Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
Matthew 6:12
“I cannot believe she’s here!” I moaned to Brooke, my friend and roommate. I had decided to go on the retreat to get away from all the stress in my life, and I was ecstatic when I discovered that my boyfriend, Mike, and Brooke were also going. My excitement turned to dismay when I discovered that the girl who was constantly trying to steal my boyfriend was also going on the retreat. “Just look at her! We haven’t even left yet and she’s already all over him! Maybe this retreat wasn’t such a good idea after all,” I whined.
Brooke and I watched as Mike untangled himself from Rachel and headed our way. “It’s a test, Mol,” Brooke began. “It’s a test from God. Are you up to it?”
“Hope so,” I replied, as we piled into the car.
Once we arrived at the lodge, our team leaders did some icebreakers to help us get to know each other. The first icebreaker paired two people together. Guess who got paired together? Mike and Rachel. I glared as she snuggled up to Mike and asked him to tell her about himself. I looked over at Brooke, who was looking at me and mouthing the words, “Test from God.”
It was time for a break, so I headed to the bathroom. I heard someone come in, then a voice said, “Well, she’s his girlfriend now, but don’t worry, because by the end of the retreat . . .” I stepped out of the stall, and sure enough it was Rachel talking to her friend. When she saw me she stopped talking and made a face that said, “Whatcha gonna do about it?” I returned her look with a glare and stormed out of the restroom in search of Brooke. When I told her what had happened, she replied just as she had earlier, “It’s a test, Mol. I know you can handle this.”
I didn’t get the chance to respond because we were being corralled into small groups for discussion. Sure enough, when I arrived at the place where my group was to meet, she was the first person I saw. I could not believe my luck. I kept trying to think of what horrible thing I had done to make God punish me like this. Mike and I were finally together after a year and a half of struggling over whether or not to take our very close friendship to the next level. I didn’t want to go through all of that again. I decided later that night I would talk to him. He wasn’t showing any interest in her, but the fact that she was always next to him wherever he went was getting to me.
My thoughts were interrupted because small group discussion began. The topic was faith and spirituality, and everyone was sharing a little about his or her faith. When it was her turn, I listened to her talk about how she had lost members of her family this year and was very frustrated with God. “I don’t really have any spirituality,” she said, while staring at the floor.
During reflection time, her comment about not really having any spirituality was all I could think about. Did she really mean that? I watched her sitting quietly across the room and knew she needed someone to talk to. Even though I had some extremely hostile feelings toward her, I knew she needed someone to reach out to her. I took a scrap of notebook paper and scribbled the following note: “I’m glad you’re here this weekend! If you need someone to talk to, I’m willing to listen. God bless, Molly.”
The next morning at breakfast, Rachel approached me. It wasn’t until she got close that I realized she had tears in her eyes. “Thank you so much for your note,” she told me. “You are the sweetest person!” She threw her arms around me and sobbed. I hugged her back for a very long time. When I looked up, Brooke was smiling at me from across the room.
That night, Mike and I went for a walk to talk about the situation. I explained to him what she said in the small group and told him about the note I had written to her. I wanted to be able to help her, but I didn’t know if I could do it. I didn’t even know if she wanted my help. After a while, we stopped and silently watched delicate snowflakes cover the ground in the season’s first snow.
Mike made me feel better. “First of all, realize that nothing she can do will ever pull us apart. You and I are solid. I would never let that happen,” he said. “And as for helping her, Molly, I know you can do it. Just be willing and then just let go and let God take care of the rest.”
Mike was right. Once I let go and stopped “trying” to help her or “trying” to do the right thing, everything just fell into place. Rachel and I talked and shared our heartbreaks and our happiness. We learned a lot about each other. At times, she reminded me a little bit of myself.
As we prepared to leave the retreat, everyone was trying to say one last good-bye to the people they had shared so much with. When she and I found each other, we burst into tears and embraced. We stood there hugging each other as the group began to say the “Our Father” prayer. When they got to the part where it says, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us,” I realized I had figured out what that meant.
Before the retreat, I had been trying to deal with so many things—my mother had been seriously ill for months, I had two thesis papers due within the next two weeks, and I had gotten run down from trying to deal with it all. I felt like I was at the end of my rope. During the “Our Father,” I realized that I had been given an opportunity to learn about the words in the prayer I had said so many times. All of the things I was so worried about before the retreat didn’t seem so difficult anymore. I wasn’t all alone.
Mike had been watching from across the room. I dried my eyes and walked to his open arms. “I love you,” I said, smiling up at him.
He kissed me on the forehead and hugged me tight. “I just watched you grow,” he said. I hugged him back. As we left camp I felt totally relaxed and happy. “Thy will be done” were now words I truly understood.
Molly Schumacher