“You’re taking the bed,” Ben said when they came back into the room.
“No. There is no way you would get a single minute of sleep on that sofa, Ben.”
“And obviously, neither will you. You take the bed and I’ll pull the pillow and blanket off the sofa and sleep on the floor.”
“What? No way. Look, there must be a better way to do this. We’re both adults, right? We’re capable of keeping our hands and other body parts to ourselves, aren’t we?” She said a silent prayer hoping she’d be able to. “Let’s just share the bed. It’s plenty big enough for both of us to have our own side. We can even create a pillow barrier down the middle so there’s no question where one side ends or another begins. Here, look.”
She grabbed the extra pillow from the sofa along with the throw pillow the steward had set aside, and then she stripped back the sheet and blanket from the bed. After arranging the extra pillows in a line down the middle, she stood at the foot of the bed to ensure it was relatively even, and then she pulled the covers up over them.
“Do you mind if I take the side by the balcony so I can hear the water?”
“Not at all,” Ben said, “but are you sure you won’t be too cold?”
“I’ll pull the blanket from the sofa and put it over me just in case. It’ll be fine.”
She hoped it would be fine, but she wasn’t at all sure. It had been impossible to sleep with him on the bed and her on the couch; how on earth would she be able to lay there knowing he was within arm’s reach yet out of reach?
At the same time, there was no way she’d rest if he was on the floor or the tiny sofa bed because of her.
This was the only reasonable solution. Her only hope was that she’d finally reached a level of exhaustion that would let her just pass out and be oblivious to Ben lying next to her.
“Katie?”
She heard the voice from far off in a distant land. It was deep but soft. Vaguely familiar but she couldn’t place it.
“Katie?”
It came again, a little louder this time, and while something inside her felt happy to hear it, she also wanted to turn away from it and stay in the cocoon of warmth she was wrapped in. But then the soft ground on which she lay began to shift beneath her, and she sat up with a start, suddenly wide awake.
“Sorry,” Ben said softly. “My arm was asleep, and when I tried to move it out from under you, you grabbed onto it and wouldn’t let go.”
“Oh my God.” She rubbed her hands over her face and squinted against the sunlight streaming through the open door. “What time is it?”
“It’s ten.”
“I slept until ten? I haven’t done that since…I don’t think I’ve ever slept until ten.”
“Well, it was almost four by the time we went to bed.”
The reminder that they’d gone to bed together jarred her from her sleep fog, and she looked down to find the pillow barrier askew and her lying entirely on Ben’s side of it.
“I’m sorry,” she said, rushing to scoot back to her side.
“Don’t be. I think you must have gotten cold in your sleep and were just seeking out warmth. It’s a survival tactic.”
“Right. Because I wouldn’t have survived the freezing temperatures of a Caribbean cruise ship if I hadn’t found you in the night. Thank God you were here.” She rubbed her palm against her forehead and then took the elastic band from her hair. “I really am sorry. I hope I didn’t do or say anything inappropriate in my sleep, and I hope you were able to get some rest, despite my needing warmth.”
“You were fine. Nothing inappropriate, and I didn’t mind keeping you warm. Well, not until my arm went to sleep anyway.”
“Wait…did you say I was lying on your arm? Like, long enough for it to go to sleep?”
“Yeah. It’s okay. There were a few pins and needles when you sat up, but the blood flow’s all good now.”
“Why didn’t you wake me up before?”
“Because I figured you needed the sleep. And like I said, I didn’t mind. To be honest, it was nice lying there with you as the sun came up and the light starting streaming across the room. I liked it. It seemed like a moment Cruise Ben and Cruise Katie would have shared.”
“Cruise Ben and Cruise Katie? That sounds like a special edition Barbie couple. They probably come with their own life preservers or something. Color coordinated to their outfits, of course.”
“Isn’t that what you called the pretend versions of us last night?”
Tossing back the covers, she climbed out of bed and headed for the restroom. “I called them Pretend Ben and Pretend Katie, but I think Cruise Ben sounds like a more interesting guy. Let’s go with that.”
She closed the bathroom door, but then as his words registered, she opened it and stepped out to stare at him. “Did you say you watched the sun coming up? How long have you been awake, and how long have I been stopping the blood flow in your arm?”
“I’ve been dozing off and on for a few hours. Still adjusting to the time change, I guess.”
“Hours? I laid on your arm for hours? Why didn’t you say something?”
“Maybe because I didn’t want it to end?”
She didn’t know what to say to that, so she just turned and went back into the restroom.
“Hey, I was thinking in between dozes this morning,” he said once she’d emerged from the restroom with a freshly washed face and her teeth brushed. “And I know this is probably going to sound crazy, but considering that we now have three different versions of our lives going concurrently, maybe not.”
“Three? How do we have three?”
He held up his fingers as he counted them off. “One, there’s the truth. We met once. I didn’t make nearly the impression you did, and we met again at the airport before boarding this cruise. Two,” he lifted the second finger, “Same story as the first, but with the added chapters being you volunteered to pretend to be my love interest in front of my family, and you blew my mind with one of the hottest kisses of my life, which happened to take place in front of my mother…and now that I say that out loud it sounds horrendous, and I definitely need more therapy.”
“It does sound bad, but I’m more interested in that being one of the hottest kisses of your life. Really?”
“Yeah, why?”
She smiled as a warm flush crept into her cheeks. “Well, I mean, it was great and all, but it was a spur of the moment thing and I felt like I kind of came in hot. A little sloppy, even. I could do better. I’m sure of it. But I’m guessing the third would be Cruise Ben and Katie?”
He stared at her for a moment, his mouth slightly ajar and his fingers still holding the count in midair.
“What?” she asked.
“I don’t even know. I’m still stuck on you thinking you could do better…okay, yeah, three is Cruise Ben and Katie, who have this fantastic Italian village backstory and they’re solid, man. They’ve been through stuff, and they’ve had each other’s backs, and they know where they stand. There’s no games. There’s no question. They don’t have to dance around with everything they say and everything they do, worried they’re gonna scare off the other person. They can just be themselves and know that’s okay. If they wanna kiss, they kiss. If they wanna hold hands, they do it. And if Cruise Ben wants to lie there with Cruise Katie on his arm, watching the sun march across the room, and do it just because he loves the way she feels in his arms all snuggled against his side, then it’s perfectly acceptable and not weird at all.”
This time, Katie looked a little stunned and it took her a second to recover. “I never said it was weird or unacceptable. I just felt bad for putting your arm to sleep and forcing you to be immobile. For hours, evidently.”
“I could have moved any time I wanted to. I didn’t want to.”
She blinked a couple of times as she weighed whether she wanted to ask him to expand on that, but then she opted to move on. “I’m sorry, but I got lost somewhere in all this. What was the point you were making about the three?”
He came and stood in front of her, reaching to take her hand in his. “In versions one and two, my family’s nuts and my mother hates me. And I don’t know what your story is in version two, but I know in the real life with no embellishments version, your life is a bit of a mess right now.”
“Gee, thanks,” she said, grinning.
“But in version three, we’re golden. We’re happy. Life is great, and this cruise is great, and it’s everything we wanted it to be. We have the best possible outcome guaranteed, because we’re making it up as we go along.”
“Right, and that sounds awesome. Sign me up for that version, please! But we don’t actually have that life, Ben. We made it up. We’ve got to live the one we’ve been given.”
“Do we?” he asked, his eyes alight. “We’re already pretending that we’re dating anytime we’re around my family, so we’ve suspended reality, have we not? Why can’t we be Cruise Ben and Katie when it’s just the two of us? When we get off this ship at the end of the week, we go back to our lives and our challenges and whatever the future brings. But for the next few days, let’s be someone else. Someone who’s happy with their life just the way it is.”
She stared at him like he was bonkers, but she was also intrigued. Maya had said a cruise was an escape. Like unplugging from the real world for a few days.
She’d much rather be Cruise Katie with her picture-perfect life and her romantic hero boyfriend. If it was just between her and Ben and no one else knew, what would it matter? It wasn’t like they were hurting anyone. And unlike the ruse they had going with his parents, they weren’t lying to anyone other than themselves, and they both knew it was a lie.
“You’re considering it, aren’t you?” Ben grinned, giving her hand a light squeeze.
“This is insane. You do realize this is insane.
Ben nodded. “Yeah. But I still kinda wanna do it.”
“I don’t know. What would we do? Do we talk differently? Do we act differently? Do we have to constantly make up stuff? Because as we both know, my creativity is in the pits right now.”
“We don’t have to make up anything. You already did that when you created these characters. And as far as what we say or do, we just say or do whatever the character would. Just be the character,”
“But we can’t actually be them.” Katie moved past him to sit on the couch as she thought it through. “We’ll still be ourselves. We’ll still be those people we’re running from.”
“I know,” he said, joining her on the couch. “That’s why it’s called pretend.”
Katie rolled her eyes with a groan. “I get that, but children play pretend, Ben. We’re adults.”
“Adults play pretend all the time. It’s called role play.”
“Isn’t that kind of like a bedroom thing, though?”
“Not necessarily. There are all sorts of games and activities that use role play. Think of this as a game where we have roles to play. And since this is our game that we’re creating as we go, we make the rules of what it is and isn’t. If we want to say sex is off the table, then there’s no sex. I’d like to propose we have a rule that we can’t lie to each other. That’s the first rule. The cardinal rule. We can pretend as long as we’re pretending together, but no lies between us.”
“Okay, but we also need a rule that says either one of us can tap out whenever we want.”
“Definitely,” Ben nodded. “All we need to do is say tapping out. No lengthy explanation needed.”
“I mean it. If it gets ridiculous or if we don’t feel comfortable or it’s not fun anymore, then either one of us can say tapping out and it ends. We go back to being us. Real life Ben and Katie. Deal?”
“Deal.”
Katie was surprised at how natural it felt to slip into this role with Ben. She’d worried it would feel forced or require a conscious effort, but pretending to be his partner was no effort at all.
They walked hand in hand as they exited the ship and wandered down the meandering sidewalk of Coconut Palms Cay.
Ben’s hand rested lightly on the small of her back as they waited in line to pick up their snorkeling equipment, and when they stopped to look in the shops along the beach, she found herself looping her arm through his without a second thought, as though they’d been touching for years.
It was a gorgeous day for outside activities, and the turquoise water was crystal clear, allowing Katie to see a multitude of brilliantly-colored fish and vibrant coral. They stayed in the water until their skin was like prunes, signaling each other whenever they found an interesting fish or a particularly beautiful coral.
“Did you have fun?” Ben asked when they returned the equipment.
“Yes,” she said, gigging with delight. “I’ve never seen anything like that. This was amazing. Thank you!”
On impulse, she hugged him, not because it was something the pretend Katie would do, but because it was something she wanted to do.
Immediately, Ben’s arms wrapped around her waist, and they stood there, holding each other without words as the water dripped from their skin onto the sand beneath them.
“I really enjoy your company,” Ben said, pulling back just far enough for his eyes to search hers. “It just feels good to be around you. And the more time I spend with you, the more I want you in my life.”
“Are we pretending right now? Is this Cruise Ben talking? Or Real Ben?”
Ben grinned, tightening his arms around her. “What do you say we head over to the dining pavilion and grab some lunch? Then maybe we’ll see if we can find a couple of lounge chairs open and just kick back and relax for a while before we head back to the ship?”
She noticed he hadn’t answered her question, but she let it slide, not wanting to ruin the mood by pressing the matter. She knew Ben was interested in her. He’d said so several times, but not in those exact words. With the barrier of pretending to hide behind, he was much more open and free with his emotions and his affection. But that barrier prevented her from knowing what was real and what wasn’t.
Not that she was complaining about the barrier. It benefitted her too. She certainly wasn’t ready to pursue anything romantic yet. And even if she was, she couldn't see how this would work with Ben. When the cruise ended, he would go back to Barcelona, and she would return to Maya’s to figure out her next steps. Having just ended a long-distance relationship, she had absolutely no desire to start another one. The next man she chose to be involved with needed to be local and capable of being fully present in her life.
The other complication she saw with Ben was that he was her sister's best friend. That was a powder keg destined to blow, and it could end badly for all involved.
So, no matter how much fun she was having with Ben or how strong the connection between them may be, she knew there was no future for them.
It was better for them to do it this way. To have their moment of pretend when they could be free to explore their attraction and their connection, untethered and uncomplicated. Then, when the cruise came to an end, so would they.
When they’d finished their lunch, Ben and Katie headed to the beach and found two empty lounge chairs. Pulling the chairs as close together as possible, they lay basking in the sun, laughing and talking in their own little world.
At some point, Katie drifted off to sleep, and when she woke, Ben was lying on his side with his arm flung across her waist, his face at peace in slumber.
She longed to trace her finger along his features, memorizing each and every one so she would have him in her heart when he was long gone from her side.
Something within her clenched at the thought, and she feared she’d already gone too far.
Would she be able to let go and say goodbye when the time came to stop pretending?
Closing her eyes again, she laid her arm over his, pulling him closer against her skin.
She refused to mourn the end before it came.
For today, she was Cruise Katie, and he was Cruise Ben, and she was safe in his embrace. After all, Cruise Katie already knew she’d be going home with Cruise Ben to their wonderful life together, so there was nothing for her to fear.