Gabe had feared this moment since the day he had brought the box of swing parts onto the Five Rocks. He’d done everything he could think of to avoid it. He’d dodged several requests and had become an expert at creating urgent tasks whenever it looked as if the situation would arise.
And yet here he was, pushing Dinah on the swings Thursday morning.
Well, what did you expect when you put up a swing set? he lectured himself as Dinah settled herself gleefully onto the seat.
“Really high,” Dinah requested.
“Medium high,” Gabe responded, thinking Avery didn’t need more reasons to visit Dr. Delgado. She and Debbie were there now, getting a checkup on Debbie’s cast since her fingers were still looking puffy. As both girls were barred from the swing set until Debbie healed—a tactic even he could see as necessary since having one swing and one not would result in a torrent of tears—this was perhaps Dinah’s last chance to play on the swings.
He’d agreed to the idea when it was Marlene and Jethro doing the pushing. Then Marlene’s sister had one of her “emergencies”—that sister seemed to have dozens of crises, and always at the worst possible times—and the task had fallen to him.
At first he tried just watching. Supervising from the porch while Dinah pumped her tiny legs to no avail. He’d finally succumbed to the endless pleas of “Push me!” and found himself in his current predicament.
“Higher!” Dinah called.
“This is fine.”
“Pleeeeaaaaasssseeee?” Surely, the world had no more irritating sound than a little girl’s whine.
“Noooooooo,” he responded as firmly as he dared without making his voice reflect the annoyance he felt.
This went on for twenty minutes. Any adult would be dizzy by now, Gabe thought, which gave him an idea. He slowed the swing to a stop, bringing a king-size moan from Dinah.
“Have you ever spun a swing?” He tried to make it sound exciting.
“Spun?”
He appealed to Dinah’s sense of adventure. “You’ll have to hold on real tight.”
Her eyes lit up. “I can do that.”
“You’re sure now? I wouldn’t want you to fall off.”
She rolled her eyes. “I’m not Debbie.”
Gabe was glad her mother wasn’t here to hear that pint-size put-down. “Well, okay, if you’re sure you can hold on.”
Dinah replied by gripping the swing ropes with fierce determination.
Gabe spun Dinah around slowly, winding up the swing once or twice. “Ready?”
“Yup.”
He let go, allowing the swing to spin at a slow speed, unwinding the twist he’d just made. The maneuver was decidedly tame, but it made her giggle just a bit.
“Phew!” he teased. “You made it.”
“You’re silly,” she replied. “Do it again. Do it more.”
That came as no surprise. “You’re sure?”
“Spin it more!”
Gabe wound the swing six or seven times. “Hang on really tight now.”
The swing unwound longer and slightly faster. Nothing even remotely dangerous, but he could see Dinah’s eyes register a fair amount of dizziness when the swing finally stilled. She waited a moment—presumably for the world to stop swirling around her—before she looked up at him and said, “Again!”
“Okay, but this is the last time.”
“Noooooo.”
“Yes.” He repeated the winding, mildly enjoying her squeals and giggles as the swing twisted itself free. She was definitely wobbly by the end.
“Again!”
“Stand up first.” He got down on one knee in front of her, extending his arms for the inevitable. She stood up, and then promptly toppled over right into his arms. “And that’s why we’re stopping.”
He’d expected her to refuse and squirm out of his arms, but instead she clung to him, laughing and settling into his embrace. The simple, open nature of her action bowled him over, and he found his arms going around her before he could stop them, hugging her tight.
When was the last time he’d hugged someone? Or someone hugged him? Sure, there had been social hugs or the standard cowboy clasps on the back, but to be hugged, clung to like this? There had been one woman in his life, years back, who always draped herself on him in a way that felt suffocating. That woman had accused him—rightly so—of being cold and distant. Nothing about Dinah’s arms around his neck made him feel cold or distant. In fact, he wasn’t rightly sure who was hugging who more tightly.
When had he become so walled off from people that touch had left his life? It made sense now why Avery’s hand on his shoulder had bolted through him like a power surge.
“You’re fun,” Dinah said into the crook of his neck, snuggling closer. He told himself it was the dizziness that made her clutch him, but even he could see that for the lie that it was. She looked up at him. “Can you come home with us?”
The question smacked him in the chest. He sat back on the ground, bringing Dinah onto his lap.
“The swings can go home with you if you like. It’s not like I’m going to use them.”
“Yeah,” she said, settling herself as if sitting on Gabe’s lap was a perfectly natural thing to do. “Mom says we can bring them home. But can we bring you?”
Avery had said she would leave after the celebration, and he had no right to expect anything different from her.
Except that he did.
He’d somehow persuaded himself that they could stay, that they should stay. He didn’t like the idea of Debbie and Dinah leaving Haven, leaving his life. He certainly didn’t like the idea of Avery leaving his life. When he was honest, he didn’t even take to the idea of their leaving Five Rocks. For all his annoyance at shoes in the hall, crayon on his papers and five juice spills a day, the house would seem empty without them.
Lonely.
Gabe was not a man who got lonesome. His houseguests were messing with his insides, and he wasn’t sure what to do about it.
“Can you?” Dinah persisted.
Clearly, she had no idea of the size or implications of her question. He had to give her an answer, but was stumped for what to say. He opted for a standard evasive tactic—ask another question. “Do you miss home?”
“I miss my bed.”
Gabe could commiserate. He’d never been much for traveling, preferring the comfort of his own familiar home. “I have a mighty fine bed. I’d miss it, too.”
“I know. Debbie and I jumped on it when...” Her eyes went wide. “Oops. I wasn’t supposed to tell.”
The thought of those two jumping on the high, wide four-poster king-size bed in his room both amused and irritated him. Those girls had gotten just about everywhere in his house. “What else do you miss?” he asked, not wanting to venture a comment on his bed’s use as a trampoline.
“I miss Dad.”
Another big answer. It was the first time either of the girls had mentioned their father in front of him.
“He left.” She said it with a heartbreaking sigh that made Gabe want to shake the clod of a man who had walked away from this family. The man who had Avery and gave her up was nothing short of a fool.
“I’m sorry for that,” he said.
“Mama says he’s still our dad.”
“That’s true,” Gabe replied. “He’ll always be your dad.”
“We don’t ever see him.” The sad tone of her voice sunk a hole in Gabe’s chest right in the spot where her little head lay resting.
“I’m sorry for that, too. I didn’t see my daddy growing up, either.” He found his arms tightening around the girl. “Shame something like that has to happen.”
She looked up at him. “Do you think he’ll come push me on the swings when we set ’em up back home?”
Those sweet little eyes could tear him to bits. Based on what Avery had told him, the answer was most likely no, which made that hole in his chest sink a mile deeper.
“I sure hope so” was all Gabe could manage to say. A fresh wave of resentment at the man fool enough to walk away from this family surged in his chest.
“Will you push me again?” Dinah asked.
Gabe said, “Absolutely,” with no hesitation at all. He stood up and set Dinah on the ground in front of him. “But only until we hear Debbie and your mom coming up the drive. Then we’ll have to stop.”
“I know, ’cuz it’s not fair.” Dinah’s bottom lip stuck out just the tiniest bit. “She can’t swing.”
“It won’t be much longer,” Gabe replied, consoling her as he began pushing. All the irritation had deflated right out of him thinking how Dinah had no dad who cared enough to push her on the swings. It won’t be much longer until they leave. This house will never feel the same, Gabe thought as Dinah’s giggles sailed across the spring breeze. He could never hope to be the kind of father Debbie and Dinah deserved, but today, now, he could be the kind of man who pushed a swing.
* * *
Avery and the girls were sorting flowerpots for celebration table decorations later that afternoon when Gabe walked by.
“How’s the arm?” he asked Debbie.
She held up the bright pink cast. “Patching up.”
“Good for you.”
“The cast won’t feel so tight once her swelling goes down some more. Doctor Delgado gave us the X-rays to take back to Tennessee. Six weeks in the cast,” Avery added, “but she’ll be fine by the time it’s warm enough to swim.” He resumed his walking until Avery stood up. “Gabe?”
“Yes?”
She’d thought hard about how to ask this, given the many implications. “I’d like to go look at the cabin again. Take a good look inside this time, and see what kind of shape it’s in.” It was a perfectly reasonable request, but given how many people seemed to think she ought to fix it up and move right in, she’d hesitated.
“You can do that anytime you like. Haverman gave you the keys, didn’t he?”
“I...well, I’d like you to come with me.” She started to add all the reasons why, but ended up silent.
He looked at her for a moment, rightly puzzled at her request.
She had to say something. “I know you’re busy and everything, but... I just don’t want to do it alone.”
A warm understanding washed over his eyes. “I can take you up there.” He paused for a moment, and she could see him deciding whether to say more. There was a whole delicate conversation hanging in the air, but with the way things were, and with the girls right there, it would have to remain unspoken.
“Tomorrow?” he asked, his voice unusually soft.
“That’d be just fine.”
“I’ll be in town most of the morning, but I can circle back and pick you up.”
“No need. I’ve got some things to pick up in town myself, so I’ll just meet you in town and we can drive out from there.”
She wanted him there, but she didn’t want him to take her there. She needed to do that part herself. Which made no sense. The line between standing on her own two feet and depending on Gabe was starting to blur, and that bothered her.
Because she was leaving when the weekend was over. At least she was mostly sure she was. It was getting harder to know what it was she wanted.