ANN DIDN’T SHUT HER eyes that night. She paced the floor endlessly, smoking cigarette after cigarette. Toward two, Consuela brought her some warm milk and brandy, but there was such a lump in her throat that she couldn’t swallow. For the first time in over twenty-five years, she was completely alone. The devastation she felt after her mother’s death came back to haunt her. And how could Phillip have left her the very day Evie went to college?
She looked at her lovely bedroom with a feeling akin to loathing. What did it matter, the beauty of this house? Without the people she loved, it was nothing but an empty shell. Worse, it was a symbol of the security and affluence she had toiled for all these years. Well, now it was hers. But what security was there in a world that didn’t contain Phillip.
“Phillip, darling,” she moaned. “How could you? How could you?” She needed desperately to talk with someone. Evie? But it would be unthinkable to ruin Evie’s first venture into the world. With a faint leap of hope, Ann considered the possibility that Phillip would suddenly come to his senses. Evie would never have to know. And Phillip had met this woman only weeks ago—that was really no time at all. Perhaps it was merely a physical infatuation…. But the image of him in bed with another woman twisted her heart.
Ann tried to think logically. She must wait, and hope that the affair would simply run its course. Lots of men went through midlife crisis, had affairs, and then came home to their wives. But then she remembered the unfamiliar look of resolve on Phillip’s face, the calm determination in his voice, when he spoke of this woman whom he said he loved.
I’ve got to find someone to talk with.
When Phillip had been in the Pacific, she at least had Ruthie, but it had been years since they had been really close, though their children saw one another frequently and the Newmans’ younger son, Peter, had been like a big brother to Evie.
At about five, Consuela, who couldn’t bear to hear Ann still crying, came in and sat by her bed, quietly holding her hand until Ann finally sobbed herself to sleep.
The next day Ann could barely drag herself out of bed. About ten, she had Consuela call the office and tell them that she would not be in.
Late that afternoon Evie rang. Ann could barely speak, but luckily Evie was bubbling over with news and didn’t seem to notice anything amiss.
“Home early, Mom? I guess you must still be tired from your trip. I have so much to tell you!”
Ann managed to murmur the right words as Evie went on and on about her roommates. Leslie and Kim were the greatest! Leslie was from Los Angeles. Her father was a neurosurgeon, and they had a fabulous mansion in Beverly Hills. She knew a lot about boys—which was Evie’s way of saying that she had a delicious fund of carnal knowledge. Kim had been to school in Switzerland, and vacationed all over the world, but she wasn’t sophisticated in the same way as Leslie. Evie just adored them both.
“And, Mom! I don’t know how I could have forgotten to mention it. Our room is gorgeous! Those beautiful roses on the curtains and bedspreads. Everyone has been coming by and just freaking out. How did you manage to do that?”
“I arranged it from New York, honey. Just a little surprise for you.” It seemed like a hundred years ago that she had made all those urgent calls.
“Well, thanks a million, Mom—I love it. Oh, and guess what, Mom? Guess who I saw on campus? Peter Newman!”
“Well, that’s not so surprising, Evie,” Ann murmured weakly. “He must be a senior there by now.”
“Yes, and he asked me to go with him to the first game, against Oregon, this Saturday! A senior, Mom! Leslie and Kim were pea green with envy. Oh, listen—the bell’s ringing for dinner. I have to go. I love you. Ciao!”
“I love you too, Evie,” Ann said, holding back the tears until after she had replaced the receiver.
She was happy that Peter Newman was still keeping an eye on Evie. He had always been around, teasing her, giving her tennis lessons, and, later, reluctantly squiring her to cotillions and dances while complaining that she was just a kid. Phillip would be pleased if they actually started to date. Peter was as clean-cut a young man as Evie was wholesome. That was something, in these times of drugs and rebellion. And, of course, he came from a good family and family was so important.
In the days that followed, Ann sank deeper and deeper into a state of depression. She was unable to get out of bed, let alone go to the office or do any work. The very thought of food was repellent, and she lost so much weight that Consuela began to eye her worriedly.
Phillip called several times, but their conversations were stilted and awkward. He was having his mail forwarded. Was there anything she needed him to do for her?
Numbly, Ann replied, “I’m fine. No. Nothing, thanks.”
Evie called often. She was pretty sure that she would be bid by the sorority she favored, and she was hoping that Leslie and Kim would be too, so that they could all be together. Peter had taken her to the game, and then out for a pizza. He was so handsome—well, didn’t Ann think so?
When Evie asked, “Is Dad there, Mom? I’d like to talk to him,” Ann could barely respond.
“I’m sorry, Evie. He’s not here.”
“Boy, he’s never home anymore. What is it, another one of his boring political shindigs?”
“Yes, I think so,” Ann lied. She couldn’t bear to tell Evie the truth, and obviously Phillip hadn’t yet done so.
“Well, it’s no big deal. I talked to him yesterday.”
“Oh? So he’s called quite a bit?” Ann asked dully.
“Oh, yes. All the time. I just thought of something to ask him. Well, bye-bye, Mom. See you soon. Ciao. Love you!”
Ann’s heart sank. Sooner or later, someone would have to tell Evie, but doing so would give the separation a dreadful air of finality….
Phillip knew that he would have to be the one to do it. Though they never discussed it, Evie had always been much closer to him than to Ann. When she had gotten her first period while at school, it was Phillip she had called, and he had been the one she had come to with stories of her first crushes. He wasn’t blaming Ann; she had always been so busy. But he must be the one to tell Evie about the divorce.
Deciding he would have to do it in person, the next time Evie called, he asked, “When can I see you, sweetheart? I’d like to meet Leslie and Kim. This weekend maybe?”
But Evie had answered, “Gee, Dad, I’d love it, but until Rush is over, I have parties and teas every single day. Can you wait until next weekend? Then I can show you and Mom around campus and you can see my sorority house—that is, if I get in. Here’s hoping! Ciao!”
It was Friday morning of the following week, and Ann lay listlessly on her bed, not even trying to read the newspapers. She didn’t care a damn what real estate prices were doing. When the phone rang, she almost didn’t bother picking it up.
“Hi, Mom, guess what! I got my bid! I’m in!”
“Oh, honey, that’s great.” Ann tried to rouse herself. “What about your roommates?”
“Leslie and Kim made it too, and we’re all going to room together in the house!” Evie waxed enthusiastic for a few more minutes before saying, “Well, I have a class. I just wanted to let you know about the sorority.”
“Thanks, honey. I appreciate it.”
When Ann hung up, Evie sat for a minute, worrying about her mother. It wasn’t anything Ann had said. She just sounded totally beat. Evie would have thought her mother was just working too hard, except that she was home so much during the day, which was in itself unusual. As she got ready for class, Evie made a decision.
Late that afternoon there was a knock on Ann’s closed door. “Come in,” she murmured, thinking it was Consuela.
The door opened and Evie came into the room. An incredulous look crossed her face as she took in the closed draperies, the unmade bed, the bottles of Valium and sleeping pills on the bedside table. But the biggest shock of all was her mother’s face, which was thin and wan, with dark circles under eyes swollen and red from crying.
“What’s wrong, Mom? Are you sick?”
Evie couldn’t remember her mother ever having had so much as the flu. She was always so vital and full of energy.
“Evie … I didn’t expect you,” Ann said, clutching nervously at the bedspread.
“I can see that. But I decided to surprise you and come home for the weekend.” She hesitated. “Mom, you look terrible. What is it?”
At the worried look on Evie’s face, the concern in her voice, Ann burst into tears.
“Oh, Evie, it’s just awful.”
Evie put her arms around her mother. “Mom, what in the world is wrong? Please tell me!” she said, beginning to tremble with sudden fear. “How long have you been like this?”
Unable to find the words to explain, Ann just shook her head. Terrified, Evie turned and called, “Consuela! Consuela, come here!”
When Consuela appeared at the door, she gestured to Evie to come outside the room. Puzzled, Evie stared at her, then said, “Just a minute, Mom. I’ll be right back.” In the hall, she whispered, “Consuela? What is it?”
“It’s your daddy, Evie.”
“Something’s happened to Daddy? But I just talked to him this morning!”
“No, your daddy’s fine. They didn’t want to tell you, honey, but your mama and your daddy are going to get a divorce, and your mama’s taking it pretty hard.”
“A divorce?” Evie echoed disbelievingly. “Oh, no. Consuela, you must be wrong. My mother and father are very happy together!”
“Well, all I know is that he moved out the day your mama came home from New York, and ever since, all she can do is just sit in that room and cry. I can’t get her to eat one thing, and I just don’t know what to do.”
Returning to the bedroom, Evie saw that her mother was still weeping into her pillow. Because Ann had never used drugs before, she was highly affected by them. Instead of calming her emotions, the sedatives and barbiturates heightened them so that her tears were as much a result of the drugs as her depression. But Evie was not aware of this. All she knew was that her mother was completely unlike herself.
Sitting down on the edge of the bed, she said softly, “Mom, listen. Consuela told me about you and Daddy.”
Ann’s only response was to bury her face deeper into the pillow. Evie patted her shoulder. “Come on, Mom, please. I know it must be a mistake. Why, it’s ridiculous! You love Daddy, don’t you?”
Ann nodded, gulping convulsively.
“Well, then, it will all work out.”
“It’s not going to work out. He’s not coming back.”
“Yes, he will, Mom! Of course he will.”
“Evie, you don’t understand. Your father has found someone else.” Her voice trembled. It was humiliating to have to tell her daughter.
Evie couldn’t hide her look of horror. “Another woman? Oh, Mom, no!” She got up and walked helplessly around the room, wishing there were something she could do to ease her mother’s pain.
Finally, when Ann’s sobs subsided, Evie asked, “Can I bring you some tea or something?”
“No thanks, honey,” Ann mumbled. But, desperate to do something, Evie brewed her mother a cup of tea and brought it to her with a plate of biscuits. Wordlessly, she sat by her side while Ann sipped listlessly.
Evie was almost as stunned as her mother by Phillip’s defection. The only tragedy in her life so far had been her grandfather’s death. She was only just beginning to get over that, and now the rest of her family was disintegrating. Her mother looked and sounded desperately unhappy. When Evie thought of her father living with some strange woman, she wanted to cry too.
Tucking the blankets around Ann’s shoulders, she left the room and made a phone call. Peter had dropped her off today and had suggested that he pick her up the next day for tennis.
“Peter, I don’t think I’m going to be able to play tomorrow. My mother’s not feeling well.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Nothing serious, I hope.”
“I don’t think so, but I think I’d better hang around in case she needs me.”
“Of course, Evie. I understand. I’ll call you tomorrow to see how everything is.”
“Thanks,” Evie almost whispered.
The next day found Ann no better. On the contrary, she seemed sunk even deeper into her torpor, staring at Evie with unseeing eyes. When Peter called, Evie said, “You’ll have to play tennis without me. I’m staying home for another day or two.”
Evie’s first thought had been to phone her father. Then it dawned on her that she didn’t even know this woman’s name or phone number. She couldn’t reach Phillip until Monday morning, when he would presumably be in his office.
All weekend, she rehearsed what she would say, but on Monday morning she was so angry and unhappy that she took the car and drove downtown to confront him in person.
Not waiting for the secretary to announce her, she walked down the hall and unceremoniously entered his tiny office.
One look at his daughter’s face was enough to tell Phillip that she knew—and that she was furious. He cleared his throat and started to speak, but she interrupted.
“You know why I’m here, don’t you?”
“I think I do, Evie. But I don’t particularly appreciate the way you came in.”
“Well, I don’t particularly appreciate what you’ve done to Mom. Leaving her for some cheap … whore!”
Phillip jumped to his feet, his jaw tightening angrily. “How dare you, Evie! I forbid you to use that word. Linda is a fine woman in every possible way. How can you possibly judge her when you haven’t met her yet?”
“I don’t want to meet her! Ever! I hate her, and I hate you for what you’ve done,” Evie screamed, and then burst into tears. “Daddy, how could you? I thought you loved Mom!”
Phillip came around to her side of the desk and drew her unresistingly into his arms. He must try to make her understand.
“Sweetheart, of course I love your mother. I want to make you understand. Will you sit down?”
He took her hands in his. “Sweetheart, your mother and I tried. I would have done anything in my power to have prevented this, but the fact of the matter is Ann and I were never really happy together. We just weren’t compatible. Now I have found someone whom I really love. And your mother will find someone, too. Someone who will make her happier than I ever did.”
“Dad, how can you say you’ve done everything in your power? All you have to do is stay with Mom. I know you and Mom were happy until this other woman came along.”
A hysterical note crept into her voice. “Dad, please—can’t you come home? Mom is in a terrible state; she still loves you so much! Can’t we be a family again?”
Phillip looked away. The hope on Evie’s face tore at his heart. It cost him all his strength to say gently, “I’m afraid I can’t, Evie.”
Abruptly she pulled her hands away from his and stood up. “Can’t? You mean won’t! You prefer this woman you’re sleeping with to my mother. Well, Dad, I don’t want to see you again. Not until you leave her and come home.”
Phillip started to say, “Evie, please—” but she was already out the door and down the hall.
By the time she got home, Evie’s rage had turned into depression. She had hoped that all she would have to do would be reason with her father and everything would be okay. Now it was apparent that there would be no magic solution.
Meanwhile, her mother needed her. For the next few weeks, Evie commuted back and forth to Berkeley in her mother’s old Volkswagen. Sorority initiations came and went, as did parties, football games, and dances, but Evie had no heart for any of it, spending all her available time with Ann.
Peter had finally gotten the truth from her and was both outraged and sympathetic. He volunteered to drive into the city and take her out when she felt up to it, but Evie wasn’t interested now. The initial stirrings of love he had awakened were numbed by her mother’s agony. Evie was too young to recognize that in attempting to supply all her mother’s emotional support, she was dangerously depleting her own resources.
Evie was even more upset when May Brubeck called to say that they couldn’t get on much longer in the office without Ann.
“Look, honey,” May said, “will you please tell me what’s wrong with your mom? Consuela won’t tell me a thing. We’re almost frantic down here. Is Ann sick or what?”
“No, May. I guess you may as well know. Mom and Dad are getting a divorce.” Evie’s voice quivered on the word.
“Oh, honey—I’m sorry.” May was silent for a moment. “Well, that’s really too bad. But still, Evie, we’ve got a business to run and your mother is the only one with the authority to make certain decisions. She’s just going to have to pull herself together and see me.”
“May, she’s just not able to do that, at least not yet.”
“Well, honey, I’m sorry to say it’s not a question of able. She has to, and that’s all there is to it. Deadlines are deadlines, no matter what is happening in your personal life.”
Evie knew that May spoke from experience. Her husband had died an alcoholic and her son had died of an overdose at age eighteen. Still, loyalty to her mother made Evie say, “May, she’s just going to need a little more time.”
“She doesn’t have it,” May said tartly. “And what about you, young lady? What are you doing hanging around the house? Aren’t you supposed to be enrolled at Berkeley?”
“Oh, I’m still going,” Evie said. “I’m commuting for the time being.”
“What time do you have to be there, for goodness sake?”
“Eight in the morning.”
“But that means you must be getting up before six! That’s just plain ridiculous! And you sound mighty tired. Now listen to me, Evie Coulter. You head right on back to school and leave your mama to me. Tell her that I expect to hear from her this morning, without fail.”
May’s message was relayed in edited form to Ann, but all Ann said was, “The office? Just tell May to do the best she can.”
A contrite Evie was on her way to a lecture when the Coulters’ bell rang to announce May’s arrival.
“Hello, Consuela. Now, don’t you try and stop me. Where is she?”
Consuela had reached the point where any help was welcome. Stepping aside, she said, “Upstairs in her bedroom.”
May marched up like an avenging angel. She had known Ann Coulter a long time. They had opened the business together, slaved over figures late into the night, held each other’s hands in difficult times. Ann had helped her go on living when her son died, and now May was going to help Ann whether she liked it or not.
When May first entered the room, she couldn’t believe that the thin, gray-faced woman lying so still under the bedcovers was the vital Ann Coulter she knew, but May hadn’t grown up in Missouri for nothing. She launched her attack without preamble.
“All right, Ann. Just what the hell are you doing in that bed in the middle of the afternoon? You’re not sick, so don’t try and pretend. What in the hell has happened to you? Where’s the woman who thought she could take this city with one hand tied behind her—and did?
“Now you listen to me. I know how hard it is to lose a husband. But it’s not the end of the world. You’re not the only woman in this universe who’s gotten divorced. Where’s your gumption, Ann Coulter?”
As May took a breath, Ann said miserably, “But, May, you don’t understand! It’s awful … I’m a failure.”
“A failure? It’s not a failure when two people who don’t belong together get a divorce. So you fell on your face. Big deal. Get back up on your feet.”
“But, May, Phillip would never have taken up with another woman if I hadn’t driven him away.”
“Ann, do you really and truly think that the only reason you and Phillip split up is another woman? Let me tell you something, as an outside observer. Phillip is a nice guy, Ann, but the two of you are from two different planets. He stayed behind while you forged ahead. It’s not a question of balance. You’re just two people who are wrong for each other.”
“But, May, I love him!”
“Stop saying ‘But, May.’ Of course you do. You can’t throw away twenty-five years of marriage in a day. But at least you’re still young. Be thankful you aren’t like me! I hung on with Al until it was too late for me. It was only a year or two after I divorced him that he got to be so sick that I ended up nursing him until he died. You’ve got your health, plenty of money, and a daughter who loves you. You’re lucky to have Evie. I’d give anything in the world to have my Jack back again.”
Fiercely, she blinked back the tears which had sprung to her eyes at the thought of her dead son. “Now we’re going to get you out of that bed, get some food into you, and see if things don’t look a bit brighter. And next week, after we get caught up at the office, you’re going to take a plane to New York, because you have one gorgeous guy waiting for you there. None of this is going to seem quite so bleak when he holds you in his arms.”
Startled, Ann sat up, heart pounding. “What do you mean, May?” she asked slowly. She had never told anyone.
“What do you think I mean? I mean Adam Gayne, of course. Or did you think it was a deep, dark secret how you felt about him? He must really be pretty special for you to eat your heart out over him all this time. Well, now you have your chance.”
Without further ado, May reached over and threw back the covers. “Now, out of that bed, kiddo!” She marched into the bathroom, turned on the tub. Once she saw that Ann was safely luxuriating in the warm water, she searched the bedroom for every pill she could find—the barbiturates, the tranquilizers, even aspirin. Ignoring Ann’s protests, she flushed them all down the toilet and tossed Ann’s faded housecoat into the hamper.
Then she opened the door and called out, “Consuela, you go fix a mess of scrambled eggs and bacon, and lots of hot coffee. We’re going to have a party.”
By evening’s end, Ann was indeed seeing things differently. May had made her realize that she wasn’t a failure and that she hadn’t driven Phillip away. And there was Adam, who had wanted to marry her. Ann felt a stab of fear at the thought of seeing him. All the time she had been in New York and Florida, she had braced herself for a confrontation, but he had scrupulously confined their dealings to the phone, sending one associate or another to the endless meetings.
Would he see her now or was he still too angry? Even worse, perhaps he no longer cared. She thought of calling him, but was afraid he might hang up. Face to face, she would have a better chance of making him understand. He could hardly slam the door on her.
“Consuela, I’m going to New York this week,” she said. “Will you call Mr. Coulter tomorrow and tell him I have to go away on business and that I’m feeling much better?”
That night, when Evie came back from Berkeley, Ann and Evie sat up late after dinner, talking.
“Honey,” Ann said, “I want to apologize to you for the way I’ve been indulging myself, lying around wallowing in self-pity. You’ve been wonderful about taking care of me, but I’m much better now. May was right. Going back to the office has taken my mind off things. Now it’s time for you to move back into the sorority house and stop worrying about your old mother. I’m even going to make a quick trip to New York. I’ve got a lot to catch up on with the syndication.” She got up and hugged Evie, who could feel the renewed strength in her mother’s arms. Ann looked alive and happy once again.
At first, Evie hoped that her father had had something to do with the change, but as it became apparent that no such miracle had happened, a wave of fear and misgivings swept over her. If her mother was accepting the divorce, it truly was final. Evie cried herself to sleep, and in the morning could barely control her tears as she said goodbye. Driving back to Berkeley, she felt as if she were going into exile.
Early Friday evening, May drove Ann to the airport. Just before boarding, Ann hugged her friend, saying, “My God—how did I ever get so lucky as to have someone like you?”
“That goes both ways, kiddo.”
May hid her mild envy. Not everyone had an Adam Gayne to go to.