As a cooldown from our communication workout, we’re going to stretch our mental muscles with a microtrick. This one is useful only to psychiatrists, people who sell big-ticket products, and those who have a perverse curiosity about the private lives of their friends.
I learned it from the Great Philosopher of Human Nature, Sal, the car salesman.
He called me recently and said, “Lil, I wanna tell you. The techniques you’ve been givin’ me have made my sales go outta sight.” I told him how much his overstated compliment meant to me.
“Yeah, yeah, thanks, Lil. But now I wanna give you one of my techniques that’ll blow your socks off. Guaranteed.”
“OK, Sal, I’m ready.”
“Well, ya know, in my biz, I got to figure who is in charge, the man or the missus—who makes the buying decision.
“Now, here’s the game. A couple is sitting at my desk, see? So I ask ’em a series of questions, any questions, like do they want cruise control, CD player—stuff like that. I direct my questions at both of them. Then I sit back and wait. I watch to see if the wife looks at the husband first or vice versa. If he looks at her for an answer, she’s the boss. If she looks at him first, he makes the big decisions in the family.”
“Hmm, that’s interesting, Sal,” I said.
“Wait. Wait, Lil. Here’s the real clincher. While I’m sittin’ there talkin’ to them, I excuse myself. You know, they think I gotta go to the men’s room or something. But I go into the back office and call their home phone. Any idea why I do that, Lil?”
“Uh, no, Sal. Obviously, they’re not home.”
“Right-oh. Usually their voice mail picks up. Now does that give you any hint on who’s boss?”
“Uh, not really.”
“I figured it wouldn’t.” He sounded as proud as a rat with a gold tooth when he told me. “I just listen to whose recorded voice I hear! The Top Dog is always the one who barks into the machine.” He guffawed at his own joke. “Well, whadda ya think ’bout that one, Lil?”
I figured I owed him a compliment. “That’s ingenious, Sal.” But I wasn’t sure he was right. I think he exaggerated when he said that in every couple there’s a boss. I do agree, however, that one partner usually wields a bit more clout than the other in the big decisions.
My depraved curiosity persuaded me to conduct my own informal study. I listed all the married or living-together couples I knew. Then, mulling over what I knew about them, I calculated who might “call the shots” in important matters. I phoned each when I assumed Move Your Cell Around Like a Microphone they wouldn’t be home.
Sure enough, most of the time, I’d hear the recorded voice of the partner I’d voted dominant. I had an 87 percent accuracy rate.
If their kids’ voices were on the machine, that’s another story.
Try it. But don’t tell them what you’ve done. It’s a fast way to lose friends.
What is all this leading to? Simply the fact that whose voice is on the home voice mail is more significant than you think. You take it from there.
Little Trick #91
Think Before Deciding Who Records Your Home Voice Mail
Now would I be so crass as to actually suggest you make sure it’s your voice the next time you record the family voice mail? That would be unconscionable, right? Unless, of course, business colleagues might be calling you at home. In that case, make sure it’s your voice.
My egalitarian suggestion, however, is to give up your land line and get two cell phones instead. Especially if your mate is going to read this book, too.