When I was speaking at a convention last year, a potential client asked me where I grew up. “Washington, D.C.,” I chirped, and we moved on to other conversation. Five minutes later, she asked me the same question: “Where did you grow up, Leil?”
Ouch! How should I answer? If I repeat the name of the city, she’ll remember she asked before and feel dreadful.
There was no escape. When I meekly mumbled, “Washington, D.C.,” she winced at her own error. From this point forth, she would subconsciously anchor me to her own embarrassment.
This brings us to the question, How should you handle it when someone asks you the same question twice? You certainly don’t want to humiliate him. I brooded over this, to no avail. But a month later, the answer came to me from on high—literally.
I was flying to New York from Denver. During a conversation with my seatmate, I discovered she also lives in New York City. I asked her, “Where in Manhattan do you live?”
She responded, “At 82nd Street and Park Avenue,” and we went on to other subjects. Ten minutes later, I asked her the same question: “Where do you live in Manhattan?” Cheerfully and without missing a beat, she answered, “Right across from the Metropolitan Museum of Art.” She then quickly asked me if I’d ever been there. I told her yes, and we continued our chat until we touched down at JFK airport.
Several weeks later, I wanted to see a new exhibition at the Metropolitan. Just before leaving my apartment, I rechecked the address: 82nd Street and Park Avenue.
Hmm, where have I heard that recently? Lightbulb over head. That’s where my seat partner on the Denver flight lives.
It all came clear. Her cool maneuver saved my being mortified. The first time I asked where she lived, she said “82nd and Park.” When I asked again, she told her absentminded seatmate, “Right across from the Metropolitan,” which just happens to be at 82nd and Park. At the time, I didn’t connect her two answers. Not hearing the same words rescued me from the humiliation of having asked before. She had obviously predicted my emotion—that I’d feel like a schnook if I realized what I’d done.
As I walked to the museum, I was hoping I’d run into her to thank her for giving birth to Little Trick #30.
The key to this trick is to never use the same words to answer a question a lousy listener asks twice.
For example, someone asks you, “Do you have a long commute to work?”
You answer, “Not bad, it’s about twenty minutes.” A few minutes later, Forgetful Asker inquires, “How long does it take you to get to work?”
The only forbidden words for you are “twenty minutes.” Respond, “Well, I can be at the office in less than half an hour if the traffic isn’t too bad.”
Suppose even later in the conversation, Double-Forgetful Asker says, “Do you have a long commute to work?” Give it one more shot to preserve his self-esteem: “A little over a quarter of an hour.”
The fourth time he asks, give up and go talk to somebody else.
Little Trick #30
Use Different Words the Second Time You Must Answer the Same Question
Save someone’s face (and possibly her friendship) by responding to her repeated question with different words. Then quickly continue the conversation so she doesn’t have time to register her fumble. If she happens to recall her blooper later, she will remember you with gratitude because you swept her embarrassing forgetfulness under the rug.