I have two questions for you. Right now. Stop reading and write down your answers.

What are you chasing in life?

What do you value in your life?

Your spending is a reflection of your values, and until you know what those values are, you will continue to spend money opposite to what you hold dear.

If you were chasing financial freedom, you certainly wouldn’t be having an issue with spending. Are you chasing a better life for your family? Are you keeping up with the Joneses? Are you chasing fame?

What would financial success ultimately look like to you? Would achieving that financial success involve your changing something in your life? Could you chase what you are chasing right now and still achieve financial success?

I asked myself this question back when I calculated all of our debts. It was painful, and it took me a while to figure it out, but I ultimately decided I was chasing the idea of being able to do whatever I wanted with our money.

Six months ago, on a special outing to the mall, we surprised our four kids with a trip to Build-A-Bear. We let them stuff their own bears, but they had to choose from the bears that were on sale. We were on a budget and told them this was all we could afford, and we couldn’t buy clothing for the bears this time around. My son got very upset because his Minion stuffed bear “‘needed” a pair of overalls, which would have cost an extra $15. I showed him how much a pair of new overalls cost at the Build-A-Bear store, and then I showed him what a used pair would look like if we bought them online for $3 he had at home. I told him that if he wanted to buy them online with his own money, I would help him place his order. He wasn’t interested, because he wanted them right then. I stuck to my guns and he did not walk out of that store with overalls for his Minion. And you know what happened? As soon as he left the store and we were on our way home, he realized he didn’t need the overalls.

On one other occasion, I took my son to T.J. Maxx with his allowance money. He wanted to buy a Sonic race car he’d seen when we were there earlier in the week. We looked at the price tag and he was $1 short. He asked me to lend him the money and said he would pay me back when he had more. I thought about it for a minute. I had to make a decision to either be his “credit card” or show him what hard work looked like. I told him that I would not lend him the money, but I would take him home and let him do a chore for $1 instead.

My son is the oldest of our four children, and is followed by three sisters, all born within four years of each other. Taking him home instead of lending him the money was a very big inconvenience for me. I had to get all four kids back into the car, and then into our house. I had him do his chore, then got all the kids back into their coats and back to the store thirty minutes later. I had to consider the bigger picture, though, and the best possible scenario was that he would learn the importance of hard work.

For his chore he cleaned our entire backyard. I gave him his $1, we headed right back to the store, and he purchased his race car. He felt good about what he had accomplished that day.

I wonder, how often are we stealing the satisfaction of a job well done from our children by giving them whatever they want? How often are we stealing this from ourselves? When we buy whatever we want, whenever we want it, are we robbing ourselves of the joy of saying no? Are we robbing ourselves of that feeling of a job well done?

Spending begets spending, and saving begets saving. The definition of beget is “to bring about.” In my own life, this is the truth. When I am in the spending mode, it brings about more spending. When I am in the saving mode and have myself on a strict budget, I tend to be more of a saver and make better decisions.

Why is it so hard to stop overspending? Why did I always find myself in the same exact spot where I had been in previous years? Those are questions that I frequently asked myself while in the vicious cycle of getting out of debt, then getting right back into debt. I couldn’t just stop spending money. I needed to eat and put gas in my car. Why did this seem so hard?

If you don’t stop spending money, it just leads to more money spent. If you were to start saving money instead, your savings would bring about more savings.

Make this the time that you curb your spending once and for all, so that you can finally stop falling prey to whatever you have been chasing.

Let me end this chapter by addressing the statement “Money doesn’t buy happiness.” Actually, I believe that’s not true. Money can buy you happiness—if you are spending it in the right places. In a 2012 TED Talk, Michael Norton, a professor at the Harvard Business School, talks about “How to Buy Happiness.” In the talk he explains his research on money and happiness, and how the two correlate. What he found is that when people give money away, they are happier than when they spend it on themselves.

Maybe you’ve just been spending money the wrong way. The next time you have an urge to go shopping, why don’t you go out and buy something small for someone else? I think that will make you happier in the long run, and everyone benefits.

1. Ask yourself the questions “What am I chasing?” and “What do I value?”

2. Think of ways to teach your children about the value of money.

3. Next time you have the urge to go shopping, take $5 and buy something for someone else instead.

Chapter 25

Recovering Spender Step 12:

Curb Your Spending and Define Your Values

ACTION STEPS FOR THE RECOVERING SPENDER

STEP 12