24

SMILE!

PAIGE AND I WALKED DOWN THE HALLWAY, Paige’s heels click-clacking on the floor. We passed Jas’s empty room. At least she wasn’t here to attend the dance.

Paige and I waved at Livvie, the Winchester dorm monitor, as we passed her office.

“Oh, wait a sec!” Livvie called after us.

We stopped and Livvie appeared in her doorway, camera in hand.

“I can’t let you girls leave without a picture,” she said. “It’s the first time you’ve attended Homecoming and I want you to have something to look at later to help you remember this very special night.”

Last year, I’d been too overwhelmed to participate, and Paige had been too busy.

I almost rolled my eyes when she said “special,” but I stopped myself.

Livvie put the camera in front of her and zoomed the lens at us. “Get together, girls,” she said. “And smile.”

Obediently, I placed my arm around Paige’s waist and she slung hers over my shoulder. We smiled at Livvie.

“One … two … three!” Livvie pushed a button and her camera flash nearly blinded me.

“I’ll e-mail a copy to your parents,” she said. “I’m sure they’ll be excited to see a pic of you both in your dresses.”

Paige nodded enthusiastically. “My parents will love it.”

“Mine too,” I said. And they would. They had no idea about any of the Eric/Callie/Jacob mess and whenever we’d talked or texted, I’d told Mom and Dad that I was excited about fall break and had ignored as much talk about Homecoming as possible. I didn’t want them to know what was going on—it would lead to endless questions from Mom and Dad and they would only worry.

“And I’ll send a copy to the administration office. They like to use photos like these for the view books of students considering enrolling at Canterwood,” Livvie said. She waved us off and we left Winchester.

Instead of chatting, Paige was quiet. I knew that meant she was nervous. I bumped her arm with my elbow.

“Things are going to be fine with Ryan,” I said. “Don’t worry or overanalyze. You’re going to be great. Plus, you’re royalty at this event, Paige. You were nominated for Homecoming princess!”

That made Paige smile. “Omigod, what if either of us win? That would be amazing!”

We approached the ballroom and I looked at her sideways. “Admit it. You just want that tiara.”

Paige laughed. “Okay, okay. I kind of do. It’s just so sparkly!”

“Well, when you win it, you have to share. Otherwise, I’ll have to steal it from you.”’

“I won’t win, but if I do, I’ll definitely share. And the same rule applies to you.”

We reached the ballroom and a massive Canterwood Crest banner hung over the doorway. The green banner had the school’s name and crest stitched into it. The black railing was trimmed with green and gold ribbon and the usually bright white light bulbs that were in lanterns on either side of the door had been changed to a softer yellow. The glow made the entrance look almost golden.

Paige pulled open one of the glass doors and we stepped into the lobby. We took the hallway that led to the ballroom and Paige and I halted in the doorway. The massive room with its arched windows, hardwood floors and creamy off-white walls looked nothing like the ballroom I’d seen before. Green and gold were everywhere.

A green carpet ran from the doorway to the food and drink tables. Gold glitter was sprinkled over the white table clothes. On one table, there were silver buckets with sparkling grape juice and other fun drinks.

The floor had been buffed to a soft sheen and the room had Canterwood Crest posters and crests on the walls. I pulled Paige over to a narrow wall between two windows and couldn’t stop staring.

“Omigosh,” I said. “Did you do this?”

The wall had been turned into a collage. It had black and white candid photos of what looked like everyone in seventh and eighth grade. I scanned the pictures—spotting the ones of my friends. A picture of Paige and Geena peering into their mixing bowls in cooking class and wearing aprons made me smile. Nicole, with an arm slung over Wish’s shoulder, grinned at the camera. There were shots of Troy, Andy, and Ben laughing in the caf at their table. A photo of the Trio, with their heads together in the Orchard common room, captured them perfectly.

Then I saw a picture of Callie and Jacob. She held his hand and looked into his eyes, her complete attention on him. Jacob, though, was looking just over her shoulder. They were sitting in the courtyard near the fountain. His gaze was so intense—I wondered what he was looking at.

There was a great photo of Eric in the outdoor arena. He was riding Luna, the school horse he used for lessons, and they were in midair over a jump. His form was perfect and it made my throat close a little to think about how we used to coach each other and practice together.

“There you are,” Paige said. She pointed to a pic in the middle. I was sitting by myself on a bench by the courtyard, reading something in my English notebook. In the far side of the picture, three girls were clustered together, laughing and smiling. I peered closer at them.

Rachel and her friends.

I looked away from Rachel and my eyes stopped on another picture. Callie and I sitting on a bench in the courtyard with an enormous stack of books between us. I flashed back, remembering that moment when we’d been cramming last minute for midterms. Back when we’d been friends.

I turned away from the wall. “I’m starving. Let’s eat.”

Paige and I walked down the green carpet and started toward the drink table. I kept my eyes on the food table—not wanting to see Eric, Jacob, or Callie if they were already here.

“Did you pick out all of this food?” I asked Paige. “It’s fantastic.”

Paige shrugged, smiling. “I chose most of it. The catering staff cooked everything—Geena and I just told them what we wanted.”

Tables were lined from end to end with crystal plates filled with food. There was a table of fun food—pigs in a blanket, mini corn dogs, nachos and cheese, and hamburger sliders. Another table had more sophisticated food—quiches, roast beef and pepper kabobs, shrimp, and a few other different varieties of meats, cheeses, and breads.

I grabbed a green plastic plate—customized with CCA in gold in the center—and got in line. “You know I’m going to have at least one of everything.”

“Me too. Let’s get some food and grab drinks.” Paige scanned the room as she took a plate. “I don’t see Ryan yet.”

“He’ll be here,” I reassured her. “He wants to see you and he’s nominated for prince, so don’t worry.”

Paige and I filled our plates and poured glasses of sparkling white grape juice. Paige glanced around the room again and she spun back around to look at me, almost sloshing juice over the side of her glass.

“He’s here!” she said. “Ryan’s here!”

“Go say hi,” I said. “I’m going to be eating anyway. I’ll go find Nicole or someone to hang with for a while.”

Paige stared at me. “You sure? You can totally come over with us.”

“I’m sure. Go.” I gently shoved Paige away from me.

She tossed one last look over her shoulder and I waved her away. I wanted her to spend Homecoming with Ryan. I also didn’t want to keep up my fake Oh, Homecoming rocks! act much longer. If I wasn’t around Paige, then I could relax a little.

One of the guys in my math class was the DJ. He cranked the volume up a notch louder. A pop-rock mix streamed from the speakers and people started dancing in the center of the floor in front of the stage. Ugh. Soon, I’d be on that stage as the winners of the junior royal court were announced.

Ignore it, I told myself. I walked to the edge of the room and found an empty seat away from the food and drink tables. I hadn’t seen Callie, Eric, or Jacob yet, so at least I didn’t have to keep an eye on them.

I went for the dessert first and took a bite of my vanilla cupcake with gold frosting.

“Silver.”

I looked up, midbite. Heather stood in front of me.

“I’m going to ditch you right now if you don’t wipe that ridiculous frosting off your face,” Heather said. She rolled her blue eyes.

I swiped at my mouth with my napkin. “When did you get here?”

“Just now. Julia and Alison were freaking out because they didn’t want to miss one second of it and Alison had a last-minute shoe emergency.”

“What happened?”

Heather sat on the chair beside me. “Her heel broke. She was devastated. As if they were the only pair of shoes she had to wear.”

“Paige had a shoe moment too,” I said. “But I get it. They want to look amazing—they think Homecoming is a big deal.”

“True.” Heather nodded down at her own dark blue halter dress. “I dressed up, but I didn’t go crazy.”

“Me either. And it was kind of nice for once not to have that crazy pressure of dressing up and worrying about my date and all that stuff.”

“This is just an annoyance,” Heather said, sighing. “We’re here against our will and we have to watch girls throw themselves at guys. Like I’d ever do that.”

I looked sideways at her. We’d never talked about boys—only when she’d pretended to go after Jacob.

“Was there someone you wanted to go with?” I asked. I sat back in my chair a little, expecting her to snap at me and tell me it was none of my business.

Heather stared at her hands in her lap, then looked over at me. “I wouldn’t have minded if Troy had asked me to go with him.”

I tried not to let my mouth flop open. Heather had a crush and she was insecure about it. For once, she didn’t have all the answers. She wanted something but didn’t know how to go after it.

Total. Shocker.

“Troy’s great,” I said, keeping my voice calm. “Does he know you like him?”

Heather shrugged. “I’m not sure. We talk at the stable a lot, but it’s always casual conversation about riding. I think he might like me, but I don’t know.”

“Maybe you could find out tonight. Get something out of being here. More than whatever your mom got out of it.”

I looked over and saw Troy standing with Andy and a couple of the riders from the seventh-grade intermediate team.

“He’s over there,” I said, tipping my chin in his direction.

Heather looked over at Troy. She ran her fingers through her hair and stood. “Back in a sec.”

“Good luck,” I said. I smiled to myself and watched her maneuver through the crowd toward Troy. I finished my food and stood to throw away my plate. I found a trash can near the back of the room and tossed in my plate. When I turned, Jacob stood in front of me—hands in his pockets. He wore black pants, a blazer, and a gray T-shirt. He looked amazing.

I clutched my cup and stared at him.

“You look beautiful,” he said. His voice was soft and his green eyes met mine.

“Thanks,” I said. I was barely able to get out the word. Even though he was single and I wasn’t with Eric, it felt wrong to talk to him. But I so wanted to. And I hated how confused I felt. If I cared about Callie’s feelings like I claimed, I would stay away from Jacob and not even think about us ever being together. But I couldn’t stop what I felt—no matter how hard I tried.

“You’re going to win,” Jacob said. “There’s no way anyone else could be Homecoming princess.”

I shook my head. “But I don’t want to be a princess! I just want to get out of here.”

“Because of Callie, Eric, and me.”

I paused, then nodded. “We all have to be onstage together. Every time I see Callie she looks like she wants to kill me. Eric just ignores me—not that he doesn’t have every right to. And you—” I caught myself.

“What?”

Jacob stepped closer and I could almost feel his breath on my face. I took a step back.

“Nothing,” I said. “We can’t be talking like this. People already think I’m a horrible person who stole my best friend’s boyfriend. It’s only going to make it worse if they see us talking now.”

“Sasha, you have to know why I broke up with Callie.”

I glanced down at the floor, then back at him. “Why?”

“I couldn’t do it, Sash. I couldn’t stay with her when I wasn’t feeling it. The longer I was with her, the harder it would have been when we finally broke up.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. “I get that—I do. I know you were saving her from more pain later, but it’s still hard to see her now.”

“I feel awful that I hurt her. She’s a great girl,” Jacob said. “I told her that I was too overwhelmed with school, sports, and everything else to be a good boyfriend. She was hurt, but I know she believed it. She never thought it was because of what happened at your party.”

“Are you sure?” I rubbed the back of my neck. “Jacob, I don’t want her to ever doubt that what she had with you was real. You were her first boyfriend. She has to keep hating me.”

“That’s not fair to you,” Jacob said. “She was your best friend and you’re taking the blame for what I did. You could tell her the truth and be friends again.”

I shook my head. “I can’t.”

And I knew the other reason I wasn’t saying—I didn’t want Jacob to be the bad guy. I cared about him too much to expose what he’d done.

Jacob’s eyes searched my face. “If you’re not going to try to work things out with Callie, then she can be mad at both of us … together.”

“Jacob.” I wrapped my arms across my chest.

“Sasha.” He said my name in the same tone I’d said his. “I know we can’t right now, but you want to eventually.” He paused. “Right?”

“W-we can’t,” I said, stumbling over my words. I had to pull it together or he’d know I was lying. “It would be obvious to Callie that you broke up with her for me and it would kill her. We’ve already done enough to her.”

Jacob put a warm hand on my forearm. “Callie will move on. She’ll find another boyfriend. You know she’ll be okay. I want you to be happy too. And I think I could make you happy. I want to try.”

I froze.

I wanted to tell him yes. Wanted to say that I wanted to try after we waited a while.

“It’s not just about Callie,” I said. “I want—I need—to be single. I just made the YENT and I’ve got to focus.”

I blinked, trying not to cry, and knew I had to go before I changed my mind.

Jacob looked down at his shoes and I glanced over his shoulder.

My eyes connected with someone else’s.