How to Talk Behind People’s Backs so They Love It

For a few years, I was a flight attendant. Tova Svensson was the most popular flight attendant I flew with, and we shared many experiences over the years. She and I went to refresher trainings at the airport together, ran into flight crews around the terminal, and occasionally double-dated on layovers.

The one thing that puzzled me about this poised Swedish flight attendant was that occasionally she would speak a few sentences in a much louder voice. Then her volume would go back to normal. It seemed strange, so I decided to monitor it.

The next time she said something rather loudly, we were leaving a training class at the hangar. As we went through the door, she said, “Ya, that instructor is really good. I got a lot out of the class.” Of course, the instructor overheard it.

Tova Strikes Again

Full-volume comment #2: Walking away from a colleague we had just talked to in the terminal, she said, “She’s really nice. Have you ever flown with her?” The other flight attendant couldn’t help but overhear it.

Hmm . . .

My suspicions were proven when we went to a party on a layover the following week. On the way out, the host waved goodbye to us from his doorstop. Ten yards away, Tova said loudly, “Ya, that was really a fun party.” Naturally, the party-giver heard it.

Very clever Little Trick, Tova! She made it a point to compliment the teacher, the flight attendant, and the partygiver supposedly to me—but slightly louder so the person being complimented could hear it. Now I know one reason she was so popular.


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Little Trick #49
Let People Overhear Your Compliment

  The only thing nicer than hearing a compliment is over hearing it. Your parents probably told you, “Don’t talk about people behind their back.” Let’s change that to, “Do talk about people behind their back—if you’re saying nice things about them.” Just be sure to say it loud enough for them to hear it.


Have you ever had a great conversation with someone but you don’t know what she said? In fact, you don’t even remember what you were discussing—or even what you said. You just know you feel relaxed whenever you’re speaking with her.

It just might have something to with the next Little Trick. Try to make it second nature every time you sit down to speak with people.