Do you remember the two gentlemen we met in the Introduction, the CEO and Joe, the floor cleaner? There was no noticeable difference between them—until they said their first words. The CEO recognized Joe’s discomfort, then said, “Good job!” He also sensed that scientists need to feel their research is significant, and he expressed confidence in the professor’s study. He instantly connected with both men and made them feel good about themselves.
Based on that small sample of his sensitivity to the floor cleaner and the professor, the CEO probably uses many of the Little Tricks we’ve learned: He offers praise to his employees when they deserve it and wins their loyalty by laughing with them. I’m sure he never talks about his wealth around those less fortunate or uses words too big for his employees.
The CEO has also prepared himself for corporate tiger attacks with strategies to look authoritative and to defend his actions from verbal assaults. Because he wants to provide a good life for his family and his employees as well as himself, he knows how to meet important people, get them to accept his invitations, start good networking conversations, change the subject when necessary, and escape incessant talkers. His e-mail messages connect with recipients. His telephone voice is persuasive. And, of course, he signs his letters in blue ink!
But what about poor Joe? From the small sample of his self-centered comment, “Glad I could help you out,” he probably never thinks to make people feel good about themselves or to save them from embarrassment.
He has few friends because he never studied strategies to connect with people by starting good conversations and making people comfortable chatting with him. You probably wouldn’t invite Joe to your party for fear he’d ask another of your guests, a doctor, to put down his martini to inspect a mole.
And, of course, poor Joe would have progressed further professionally if he hadn’t forwarded jokes on company time or sent self-centered, insecure-sounding emails with thoughtless subject lines. He probably even blurted out phrases that made him sound as though he had no status at work.
Almost half a century ago, the Beatles wrote, “I get by with a little help from my friends.” Times have changed, but that reality hasn’t. Whatever you want in life, you need friends. Nobody gets to the top alone. As I wrote in the Introduction, “Unless you are auditioning to host the Academy Awards, your personality and looks are not the keys to becoming beloved and successful in life.” So what is the key?
It is being able to connect with people. How? By consciously predicting people’s emotions to whatever you say or do, then acting with sensitivity. These Little Tricks are a great start to get you practicing Emotional Prediction.
There are a number of people I’d like to thank for demonstrating extraordinary EP and inspiring the 96 Little Tricks. With their permission, here are their real names:
Arturo Elias, the president of GM Canada, from Oshawa, Ontario, for his handshake that makes a powerful connection by touching the shakee’s wrist vein;
Salina Fischer, from San Francisco, for sending me a second thank-you note saying why her kids love the music box;
Tova Svensson, the flight attendant from Orebro, Sweden, for the Little Trick of complimenting people behind their backs—loud enough for them to overhear;
Diana Parks, the speaker from Jackson, Mississippi, for advising me not to use strictly formal grammar when speaking to those with less education;
Cheryl Mostrom, the meeting planner from Phoenix, Arizona, for asking me loads of questions just about my last few hours, thus showing how it creates an instant connection and easy conversation;
Jonathan Rahm, the horse whisperer from Suffolk County, New York, for the incredible power of watching people’s faces when they think no one is looking;
Roberto Magrini, the chef, and Foster Anderson, the Hewlett-Packard salesman, from Chicago, for mutual “horn-tooting”—making people eager to meet the other by speaking highly of each other ahead of time;
Giancarlo Parodi, my roommate Sandi’s new boyfriend from Sanremo, Italy, for speaking exaggeratedly slowly to connect with people who were not as fluent in his language;
Camille Maziotti from Poughkeepsie, New York, for inspiring the schtick name trick by her big smiles when I call her “Dr. Camille”;
Jan Storti, my new friend from Sarasota, Florida, for showing that being slower to join a conversation—but then being very participatory—is an impressive and likable quality;
Sidney Gertz, the psychotherapist from New York, for convincing me to consider the context when someone calls me by the wrong name;
Ivan Batucuda, the architect from the Czech Republic, for teaching me how to demonstrate deference by not turning a cell phone off ahead of time, but doing it audibly at the beginning of your conversation;
Michael Thomas, the trucking company president, for showing how impressive it is to hang up the phone immediately when people say their time is tight;
Barry Farber, the broadcaster from New York, for demonstrating a clever way to leave messages on voice mail;
Giorgio Accornero, the ship’s captain from Genova, Italy, for using slightly squinting eyes to make people crave acceptance, then a slight smile to grant it;
Walter Correra, the CellularOne manager from Bermuda, for demonstrating the power of hearty laughter with professional or social subordinates; and
Robin Dawson, my friend from Evanston, Illinois, for teaching me how to avoid humiliation when I haven’t a clue what people are talking about.
I’d also like to express my gratitude to a few other people who prefer that I use just their first name:
Gakuto, the Japanese businessman, for demonstrating respect by holding my business card in both hands;
Jimmi, the company president, for two prestige-enhancing Little Tricks: sitting in the highest seat or to the right of the big shot, and showing agreement with someone by nodding one’s head up, not down;
Zachary, the singer, for showing how to make your telephone voice exciting by varying the distance of the receiver from your mouth;
Sandra, the new claims adjuster, for not immediately blurting out effusive apologies for her tardiness and showing a cool way to do it later;
My friends Ebony, Sammy, and Scott for party maneuvers like making an introduction pact With a friend; looking well connected by waving at imaginary friends; smiling at newcomers in the doorway; escaping incessant talkers; and showing me the advantages of arriving early at a gathering; and
My girlfriends Deborah, Vicki, and Patricia for sending me a “Happy Pub Date” card on the anniversary of my first book.
And thanks to a few strangers who inspired Little Tricks to save people from embarrassment:
Robert’s mother on the bus, who cleverly covered my gaffe about her child’s gender by instantly changing the subject;
My seatmate on the plane for answering me with different words the second time to save me from realizing I’d stupidly asked her the same question before;
And, of course, hundreds of males who have proven, beyond a reasonable doubt, that they do not like sitting with their backs to the door!
I’m sure you will succeed in whatever you seek in life. How do I know? Because, by reading this and similar books, you are investing your time and money in yourself and your relationships. It’s the best investment you can ever make!
Please stay in touch. You can write to me through my web-site, lowndes.com. It may take a little time, but I promise to answer your message. You can also sign up for my free monthly “Little Trick” for big success in relationships. And, of course, I’d love to hear the Little Tricks you have used to win the business, the friendship, and the love you so richly deserve.