7. The Missing Link

‘And action!’ yelled Ben from behind the camcorder.

The professor was already sweating. The gorilla suit was heavy and it made every movement difficult. He’d had to remove his spectacles so his vision was very blurred. He sat like he thought a gorilla would sit, shoulders slightly slumped, nose twitching.

‘Here is Bob,’ announced Ben from behind the camera, ‘the world-famous artistic gorilla. He does gor-ffiti,’ announced Ben. ‘Which is like normal graffiti, but done by gorillas. What are you painting today, Bob?’

Ben zoomed in on the professor, marvelling at the realism of the gorilla suit. It was on loan from one of the TV studios that had recently made a series of blockbuster monkey movies.

The professor picked up a paintbrush in his primate hand and dabbed it at the blue pot. Ben wandered round to the canvas side and watched as the gorilla splashed paint on the paper. The professor wasn’t very good at art but, as gorillas go, the painting ended up being a rather impressive self-portrait.

Ben panned his camcorder around the room where Bob’s other paintings were displayed. ‘There’s no doubt,’ he said, ‘that this is the most marvellous monkey on the planet.’

Five minutes later, Ben had set up a Twitter account and was uploading the video to YouTube. As predicted, Bob’s video went viral. Within a day he had gained 200,000 followers and, as the professor had assured him, ‘In the modern world, once that happens, the rest will take care of itself.’

Archie never sat. He squatted on the leather chair, while Gus was spreadeagled on the leopard-skin sofa. They had just unloaded a stripeless zebra and a white rhino into their new safari park home and were enjoying some downtime.

‘And finally,’ said the newsreader, ‘how about this for a talented animal?’

Gus slapped his head in frustration. He knew what was coming and that spelt bad news – his night off was cancelled. The footage cut to Ben’s YouTube video and then an interview with Professor Cortex, who was still sweating after secretly easing himself out of the gorilla suit. ‘I’ve worked with animals all my life and I’m telling you, Bob is a very talented gorilla,’ said the scientist. ‘He’s the Picasso of the primate world. We’ve been working with him since he was a baby. He’s good at art and music.’ The film cut to the gorilla-suited professor clumsily playing some Beethoven. ‘We think he’s the most talented ape in history and he lives right here at 132 Ambleside Road, Manchester.’

The reporter tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. ‘Bob is certainly an amazing find. A Picasso primate indeed. But enough monkey business,’ she smiled. ‘Back to the studio.’

The news anchor man grinned on the outside, masking his irritation that such a junior reporter could steal his monkey-business line. ‘Monkey business indeed,’ he grimaced, thinking hard about the next link. ‘In fact, totally bananas,’ he smiled, pleased at his rapid recovery. ‘The question is, is it going to be sunny enough to swing through the trees this weekend …?’

Archie cut the weather lady off before she’d spoken. The TV went blank just as their boss strode in.

‘My night off’s cancelled, ain’t it, guv,’ sighed Gus.

‘I want that monkey by first thing tomorrow,’ growled the large figure. ‘It’s what I’ve been waiting for. It’s the missing link.’