“You have to be kidding me. There’s no way.”
Ethan handed Sutton a cup of tea. She wrinkled her nose and put the mug on the coffee table. Her taste for the tea was altered, her mouth felt tinny and metallic. Her office felt too small for the both of them, but she wanted to be in there, with her books, her things, Dashiell’s small basket hidden in the closet. The world she’d abandoned, gathered around her like a cloak. She might not ever leave again.
“Graham thinks it’s the most likely scenario. Ivy is your daughter.”
“But she’s not the right age. She doesn’t look anything like me.”
“She’s younger than you think. Graham found a birth certificate at her house. She was born January 16, 1992. She’s only just turned twenty-five, though she’s been posing as someone much older. She was adopted out of the judicial system just after birth. The biological mother’s name isn’t readable on the certificate, but Graham was able to trace the date, time, and hospital to your record. It all fits, Sutton.”
The day was right. Dear God, the day was right.
“You went to jail...?” he prompted.
“For assaulting my stepfather.”
“He was the father? Oh, Sutton.”
“No, he wasn’t. I tried to pass him off as the father, tried to convince the police he’d been screwing with me, so they wouldn’t charge me. But it wasn’t true, and they didn’t buy it, anyway. I don’t know who the father is. I was semi-dating an older boy, and he invited me to a party. I knew I was going to sleep with him, I so desperately wanted to grow up, to be liked, to be the cool girl. He had a slightly different plan for the night. He and his friends got me drunk and high, and he and I had sex, but then a few of his friends came in the room. I don’t remember all of it. I don’t want to remember all of it. I felt like such an idiot afterward, that I do remember. Taught me quite the lesson. I straightened up after that, started getting myself together, but then found out I was pregnant.”
She looked at him then, tears in her eyes. “You understand now, don’t you, why I didn’t ever want to have a child? I was thirteen. All I wanted was to have an abortion and forget the whole thing. I was taking the money for my appointment when my stepfather caught me, and we had a huge fight. It got physical. I was just so angry at him.
“I was arrested for theft and assault. Joe and Siobhan wouldn’t sign the papers to let me have an abortion, so I was forced to have the baby. I hated it. I hated every second of being pregnant, of the situation, of being in juvie. It was humiliating, and frightening, and I just wanted to have that one piece of myself be sacred again.”
“And I took it from you.”
She squeezed his hand tighter. “Yes, you did. And for a long time, I hated you for it. But I swear to you, I loved Dashiell with every fiber of my being. When I thought you’d hurt him...it unhinged me. And now, to think that it was Ivy all along, that she could be mine from so long ago...”
“It’s insane. And if it’s true, then she’s insane.”
“There has to be something more. To tear apart our lives in retribution because I had to give her up? It’s not like I had a choice. I was thirteen and in juvie. They didn’t exactly give me options. And my mother...”
“What about her?”
“She threatened to tell you. Threatened to ruin everything. To tell you that I’m a criminal, that I was in jail. That’s why I pay her an allowance. So she stays quiet and lets me have my life with you.”
Ethan closed his eyes for a moment. “I’m so sorry you didn’t feel like you could trust me with your story, Sutton. I will never forgive myself. And we will never, ever allow Siobhan in our home again.”
“Thank you. I hate her. Hate the twisted, awful world she’s forced me to live in. I feel like such a fool. My mother, Ivy... I’ve let them both manipulate me.”
“Never again. I swear. And, Sutton, listen to me. Being manipulated by Ivy doesn’t make you bad or weak. She’s a sociopath, a very troubled woman. Graham’s still piecing together the whole picture, but everything the bloke Tomkins is saying has checked out. And according to him, Ivy has been in and out of hospitals and rehabs. Severe borderline personality disorder, supposedly. Like—”
“It’s okay. I know what you were going to say. Like me. Like the character in your book. A situation you misinterpreted. Those doctors, they were wrong. I just have a run-of-the-mill anxiety disorder, which, under the circumstances, no one could blame me for. I’ve done the research. I don’t have any of the issues they claimed I did. All the meds... I don’t need them.”
“So you’re totally sane, and I’ve been writing,” he blurted out. He looked so ashamed she actually laughed.
“That’s good, Ethan. I’m very happy to hear it.”
“It’s been pouring out of me. I don’t know what the hell happened, but when you left, I was so worried and so torn, and the dam broke.”
“Maybe you had a feeling about Ivy from the get-go, and she’s the one who inspired you. Maybe you’ve been writing about her, and not me, all this time.”
“Maybe. Sutton, there’s more.”
She breathed a small sigh. “I think I knew all along. Or at least suspected she was the one you slept with.”
He was dumbfounded. “How?”
“I’ve seen the way she looks at you. After you admitted your indiscretion, and we’d gotten things back on track, she started coming around more. You got tense every time she showed up, and she always had this private little smile for you.”
His mouth was open, his eyes shocked and wide. “If you knew it, why didn’t you say anything when I told you? And more, how could you stay friends with her?”
“Oh, Ethan. I didn’t want to see it, didn’t want to believe you’d do that, or she would. And deep down, I knew whatever it was didn’t continue. Things were so messed up between us after Dashiell... I didn’t want it to be true, so I convinced myself that it wasn’t. I didn’t want to have everything in my life go to hell all at once.”
“I never wanted her, Sutton. I’ve never wanted anyone but you since the moment I saw you. I don’t even remember that night. Graham thinks Ivy drugged me. That it was all a setup for ‘Colin Wilde’ to use against me.”
“I think that’s very possible, considering. Looking back, Ivy always made little comments about you, asked inappropriate questions about us. How you made love, how we talked in bed. At the time it was just stupid girl talk after too much wine, but now I see it for what it was. She was wringing me for information, squeezing out every last drop. She loved you. She always has. I was in the way, and she couldn’t just kill me. So she set everything up, slept with you, thinking you’d continue the affair. When you didn’t, and confessed, it infuriated her. So she killed our baby to pay us back.”
“But she knew you were her mother the whole time. That is truly sick.”
“I’m no psychologist, but if I had to guess, I’d venture to say she wanted to take away everything that mattered to me. You. Dashiell. Our marriage. And punish us both in the process.”
“She bloody well nearly succeeded.”
Sutton went silent for a moment. “Ethan... There’s more. In Paris. I—”
He held up a hand. “Tomkins—he called himself Constantine, right?—told Graham all about it, and she gave me the basics. I forgive you. My God, if you can forgive me Ivy, and Dashiell, it’s the least I can do.”
“You are forgiven,” she said. “For everything, and I hope you’ll forgive me, too, and we can let them go. They deserve each other. But I have something much more important to tell you. In Paris...I found out that I’m pregnant.”
Ethan reared back as if she’d slapped him. “By that douche you slept with? Hell of a way to begin forgiving—”
She laid her hand on his. “Ethan, no. Oh my God, no. I was pregnant before I left. I swear. I thought I’d lost it. I took a test three weeks ago, and it was positive, but right after, I started to bleed. I assumed I was miscarrying. Maybe I was, or maybe it was a fluke. I took it as a sign. It seemed fitting. I was so afraid you’d hurt Dashiell, and if I were pregnant again, then we would both be in danger. I prayed not to be, and then I started to bleed, and I thought, for once, God’s answered my prayers.”
“I would never hurt Dashiell. Or you.”
“I know that now. I started feeling ill the first day I arrived in Paris. I figured I’d gotten into something on the plane. I didn’t think. No, that’s not true. I wanted to run away and pretend my life hadn’t turned out how it did.”
“When did you know for sure?” he whispered.
“Inspector Badeau noticed how sick I was during the interrogation and thought something was up. She brought me a test, and I took it.” She pulled it from her purse and handed it to him. The two lines stared up at him like slitted eyes.
She rubbed her stomach ruefully, one hand still tangled with his. “I am pregnant, and the baby is yours. Only yours. I screwed up royally in Paris, by leaving, by running away from all of this. And I know you won’t be able to forgive me for my stupidity in thinking that I’d be better off away from you. Now that we know Ivy was trying to ruin our lives... Well, it’s too much to ask you to open yourself to me again. But if you’re willing to make a go of this, of us, I am, too. And if not, I will understand.”
“And the baby?”
She smiled. “I will see him or her as a blessing, now and forevermore, no matter what happens.”
“So you’re keeping it?”
She nodded, a faraway look in her eyes. “Yes. I am. We’ve lost too much already, don’t you think?”
Ethan stood and walked out of the room.
Sutton sighed, sipped her tea. She couldn’t say she blamed him. It was a lot to dump on a man. I thought you killed our child, I thought you’d kill me, too, so I ran away and screwed another guy, and oh, by the way, now I’m back and knocked up, and aren’t you thrilled, it’s yours!
A minute later, she heard him coming back. She set down the tea and moved forward in her chair, leaning toward the doorway. When he appeared, her breath left her.
He held the pregnancy test she’d taken before she left in his hand.
Ivy was with him. And she had a gun to his head, and a crazy smile on her face.
“Hello, Mom. Did you miss me?”