Twelve-step groups have often been used to help people with addictions of various kinds—from drugs, to relationships, to shopping. I never attended a twelve-step program as a Spender but had previously attended drug-related twelve-step meetings with my brother. After leaving the groups with him, I would think to myself, “What is the appeal of these twelve-step groups?” Is it the like-minded camaraderie? Is it the safe place to go to talk? As an outsider looking in, I could see how gathering with people with similar struggles can be comforting and helpful, but what made the people stick with it?

I started to think about how helpful a twelve-step program would have been for me when I was trying to get myself out of debt. A lightbulb moment happened, and I started thinking about creating my own twelve-step process for getting out of debt and curbing spending. The major question I had was, what would help others stop their spending once and for all? There started my quest for developing my own Recovering Spender twelve-step program, a program that I created in order to help other Spenders like me.

I used other tweleve-step programs as my inspiration in the quest to develop my own twelve-step Recovering Spender system. Looking at original twelve-step program guides, there are a few similarities. One step is admitting that you have a problem; another suggests that you turn to God as a helper; and another says to learn how to make a moral inventory of yourself. Those steps are great, but where could I find the meat and bones? Where could I find the good stuff that tells how to do this? Certainly you can’t do it all alone.

Many of the twelve-step programs mention a Higher Power. It got me wondering: Was God the missing piece of the puzzle for me? Could asking God for help really work?

I was brought up in a Presbyterian home, attending church twice on Sundays, one time in the morning and then again at night. Before Sunday morning church, I also attended Sunday school. I knew about God, I prayed to Him, and watched my parents read their Bibles every day. I didn’t quite get Him, though. I would lie in bed as a little girl and pray for things like, “God, if You are real, shut my bedroom door right this second.” Then I would wait, and nothing would happen. I would beat myself up about making God do something so little, but there was always that little thought in the back of my head that He wasn’t real. I spent much of my teenage years going to Bible study, yet drinking on weekends. I got into a fair amount of trouble in my high school years, doing drugs and drinking too much. I hung out with the “party” kids and got in trouble with boys.

Three days after my graduation from high school, one of my friends was killed in a drunk driving accident. She was driving under the influence and rolled her car, and eventually died from her injuries. I remember having a big “God” moment then. I realized how short life was. I wish I could say that my life changed for the better that day, but it didn’t. I continued to drink and smoke all the way through my freshman year of college. That first year of college was really tough for me, despite having the luxury of a free education and an allowance from my parents. I was practically flunking out and hungover every single day.

The summer after my freshman year in college, I was determined to turn my life around. I was miserable, lonely, and felt a deep hole inside. I used to go shopping because it would help me fill that hole, even though I knew about God. I started wondering if He could truly help me. During my teenage years, my mom was a leader at Young Life, a Christian outreach program for teenagers. She desperately needed a camp counselor to help her with Young Life’s yearly summer camp. She needed one more counselor at the last minute, or else she would not be able to take the girls in her group, so she asked if I would help her (knowing very well that I was not following God at that time). It was a free vacation and I knew some of the girls who would be in our cabin, so I took her up on the offer. During that trip, I went to all of the sessions as a leader, but felt as if I was hearing about God for the first time. I started to think that maybe that hole and loneliness I was feeling could go away if I prayed and asked God into my heart. On a whitewater rafting trip at that summer camp, I was hit accidentally on the side of my nose by a friend’s elbow. At the hospital I found out my nose was broken in two places. I had to have surgery to correct the fracture, so I wasn’t able to work when I got home. That summer I sat and sat and sat. I hung out with some friends, but I wasn’t able to go out in public because of the cast on my nose, black eyes, and the packing that was in my nostrils from the surgery. I could no longer do fun things with my friends, and instead had to sit on the sidelines bored out of my mind. It was then that I started to read the Bible, for myself.

I started to feel happy again. For the first time, I started to pray and read my Bible seriously, and started to learn more about God. Not in a “my parents are making me do this” way, but a real way. I had lived the past five years of my life empty inside. I was sick of all the drugs and drinking! I did a lot of reflecting that summer, and went back to college a changed person.

My sophomore year, I no longer went out drinking with my friends, but would stay at the dorms and hang out with new friends I made through the new church I was attending. This was when the shopping started to pick up, because I was bored and would often drive forty-five minutes to the mall and shop just to cure the boredom. My friends would go out to party, and I would drive myself to the mall and shop. That next summer was when I met Mark. With my rocky past, I was surprised that this church boy actually liked me for who I was and could ignore my past. Mark taught me a lot about God. He showed me what true forgiveness and humility look like. Despite my outward appearance of continuing to go to church and do all the right things, I still felt as if I had a hole inside me. I knew the saying, “There is a God-shaped hole in your heart that only God can fill,” but despite how hard I tried, that hole was still there.

Fast-forward to 2006, as I sat on the bed confessing to Mark about the credit card bills I had racked up. Afterward, I wondered, “Am I just pretending to be this Christian woman?” I still felt empty, and I was trying to fill the void that I felt with shopping and things. It wasn’t working, so I prayed and asked God for help once again. I was also grieving from my recent miscarriage and current period of infertility. I was pretty much at rock bottom in life. I couldn’t have any more kids (or so I thought), and I had gotten us into so much debt that we couldn’t even afford groceries some weeks. I started attending a women’s Bible study and made new friends. These women were real friends, who believed in a real God. The influence that they had on me was profound. They helped me to see that no matter what I did to fill the hole in my heart, it would never be filled unless I had God in my life.

I started learning more about God and reading the Bible in an entirely new way. Many times as I was sitting in the parking lot of my favorite store, Target, I would pray when tempted to spend money and go over budget. God gave me strength when I was weak. I was finally able to go into Target and spend money according to my budget.

Here are a few of the Bible verses that carried me through this time:

Philippians 4:13—I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.

Isaiah 41:10—Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Psalm 46:1—God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

2 Timothy 1:7—For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

Proverbs 3:5–6—Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

I would hang these quotations from scripture inside my car, on the mirrors in my bathroom, and wherever else I could put them to remind myself that I needed help. I fully trusted and relied on praying when I was in times of trouble, but also learned how to be thankful and praise Him when times were great! Some of these times were when I finally was able to conceive again, the day I gave birth to my baby girl Hannah, and when our house in South Carolina finally sold. I consider all of these miracles, and am so thankful that God helped me through some of the toughest times in my life.

I went from a child raised in the church, to a destructive teenager and young college student, to a young bride who learned more and more about the God she was brought up with. I’ve come a long way in my relationship with the Lord, and I am so thankful that the relationship continues to guide my steps.

In fact, when writing this book I prayed long and hard about what you needed to hear. I have full confidence that He has guided me, and pray that the information I’ve shared in this book will encourage you to believe that He can make a difference in your own life and help you make the changes needed.

Thaylor joined my Financial Renovation Community one day after praying for someone to help her with her finances. She was a Christian already, but really was having a hard time trusting that God really cared about her. She was never taught how to use money, because her family grew up really poor. They paid cash for everything and money was always tight.

Shortly after praying, she saw an announcement about my Financial Renovation Community. She signed up right away, even though she joined by charging it on her credit card. She knew that the help she would get would pay that money off within the first couple of days.

Thaylor has done some amazing things within the community. She paid off over $2,500 in debt during the seven-week course.

She says “The support system has helped me to see there is light. I am learning to budget effectively. I am meal planning and avoiding the store and the junk food at all cost! I see a future for our family now :)”

I know that God answered her prayers when she asked him for help. Because of God’s answered prayers, she is well on her way to being debt-free this year!

There is a reason why twelve-step programs include steps about God. It is that you need to have something higher than yourself to call out to for help. You aren’t strong enough to live life alone, especially if you are a Spender. I know that I am forever grateful for the love and guidance of Jesus Christ in my life.

1. Take an inventory of how you feel right now. Do you feel there is a hole in your heart that you are trying to fill?

2. Find a list of quotes or Bible verses that help you in times of trouble, write them down, and hang them wherever you can see them daily.

3. Meditate and pray; ask for help with your spending.

Chapter 15

Recovering Spender Step 2:

Get Help from the One Above

ACTION STEPS FOR THE RECOVERING SPENDER

STEP 2