That Saturday, Sahan rang the doorbell, armed with a small bolt and screws. He knew from experience that Bim owned all manner of power tools, but had no idea how to use any of them. Louie’s cot, with its pastel coloured bits of wood had baffled Bim. In the end, Sahan had built the cot. And the changing table. Bim had, however, installed the mobile above the cot. The pride on his face on achieving that had amused Sahan no end.
Yamuna answered the door, wearing an apron. ‘Oh hi. You’re early,’ she said, gesturing him to come in. ‘I’m in the middle of making Louie’s food. Come on through.’
He slipped off his shoes and followed her into the kitchen. It was relatively quiet downstairs. No singing today. ‘Where’s… Louie?’ he said.
‘He’s upstairs, having his nappy changed.’ She lifted the lid on one of the pots. The cloud of steam that rose up smelled of carrots.
‘I’ll go up and say hello.’ Had that come out too eager? Would Yamuna notice? Soma had drifted into his thoughts a lot in the past few days. It puzzled him. He was often bothered by his feelings towards women he didn’t know. The revulsion that arose was nothing to do with them and everything to do with Tamsin. The only women he could deal with were the ones he’d known for a long time or in a completely platonic context – Yamuna, Cara, Deepthi from work, all were fine. But strangers always made him want to run and hide. Yet Soma crept into his thoughts quietly, when he was least expecting it. The need to see her again was like a persistent hum – he wasn’t aware of it most of the time, but when he noticed it, it felt like it had always been there.
Yamuna switched the hob off with a deft flick. ‘I’ll come up with you,’ she said. ‘I can show you where the bolt needs to go.’
As they mounted the stairs, the sound of Louie’s giggles floated down. Such an infectious sound. It made Sahan smile. He reached the landing and through the open door to the nursery, he saw Soma lean over and blow a raspberry on Louie’s tummy, making him giggle again. Neither Soma nor the baby had noticed them.
‘Soma. We’re going into your room a minute,’ said Yamuna. ‘Sahan is going to install a lock for you.’
Soma looked round. Her gaze met Sahan’s for a moment. Her eyes grew bigger. She flushed and looked away. Sahan felt a tug of… something. How odd. Perhaps it was some sort of residual affection from how he felt about Louie.
‘I think it should go into the frame, shouldn’t it?’ Yamuna said.
Sahan focused. The bolt. That was why he was here. He checked the door frame, which was a plain, solid affair. ‘Oh yes. That should be pretty easy to do. I’ll need the power screwdriver, if you can find it.’ He went into the room, pulled the bits out of his pocket and laid them on the bed. He took a quick look around. The room was small and, even to him, not very homely. There were no pictures on the walls, although there were a couple of hooks. The bed was made and the curtains tied back. Apart from a hot water bottle on top of the small chest of drawers, there was nothing to show that the room belonged to someone. It was as though Soma was expecting merely to pass through. Or perhaps, it occurred to him suddenly, she simply didn’t have anything to put out.
He turned just as she came out of Louie’s room, carrying Louie on her hip. Now that she was no longer swamped in a huge shapeless thing, he could see that she was slim and angular, almost boyish in her lack of a chest. She wore no jewellery. With her hair that was no more than a thin fuzz of black on her scalp, she should look like a boy, but she didn’t. She looked beautiful. Her neck, he noticed, was slender and smooth. Yamuna had mentioned that Soma was around twenty-five, but she looked younger. She blushed again when she spotted him looking at her.
‘I’m… er… putting a bolt on the door,’ he said, unnecessarily.
‘That’s very kind, sir.’ She didn’t look at him. ‘I… should take baby downstairs.’ She lifted her gaze for a second to meet his and dropped it again as though she’d been scalded.
‘Right. Okay.’ His conversation skills seemed to have deserted him.
At the top of the stairs, she paused. Looking over her shoulder, she said, ‘I have never had a room that I can lock before.’ She smiled and Sahan’s world tilted. A momentary elation flooded through him and he felt suddenly weak, as though the sight of her had sapped him.
He watched her go down the stairs. What was that all about? He’d met girls before. Why did he feel so strongly about this one?
There was a murmur of conversation on the landing below and Yamuna arrived with the power screwdriver. It took Sahan less than five minutes to install the little bolt. Remembering what Soma had said, he wished he’d gone for something bigger now. Maybe one of those that had a chain. Something that said ‘I’ll keep you safe’ more clearly.
‘Thank you so much, Sahan. I don’t know what we’d do without you,’ said Yamuna, when she came to inspect his handiwork. ‘Bim and I are both so rubbish with practical things.’
He grinned at her. ‘Any time,’ he said. ‘Besides, you look after me so much. It’s the least I can do.’
She gave him a smile that made her look old. It occurred to him that she looked really tired. The Yamuna he had known before had been quick to laugh. This woman had bags under her eyes so deep that they looked like black rings. Her mouth pinched down at the corners. ‘Yamuna,’ he said. ‘Are you okay? You look… tired.’
Yamuna stared at him. Her mouth trembled. For a moment he thought she was going to cry. Or pass out. He took a step towards her. She sighed. ‘I’m fine. Tired, yes. But that’s only to be expected, right?’
He put a hand on her arm. Yamuna had been around during his childhood, a grown-up cousin who drifted into his view at holidays, weddings and funerals and then drifted away again. She’d found out she was to marry Bim roughly around the same time as Sahan had decided he was going to university in England. It was knowing that they would be in the same neighbourhood that had brought them together. They had no other relatives in the UK and his father’s friends only knew people in London, which was two hundred and fifty miles away.
When they got to know each other, they surprised themselves by getting along rather well. She had kept him from going insane with homesickness when he first arrived. He suspected he might have fulfilled a similar role for her. ‘How’s being back at work?’
‘It’s okay. Not bad. It’s nice to be using my brain again.’ She lifted her chin, as though daring him to argue.
‘Yes, it must be,’ he said, taken aback.
‘Anyway, enough about me. How are you getting on with your studies?’ Yamuna asked as she took the screwdriver off him and headed downstairs. ‘It’s your final year. You need to work hard. It’s the key to your whole future.’
‘I know that.’ Sahan followed her down the stairs. Something was bothering Yamuna. He didn’t consider himself to be particularly observant, but if even he’d noticed, it must be something big. ‘Akki, are you sure you’re okay? You sound…’
‘What, Sahan? Tired? Well, are you surprised? I told you, I’ve gone back to work.’
‘I didn’t mean—’ He held up his hands. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.’
Yamuna gave him a hard stare. ‘No. I suppose not. I’m sorry I snapped. I’m just tired. There’s nothing else. Come on. Let me get you a tea.’
When they got to the kitchen, Soma was already down there feeding Louie something mushy and orange with a plastic spoon. She looked up, saw Sahan and hurriedly looked away, her focus apparently wholly on Louie.
Standing next to Yamuna, Sahan watched Soma’s back as she fed the baby. Her movements were fluid and graceful. Her head was framed by soft black fuzz from where Yamuna had shaved it. He had a sudden urge to touch it. He told himself to get a grip. This was a servant. He had barely noticed the servants at home, and if he had, it was certainly not with any sense of attraction. They weren’t part of his world in that way.
Yamuna started talking to him again, this time about job prospects. He should listen to her. But all he could do was watch Soma’s slender fingers as she wiped Louie’s face. Her back was stiff and radiated wariness. He hoped it wasn’t him she was scared of.
‘Oh, I forgot. I saw some job adverts that might be of interest to you,’ said Yamuna. ‘Let’s go to the study and I’ll show you.’
He reluctantly followed her out. Soma didn’t turn around to see him go, but he could see her shoulders drop a fraction.
In the study, Yamuna pulled up some bookmarked pages on the computer. He read over her shoulder, ready to politely point out that this wasn’t the sort of job he was looking for, but to his surprise, they were actually relevant.
‘That’s quite far north,’ he pointed out. ‘Although the work looks really interesting.’
‘Not everything needs to be in the south-east,’ said Yamuna. ‘Besides, the competition will be less and you’ll be able to afford more for the salary. Don’t discount places that are out of the way.’
Which was a fair point. He skimmed through it again. ‘Can you email that to me?’
Yamuna did so, all the while chatting about what he wanted to do with his degree. In reality, he had no idea. He had enjoyed his project work on process engineering, maybe he could go into that. He was fairly sure he didn’t want to do a higher degree, which his parents were hinting they would like. To his surprise, Yamuna agreed with his view that he was better off getting a job.
‘Having a PhD is nice, but you’re better off getting some work experience first,’ she said. ‘Work out what you’re really interested in and then get a masters or a PhD that takes you closer to where you want to be.’
They discussed possible careers. It was easier to focus when Soma was not around, but Sahan could still feel her presence, as though he had a homing dish in his gut that kept pulling him towards her wherever she was in the house. It was puzzling and frightening and exciting at the same time.
Later on, as he walked home, he tried to work out what it was that pulled at him. There was something about the way she made herself as small as possible, as though she didn’t want people to notice her. It must be bringing out the big brother in him. He had always felt protective towards his sister and even towards Deepthi at work. Yes. That must be it. Of course, she was a servant at his cousin’s house, so he couldn’t exactly hang out with her, but maybe he could help her in some way. What had Cara said about paying it forward? He could do that. Help Soma in some way. That would be paying it forward. Nothing more.