Neither of them spoke on the ride back to Basmadan. A heavy silence settled over every breath, every hint of movement, every unspoken word. Outside, the sun had begun its descent behind the metal and glass skyline of Gulzar, taking with it the overbearing heat.
So the thick, musky aura that wrapped itself around Harper and squeezed had little to do with the humidity and everything to do with the anger wafting off of Zaid.
It choked her, crawled down her throat and rested there in a hard ball she couldn't swallow. As ubiquitous and unmistakable as the dirt staining her hands, her dress.
Zaid left her at the main staircase. She put a hand to the banister then stopped, watching as he moved in the direction of the gardens.
"Zaid--"
"You should get cleaned up."
"I couldn't leave him there. I had to do something."
He turned to face her then, his eyes dark, wild. "No, you didn't."
"He was young and he was scared. And no one knew what to do. But I did."
"That makes no difference."
"It makes all the difference," Harper said. "You act as though I'm some silly, naive girl. Like just because I don't have the life experience you do that I'm not smart enough, strong enough to take care of myself. But I am. I've been taking care of myself since I was eight years old. Since the first time my mother was too drunk to pick me up from school. And I've been taking care of myself ever since."
"You disobeyed a strict order."
"I don't take orders. Not from you. Not from anyone. I agreed to be your wife, not your slave. And I refuse to apologize for helping that boy."
Zaid let out a wry laugh, one that sent chills down her spine, caused her skin to pimple. "Don't presume I'm naïve enough to think your actions tonight had anything to do with helping that boy. There were others who could have taken care of him. You were intent on proving yourself, making yourself feel worthy of your place in that hospital. It was a selfish act."
A bitter truth soured on her tongue. He wasn't wrong. No matter how noble her actions, her intentions had been tainted with ego. She had wanted to prove herself, to prove to Zaid that she had more to offer than he could see.
A plan that had failed spectacularly, by the looks of it.
"Then I guess I'm a selfish person," she said. "But it's something we have in common. And if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing."
"That is not your choice to make. You are my queen."
"That boy, to his parents, is more precious than any king or queen."
"Is he more important than the one growing inside you?"
The earth lurched forward, threatening to swallow her whole. Her entire body vibrated with conflicting emotion, eroding what little remained of her pride.
Zaid stood, watching her, knowing he had called her bluff. That he had won.
And if he had won, that meant she had lost.
Harper folded her shoulders forward, the adrenaline gone, leaving her mind and body weak.
"You were born into this." She put a hand on her stomach. "This baby will be, too. I can't change that. But being a doctor is as much who I am as being royal is to you...to him...I can't change that, either."
"You knew when you came here that you would have to make some concessions."
"Yes, I did. But so did you."
"Looking the other way while you disregard your own safety is not a concession I'm willing to make."
"You act as though if you're loud enough, forceful enough, convincing enough, I'll behave how you want, when you want. If this is going to work, we're going to have to be true to ourselves and to each other. This is who I am. It isn't going to change. And if you can't live with that, perhaps it's best we end things now, before the baby is born."
Zaid's eyes flashed. "That is what you want?"
She didn't know what she wanted. Didn't think it would matter even if she did. She had gone to medical school to become a doctor, not to be a talking head whose only job it was to smile prettily and organize charity fundraisers. She had studied too hard, put in too many hours, had too many dreams and ambitions to be satisfied with such a benign position.
But that was all Zaid would ever see her as – the mother of a child that would bear his name. A wife and a queen who could never serve any functional role. Even her medical career had been reduced to that of board member, a peripheral, if not honorary, status. It wasn't enough for her. She had been foolish to think, even for a moment, that it would be.
She shook her head. "What I want..." Her voice faltered. "What I want is for you to see me beyond our circumstances. See me as a person, someone who's more than a wife, a queen. More than the mother of a child who might someday rule Gulzar."
"You think I don't see you?" He stalked toward her, his features unreadable as he closed the gap between them. "You think I don't think of you when I close my eyes? When I open them?"
Harper backed away, gasping when the cold stone of one of the massive pillars came firmly against her back. Zaid didn’t slow his advance. Acting on instinct, she held out her hands to stop him from coming closer. He circled her wrists in a loose grip and lifted them over her head, pinning them against the cool stone as he pressed his body into hers.
She didn't struggle. Didn't want to. The feel of his touch on her skin was intoxicating. Electric.
"You want to blame me for giving up medicine, coming to Gulzar, and I have willingly accepted that role," Zaid said. "But I won't let you accuse me of being unfeeling. Because when it comes to you, Harper, I feel everything. Pain. Pleasure. Regret. Desire. All of it is wrapped up in you."
The air in her chest tightened. Zaid’s breath against her cheek, his smooth brown skin and soft dark hair teased her senses. She tugged against his grip, not to pull away, but to pull him closer. That traitorous part of her body awakened again, inciting in her a desire she'd never felt before. One she knew instinctively knew she had to resist.
If only she knew how.
She shifted against him, aligning their bodies so that there was no doubt of his desire for her, and swallowed. "I thought you were angry with me."
"What makes you think I'm not?"
"You don't feel angry."
"Anger and arousal are not mutually exclusive." He loosened his grip on her hands, letting them fall to her sides as his own traveled down the length of her body, settling at the curve of her waist. "You must understand, there is more to this child than you realize."
Harper sighed. “He’s the future ruler of Gulzar. I know that.”
"This goes beyond the nation, beyond a monarchy." He pressed his palm lightly against her stomach, the heat of his body seeping through her tunic, warming her skin. "This child is precious beyond words, beyond nations and kings."
He stared down at her, his dark eyes colored with an intensity she hadn't seen in him before. He was so close his warmth, the musky scent of him, enveloped her, permeating her senses, eliciting in her a desperate, savage response. She needed nothing but air to breathe and Zaid, as much of both as she could manage.
And then his mouth was on hers and she could do without air, could do without anything but him. The heat of his body, the slick feel of his mouth, his tongue, demanding a dance with hers.
She gave in to him, her body no longer traitorous, but instead acting and reacting in time with his touch, with her desires. She wanted more of him. Needed more of him. Needed to touch him, taste him, in the most intimate of ways. A need that went beyond physical response.
Their lips parted, but only for a breath as she clung to him, her hands shaking as she gripped his shoulders.
But Zaid was not shaking. Zaid was firm and unwavering as he held her in his arms, allowing her to feel every firm inch of him. As he took from her what she so desperately wanted to give.
It wasn't just a kiss. And it wasn't just a purely physical reaction she had to it, either. It was the way their souls connected, melding together, becoming one.
Zaid had felt it, too. She could tell by the way he held her, as though she was a fragile thing on the verge of breaking.
They broke apart once more, their breathing ragged. Zaid pulled away, a feat that had summoned all his strength of will. "Harper...we can't..."
They were to be married in less than twenty-four hours. A union that needed to take place, to protect his kingdom's legacy, as well as her child's place in it. A union that could not be compromised by a momentary lapse in judgment, a singular night of pleasure.
He would give her no reason to run from him, to seek shelter in her fear.
She blinked, realization dawning on her, and she released her grip on him, wrapping her arms protectively around herself. "No. You're right. We can't. We...shouldn't."
Zaid didn't care what they couldn't or shouldn't do. Didn't care what the consequences would be. Didn't want to acknowledge anything but that overwhelming desire to strip her bare and stare into her eyes as he eased inside of her.
Her eyes darkened, no doubt reading into his fantasies. And, he suspected, adding a few to the list.
Need burned hot in his blood, pulling at him the way the moon moved the sea. He could have her now. The curve of her body and cadence of her breath conveyed as much. But he had promised not to use their mutual lust against her. And like hell would he break that promise.
He stepped away. “You should get cleaned up. We have a big day tomorrow.”
“Zaid…”
Say it.
All she had to do was ask and he would comply. Fulfill her every fantasy, pleasure her in ways she’d never known existed, until they were both too exhausted to continue.
“Tell me, Harper,” he said, fighting to keep his composure. His promise. “Tell me what you need.”
She shook her head. “Nothing. Never mind.”
She pushed away from the pillar and carried herself unsteadily up the staircase.
“I will see you tomorrow, rohi,” he called to her.
Tomorrow could not come soon enough.