17

“spirit” day? don’t think so.

WHEN PAIGE AND I WOKE UP, WE WERE BOTH quiet. It was Spirit Day, but it definitely didn’t feel like that in our dorm. We didn’t say much as we got dressed. I pulled on a hunter green skirt over black leggings and a gold T-shirt. Paige dressed in dark green cords and a white T-shirt with gold stitching.

Neither of us said a word as we brushed our teeth, flatironed our hair, and put on makeup. It was the most awkward morning we’d ever had.

I grabbed my bookbag, slinging it over my shoulder, and picked up the rest of my books off my bed.

“Sasha,” Paige said.

I turned to glance at her, really looking at her for the first time since the bonfire. I noticed the dark circles under her eyes and her pale face.

“What?” I asked.

Paige looked down, then back up at me. “I’m so sorry about last night. I should have talked to you for at least a few more minutes instead of rushing off to work on Homecoming.”

I nodded, not responding. I’d pretended to be asleep last night when Paige had gotten back—I hadn’t been ready to talk. But I didn’t want to walk out now without saying anything. Paige really was sorry and I knew she hadn’t meant to hurt my feelings.

“It’s okay,” I said. “Everyone’s stressed out right now and there are a million things going on.” I paused for a second. “I know I’ve been totally anti-Homecoming and I haven’t been fair since it’s something that’s important to you.”

Paige looked at me, twisting a lock of her red-gold hair.

“I know how much you love Homecoming and I want to be better about being excited for you, even if I’m not,” I said.

“Thanks,” Paige said. “And I know there are lots of things going on for you related to Homecoming. You’ve got Callie, Jacob, and Eric all there. I haven’t been as sensitive to that as I should have been.”

“You were just excited about Homecoming,” I said. “I was never upset about that. It was just hard for me to think about going to Homecoming when Callie, Jacob, and everyone else were going to be there. But you know I was excited for you, too. It’s a big deal that you and Ryan got nominated and I hope I didn’t make that any less special for you.”

Paige shook her head. “Please. Stop it. You totally didn’t. There are two days left of Homecoming and I want us to just have fun the rest of the time. And I want you to be comfortable doing whatever you want. I know you have to do some of the assigned stuff since you were nominated, but I don’t want the rest of the week to be awful for you.”

“It’s not awful,” I said. “Really. Jacob, Callie, Eric, and I just need to keep our distance from each other and we’ll be okay.”

Paige walked over and wrapped her arms around me. I hugged her back, glad that we’d smoothed most of everything over and also relieved that things weren’t going to be weird before fall break. I didn’t want to start off fall break with Paige and I being awkward around each other. I had enough people to worry about.

“We need to totally start planning everything we’re going to do over break soon,” I said.

“Absolutely,” Paige said. “We so have to.”

We smiled at each other and I willed the week to hurry and be over already.

When I got to history class later that afternoon, I took my seat and my eyes shifted between Jacob and Eric, who were already in there.

Eric had his phone under his desk and was texting. A lot. His phone buzzed seconds after he sent a text and he kept texting. He was slouched in his seat in a black T-shirt and jeans. Every few seconds, he’d grin, then type something back.

Then I looked over at Jacob. He sat at his desk, not even looking up. He looked as if he hadn’t slept for days and he just stared at the front of the classroom as if he didn’t know why he was there or what was going on. I watched him and my head started to pound. He had to be upset about breaking up with Callie, but I also knew it was about me. He’d wanted us to be together and he’d thought that would happen immediately after he’d left Callie.

But I’d made it clear at the bonfire that it couldn’t happen. Not now. Not ever. He hadn’t believed me, but I’d have to do everything I could to convince him that I wanted to be single. That I didn’t want him back. That we couldn’t be together.

But part of my brain went to that place. What if I waited long enough, however long that was, and we did try to be boyfriend and girlfriend? No. I pushed the thoughts away. I’d decided to stay single and if we got back together now, it might make Callie question my story from the night of my party. That couldn’t happen. I never wanted her to hate Jacob. I’d rather she hated me instead.

I sat through history class, not saying a word, and was sure that would be the most awkward class of my day. But when I got to math class, I saw Callie dressed in jeans and a red T-shirt. She was really down if she didn’t dress up for Spirit Day.

I walked by her and took my seat, forcing myself not to go up to her. I couldn’t. It would blow everything. But it hurt to watch my former BFF be teary through our entire class. I didn’t know how many of those classes I could take.