I want to hug all the people who have saved me from self-recrimination. Hundreds of them!
My most recent salvation was several months ago on a train. I was trying to sleep, but I heard a kid behind me making a ruckus with a video game. Rather than just asking the mother to confiscate it, I figured I should make friends with the little loudmouth first and then make my request.
I turned around. The noisy kid with shoulder-length brown hair had her nose buried in the game.
“Hi,” I said, “what game are you playing?”
“Tomb Raider,” she mumbled almost inaudibly, with out looking up.
I pictured ghouls ransacking graves. “Gee, that’s nice,” I lied. “Do all the girls in school play these games?”
She looked at me as though I were from a different planet, then at her mother, and dove back into the game. I asked her mother, “What’s her name?”
Ignoring my question, the mother smiled and jumped in with, “Yes, practically all the kids have PlayStations. It seems like they’re addicted to them.” Then, she added apologetically, “They are quite noisy, though. We’ll turn it off for a while.”
Mission accomplished! Smiling, I turned around to sweet slumber.
When I awoke, I got up to go to the restroom. As I was about to enter the bathroom, a boy wearing a baseball cap with Robert written on it came out. “Excuse me, ma’am,” he said in an unmistakably male voice.
On the way back, I passed the noisy kid’s seat. Sitting in it was the same brown-haired kid wearing the Robert cap.
“Argh! Her daughter was a son!” I realized. I snuck back into my seat humiliated.
In retrospect, I realized Robert’s mother had that priceless gift, EP. After I had mistakenly said, “all the girls” and “What’s her name?” she didn’t reveal her kid’s true gender by saying “Robert.” She knew how embarrassed I’d be and covered my obviously flawed question by quickly telling me about the popularity of the games. I wanted to hug her.
We’ve all laid an occasional egg—mispronounced a word, called someone by the wrong name, obviously displayed our misunderstanding or ignorance, said something totally inappropriate or just plain dumb. When someone is guilty of that, you will see by his agonizing expression that he wants to die. You feel terrible for him, but mercy killings are illegal.
The following may not be the most delicate analogy, but it is right on target. If you have ever passed gas when you were chatting with a group of people, you know that one second’s silence seems like an hour. Project how the mortified person who passed verbal gas feels. Make a rapid comment to cover his humiliation.
Little Trick #27
Conceal Their Verbal Blooper with an Instantaneous Comment
If the speaker says something that she may soon realize is mistaken, mispronounced, or just plain dumb, quickly jump in and cover it. Say something distracting rapidly so there is little time for it to dawn on her that she’s been a dimwit.
Speaking of changing the subject . . .