The present-day roles of guest and host are based on centuries of tradition. In their simplest form, the roles are as follows: the host must take care of the guest, and the guest must accept the hospitality of the host without being a burden to the host. In practice, this means that the host must offer food and drink to the guest, must make the guest comfortable, and must escort the guest when he/she departs, and the guest must reject the hospitality of the host several times before eventually accepting it. Here are some general rules of behavior for guest and host.
• When visiting a Chinese host, the guest should bring a small gift. Items such as tea, fruit, flowers, and candy are usually appropriate. The host does not ordinarily open a gift in the presence of the guest.
• When a host invites a guest to participate in an activity for which there is a fee (dinner in a restaurant, coffee or ice cream in a café, attendance at a movie or show, transportation by taxi or train, etc.), it is understood that the host pays the bill.
• In most social situations, one of the participants typically assumes the role of host, paying the bill, ordering food or drink, paying for transportation, etc. It is expected that today’s guest will be tomorrow’s host, and the obligations (financial and otherwise) associated with the host will be reciprocated on later occasions by other members of the group. This creates a network of mutual obligations among participants and solidifies their identity as a group. It is rare for people to split the bill in China, or for individuals to pay for themselves when participating in some entertainment as part of a group. It is common for individuals to have a good-natured fight over a bill to establish the host for the occasion. The custom of ‘splitting the check’ is new and practiced only by young people, mostly in mainland China. It is called AA 制 AA zhì, the ‘algebraic average.’
Many common interactions between guest and host are conducted using ritual expressions and behavior. The most common of these are presented here. Expressions used in welcoming a guest and in saying goodbye are also used toward customers in restaurants.
To welcome a guest, say:
欢迎！
歡迎！
Huānyíng!
Welcome!
When the host offers the guest something to eat or drink, he or she either serves something or gives the guest a choice of beverages or food. For example:
请喝茶。
請喝茶。
Qǐng hē chá.
Have some tea.
or
你喝可乐喝茶？
你喝可樂喝茶？
Nǐ hē kělè hē chá?
Do you drink cola or tea?
It is not polite to ask the guest whether he or she wants something to eat or drink (Would you like something to drink?), or if he or she is thirsty (Are you thirsty?). These kind of questions allow a response of ‘no,’ and imply that the host does not wish to provide food. A good Chinese host does not give the guest the opportunity to refuse hospitality.
To invite a guest to get comfortable, say:
请坐。
請坐。
Qǐng zuò.
Have a seat.
休息一会儿。
休息一會兒。
Xiūxi yīhuìr.
Rest for awhile.
When it is time for guests to leave, the host has a ritual obligation to encourage them to stay. Guests have a ritual obligation to insist upon leaving. Expressions used in this ritual are presented below.
When guests leave, the host is expected to 送 sòng the guests, that is, to see them off. When you see guests off, you are expected to walk them a portion of the way home. Modern day interpretation requires accompanying guests at least to the doorway if not to their car or bus or train, and staying with them until they depart. Even if the host does not accompany the guest beyond the doorway, he or she does not close the door when guests walk out of the house. Instead, the host stands in view of the guests, waving, until they are out of sight.
再来玩。
再來玩。
Zài lái wán.
Come again. (informal)
慢走。
Màn zǒu.
Don’t hurry off.
走好。
Zǒu hǎo.
Take care.
► 24.2.2
请留步。
請留步。
Qǐng liú bù.
Don’t bother to see me out.
别送。
Bié sòng.
There’s no need to see me off.
The opposite of seeing a guest off is picking a guest up. The verb used is 接 jiē.
我今天晚上到机场去接白经理。
我今天晚上到機場去接白經理。
Wǒ jīntiān wǎnshang dào jīchǎng qù jiē Bái jīnglǐ.
Tonight I am going to the airport to pick up Manager Bai.
The verb that is used for a formal visit to someone is 拜访/拜訪 bàifǎng.
我们明天拜访王教授。
我們明天拜訪王教授。
Wǒmen míngtiān bàifǎng Wáng jiàoshòu.
Tomorrow we will visit Professor Wang.