Chapter 14
Recovering Spender Step 1:
Admit That You Have a Problem
Part of becoming a Recovering Spender means taking full responsibility for the choices that you’ve made with your money. It means apologizing to those you’ve hurt, taking responsibility for the messes you’ve created, and making a decision to move forward.
You may be reading this book thinking that you don’t have a money problem and just want to learn a bit more about how to get your spending under control. That may be the case, but there may also be more to why your spending is out of control.
When looking at an iceberg, did you know that only 10 percent of the iceberg is visible above water? Similarly, as a Spender, only about 10 percent of your true feelings are visible to others. The other 90 percent of the iceberg is hidden under the water. This analogy is often used to explain addictions of many kinds, and being a Spender is no different. When it comes to emotions and reasons why you overspend, you have to get to that core 90 percent of hidden emotions in order to truly see a transformation in your spending. You can’t just fix the visible 10 percent.
The main emotional reasons for overspending that came up in my survey of 2,200 women were depression, anxiety, boredom, fear, stress, and guilt.
Here are just a few examples of how women were feeling when they took my survey:
Depression—“I get depressed about having no money, so I end up spending even more money, then feel terrible about it later!”
Fear—“I have more bills than income, feel like I’ll never catch up, so what’s the point of trying?”
Stress—“We overspend because we don’t have enough income for the family to live on/pay bills—it’s very difficult and stressful.”
Boredom—“I spend when I am bored or the kids need something or for gifts.”
Guilt—“I grew up poor and never had enough, so I overcompensate, I guess.”
Anxiety—“I didn’t have a lot as a kid, so I want more for my kids. I have panic attacks if the pantry or fridge starts to look even slightly empty.”
These emotions are the ones under the iceberg that people don’t see. Others may only see the outward appearance of how nice you look, what nice cars you drive, or how you appear as if you have it all together.
Unfortunately, that iceberg is there whether you can see it or not, so those hidden feelings need to be addressed. Let’s get really real today. Do you truly believe that you need to stop spending money? If you can’t answer this question, let me give you a little quiz to help you make the decision.
Take this spending quiz. Most Chronic Spenders will answer yes to at least five of these twenty questions:
1. Is your spending making your family unhappy?
2. Do the feelings of being in debt cause you to lose sleep at night?
3. Does the pressure of getting out of debt distract you from daily living and/or work?
4. Have you ever borrowed something and failed to give it back? (This can be something as small as a hairclip.) If you often borrow things and do not return them, this shows a lack of empathy related to how others spend their money. If you don’t care about other people’s money, how can you care about your own?
5. Are you afraid that your friends/work/church will find out about your spending and debt?
6. Do you pray for someone to give you a large sum of money to pay off your debts?
7. Do your debts make you feel bad about yourself and give you a lower sense of self-esteem?
8. Do you find yourself shopping because you feel bad about your debts, only to feel worse afterward?
9. Have you ever lied to someone about how much debt you are in?
10. Have you ever borrowed money without taking into consideration how you will pay it back?
11. Have you ever promised something to a creditor that you know you will not be able to fulfill?
12. Do you continue to spend as if you have plenty of money and no debt?
13. Do you continue to do everything your friends do, for fear of being “found out”?
14. Have you tried to budget in the past, but failed over and over again?
15. Have you ever lied about spending money?
16. Have you ever hidden a purchase or just failed to mention it because you knew it would trouble someone?
17. Do you find yourself living around chaos or drama when it comes to your money? Are you always bouncing checks, missing payments, and in a financial crisis?
18. Do you live paycheck-to-paycheck?
19. Do you have a hard time passing up a good deal?
20. Do you have little to nothing in savings?
If you answered yes to five of these questions, you are in the warning zone. If you answered yes to ten or more of the questions, you need to get your spending under control, because you have the major warning signs of being a Chronic Spender.
You need to admit that you have a spending problem to yourself before you will be able to accept the help you need. I was a Chronic Spender for years, and the result was over $40,000 of debt. Once I was able to admit to myself that I had a problem, I was much more able to accept the hard work that was necessary to change my spending habits forever.
Katie joined my Financial Renovation Community with over $40,000 in debt. Although she didn’t pay off much debt during the course, her life has been forever changed. The first step in her change was admitting that she was an overspender.
She joined the community to learn how to get out of debt, learn how to budget, and to get on the same page as her spouse. Her story was very similar to my story of overspending, and she was sick of spending money they didn’t have, then pretending that everything was okay.
She would often shop when she was stressed out about money, which made her money situation even worse. She would stay up late at night sick to her stomach because of how much debt she had gotten her family into, and saw no way out of that mess.
She really wanted to learn how I broke the cycle of overspending and how I got better, so she signed up for my online community.
Her journey has been really hard for her. She feels as if she is in no way done with her journey of being a Recovering Spender. During the Financial Renovation course, she had a lot of unexpected expenses come up. She felt horrible using her credit cards for those expenses, but said that she would prevail and come out stronger and smarter than ever because that is just one of the things that she learned through my course.
Katie says that the Financial Renovation course forever changed the way that her family looks at and uses money. They now know how to make a budget that will work. She also learned how to meal plan which makes life so much easier. She is eager to put what she has learned through the course to use. For the first time in her adult years, she feels as if she can change her spending habits. She finally feels hope that her spending can get under control once and for all.
Once you’ve admitted that you have a spending issue, you need to admit that you are powerless over your spending.
ACTION STEPS FOR THE RECOVERING SPENDER
STEP 1 
1. Take the spending quiz in this chapter and accept that you are powerless over your spending.
2. If you need to admit that you have a spending problem, do so today.
3. Take a close look at yourself, and take a mental inventory of the behaviors that surround your spending.