Naturally, if you have time to spend with someone after being introduced, you can more easily lay the foundation for a friendship. In today’s fast-paced world, however, that’s a tough task. Say you have a quick conversation with a receptionist at an organization you’re visiting and you’d like to get to know her better. Or you meet a man at a gathering who works in tech support at a nearby company. But your time to make a connection is short. Turning your brief acquaintance into a friend is a challenge. However, if you plan it well, the following technique accomplishes just that.
Soon after saying hello, bring up a subject, any subject, that you could logically follow up with another question. For instance, ask for nearby restaurant recommendations, driving directions, where to buy something. Ask her which movies she suggests. Get his advice on which home computer you should buy. Think of something that you just might “need” more information on later.
Asking for recommendations is good for two reasons. You could have “forgotten” what movie she suggested and have to call again. If you followed his recommendation about a computer, it is reasonable to contact him again to ask where you should buy it.
Find a logical reason to contact the “previous stranger” a third time. After seeing the movie or buying the computer, call to say “thank you” for the excellent advice. In the case of the receptionist, you could even stop in to thank her in person.
The secret is making those follow-up contacts. They promote you from stranger to acquaintance. You are now in a better position to make him or her a friend.
Little Trick #20
Set It Up to Make a Second Contact
Get your acquaintance talking about a subject that has a logical follow-up question. Then contact her again for further information. As long as it relates to what you talked about, there is nothing strange about getting in touch a second time—or a third. Now you are on the path to friendship.
If you would like to orchestrate a friendship where you do things together, use the second or third conversation to get your new acquaintance talking about his interests. Then find a related situation that could involve an invitation. Does he like theater? Indian food? Horror movies? After several short phone conversations, your invitation seems logical.
Even better is relating the activity to your initial conversation. The receptionist told you she loves movies? There’s your opportunity when a new one opens. The techie who recommended your computer would be pleased if you “just happen” to have two tickets to the technology expo when it comes to town.
Incidentally, I am not concentrating on dating here. A myriad of other factors, which I cover thoroughly in my book How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You, are involved creating that kind of special relationship. We’re primarily talking friendship now.
Noah Webster (the dictionary guy) never came across a common word that practically every twenty-first-century person knows—at least those in the northeastern United States. It traces its roots to a Germanic language that developed in the tenth century.
Curious? Drum roll, please. The word is schtick (sometimes spelled stich, sticth, stitch, and lots of other ways, depending on the geographical and religious roots of the user). Schtick is defined as a “contrived bit of business, often used by performers.” I am not talking about your Uncle Charlie’s schtick of spinning a plate on his finger or pulling a quarter out of your ear. I’m referring to a more subtle, spoken schtick that has the power to make people smile, lift their day, and feel an instant connection with you.
Many people we see daily are in service professions, such as the cashier at your favorite coffee shop or the counter person at Taco Bell. Employees serving the public often plow through their day feeling anonymous and nameless.
Here is how to brighten their day and practice your gift of gab at the same time: give people a schtick-name. A schtick-name is similar to a nickname, but you create it from a pleasant experience you’ve had with that person. Or it can just be a flattering nickname.
Let’s say you know the Italian word for “beautiful” is bella. The cashier at your regular coffee shop is Italian-American. You can get her day off to a great start hearing your cheerful “Ciao, bella” (Hello, beautiful) in the morning.
At Taco Bell, you always order a half-pound beef and bean burrito with cheesy fiesta potatoes. One time, the guy at the counter started preparing this delicacy the minute he saw you. Your schtick can be calling him “Kreskin,” the famous mind reader.
I have a schtick-name for the receptionist at my doctor’s office. One time I had a sharp pain in my neck, a real one, not the kind some people give us. I called my doctor’s office and asked to speak to Dr. Carter. Camille Mazziotti, the receptionist, answered. As I was describing the pain, she asked me very astute medical questions.
Then she said, “Of course, Leil, the doctor can call you back. However, she’s with a patient now, and I know what she might suggest. May I tell you?”
“Sure, Camille.” I followed her advice, and the soreness disappeared. So what is the schtick we both have fun with? Every time I speak with her, I call her “Doctor Camille.” I know she enjoys the professional promotion, and I enjoy making her smile.
As with most of the Little Tricks in this book that enhance people’s self-esteem, there is something nice in this one for you too.
Let’s go back to the coffee shop. Whoops, you left your wallet home today? “Bella” is not going to insist you pay for it now (or maybe ever).
Darn, today at Taco Bell there is an unusually long line. Well, “Kreskin” might just work his magic. He’ll place your order the minute you walk in the door.
Incidentally, “Dr. Camille” always finds a way to fit me into my doctor’s fully booked schedule.
It’s not just the English who go bonkers over titles. Everyone loves having one. Does your friend Patrick teach you things? Call him “Professor Patrick.” Does your friend Stefanie do good things for people? She is “Saint Stefanie.”
Depending on his qualities, your buddy John can be “Sir John,” “Father John,” “Prince John,” “Master John,” or “Captain John.”
Your friend Linda can be “Lady Linda,” “Lieutenant Linda,” “Sister Linda,” or “Princess Linda.”
Their honorable titles are only limited by your imagination and by the qualities your friends would love to have recognized.