I would like to share another Little Trick I’ve used with surprising success. Well, moderate success. It won’t magically restore your missing memory. But it sure can pluck you off some sticky flypaper at parties.
You are chatting with a friend at a gathering when you spot good ol’ What’s-His-Name approaching.
Uh-oh, what IS his name? Ouch! He’s coming toward me! I’ll have to introduce him.
You feel like a fly trapped under a glass, and you sense an imminent case of panic disorder. It’s too late to bail out. You bite the bullet. “Uh, I’d like you to meet, umm, uh, forgive me, I’m terrible with names.”
That trite alibi makes What’s-His-Name feel like the world’s most forgettable character, and you have just demoted yourself to a disinterested dimwit.
Now you are in the middle of a conversation with someone you know, even a good friend, but suddenly you suffer namenesia. Her name has completely slipped your mind. (The sixty-plus crowd says it happens quite often.) You calmly surmise . . .
But I’m not worried, I won’t have to use her name because I’m already talking with her.
So you and your friend, What’s-Her-Name, continue chatting—until someone else approaches. Now your mind races . . .
I’ll be superhumiliated. I have to introduce my friend, and I forgot her name. I could just die.
Do not run. Do not suddenly fake a coughing fit. Face it. You’ve forgotten one or both of their names. Guilty. Case dismissed.
Take heart. Here is relative salvation from these two shameful states of affairs. Energetically chirp to the newcomer, “Hi, how great to see you! Please come join us. Why don’t you two (or three or more) introduce yourselves?”
Admittedly, it is not an elixir and it doesn’t claim to cover your memory lapse. Everyone sees right through your ploy. However, if you are cool about asking them to introduce themselves, it won’t injure their estimation of you. In fact, they’ll be thinking, “Pretty cool. I must remember to use that one.”
Little Trick #36
Tell Them, “Please, Introduce Yourselves”
Without missing a beat, ask What’s-His-Name and You-Know-Who to introduce themselves. Don’t kid yourself that you’re kidding them. Your ruse is as obvious as a cockroach in a sugar bowl. But they’ll secretly admire your style. Confidence in carrying it off is the name of the game here. Think of it as a song where the lyrics are pathetic but the music is hot.
Needless to say, if circumstances ever force you into the sadistic social situation of having to present four or more people to someone, don’t even start. You’re bound to screw up by the third name. Pass on that and go directly to “Please, introduce yourselves.”
Before we leave the all-too-common name-forgetting plague, let us address another common challenge. You have just met someone and, thirty seconds into the conversation, it is as though you never heard their name. You can’t ask it again. If you do, you are not only confessing to a Lilliputian memory, but they’ll take it as testimony to the fact that they made little or no impression on you.
Answer: At the end of the conversation, say something like, “It’s really been great talking to you. Once again, my name is _________.” Then give a somewhat expectant look without actually asking their name again.
Ninety percent of intelligent life on the planet will take it as a cue to respond with their name.
I’ve always admired those confident types who can simply go up to someone and say, “Hi, my name is _________. What’s yours?” As much as I advocated that approach, I was never completely comfortable saying it.
Then, several years ago, a woman I had never seen came up to me at a reception. She held out her hand and said, “Hi, my name is Jennifer Newport, and yours. . . ?”
Bam! I had an epiphany of the secular kind. Jennifer’s substitution of one little word changed her demeanor from invasive to inquiring. Jennifer was just one of those thousands of people in our lives with whom we only communicate for a few seconds. However, I’ll always remember her with gratitude for giving me Little Trick #37.
Saying “and” instead of “what” is as different as midday from midnight. By asking “and yours?” you are merely suggesting they finish the sentence you started. It subconsciously preps people for a seamless one-sentence exchange of monikers.
Little Trick #37
Use Name-Getting Tactics
If you forget a name within seconds of hearing it, remind them of yours and follow it up with an expectant look. Now it sounds as though you want them to remember your name, and chances are they will return the favor. The fact that you forgot theirs doesn’t vanish with this Little Trick. You are still culpable. But the fact fades a shade or two.
When approaching people, don’t say, “My name is_________. What’s yours?” Say, “My name is_________. And yours?”
Here’s a bit of final advice that is superior to all of the above. But it’s a lot harder too: just remember their name.