I just stare at him blankly as he shakes his head and says sadly, “I’m sorry, Tina. I’ve tried my best, but this isn’t working anymore. It’s obvious from your behaviour since I returned. You don’t want me and to be brutally honest, I stopped wanting you a long time ago.”
He returns to his seat and faces me with a hard expression as I stare at him in shock. Not because he’s leaving, actually it’s a relief, but because he told me he stopped wanting me a long time ago.
He says in a hard voice. “Don’t you have anything to say?”
I shake my head. “Not really. It’s pretty obvious when you come to think of it. How long have you known though?”
He shrugs. “A while. In fact, I think it was long before you started wanting another baby. I suppose you changed and were no longer the woman I fell in love with. You weren’t interested in me and I always thought you had sex with me to keep me happy rather than yourself. When you decided on another baby, I thought it may be just what we needed to bring us closer. The trouble is, it became obvious to me I was just a sperm donor because it became like a military operation. It had to be when you thought you stood the most chance of conceiving and not because you wanted to make love to me. I felt used and quite frankly, as if you thought I wasn’t up to the job. I could see in your eyes, you blamed me every month that passed, and you still weren’t pregnant.”
Standing up, I pace the floor and say angrily, “Then why didn’t you say anything if it was such a chore? You know, it takes two people to make a relationship work, it’s not all down to me.”
He says carefully. “I tried; god knows I tried hard. You’ve changed, Tina. I’m not sure how, but it’s as if you’re obsessed. I can’t get through to you and I’ve stopped wanting to try.”
I say tightly, “Is there someone else, is that it? I mean, you spend so much time out with your so-called friends, it must be another woman dragging you away.”
He shakes his head sadly. “You see, here you go again, it has to be my fault. You just can’t see that for a relationship to work it takes two people who want it to. To be honest, I’m not sure if you ever really did.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? Of course, I wanted it to work. We have a son for god’s sake, why wouldn’t I want it to work for his sake.”
Harry hisses, “Exactly. You want the perfect family, to the outside world, anyway. You want the nice house, the adoring husband and the 2.5 children. You haven’t worked since Jamie was born and now you can, you show no interest in going back. All day you clean and cook and have coffee with your so-called friends. You have nothing in your life to define you and you think that having children will give you purpose. Well, newsflash, children grow up and leave and then where will you be? You need to re-discover Tina Jenkins before you’ll ever be happy.”
Sinking down on the settee, I put my head in my hands and sob. Harry comes and sits beside me and puts his arm around my shoulders and I shrug it off angrily. The trouble is, I’m not crying for him and not even because of what he’s said. I’m crying because during his rant I noticed a text come through on my phone that has destroyed me.
Harry says in a soft voice. “I’m sorry, babe. I didn’t mean to do this tonight. I wanted to see if we could maybe get counselling and work at things but you rubbed me up the wrong way and I lost my temper. Do you want to talk about it, maybe try to think of a way we can sort this out without falling out?”
Wiping the tears away, I look at him with a stony expression. “No, I don’t think I do. Actually, I think you’ve said it all. I just want you to leave, move out and leave me to sort my life out. I don’t want you telling me how much of a failure I am as a partner and a mother. I don’t want you ‘trying’ as you say, when it’s obvious we grew apart years ago. I don’t want you making me feel inferior and I don’t want you. So, maybe it’s best if we do go our separate ways and just work together to make things right for Jamie. I’m sure he’ll be happier if we’re happier, so I think it’s best if you just go.”
Harry nods and moves towards the door. “What will we tell Jamie?”
I shrug. “The truth. We are splitting up and it’s not going to affect him. He’ll still have two parents who love him and will always be there for him, just not in the same home.”
Harry stares at me incredulously. “It’s not going to affect him? How can you possibly say that?”
I shrug. “Of course, he’ll be upset but he’ll get over it. Maybe call him now and we’ll do it tonight and then you can leave.”
I turn away because I can’t bear the look of disgust on Harry’s face. My words seem cold even to my ears but it’s as if I can’t think rationally anymore. I just want to get this over with so I can move on. The most important thing is to repair my relationship with Isabel because now I’ve had a taste of perfection, I want it forever.
Harry says coldly. “I’ll go and talk to Jamie. Let me speak to him first.”
I shrug and straighten the cushion on the seat he vacated as he closes the door. Maybe I’m a coward but I can’t face telling my son that his father’s leaving. Harry has made that decision so he can break the bad news and look like the bad guy in this. Once I’ve sorted things with Isabel, Jamie will see how amazing life can be when two people love each other. We will make sure he has the best life possible and hopefully, that will involve a brother or sister to make our family complete.
Reaching out, I pick up the phone and study the message. She’s angry and upset. Maybe I put too much pressure on her. I’ll go and see her at school tomorrow. I’m sure when she sees me it will all fall into place. I know we’re meant to be together; I feel it in my broken heart.