Yes, I did it. Of course I did it. I’ve done all of it. Did you really have any doubts?
And before you turn away in disgust, you need to understand something.
The cop needed to be taught a lesson, just like Sutton and Ethan needed to be taught a lesson.
She’d been warned and wouldn’t leave it alone.
They didn’t understand the gift they had in their cherubic little boy. Sutton didn’t, for sure, though Ethan might have. But if they weren’t so wrapped up in their own drama, this wouldn’t have happened. If they’d been paying attention at all, this wouldn’t have happened.
They will be so surprised when they figure out it wasn’t negligence on their parts. That I did this to them. That I knew deep in my soul what had to happen.
The boy didn’t feel a thing. I swear that. I am not that much of a monster. I have no desire to cause an innocent pain. No, the pain had to be delivered properly, to the sinners, the parents. It could not be mitigated.
Would you feel better if I told you it was an accident? Enough people die by accident that it’s entirely possible. I know we want to turn aside, look away, find all the ways this couldn’t have been a purposeful act. But let me let you in on a little secret.
It’s always intentional.
Somewhere, deep inside, there is a kernel of hate that each and every one of us must push away. Push down. Pretend it doesn’t exist. We’re all such good people.
Until we’re not.
Until something pushes us over the edge.
And then we act out. Whether it’s taking a life, hurting a loved one, breaking a law, we all do it. No one is perfect. No one is blameless.
I tried to tell Ethan once, to admit what happened, to make him understand it all, but he wouldn’t listen to me. He laughed it off, told me I was drunk and full of it, and to get off his damn lawn.
He actually said that. “Ivy, get off my damn lawn,” in that posh British accent that makes most women cream their jeans, but sounds like nails on a chalkboard to me now.
I am definitely not blameless. If only he’d listened to me, I could have saved him a lot of heartache.
Oh, and I’m back on their lawn now.
Literally.
Are you ready?
Here we go.