes a little time, a little practice, and a fair amount of trust, but once you get the hang of this, your life will start to take an unexpected turn for the better.
You will also find that your head feels clearer and light bulb moments occur more naturally. Rather than a torrent of inspiration that might overload you, you’ll get a nice manageable stream which just seems to come along just at the right time.
Ego is not a bad thing. It is useful for self respect. It just needs to be managed and directed.
Interruptions take 5 minutes – or even all day - to recover from.
You have complete control over what you are thinking.
As a result, you have complete control over how you are feeling.