Kirsten woke in the middle of the night to a nurse checking her monitor and writing in her chart. She would be glad to finally be out of the hospital. There never seemed to be a moment of peace between nurses or other hospital staff roaming the halls and talking or someone coming in her room to check on her. She couldn’t wait to get out of there and go back to Jordan’s. Although she was certain Jordan would be fussing over her more than the nurses did, at least it would be because she loved her.
She thought about how she’d felt when Jordan had told her she loved her. She wished the circumstances had been different. She wished their declaration of love had come over the romantic dinner she had planned followed by an all-night session of making love. Instead, she’d been in a hospital room doped up on pain medication with her brain all foggy from her concussion. She didn’t doubt Jordan loved her. She could tell by the look in Jordan’s eyes when they were together. Kirsten wondered if she hadn’t been hurt, if Jordan hadn’t been scared of seeing her lying in the hospital all banged up, if Jordan would’ve had the courage to say those three words.
Kirsten understood why Jordan had been hesitant, and she knew it had nothing to do with her. Jordan had confessed when they’d first gotten together that she was afraid Kirsten would leave her for a man. She understood that doubt had come from Jordan’s discovery of Kelly’s betrayal. She recognized that Jordan had taken a huge leap of faith in allowing her in, but the fact that Jordan had so quickly jumped to the conclusion that she was getting back together with John worried her. She shouldn’t have to pay for another woman’s sins.
Her stomach flip-flopped when she wondered if Jordan would ever fully be able to trust her. She didn’t think she could spend the rest of her life walking on egg shells, worried about what Jordan would think when she saw her talking with a man, regardless of who it was. She knew that she would have more conversations with John as their divorce moved ahead. She fervently hoped that Jordan could trust her to talk to John without thinking anything of a romantic nature was going on. She had to somehow let Jordan know she could trust her and that she would never do anything to betray that trust.
She pulled the sheet and blanket up to her neck to ward off the bone-deep chill that enveloped her body at the thought of not being able to spend the rest of her life with Jordan. She considered the attention and care Jordan bestowed upon her—not just in the hospital, but before the accident as well—the nights spent cuddling in bed, the ear Jordan had offered when she’d needed to vent, the shoulder she’d provided for her to cry on, the lazy Sundays spent snuggling on the couch or lounging in the pool, sharing their hopes, dreams, and fears. The chill began to dissipate.
Kirsten thought about Jordan’s meeting with John earlier. She wished she could have been a fly on the wall to observe that interaction. But she couldn’t recall any anger or fear in Jordan’s eyes when she’d told Kirsten about their talk. In fact, Jordan had seemed almost at peace when she’d said that John seemed like a nice guy. She thought Jordan would definitely think so once she told her what she and John had talked about when she’d seen them kissing.
She shuddered when she recalled that scene. When she’d first spotted Jordan through the window, time had seemed to move in slow motion. She wished she could erase those thirty seconds so that Jordan never would have seen that kiss, as chaste as it had been. Although, if Jordan hadn’t seen that, hadn’t run away, who knows how things between them would be? Maybe it had taken her being in the hospital, seeing how afraid Jordan was of losing her, to realize how much Jordan cared for her.
Jordan had promised she would never leave her again. Kirsten believed that things always happened for a reason. Maybe that was why the accident had happened. Maybe it had taken all of this pain for them to realize what they meant to each other.
There were always going to be moments of uncertainty or doubt in a relationship, and so far, they’d had their share of theirs. But deep down inside, Kirsten knew if they could talk about the issues as they arose, they could work it out. Jordan had always been honest about her feelings when she’d finally voiced them, and she was confident that Jordan would continue to do so. She trusted Jordan with her heart, with her love, and with her future. She would do everything she could to let Jordan know she could trust her, too.
The chill she’d felt earlier had been replaced with warmth and peace. Her heart finally settled, and she drifted back to sleep with visions of her future with Jordan filling her dreams.