Collisions

The energy is amazing. These boys were good at their Christmas concert, but playing their own music is a whole new level. After two songs, I no longer feel awkward screaming. I’m one-hundred-percent their fan.

Their music is a blend between pop, rock, and hip-hop with a creepy undertone. Somehow it all works, and it’s perfect. I only wish I knew the language so I could sing along. Miriam doesn’t have that problem, and she belts at the top of her lungs.

My eyes never leave Yangbin. I keep trying to focus on the other band members, but it always comes back to him. I’m trying not to relive my harsh words this morning, but I can’t help it. I messed up, and now all I want to do is make it right. I really hate myself for hesitating.

After a few songs, the boys stop playing to introduce themselves. The lead singer is named Theo. Hakyeong is on guitar with Pavi on bass. The electric guitar is played by Ben, with Hyung at the piano.

Yangbin is introduced last, and he comes to the front of the stage. Hakyeong announces a sort break for the band while Yangbin sings a solo.

The crowd hushes, and my heart beats so loud I’m sure everyone can hear it. Yangbin takes a seat and picks up the guitar. Is there an instrument he can’t play?

“A few days ago,” he says, strumming the guitar once, then adjusting the pitch on one of the strings. “I met someone new.”

Seconds ago I swear there was a draft, but now it’s so hot, sweat beads on my brow. There’s no way he’s talking about me. It would be too weird.

“And you might not believe it,” he continues, “But I’m usually shy.”

The crowd laughs and his dimples pop out as he smiles.

He strums again, still adjusting the strings. “No really. When I’m on stage it’s easy to talk, but when I’m face to face with someone I get choked up.”

That can’t be true, because he was the one who spoke to me first. If anything, I’m shy.

He tries out a couple chords, then looks out over the audience as if deep in thought. “But when I met this person, I wanted to speak. They didn’t have to say anything for me to know there was something special about them.”

Definitely not me then. There’s nothing interesting about me whatsoever.

He adjusts in his seat and hangs his head. “My shyness didn’t give me a chance to say what I really wanted to. I even saw this person again today and missed my chance. I probably said everything wrong, too.”

A collective awe goes out from the group. I’ve lost all feeling in my hands. This can’t be happening.

“If had the chance to fix it with this song,” he says with his eyes closed. “I would. To the girl who’s not like the others.” He says pointing out over the crowd.

Everyone screams, but I can’t process what’s happening. There has to be someone else. But...and it’s a huge leap. Those are all the same things I felt about him.

“This song is called Circles. Originally by Birds of Tokyo.”

His eyes close as he picks the intro. It’s a haunting set that makes me feel like I’m moving, even though I’m standing in place.

The crowd starts to sway as his voice rings out, the lyrics slower than the guitar. Emotion pours through each syllable. Heart break. Loneliness. Wanting to give up. I’ve been there, and I know the pain.

“Walk on. Following a fate line. See if I can define, where I came undone.”

I want to twirl as the melody plays on. Spin in the same way the song describes.

His voice gets louder near the end, repeating the same phrase again and again, and I can see the veins in his neck as he puts everything he has into it. Then the guitar begins to slow and he whispers the phrase one last time before ending with a final strum.

It’s not until the wetness hits my cheeks that I realize I’m crying.

Yangbin stands as the applause threatens to shake the room.

Now he’s walking away. He’s not going towards the drums, but towards the backstage. The rest of the band is entering, no doubt about to play without him.

If he leaves, will he come back? The rational side of me says yes, they haven’t finished playing yet. But the crazy side of me is louder. That side tells me the song was for me. It also says if I don’t run to him now, I’ll never get to.

I already made the mistake of letting him go once.

“Yangbin!” I yell, shoving through the crowd. There’s no way he can hear me over the noise, but I continue to scream, elbowing my way to the side stairs, and clambering onto the stage.

“Yangbin!” I shout again. He turns at the same moment hands latch onto my shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” I say. “I was a jerk.”

I only have time to see his eyes widen before the security guards drag me off stage.

Security offices smell. It’s kind of like walking into a hospital. All you have to do is take one whiff to know everyone is sick. Here it smells like trouble. Or maybe just moldy hamburgers.

I don’t know what I was thinking. That Yangbin would rush in and save me or something? Either way, it was a stupid choice. That doesn’t mean I’m taking back my decision to find Yangbin and apologize, I’ll just have to do it with more grace next time.

“Bwahahahaha!”

I lift my head to see Miriam doubled over with laughter.

“You...haha...that was...ha!”

I shake my head as I stand. “I know, very funny.”

Miriam can hardly breathe, tears squeezing out the sides of her eyes. “You just...and then...what were you...hahaha.”

I fold my arms and blow out my checks. “What a great joke.”

One of the security guards stands between us, looking at Miriam. “Are you here to claim her?”

“Yes,” Miriam says, sobering for a second. Then she loses it again. “Claim her! That’s hilarious.”

A smile breaks out on my lips. It was pretty funny, thinking about it. If I wasn’t still mortified I might see the comedic value.

“Sign here,” the guy says. “If she approaches the band again we’ll take to her to the police.”

Miriam salutes the guy, holding in her giggles.

“Thanks,” I say to the guards as we walk out. Not sure why I’m thanking them. Habit I guess.

I take off my shoes once we make it to the hall. I’m done wearing them. Even though they were low to the ground, they still pinched. Since this is the back part of the hotel, both the walls and floor are cement. At least it’s swept.

“Why on earth did you do that?” Miriam says as we start toward the lobby.

My shoulders slump as I sigh. “The bellhop and the drummer are the same person. Yangbin.”

Miriam shakes her head, blinking. “What? I was that close to Yangbin and I didn’t recognize him?” She gasps, covering her mouth. “It must be because he’s always hiding behind those huge drums.”

I shrug. “I guess. Anyway, his story sounded like he was talking about me...” Miriam’s jaw is hanging open and I can only guess what she’s thinking. “I know, it’s stupid.”

Miriam stops me before we can open the door to stairwell. “No, it doesn’t sound stupid. Was that really you?”

I press my lips together, focusing on my feet. “Maybe. He wasn’t specific enough.”

Miriam turns her head both ways like she’s trying to figure out which direction to run. “We have to find him, right now.”

“Maybe tomorrow,” I say, still hanging my head. “I’d rather not be arrested.”

“Don’t you see?” Miriam says, taking my shoulders and shaking me. “This is like... fate.”

“Hardly,” I say, squirming away and opening the stairwell door. “I do plan on apologizing to him. But maybe I’ll send a note through the front desk or something. They should know who he is since he works here.”

“Fine,” Miriam says. “You go ahead, but I’m going to find him.”

Does she have to do this now? I’m tired, and we’re skiing tomorrow. I want to erase the whole ordeal from my memory.

“Come on, Miriam. Quit it.”

She sticks her thumbs in her ears and wiggles her fingers, tongue sticking out. We might be teenagers now, but that face still makes me want to chase after her.

“Stop!” I say reaching out for her, but she jumps back before I can get a good hold.

She bends over and blows a raspberry at me. That’s it. All bets are off. “You better get over here, right now.”

I drop my shoes to show I mean business.

Her hips shake as she dances backward. “You can’t get me, don’t even try.”

With one push off the ground, I’m sprinting toward Miriam. She ducks and weaves every time I get close. Why does she have to be so small and agile?

She pivots just as my hands are going around her and I stumble forward. I’m about to fall face forward when I hit something—or rather, someone—hard.

“Ouch,” I shout, grabbing my forehead. Other people hurt.

My eyes are watering so I can’t see the guy clearly, but I do know he’s on the ground also clutching his face.

“Are you okay?” I say, squinting.

I glance at Miriam who has her mouth covered with her hands, eyes glued to the person I hit. I stop rubbing my head and close my eyes tight once to clear my vision.

Holy cupcakes. This was not supposed to happen. Once was bad enough, but this?

Yangbin is on the floor, and I’m pretty sure I broke his nose.