Luke woke a few hours later, his anger still raw and fresh and undimmed by the poor quality sleep he’d had. Next, he applied a long, hot shower, hoping the soap and water would wash away the terrible ire burning in his stomach. By the time he was done, his jaw ached from clenching his teeth.
Luke couldn't believe Delilah had done that to the team—to him. He’d put his life in her hands. He’d trusted her to make decisions for the team, decisions that were life and death. Her mistake had put their lives in jeopardy, spilling out to even affect a non-combatant like Maggie. This was why he knew it was a mistake to get involved with others last fall, and he’d overridden his better judgment because they’d saved his life and he needed help.
After filling a coffee mug, he stepped into his large, immaculately landscaped backyard and sat on one of the patio chairs on the stone patio. He hoped the sound of the fountain burbling away in the background would calm his mind and let him think clearly instead of applying the red tint of anger to all his thoughts.
Once the birds returned after the door opening had sent them scattering, he closed his eyes and let the sounds of his oasis wash over him. The calls of birds of all sizes as they went about their spring business of eating, mating, and nesting mingled with the rustling of leaves against each other—the paper-like flick of the bamboo leaves, the soft flutter of cherry leaves accompanied by a few remaining cherry blossoms drifting to the ground, and the groan of the late bloomers like aspen still stiff with winter, their buds swelling with the occasional early leaf vibrating in the wind.
He tried to fill his lungs to expand the tightness in his chest, but instead, it only felt like more weight was being added to it. Meditating only seemed to take the roughest edge off his churning emotions, but at least that was something. When he opened his eyes, he checked his phone. Messages from Pablo, Sam, and Maggie awaited. He opened the one from Maggie, unsure of how he’d be able to answer whatever questions his other two friends would have.
Luke, I heard about last night. Would you like an ear to bend?
He typed in “no” before pausing and thinking about what he truly wanted. He didn’t not want to talk to Maggie about it. He wasn’t sure if he should, but maybe seeing Maggie would make him feel a little better.
Thanks, Maggie. Not sure if I’m ready to talk, but I’d like your company.
Maggie replied a moment later. I’ll be over shortly. Leaving Gwen here with Zel.
I’ll be in the back. Come to the right side of the house, I’ll unlock the gate. Coffee?
Yes, please.
Luke took his cup back into the kitchen and made another pot of coffee, transferring it to a carafe before grabbing a second cup for Maggie. Once he set everything down, he pulled a container of cream out of the fridge and set it with her cup. His own cup had just cooled enough for the first sips when he heard the gate open.
“Luke?”
“I’m back here,” he replied, raising his voice so she’d hear.
He faced the side of the house with the gate, and when she rounded the corner, a smile fought through the darkness and pushed the corners of his mouth up slightly.
Looking around, Maggie wore a gentle smile on her pretty face. “Wow, this is beautiful.”
Luke stood up and let himself be pulled into a soothing hug. She planted a kiss on his cheek before sitting down to fix her coffee. Once she had it fixed, she held it in both hands, letting the steam waft up to her nose. She sighed happily.
“You make a lovely pot of coffee,” Maggie said, smiling.
He could see the deep concern in her eyes along with the kindness and the affection she showed to all in her inner circle—and something else. It was a look he’d seen from her more often of late.
“How are you feeling, Luke?”
He sighed. “How much do you know?”
“I talked with Sam on the phone for a bit this morning. She was concerned about you. Worried.” Maggie sipped her coffee.
Luke sat in silence, thinking about how he’d answer, if he even could. Seeking a therapist and starting the process of building rapport had been a major step. He’d not really had anyone to share his thoughts and feelings with in a century. After the trauma of the twentieth century, he wasn’t sure he had enough emotional reserves to order his thoughts and feelings and speak them coherently to someone he was close to. Maggie wasn’t his therapist; she was his… He wasn’t sure what they were, other than two people who were dating. He knew he liked her, his feelings for her growing deeper the more he got to know her and the more time they spent together.
The other side of the coin, if he could order his thoughts—would it be a good idea? Would putting that much out into the world for Maggie to see be too much? Would she lose interest in him if she saw how much of a mess he truly was? Some part of him thought it might be a good idea to push her away, so she didn’t get further involved with him or put her safety at risk. He sighed and shook his head before bringing his eyes up to meet hers. Opening his mouth, he couldn’t make anything come out, at least through his lips. His eyes betrayed him.
He could see the sympathy and empathy welling in Maggie’s eyes. Picking up her coffee, she slid her chair closer, their knees touching. When she wound her fingers through his, he clasped onto her hand tightly as if it were a lifeline. She continued to sip her coffee with her free hand, letting her thumb rub over the back of Luke’s thumb.
“Luke, I want you to know it’s OK if you don’t feel comfortable speaking to me about it, but I’m here for you if you wish to.”
“Trust Maggie,” Pablo had said.
Luke closed his eyes for a few heart breaks. “I’m just so angry, Maggie. I’m having trouble seeing through it or around it.”
“Angry at Delilah?”
“That’s part of it. You could have died. I couldn’t protect you…” Luke hesitated, but when he spoke again, his voice sounded small. “I would have lost you.”
“You could have died too.”
“And who would take care of Gwen then? So many lives, and I’ve dragged you all into the hell that is my life. It would almost be better if I’d never gotten the pack involved.”
“Would it?” There was an uncharacteristic edge to Maggie’s voice. “Let’s rewind some and please correct me if I’m getting something incorrect.”
At her tone, he perked up, giving her his attention.
“If I remember, shortly after you met Pablo and Delilah, they saved your life, right?”
Luke nodded. “Yeah, but I didn’t have a choice in the matter. They were following me without my knowledge.”
“If you’d dissuaded them then, and the pack never would have gotten involved, then what?”
“Well, I would have kept going, like I always do,” Luke said.
“Really? You were nearly killed. Do you think that would have been the only time? What about Wapato? Would you have been able to find it? Gwen found us. What about Gwen? She might not have made it out without all the vampires Pablo and Delilah helped you eliminate. All the people you helped rescue from the jail?”
Luke wasn’t sure how to respond. He thought about it, digging into the last year, something he’d not really taken the time to do, not that he’d had much with the vampires’ non-stop assault on the city. He had almost died on that pedestrian bridge. The fangers wouldn’t have stopped then either, even had he made it through that incident. They would have taken him out, eventually. Maybe he’d have lived long enough to make it to the jail, but when? Would Max still be alive? Would Gwen?
He also asked himself about Delilah and Pablo. Would they have stopped chasing vampires if he’d turned them away? Delilah wouldn’t have. She’d likely be dead. Once Pablo joined her, he wouldn’t abandon her. He’d likely be dead. All the threads he’d woven together over the last many months would have been unraveled, and so many lives would have ended prematurely.
“They’d all be dead. Me too,” Luke said quietly.
The container ship would have landed and disgorged its horde of heavily armed vampires onto Portland, making for an even deadlier presence in combination with the subverted police force.
He looked at Maggie. The haunted look she sometimes had lay thick in her eyes.
“Luke, I’ve lived under the tyranny of monsters. Had that tyranny visited on my body. Had my family, friends, and home destroyed by it. It nearly murdered me. I still bear its scars inside and out. This reminds me of the twenties and thirties—the insidious nature of it—infiltrating the security services, preying on the weak and vulnerable… I heard about what they were doing in the jail…” Maggie looked pale, a light sheen of sweat on her forehead.
Luke scooted his chair next to hers so there wasn’t any space left and pulled her into him, resting her head on his shoulder as he cupped the back of her neck. After a few minutes, he kissed him on the cheek and took a moment to refill her coffee from the carafe, pouring in a bit more cream. They sat together quietly, letting the coffee warm their insides.
When Maggie was ready to continue, she patted Luke’s knee. “Luke, all it takes for evil to succeed is for good people to do nothing. It’s the pack’s moral obligation to stand against the vampires and what they represent. There’s no argument you can make that’ll stop a fascist from being violent, be they human or vampire.”
Maggie leaned over and rested her head on Luke’s shoulder. Luke brought his hand up and caressed her cheek, the feel of her soft skin against his fingertips teasing a gentle smile from his lips.
“What Delilah did wasn’t great, but she didn’t intentionally betray you. She’s young, and she’s still mourning. She made a mistake, a dangerous one, but a mistake all the same. Right now you’re angry, but she’s your friend, and she looks up to you. You’re her mentor. She’ll need your guidance through this.”
“She could go to Pablo or Sam,” Luke replied.
“She doesn’t view them as mentors. They may be older than her, but of you all, she’s got the second most experience hunting vampires, above either of them. On the team, they’re her equals, her teammates; you’re her leader, their leader.”
“And I need to be the mature one and move everyone past this?” Luke asked, knowing the answer.
“Basically. Your friends need you, and a united team serves the pack and Portland’s needs best.”
Luke sighed. Maggie was correct. It seemed like everyone liked giving him advice that showed him his failings.
“You’d figure as many years as I’ve lived, I’d be better at this,” Luke said.
“You’ve maintained your humanity all this time when I’ve seen it start to slip from some extremely long-lived wolves,” Maggie replied. “This didn’t just make you mad. It hurt and scared you that she worked with a vampire. You still feel the pain of a friend doing something hurtful. Your first thought went to what would happen to the people you care about if you weren’t there, not to yourself. You still care, immensely. It’s one of things that attracted me to you and one of the reasons I’m quite fond of you.”
Luke kissed Maggie’s forehead. “Thank you, Maggie. I’m glad you see more in me than I do most days, and for giving me a chance. I’m very fond of you too.”
Maggie reached out and rubbed her hand over his jaw, then patted his cheek. “Let’s go for a walk. You can hold my hand and tell me how pretty I look with the sun in my hair. You’ll feel better after.”
“I’ll feel better after the walk or when I tell you I think you’re pretty?” A lop-sided smile took years off Luke’s face.
“Both.” Maggie stood and extended her hand.