To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven.
Karen Sunde
People say that a teenager’s biggest fear is a broken heart. I think they’re right. In past relationships I always ran, reasoning that if I didn’t give anyone my heart, then they couldn’t break it. But when I met Jake last summer, it was different. I fell in love with Jake the moment my eyes met his alluring smile.
We played Wiffle ball that day under the blistering afternoon sun. I tried to steal second, and I ended up pinned beneath him in the scorching sand. I’ll never forget looking up to see his almond eyes shining down into mine. I instantly let down my guard. By the end of the day, we were revealing our darkest secrets while we played chicken in the refreshing ocean.
Eventually, Jake’s hand found mine that day, and our lips met soon after. The monstrous waves crashed like thunder behind us, and somehow his hand fit perfectly into the curve of my waist. I’m surprised he didn’t hear my pounding heart as the anxiety raced throughout my body.
As soon as I kissed Jake, I was afraid to love him. But my fears were soon replaced with a sense of security. So I gave Jake my heart and slowly fell for him.
Our personalities simply clicked, and the next few months were unforgettable. The times we shared were filled with intense talks, innocent kisses and genuine laughter. The words he spoke, no matter how trivial, always found their way to a place inside my heart.
He attempted to teach me how to play pool, and he proudly introduced me to all of his college friends. I loved how he would call just to hear the sound of my voice, making me feel as if I were the only girl in the world. My face would light up each time his car pulled up in front of my house. His car was old, and there was no mistaking the familiar sound of the rumbling engine and his blaring music. “Hey, sweetie,” he would say as I climbed into the front seat.
I never questioned falling for Jake until he was no longer there to catch me. He disappeared from my life as quickly as he came. With him he took a part of my heart that I had never given before. Jake did precisely what he had promised he would never do—he left me defenseless and alone. To this day I’ll never know exactly why, but Jake simply stopped calling.
Heartbroken, I found myself thinking about him constantly. I missed the scent of his clothes and the way he grasped my hand, carefully curling his fingers around mine. I missed him telling me he didn’t ever want to lose me. I missed how I felt complete when we were together.
At night I would clutch my fists and bite my lip, too frightened to close my eyes because I would always end up picturing his silly grin. Every song reminded me of him. My heart wouldn’t let go of the love it felt. Every time the doorbell rang I would race down the steps hoping that his familiar, loving face would be there waiting for me. My mom would walk into my room to find me staring out my window, gazing at the empty street below. Each day I concentrated on breathing, walking, talking and trying desperately not to feel.
Eventually, I began to heal my broken heart. My eyes were no longer swollen and red, and I began to accept my life without Jake in it. I slowly understood I was braver than I believed, and I was stronger than I seemed. A guy was not more important than myself. The world would not stop for my grief, and although my heart was broken, it would keep beating just the same.
The other day I returned to the desolate beach where it all began. The wind swept strands of hair across my face as the tide slowly crept up the shore line. The waves then quickly retreated, leaving behind tiny remnants of the past. Through my tears I smiled and realized that love finds people when they are least expecting it, and unfortunately it sometimes leaves in the same way. However, the memories and lessons, no matter how short-lived, remain intact forever. Love never leaves; it stays in the heart, and eventually we stop thinking about what we lost and we are grateful for what we gained.
There is a reason why I met Jake, loved Jake and lost Jake. I can’t say I’m glad I felt so much pain, but there was also that warm, tingling feeling inside my heart. It’s necessary for me to love beyond my fears and trust beyond my doubts if I want to truly live my life. And yes, perhaps my tears may fall, but I will not.
I guess a teenager’s biggest fear is a broken heart. Mine used to be, but not anymore. Jake was worth it. After all, it is the wounded heart that makes us all human in the end.
Meredith Wertz