Chapter Four

Be Your Own Brand: Thriving in Your Career

Now that I had started writing, I found cookbookery such fulfilling work that I intended to keep at it for years and years.

— Julia Child



I was introduced to Julia Child in the 1990s, near the end of her career, and immediately became intrigued by the mighty, authentic, and engaging woman who knew how to cook like nobody’s business. I fully engaged with Nora Ephron’s 2009 film Julie & Julia, starring Meryl Streep. I have since dived deeply into Julia’s journey in France and Europe, how she came upon her passion of cookbookery, as she called it, and how she knew it was to be her path.

My Life in France, the last book Julia Child wrote before her death, includes the quote above, and the moment I read it, I highlighted, reread, dog-eared, and double-dog-eared it — in other words, I acutely understood the feeling she describes. In her book The Martha Rules, Martha Stewart said it another way, and I am sure Julia Child would agree, as she is the best model for this idea one can imagine: “Build your business success around something that you love — something that is inherently and endlessly interesting to you.”

Sometimes we simply stumble into our happy place. I share in my first book, Choosing the Simply Luxurious Life, how my blog came to life in 2009; by no means was it planned, calculated, or expected. Now, nearly ten years later, like Julia Child, I cannot imagine not writing, blogging, exploring the world, and sharing my discoveries with the readers who stop by the blog, listen to my podcast, or view my cooking vodcast. But, full disclosure: If you had asked me a year before TSLL began what I was interested in, I would not have said blogging. I did not know anything about blogging, let alone html coding, linking, etc. But my curiosities led me onward and to where I am now.

The most frequent question I receive from readers is How do you balance a blog and a writing career while teaching full-time? The truth is that the fuel comes from my sincere interest in what I do. The second most common question is How do you always have something to write about? My answer is that I remain incessantly curious about the life I am living and the world I live in. In the process, I unearth a lot of unknowns, and therein can lie fear, but also the spark of creativity. How so? Elizabeth Gilbert shared the secret in her book Big Magic, “Creativity and fear will always be linked. When you try to create a life without fear, you murder your creativity.”

A few cases in point from my own life: As I prepared my first book, I elected — without hesitation but without any guarantee of how it would work out — to engage an editor who is an expert in the field (an investment, but a risk that ended up being worth taking). The redesign of TSLL blog in 2016 was a significant investment, but one I believed (but was not guaranteed) would enhance the direction of the blog I had in mind. And in many ways my choice to move to Bend (one of the most expensive small towns in the Pacific Northwest) was a complete gamble, and some might have said a foolish decision, but to remain where I was would have been to give in to living with fear, and I knew I was capable of growing even further.

Gilbert says that as long as we do not give fear the wheel to drive our lives, and instead keep it in the back seat, we can use it as motivation for unearthing the truth and not running scared, building a life of structure and rigidity to protect us.

A desire to spark endless creativity and accept that I cannot make my life free of all unknowns informs the simply luxurious life brand (the blog, podcast, vodcast, books, etc.) as I continue to be fueled by the life I live. And as proof that fear of the unknown is a spark for creativity, my move to Bend, Oregon, involved great curiosity. Of course, I had fears, and I still do, which is one reason the brand has evolved into an even more authentic online destination.

Once we set ourselves free, we come upon another truth that can be hard to swallow. Lauren Woolstencroft writes: “There’s no magic formula for success. Ultimately, it’s about believing in yourself, making realistic goals, believing you can achieve them, and going for them without hesitation.” Woolstencroft knows what she is talking about. When she was born, she was missing her left arm below the elbow and both legs below the knees, yet she became a competitive skier as a teenager and was a medalist at the Paralympic Games. She defied the odds, and it began with her belief in herself.

Ultimately, each of us needs to find what interests us tremendously and “keep tremendously interested in it,” to borrow Julia Child’s sage comment. We do actually have all the answers to realizing the passion we are seeking within ourselves. We just need to find the courage to explore ourselves.

How? Gloria Steinem suggests becoming a scientist in your own experiment and using fear as a significant motivator. Perhaps she is right. Often what we fear is a map/compass pointing us toward what we innately desire, a map that contains unknowns (thus the fear); but beneath the fear is curiosity and, more important, our hopes. If you are willing to try new tasks, learn new skills, travel to unknown places, and step beyond what you know — slowly and gradually, at a pace you can maintain even if you are a bit wobbly — you too, like Julia Child, will find what is “such fulfilling work” that you “intend to keep at it for years and years.”

The starting point is igniting from within, which will be your source for infinite propulsion, then effectively managing your journey, building your brand, and enabling it to thrive.

 

 

Becoming Your Own CEO

 

Everything around you that you call life was made up by people that were no smarter than you. And you can change it, you can influence it. Once you learn that, you’ll never be the same again.

— Steve Jobs

 

This statement appears on the back cover of my first book, Choosing the Simply Luxurious Life: A Modern Woman’s Guide: “Women have never had so many options. Yet we often experience a kind of paralysis, an unconscious willingness to follow societal dictates rather than become the CEOs of our own lives. When we mindlessly follow the dots, we smother our innate gifts and miss opportunities to fulfill our true potential.”

Being the head of any company, no matter how successful, can be exhausting, demanding, and emotionally taxing. The primary direction of a company rests squarely on the CEO’s shoulders. Think about Apple, OWN, or Berkshire Hathaway. Each has been successful, and one person manned the rudder for all or most of the company’s existence. All three CEOs — Steve Jobs, Oprah Winfrey, and Warren Buffett — started from nothing; all had tumultuous times, but all three companies, due to their tenacity, clear vision, and dogged work ethic, still are very successful.

How we go about our lives is not that different from the way a company is run. Each life has the potential for success or catastrophe, depending upon how it is managed. Choosing to be the person in charge can be daunting, intimidating, and frightening because if you are not successful, all the responsibility is yours; however, if success materializes, it is you who will accept all those pats on the back.

Like the stock market, life is unpredictable, but if you choose to incorporate the following approaches into your life’s mission statement, you will become your own CEO and will more likely soar with the eagles than remain on the ground.

 

Look Beyond Others’ Approval

 

Psychologist Lawrence Kohlberg’s Ideas of Moral Reasoning is a six-tiered chart of the motivation for making life decisions. He proposes that each of us makes decisions depending upon one of six levels that reflect how morally developed we have become. Placement on the levels is fluid, as we can swiftly change based on maturity and experience, but the primary reason we should let go of what others think is that their opinions may have little do with our aspirations, and if we heed them, they may very well hinder our overall fulfillment in life.

Seeking self-approval is Kohlberg’s third level of moral reasoning. On the highest level, one follows a set of self-formulated principles that aspires to go beyond popular or legal dictates in order to determine what is best for society worldwide. It indeed takes a strong person to establish and then follow through on such an elevated way of approaching life. Attaining the sixth level takes time, self-reflection, and inner courage.

Let’s take the idea of choosing to have children. Society in many ways still expects, either consciously or unconsciously, that women will desire to have children, and if a woman does not want to reproduce, people can jump to conclusions. In Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids, edited by Meghan Daum, we learn that the adjectives in the title are far from the truth when it comes to describing such individuals, who have the inner courage to follow their own self-formulated set of principles.

To have children or not, to marry or not, to pursue a particular career or not — these decisions should not be made because we are following the crowd; instead, they should be in alignment with our intended path, our talents, and our passions. If your path is not the one society is accustomed to seeing, you may have to muster your gumption, as the going will at times be difficult. But rest assured, if you know it to be the best path for you, approval from others will be the furthest thing from your mind. A truly fulfilling life can materialize only if we choose the life we are living for ourselves. Rather than seek others’ approval, seek first your own, and have the courage to follow through.

 

Pursue Your Path with Determination

 

If you’re frustrated because you’re not getting what you want, stop for a second: Have you actually flat-out asked for it? If you haven’t, stop complaining. You can’t expect the world to read your mind. You have to put it out there.

— Sophia Amoruso, #GIRLBOSS

 

Very few things worth having, experiencing, or being involved with happen with the snap of the fingers. Rather, life often wants to assess how badly we desire something, be it a job, a new life, or a relationship. And while it may seem that life is shutting the door on our dreams, I have never found the door to be locked if it is indeed something that is possible. Life merely wants to know if we indeed want it as much as we say we do. In other words, continue to knock.

Ultimately, we each have to know what we want in order to pursue it and attain it. And once we know what we want, we need to pursue it without relenting. Such determination will eventually be rewarded.

Care for Your Physical and Mental Health

 

In order to do our best, be productive, and evolve into the person we know we can become, we must care for our bodies — internally, externally, and mentally — on a regular basis. Adhering to a regular workout routine, practicing regular mind mastery techniques, and tending to our beauty regimen are not vanity; rather, they are an approach that allows us to perform at our best.

A Huffington Post writer compared tending to our health to sharpening a saw. If we come to the forest with a sharp utensil, we will slice through a tree trunk in mere minutes, while a dull blade may start out the quickest but will take hours to complete the task. Taking the time, regularly, to take care of your body will help make your dreams a reality.

Mastering your mind involves shifts in default responses that have not been working to your advantage: becoming comfortable with being patient; delaying gratification; refusing to suppress your emotions, instead acknowledging and accurately identifying them; meditating daily, even if only for three minutes; practicing more gratitude; thinking rationally and realistically about distractions that take our minds off course; becoming more comfortable with discomfort, which is often less of a problem than you imagine; and examining your core beliefs, rethinking the limitations you have placed upon yourself. (Chapter eight has a longer section on mastering your mind.) The reality we create in our minds is often what will materialize in the world we live in. Have the strength and the tenacity to boot out the bad, and usher in the good.

 

Respect the Power of Money

 

Most of us start off with little, but it is how we care for the money we are given and earn as we start to build our financial foundation that will determine if we will be successful in the long run. Those who turn up their noses at earning money either do not know how to do it or do not understand the power it yields. And so long as the power is used for good, the life you will create will be amazing. For detailed advice, read chapter six, “Money Matters: Masterminding Your Financial Security.”

 

 

 

Know How to Market Yourself

 

Most of us will be on the hunt for a job at some point, and the key is to know how to sell ourselves successfully. While a cover letter is an introduction to who you are, its primary focus should be what you can bring to the organization you are applying to; the best way to do this is to do read up on the organization and draw parallels to your past, your present, and where you want to go in your career. On your résumé, do not hesitate to brag because your strengths will make the enterprise stronger. Be specific, concrete, and straightforward, and keep it simple. There is no need to get too fancy with the design; it is the content that will enable you to shine.

 

Become an Effective Communicator

 

Two of the most important factors in becoming an effective communicator are being strong enough to be authentic and knowing your audience. While you will make mistakes along the way, so long as you are doing your best — and being honest and not manipulative or unreliable — you will earn respect. People may not always like what you have to say, but they will trust that you what say is dependable.

Whether in our personal or professional lives, being an active participant when it comes to communication will reap far more success than being passive and assuming others know what we want. Part of the reason there are so few effective communicators is because communicating is not easy. It takes strength, knowledge of the subject matter, and control of one’s emotions to effectively convey what we want. But so long as you are willing to practice, learn from your previous missteps, and try again, you will improve.

 

Design Routines and Stick to Them

 

Creativity doesn’t drive the work; the work drives the creativity. A routine creates a landing place for the muse.

— Alex Soojung-Kim Pang, Rest

 

The power of routines in our lives is that they give us the ability to be free. At first, such a statement may sound contrary or impossible, but when we become accustomed to routines that work for us — getting up at a particular time each day, making ourselves and our partner a cup of tea or coffee, cooking a nourishing breakfast, walking the dogs — we are engaging in activities that fuel us and our good health. That frees our minds to recognize and dance with new ideas when they present themselves.

 

Redefine Failure

 

The only way to be successful is to risk what many define as failure. But here’s the catch: When something goes wrong, it is never really failure so long as there is a lesson to be learned from the experience. And the good news is that there will always be something to learn. Keep applying the lessons, refuse to allow others’ definition of what success is to stand in for what success is for you. After all, we are each on our own journey. Reaching a peak may take years for one person, while the next climber may require only a few days. Never allow others’ evaluations of what you have done to be your barometer for success. So long as you know you have done your best, so long as you refuse to not be or stay defeated, you will be successful.

 

At the heart of living a simply luxurious life is finding the courage within yourself to live life on your own terms. While we all must learn how to interact effectively with others — communicating and working while thinking of the community and society as a whole — when it comes to the decisions we make, we must spend our entire lives with ourselves. TSLL blog, The Simple Sophisticate podcast, and the book Choosing the Simply Luxurious Life lay out the framework for a sound foundation and clear direction for achieving a life of contentment, but you are the artist, the designer. Your house will look like nobody else’s, and that is the beauty. Enjoy the journey and be brave.

 

 

Find Your Personal Power

 

Dance your way to presence. Seize the large, beautiful, powerful parts of yourself — the ones you love and believe. They are, indeed, yours for the taking.

— Amy Cuddy, Presence

 

As with self-worth, we all have personal power within us, and we each must determine whether to access it. For many, especially women in other countries and in centuries past, that personal power has been silenced; women are told it either does not exist or should not exist.

In order for the everyday we seek to become our daily experience, we have to feel in control of our lives. We must have a sense that we are the director of our story, the captain of our ship, the curator of our lives. When we feel we have control of our lives, we take back our personal power. And that is all about three things, as Harvard professor Amy Cuddy points out:

 

When we exhibit these three qualities at any given moment, we are exhibiting the characteristic Cuddy explores in her book Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges. “Presence emerges when we feel personally powerful,” when “we are no longer fighting ourselves” but rather “being ourselves.” One of the crucial aspects of presence is that it is “about the everyday.” If we are present every day, the quality of our lives improves, and that is what living simply luxuriously is all about — refining and enhancing the quality of our everyday lives. You may be asking, “Okay, how do I find my personal power? How to I achieve presence?”

 

Be Big. As Amy Cuddy shared in her wildly successful 2012 TED Talk “Your Body Language May Shape Who You Are,” finding your Superman pose (hands on hips, chest up, eyes looking upward, strong stance) or Starfish pose (arms and hands stretched up and angled straight to the corners of the sky, legs in a wide stance to create a five-pointed star) can have tremendous power over your mind. In her book, Cuddy writes, “Your body shapes your mind. Your mind shapes your behavior. And your behavior shapes your future.” In other words, “how you carry your body shapes how you carry your life.” Stand up straight, take up some space — head up, eyes up — and walk assuredly. Power is demonstrated first by your behavior, and in order for people to consider that you have power, they must trust that you do. If you believe it, exhibit it. If you don’t, practice it until you become it.

 

Speak Slow and Low. People who exhibit confidence do not feel they have to rush their speech as though they are worried about being interrupted or wasting time. They do not end their sentences on a high note, implying a question or uncertainty with what they have just said.

 

Listen. When you listen, you gain information; you get to know people and the situation. When you listen, you convey interest and compassion. When you listen, you gain trust because you reveal that you care, and when and if you respond, you want to speak as an informed, thoughtful participant.

 

Initiate Speech. As much as listening is important, speaking up when it is necessary demonstrates your confidence and personal power. The key is knowing when to speak and knowing you do not need approval. While many people fail to find a balance between speaking and listening, when you do find it, your trustworthiness will be enhanced, as people will see that you are not a pushover, but also not an indifferent, heavy-handed bulldozer.

 

Make Eye Contact. While there is a fine line with eye contact (staring down someone into submission is generally not a good idea), looking directly at the person you are conversing with has powerful effects. Again, the goal is trust. When people try to discern if someone is lying, they may see shifting eyes and avoiding eye contact as signs that a person is not to be trusted, even if they are telling the truth. What an observer is picking up on in such a situation is a person’s sense of powerlessness. Cuddy offers an alternative for situations in which looking too long into someone’s eyes may make the other person unnecessarily uncomfortable: Look upward. Looking skyward offers the perception of thoughtfulness, imagination, and creativity instead of domination.

 

Have Self-Control. When we have self-control, we demonstrate self-awareness. We always want to be aware of our feelings, why we are feeling what we feel, and why we are responding the way we are. At the same time, we can remain calm and not be a slave to rash thinking.

 

Be Calm. Studies reveal that those who are seen and defined as being powerful have two things in common biologically: higher levels of basal testosterone and lower levels of cortisol. As Amy Cuddy points out, we may not be surprised at the power of testosterone; what many people do not realize is that in order to be effective as a powerful person, they must also be physically calm, and that is where the lower levels of cortisol come in. Cortisol is the hormone released when we are under stress. Feelings of anxiety, stress, self-doubt, and uncertainty cause our levels of cortisol to rise, and when that happens, we must have a way of combating these feelings. Writing in my journal, engaging in my favorite hobbies, walking my dogs, paddleboarding, cooking, slipping away to see a good movie or reminding myself of all that I should be grateful for on any given day — these are just a few of the many ways I welcome more tranquility into my daily life.

 

Know Yourself. The only way to exhibit passionate enthusiasm for anything in your life, the only way to be truly comfortable at nearly any moment, is to know who you are, what you value, what tickles your fancy, and how you perform at your best. When you know yourself, when you know your mind, you can head in a direction that will mesh with your curiosities. Become informed and know how things work so you are not locked in a state of fear when unknowns arise.

 

Control Your Breathing. Studies of patients suffering with PTSD were shown to have decreased anxiety after attending regular yoga sessions. In yoga, the focus on the breath correlates to reduced anxiety and better control over the thoughts we allow to be present. To relax, slow down your breaths — in through your nose and out through your mouth. Begin by counting to four as you inhale and four again as you exhale. Extend it to six, and then breathe normally again. The beauty of learning how to breathe well is that it can be practiced anywhere and whenever you need to gain composure, calm, or clarity: at home in a quiet space, in your office, even on your commute. Placing your attention on your breathing lets you step outside the moment that is causing your angst.

 

Flip Your Negative Emotions. Feeling anxious before a big speech, interview, or first attempt at a new skill? Flip the feeling on its head and see it as an opportunity.

 

Again, the power of our mind is a wonderful thing to harness. Exhibiting personal power each day will take time and daily practice. Each of the ten ways mentioned above will ensure that if you regularly demonstrate such a presence, you will have positive results. Some of the ideas may be uncomfortable to step into, especially in scenarios such as work or relationships where our change in actions may be a noticeable shift. So why integrate them into your everyday life? Because the benefits are absolutely worth it.

 

What Your Personal Power Can Do for You

 

Liberates Your Thinking. Amy Cuddy says, “Presence stems from believing and trusting your story.” When you have presence, you set yourself free. And when you set yourself free, you do not feel the need to fit in or think like the group if the group does not align with what is true for you. When you are able to be present each day, you think independently and are not swayed by the outside world. You become less self-conscious because you are not trying to fit in; you are not self-absorbed, trying to be an imposter. Instead, your ideas spark, your creativity blossoms, and you can think more abstractly.

 

Buffers Negative Emotions. When we are full of anxiety, we become more self-absorbed. We are worried about being accepted, concerned about what other people think of what we are doing. We may try to overcome the negative feelings by becoming an imposter: being outgoing when we really prefer to work alone; saying yes when our schedule is already too full; not sharing what we truly enjoy for fear it will be laughed at. We will never achieve our best life or meet the people who will bring out our best selves if we are not genuine. When we have presence, we are better able to allow stress, worry, rejection, even physical pain to slip away. When we are confident in the direction we are heading, in the life we are living in alignment with who we are, the only approval we are seeking is our own, and we have already given that to ourselves.

 

Increases Your Proactivity. Powerful people, those with a firmly anchored sense of personal power, procrastinate less and therefore complete tasks and reach goals more of the time and get more accomplished. And when we do something, as with our posture (be big!), we see results. Confidence comes from knowing we can or have done something, and that can only occur when we actually do something.

 

Helps You Achieve Goals. Because we are able to be more proactive and because our confidence is increased, we are better able to reach our goals. And so the upward cycle continues.

 

Frees You to Be Your Best Self. Ultimately, the best and most profound gift we give ourselves by having presence is that we are able to become our best selves.

 

Having presence takes time and many small steps and attempts. As Amy Cuddy points out, “Being inauthentic takes hard work.” But being yourself does not take effort. What takes effort is trying to squeeze into boxes you think you need to fit into when you are in particular situations or around certain people. This can be exhausting. It depletes your energy, which leaves you with few resources for mustering the strength to reach your full potential. Part of the journey is finding out the how: how to be ourselves, how to exhibit the personal power we have within us.

 

 

How to Be Your Own Brand

 

The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

Brands — think Chanel, Nike, Apple, Vogue, Le Creuset, Manolo Blahnik — create an image in our minds: luxurious, efficient, feminine, masculine, powerful, trustworthy, daring — any number of descriptors come to mind. Each brand has made decisions in order to establish itself, and the way it responds to its market and the world in general is solely in its control.

One of our most important tasks in life is to recognize that each of us is our own brand. The way we present ourselves to the world can result in not only stronger professional relationships, but stronger personal ones as well.

Because every day is an opportunity to build the brand we wish to present and leave as a legacy, it is vitally important to maintain a protected private life. We must have a sanctuary to come home to at night, people we can trust, and a space where we do not need to worry about perception. If we do not have a strong personal sanctuary, we will not be at our best when we go out into the world.

George Washington, Jane Austen, Susan B. Anthony, Mark Twain, Rosa Parks, Ralph Waldo Emerson — each had a similar amount of time as each of us to leave their stamp on the world. Because of their actions, choices, and ways of living, we still mention them in conversation, look to them for inspiration, and hold them in high regard. Each was human, with no special powers that any of us could not acquire, yet their legacies inspire awe. Whether you leave a legacy the entire world will know about or your effect is simply on the community you live in, leaving a legacy you are proud of and a brand you have purposefully created will bring you much contentment and joy.

There are many components to consider when establishing the brand you desire. Let’s begin with actions because, as the timeless maxim states, they speak louder than words.

 

Actions

 

The universe doesn’t give you what you ask for with your thoughts — it gives you what you demand with your actions.

— Steve Maraboli

 

Proactive or Reactive. Do you set goals, plan, and remain focused until they are met, or are you a victim of life’s events that occur around you?

 

Constructive or Destructive. Look at the habits you have adopted, the behaviors you exhibit, and the predilections you embrace. Are they building the life of quality you want or slowly destroying it? Are you moderate when it comes to eating well, or do you indulge randomly and then starve yourself in an attempt to compensate? Do you speak up and enforce your boundaries, or let them slide as a way to avoid confrontation? Do you choose to be generous when considering the intentions of others or immediately assume the worst?

 

Helpful or Hurtful. Do you step in with compassion or pounce on the downtrodden?

 

Work Ethic. Do you give your absolute best even when it is not expected or needed, or do you give just enough to get by?

 

Sponge or Stone. Do you have an insatiable curiosity for life and continue to be a student beyond the classroom, or are you satisfied with the status quo?

 

And while actions are indeed powerful, some of the most powerful means to cheer someone up or pull someone down are the words we choose.

 

Words

 

Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.

— Napoleon Hill

 

Diction. Your word choice matters. Do you reveal yourself to be knowledgeable or close-minded? Honest or deceitful? Observant or ignorant?

 

Tone. Regardless of what you say, what feeling is created in those who hear you? Are you sincere or sarcastic, lighthearted or hurtful, comforting or cold?

 

Projection and Pitch. When you speak, do you command attention? Do you show yourself to be strong or meek, certain or doubtful?

 

Appearance

 

You can have whatever you want if you dress for it.

— Edith Head

 

Physical Health. Your projection of good health conveys to others your good sense and respect for yourself. There is no certain weight, height, or age that a brand cannot have. An appearance of respecting one’s body and caring for it accordingly conveys knowledge and the potential for success in other endeavors as well.

 

Cleanliness and Grooming. When you project an image of cleanliness, again you project self-confident and self-respect. If you are willing to take care of yourself, you build a subtle level of trust.

 

Wardrobe. Humans are visual, and what they see, they respond to, so choose your “wrapping” carefully. Your clothing choices will depend on the circumstance and the brand you want to build. For example, a person pursuing success in the fashion industry will have to dress differently than a teacher in a schoolroom. Dressing appropriately for a job conveys one’s preparedness and awareness of expectations.

 

Thoughts

 

The mind is everything. What you think you become.

— Buddha

 

Attitude. Positive or negative, possible or impossible, hopeful or cynical. Do you approach life with a determination that your best days are in front of you or behind you? The attitude you convey will draw to you similar-minded people, so be sure you attract those you want to associate with.

 

Internal Dialogue. What does the conversation in your mind sound like? Your thoughts predict your words and your actions, so be mindful to encourage a supportive, positive flow of thought in your mind day in and day out.

 

Every day, we project an image, an attitude, an idea of who we are out into the world that either draws toward us the connections we want or keeps them at bay. While establishing your brand will take time and discipline, when you have created a habit of living that you are proud of, your entire life will be elevated — your mood, the quality of your days, your relationships with others and with yourself — and you will cultivate a most amazing brand and a simply luxurious life.

 

 

Women in the Workplace

 

Did you know . . .

 

 

Work and life. The two are not mutually exclusive because our lives include the work we do, and doing a job we love and pursuing a career we are passionate about requires much of our time and is often our life’s pursuit. After all, it is the combination of a pleasurable life with a productive life that results in true contentment at the end of each day.

With more than 51 percent of the workforce in the United States predicted to be women at the end of 2018, women have the opportunity to create and model for others how to cultivate a productive, engaging, and enjoyable work environment. Four arenas are key to not just productivity, but our engagement in and enjoyment of the work we do.

 

Office Space and Energy

 

For many of us, much of the workweek is spent in the office, and it is important to do what you can to create an environment you want to walk into each day. Below is a list of details that can ensure that the workday — from beginning to end, each day of the week — runs as smoothly as possible. When we control what is in our control, we can better handle what is not.

 

Organize the Space. Arrange furniture, desk, files, tables, etc., in a way that is inviting not only to anyone who comes in to see you, but also to yourself when you arrive each morning. I was quite drawn to Dr. Paula Agard’s office in the fifth season of Suits, with its neutral color palette, comfortable furniture, and organized workspace. Of course, having such a lavish budget is not typical, but keeping in mind the details of comfort, calm, and thoughtful touches makes a difference, especially over time.

 

Organize Your Desk to create a zen, yet inspiring place to work.

 

Understand How You Work Best, and adjust what you can to create a space in which you thrive.

 

Create Clear Expectations and Rules for clients, colleagues, and superiors that enable you to do your job well and thus provide support for others to do their job well also. For example, set a clear understanding about when you will respond to e-mails, messages, and other communications; once people know they will be hearing from you in a timely manner but perhaps not immediately, you are less likely to be bombarded by unnecessary e-mails checking to see if you received their last one.

 

Keep the Conversation Elevated. Squash the gossip, and instead talk, first and foremost, about work or the job at hand; insert a bit of personal sharing based on what each person is comfortable with, and have a good sense of humor that is playful but not hurtful. Establishing necessary boundaries protects your energy throughout the day and improves the quality of your support for others throughout the organization. Once it is clear you are not someone who gossips, coworkers will stop coming to you with the latest dirt.

 

Celebrate Special as Well as Random Occasions. The monotony of a work environment benefits from celebratory events — whether it is the holidays, first Fridays (time for making an office croissant run), or coworkers’ birthdays. Such celebrations create an enjoyable culture of support and congeniality.

 

Working with Colleagues

 

 

Reporting to a Supervisor

 

Unless you are your own boss, you report in some capacity to a supervisor, administrator, or other type of manager. Specific expectations and norms will be unique to your profession, but in general, the list below offers ideas for cultivating a relationship of respect and professionalism as well as opportunities to rise:

 

 

Doing what we love and enjoying the way we do it is the path to success. Doing it in a way that respects each individual but also provides clear expectations is a certain route to not only productivity, but more contentment on the job.

 

 

How to Succeed as an Entrepreneur

 

You don’t “succeed” because you have no weaknesses; you succeed because you find your unique strengths and focus on developing habits around them.

— Timothy Ferriss

 

There is no need to wistfully look back upon your college years and wonder why you could not have come up with the next new start-up idea and risen to financial success during your early twenties. The truth behind successful entrepreneurships is that being older is better. In fact, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, entrepreneurs who were 35 or older were 50 percent more likely to start their own business, and the study also showed —this is the most important detail — that “midcareer entrepreneurs were nearly five times more likely” to be passionate about their pursuit five years into their venture than those who began a business right after graduating from college.

As Carl Schramm wrote in the Wall Street Journal in February 2018, mid-career entrepreneurs bring two components that are hard to find when one is young: more varied and extensive experiences, whether in professional or personal endeavors, and the financial means to fund a start-up, whether in liquid assets or through having a day job, to pay the expenses while they hone their small business on the weekends and at night.

More women than ever before are starting their own businesses, but only 3 percent of female-owned businesses have revenue of a million dollars or more. My challenge to those who are considering or who are already running their own business: While the goal should never be to earn a certain amount of money, it should be to thrive and not just get by. In order to choose and then run a business that can thrive, you need to look to those who have been successful doing what you want to do, learn the necessary tools and skills, and apply them effectively. In other words, you need to do your homework.

From my own experience, I concur completely with Schramm as to why I have been able to slowly, but steadily become an entrepreneur: I have a sincere passion for the message I share with the world in my writing, and my teaching career’s skills overlap with what I do, but teaching also gives me windows of time each year when I can dedicate myself entirely to exploring more fully my business ideas, such as writing a book during the summer months and traveling during seasonal week- or month-long breaks. As well, I do my best to continually learn what is new in the blogging industry, as it seems to constantly change. For example, at the beginning of my journey, I was slow to start my business Facebook page and was gently, but adamantly encouraged to get mine up and running (in 2011 — yes, much later than I should have done it).

I do not want to find myself behind the curve again, and so I regularly read various industry blogs and columns to stay abreast as much as possible, and I follow other bloggers I trust and who are experts at what they do. On the flip side, the reason my blog continues to grow is because of TSLL readers who share what they discover with those they love. The takeaway for me from this fact about my readership was that I needed to listen to my readers. Case in point: I wrote this section of the book in response to requests from many of you.

The bottom line is that it is never too late to consider becoming an entrepreneur. While the uncertainties in doing so are vast as you begin to lay the groundwork, here are some tips and advice that can put the odds for lasting success in your favor.

 

What to Pursue

 

The Intersection. Find where what the world needs meets your talents and passion.

Knowledge. Never stop learning and discovering new information about the world, its past, its people, and its potential. Especially stay cognizant of your particular industry.

 

What to Establish

 

A Routine That Works for You. W. H. Auden wrote, “Routine, in an intelligent man, is a sign of ambition.” Thoughtfully be aware of what works best for your personality and productivity, and stick to it. Each of our routines will be different.

 

Strong Relationships. Customers or clients, contractors in a field of expertise vital to the success of your business, the community — invest in building relationships in these arenas as they are a foundation from which you can rise as well as help those you connect with.

 

Sincerity. Choose a business that you would do for free, but because you know your value and intend to be taken seriously, put a price on the services or products you offer. In other words, pursue a business concept you believe in and want to see in the world, so much so that you would be its first customer should someone offer such an idea to the public.

 

Credibility. Success stories take time, and we build our credibility by continuing to learn from those who know more, even though we will apply the knowledge using our unique touch.

 

Self-Motivation. You are solely responsible for completing tasks, meeting deadlines, and being the composed and enthusiastic face of your organization, so make sure you have the desire to fill all of these roles. Being an entrepreneur can be very rewarding, but you must be able to wear many different hats. Make sure you are comfortable doing this or have the ability to hire people to fill roles that are not your strengths.

 

How to Thrive

 

Master Marketing. Not all marketing needs to be expensive, and you do not need a MBA to be a successful entrepreneur, but choosing to be a student of how to market well, however and wherever you gather the information, is crucial for introducing your brand to the world. For example, using social media effectively rather than placing any paid advertisements at all can be a frugal marketing strategy. Build relationships with potential customers first, and establish trust by offering a quality product and being willing to continually improve. Do your research to see what type of marketing is worth investing in when you have the available capital.

 

Work Smart. The concept of quality effort over quantity comes into play once again, this time with the business you wish to build. You may have to work long hours at certain points throughout your business’s life span or during certain seasons of the year, but if you are working long hours all the time, rethink your approach. Optimize your creativity by either investing in an employee to do tasks you no longer need to do or devise systems that cut down on the time you need to put in while maintaining or increasing production quality. Never assume there is only one way to accomplish what others have done before you.

 

Master the Money Flow. In other words, get your budget in order. Understand very clearly how much and where you are spending money and if you are pricing your services or products properly for the time and money you have invested and will continue to invest.

 

Making the Leap

 

Be Logical, Not Emotional. Leap into your entrepreneurial business as your sole endeavor when you make enough annually to pay not only your mandatory and discretionary expenses, but also your health insurance premiums and meaningful contributions to your retirement. Conversely, do not leave your current employer simply because you want to be free from time constraints, do not like where you work, or do not want to work for a boss; most likely you will be putting in longer hours than in your current job as your new business finds its footing. Success in one career contributes to success in another, so leave on good terms.

 

Consult Solid Resources

 

The section above is merely a starting-off point to remind you that if an idea has been dancing around in your mind for years and it just will not disappear, perhaps you should consider the reality that you do indeed have the passion to fuel a step into a new world of opportunity.

Now all you need are the tools, and below I have listed books I highly recommend on a handful of different areas of entrepreneurship.

 

 

 

Running a Small Business

 

While I have been running my blog for nearly nine years, I am still a neophyte when it comes to running my own business (although I am thoroughly loving the opportunity to learn as I go forward). In my few short years as an entrepreneur, I have learned a few principles from my accountant, lawyer, and financial adviser that have helped me along my journey thus far:

 

 

Again, the most frequent questions I receive are How do you do it all? How do you find the energy and ideas day after day? As much as I want to share a logical, specific schedule and tell you why it works, the truth is that it all depends on my absolute passion and dedication to what I do. I sleep and breathe living a life of quality and quantity and figuring out how to do it well as the world around us continues to shift and change.

I grappled and sorted through this question unconsciously beginning when I was a young girl and continued to do so until I was nearing thirty and finally decided to just write about it, having no idea what might unfold.

And here we are, nine years later, and my curiosity is only more excited and bursting with questions and writing ideas. Look to your energy source: your passion. If it is an authentic source, trust that you have what it takes to strive forward successfully.

 

 

 

Eight Ways to Remain Interested in Your Passion

 

Julia Child did not taste her first French meal until she was thirty-six, yet following that meal, eating and cooking French food became a lifelong passion for her. Ian Fleming, the creator of James Bond, did not write his first novel, Casino Royale, until he was forty-three; then he churned out thirteen more works of fiction over the next fourteen years. And Edith Wharton, author of The House of Mirth and Ethan Frome, after being discouraged by her parents from writing as a young girl, finally dove back in when she was thirty-five and created her own financial wealth from her talents.

Discovering what one is passionate about is not an easy task, but it will eventually be revealed if one keeps looking. Once we find our passion, there may be times when our interest wanes or we begin to question whether we should keep investing time and energy in what we have discovered. If what you are pursuing is what you are passionate about, these moments of doubt do not mean you should stop doing what you are doing; instead, they are a sign that you need some time to re-energize yourself. And this re-energizing must happen on a regular basis. Much like your body and its need to be fed, hydrated, and rested each day, your passions must be nourished if you wish them to flourish.

How can we reboot our interest in something we fell head over heels in love with years ago? Here are eight tips.

 

Step Away from the Financial Aspects. Try this for a day or two. If your passion is what you do for a living — and if that is the case, what an amazing career to have — the pressures of making sure it is making enough money to pay the bills can be a wet blanket. Make sure your finances are in order so that you can step away for a few days in order to focus primarily on what made you get involved with your work in the first place. Submersing yourself in the passion of what you do helps lift the burdens of financial stress, and often that is just what you need to strengthen your creative mind. Upon returning to your financial needs after taking a break, try to find a way to streamline your finances. Whether that is creating a simple budget system or purchasing a program such as QuickBooks or Xero, consider this an investment in yourself and your future happiness.

 

Investigate Others’ Lives. Read biographies of those who have traveled the path you are just beginning. If you are an into sports, read a biography about a successful athlete you look up to. If you are pursuing political science, read a biography about Winston Churchill or Condoleezza Rice or Abraham Lincoln. In other words, place yourself in the world of someone who inspired you to jump into what you are doing currently. Observe their struggles, discover how they overcame them, be inspired by their story, and most likely you will be refueled to jump back in with fervor.

 

Delegate the Necessary Have-tos. Often, with my busy schedule, what stresses me out the most is not being able to complete all of the have-tos (cleaning the house, mowing the lawn, etc.), and while these chores need to be done, when I figure out how to delegate or simplify them, I free myself up to spend time doing what I love — writing, reading, traveling, cooking, endlessly looking for inspiration. The details of your life may mean you are not able to enjoy doing what you are doing. If that is the case, rearrange your life, edit, delegate. Prioritize the elements in your life so that you are in the driver’s seat.

 

Schedule Breaks to Recharge. Regular vacations or weekends in which you are free from responsibility or can be away from the office without the phone attached to your ear are necessary to remind yourself that you love what you are doing. Even if you are only able to take one vacation a year, take it. Taking the time to be reassured that your passion is worth your continued involvement will set your mind at ease when you have to dive headfirst back into the fray.

 

Be Willing to Take a Risk. Often the best way to reboot your interest in your passion is to do something with it you have never done. Do you love cooking but have never attempted a soufflé? Give it a try until you have mastered it. The success you eventually arrive at will boost your confidence and add a lilt in your step as you get back in the kitchen and take it up a notch.

 

Find the Drains on Your Energy. Then find a solution. If you are feeling less than inspired about your passion, plug the leaks. Somewhere you are being drained unnecessarily, and it is time to flush out the energy leeches. It could be people who are draining you, or it could be obligations you have signed up for without acknowledging there are not thirty hours in the day. Find them, plug them, move on.

 

Change Your Environment. Travel, move, rearrange the furniture. Open a new book, step off a plane into a new city, state, or country. Create a new perspective for yourself. A change of environment will allow you to be nudged out of your rut and begin to see things differently. There is always a lesson to learn, a new sight to analyze, and something new to discover about your life and yourself.

 

Record Your Thoughts. Never underestimate the power of keeping a journal. I journal regularly, so I make sure I have my Moleskine either by my bed, in my office, or in my tote, even when I travel. Begin by writing down what happened during your day, and if you want, note how you felt or what you are hoping for; let your thoughts direct your pen. The journal is a sacred space, a you-only space, and the more often you write in it, the more honest you will become, breathing new life into your hidden hopes, fears, and ideas. Whether you experience aha moments while you are writing or looking back over older entries, insights will leap off the page if you are honest and pay attention to what you have written.

 

Imagine your life without the ability to pursue your passion. If the eight ideas above fail to keep you interested, imagine your life without being able to write, to swim, to travel, to parent, to teach, to protect, to build, to lead, etc. Would you want that life? I didn’t think so.

 

Often our passions are strangled by the things we either have to do to keep our lives running smoothly or believe we have to do. Be protective about what you bring into your life and into your schedule. Your passion is a life source for contentment, joy, becoming your best self for those around you, and enjoying your own company. Do not let that flame die.

 

 

How to Find Infinite Motivation

 

A few years ago, I watched a film I had been meaning to see since it was released in 2010. Afterward, I was inspired and reinvigorated, and reminded that anything is possible so long as you possess one important attribute . . . internal motivation. The story of the last horse to win the Triple Crown, Secretariat (1973), offers a plethora of lessons, but two very important characteristics came into play in the horse also known as Big Red (1970–1989). Upon his death, as is standard practice for a racing champion, an autopsy was performed, and it was discovered that Secretariat’s heart weighed an estimated 22 pounds, compared to 8.5 pounds for a normal horse.

Such a phenomenal anomaly has still not been matched. But it was what his trainer, owner, jockey, groom, and other observers noticed about him that made for an unbeatable competitor: He loved to run. In fact, in preparation for the Belmont Stakes, the final race to earn the Triple Crown, the trainer ran him rather than resting him in the days leading up to the main event.

Obviously, we cannot get inside a horse’s head, but those who have spent their lives around animals, paying close attention to their behavior, discern particular predilections and motivations in horses. And Secretariat’s was to run simply because he enjoyed it. Blessed with a powerful heart that enabled unbeatable endurance, he outran a worthy opponent in Sham (whose heart weighed 18 pounds), winning the Belmont Stakes by 31 lengths.

The lesson? Regardless of how talented we are in any arena — speaking, math, music, sports — if our heart is not sincerely enamored with the task at hand, our fullest potential is less likely to be reached.

Yale professor of psychology and organizational behavior Barry Schwartz led a study involving more than 11,000 West Point cadets regarding what type of motivation — internal (seek understanding, grow as an individual, improve the world) or instrumental (external reward such as money, prestige, attention) — provided the better or desired outcomes.

As you might expect, cadets with a strong internal motivation (coupled with a weak instrumental motivation) were more likely to graduate and be successful in their military career. What was unexpected was that the cadets who felt both internal and instrumental motives performed worse on every evaluative measure compared to those who had a strong internal motivation along with a weak instrumental motivation.

The study revealed that in order to attain a favorable outcome, activities and instruction should be structured in such a way that instrumental outcomes do not become the motive, even if such outcomes occur as a by-product. For example, eating well and working out should not be done to fit into a particular dress to impress your former classmates at the upcoming reunion. Rather, living healthily should be done to improve your longevity and increase your physical capabilities and thus the quality of your life. The idea is not to pursue paths that have no instrumental value, but to make sure that instrumental value is not the primary motivator.

Take some time to be with yourself and take part in a bit of self-reflection. Secretariat did not do what he did to gain accolades, a movie deal, or higher stud fees; he was born with a gift and happened to love doing something that a large heart helped him to excel at. I have no doubt that even if his heart had been the standard 8.5 pounds, Secretariat would still have loved to run and would have been absolutely content. The Triple Crown was just the cherry on top.

 

 

Be the Captain of Your Ship

 

Whatever circumstances you were born into, whatever family life and education you had or didn’t have, you came here to make your dreams come true, and no matter where you are now, you are fully equipped with everything you need to do it.

— Rhonda Byrne, Hero

 

Benjamin Franklin was twenty years old in 1726 when he laid out his thirteen virtues, which he offered as a way to cultivate strong character. His resolute determination to adhere to his core principles undoubtedly aided him as he chartered the path he carved for himself and are in part why American history holds him in such high regard. Here is Franklin’s list of virtues.

 

Temperance. Eat not to dullness. Drink not to elevation.

Silence. Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself. Avoid trifling conversation.

Order. Let all your things have their places. Let each part of your business have its time.

Resolution. Resolve to perform what you ought. Perform without fail what you resolve.

Frugality. Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself: i.e., waste nothing.

Industry. Lose no time. Be always employed in something useful. Cut off all unnecessary actions.

Sincerity. Use no hurtful deceit. Think innocently and justly; and, if you speak, speak accordingly.

Justice. Wrong none by doing injuries or omitting the benefits that are your duty.

Moderation. Avoid extremes. Forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.

Cleanliness. Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, clothes, or habitation.

Tranquility. Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.

Chastity. Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another’s peace or reputation.

Humility. Imitate Jesus and Socrates.

 

We too, with determination and clarity, can chart the path we wish to create for ourselves. We too can navigate the wind and the currents of life to propel us toward our desired destination. A horrific storm that may seem to throw us off course can take us to better waters if we learn the proper lessons along the way. Whether we are given an inflatable dinghy or a grand yacht to make our journey, we can turn our dreams into reality.

Those who feel they have been dealt an unfair hand may need to rely on more creative means to acquire a safer vessel, but imagine the skills they will have gained along the way. Those skills will forever exist for those who have had to scratch and claw to get where they wish to go; it is those skills that can strengthen your foundation and allow you to potentially exceed your initial dreams.

So long as you have a sound mind to absorb knowledge, a voice to ask questions, and ears to gather information, you can weather Mother Nature’s turbulent moments and come to appreciate the pearls gathered up along the way.

As Steve Jobs reminded Stanford graduates in 2005, “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward.” In the meantime, never waste an opportunity to learn something new, gain new knowledge, or feed your curiosity. Life has a funny way of answering our questions, but we first must be willing to step forward and ask them.