Let’s just mic drop in chapter 4, shall we?
Ready. Set. Go.
You are right. You aren’t as physically beautiful as Jezebel in your workout class. And your neighbor down the street? The one you obsessively watch on Instagram every morning while you are still in your flannel nightgown? Yep, her too. She is more physically beautiful than you.
You want to know what’s even worse? That girl in your daughter’s class, Sally Jo, you know, the one your daughter cries about because “I will never be as pretty as her!” You got it, she actually is physically prettier than your daughter.
On the flip side, there are just as many people whom you would beat on the “pretty scale” (according to a physiology paper I did on beauty in college, pretty includes facial symmetry, smooth complexion, and lack of physical imperfections). Same goes for your daughter; she might not be prettier than Sally Jo, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t pretty.
Why do we pretend that there are not varying degrees of beauty? Why do we deny this fact of life with our cliché thoughts and answers, telling ourselves or our daughters, “No! You are just as pretty as she is!”? Has hearing those words ever helped you? Or how about this one: “Beauty is on the inside, honey, don’t worry about it.” This statement is only half true. Yes, the Bible is clear that true beauty is not physical beauty at all. But we do ourselves and our daughters a vast disservice by pretending physical beauty is nothing when it is, in fact, very real and created by God.
Can we just sit in the discomfort of this reality for a minute? Together, can we grieve this, admit it, and seek healing from our trampled expectations?
Ladies, we will never be perfect, and neither will our daughters. And no matter what we do, say, eat, crunch, or tuck, we will never become beautiful enough to fix our confidence problem. There will always be someone prettier. Our only hope is healing from the inside out.
I realize this is uncomfortable. It is uncomfortable for me too. I remember a place and time that whenever I saw physical beauty I wanted to cry. I would even size up my friends and mentally decide if I were better off or worse off than they were. It was a terrible way to live. I felt the weight of it constantly—that my physical beauty would never be good enough to make me feel good enough. I imagine that your daughter could be living in a similar place.
But there is a different place for our minds to live. I’ve found this place. Through God’s Word, his Holy Spirit, and a big dose of miraculous reality, I live there now. My prayer is that by the end of this book, you will live there too. But we have a hard shell to crack through, don’t we? We must retrain our minds to think differently so that our words and our actions reflect this new place we live in.
Let’s start on the banks of the ocean. It is early in the morning, and the sun has not yet risen. You sit there, your daughter is with you, and (since we are dreaming here) she is in your arms snuggled up next to you. The sun begins to rise, and the sky fills with the most beautiful colors you have ever seen. Pinks, oranges, yellows, and your breath stops just for a minute. It’s gorgeous. It’s heaven come to earth. You hold your daughter a little tighter, and you swear you can see angels in those clouds. You carry the vastness of God’s creation with you for the rest of the day, and you ponder his endless creativity.
My dears, do we then desire to become the sun? Downcast, do our shoulders droop in sadness that we will never bear the colors of the sky?
Heavens no! Why would we? We were not created to be the sun.
Neither, then, were we created to be someone else. We are God’s masterpiece. The colors we bear are ours alone—our curves, our parts, our imperfections, and our gloriousness belong only to us. Why do we spend a lifetime trying to change the unique sunrise that God has created in us? I imagine it makes God sad that we are not pleased with his canvas. That we resent the colors he chose to paint in us, and we smudge or try to color over what he has created. We are going to spend a few chapters talking specifically about how to stop trying to change ourselves and why we must if we are going to teach our daughters confidence. But for now, I would like us to sink into this question: Can the physical beauty God has given us be enough?
Can it begin to be enough? As we go through life, may we live as if we are constantly sitting on the shore. When we behold a physically beautiful woman or a physically handsome man, may we praise God for the amazing sunrise he created in them. May we appreciate the vastness of God’s creativity and then may we move along. “Thank you for that beautiful sunrise of a person. Amen and Amen.” Period.
Our obsession with physical beauty ends here in chapter 4. It has to. We must learn how to let it go if we are to know how to guide our girls. When they are gawking and crying and feeling down because their physical beauty doesn’t match up, telling them “you are just as beautiful blah blah blah” or “you are the prettiest girl to mommy and daddy blah blah” or “honey, being beautiful on the inside is what counts blah” are just hollow words if we don’t have anything to back them up. Or (even worse) if we don’t really believe what we are saying. Or (way worse) we don’t believe them about ourselves first.
Let’s go live somewhere else, shall we? Let’s pack up our emotions, trash our old baggage, and go shopping for a new perspective.
Biblical Beauty
Some women in the Bible are noted as being extraordinarily beautiful. Sarah, Rebekah, Bathsheba, and Esther are a few examples of those whom Scripture mentions as having physical beauty as one of their attributes.
Abraham pretended to be Sarah’s brother because he feared that foreign leaders would kill him in order to take his beautiful wife (Gen. 12:12). When we first meet Rebekah, we read, “The woman was very beautiful” (Gen. 24:16). Bathsheba, well, you know about Bathsheba, and Esther won the beauty contests of all beauty contests! “Esther won the favor of everyone who saw her” (Esther 2:15). From these few examples, we can determine these truths: physical beauty is a gift that some have been given, and we have not all been given the same level of this gift.
We are not all meant to be the same; this we know and say. But do we talk about beauty this way, or do we try to even the playing field? When we watch the Olympics, do we think we too need to become elite athletes in curling, volleyball, hockey, or swimming? No! We admire their talent and their giftedness, we stand in awe of what the human body is capable of, and we move along with our day.
Friends, from now on let’s pretend that there is an Olympics for physical beauty. Most of us are not in them, and that’s okay because God has given us other gifts and we have important things to do. Let’s not waste another minute trying to become an elite athlete in something we were not made for. May we teach our daughters to do the same.
In order to give up once and for all our obsession with trying to become more physically beautiful, let’s first consider it biblically, and then we can hash it out practically.
I like lists, don’t you? I found a list in the Bible that you might be interested in. It talks about the kind of beauty that we do want to obsess over and aim for. This kind of beauty we can grow in and fully achieve. Let’s pray we can model this kind of beauty for our daughters, as it is much more important than beauty in any other form.
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindles with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. (Prov. 31:10–31)
If we must stew on beauty, may we stew on these. When our daughters fret, may we teach them what godly beauty looks like with full love, power, and confidence. Here is the true beauty list:
Beauty of character is worth more than all the money in the world.
True beauty is confidence.
True beauty is putting others above ourselves.
True beauty is working hard.
True beauty is providing for others.
True beauty is learning a craft or business.
True beauty is using our bodies as they were meant to be used—for strong work.
True beauty is getting the job done.
True beauty is being generous to the poor and those who have less than we do.
True beauty is having no fear of the future, because we know God will be with us.
True beauty is hanging out with people of strong character.
True beauty is being responsible with money.
True beauty has strength.
True beauty has dignity.
True beauty is laughter.
True beauty speaks wisdom.
True beauty watches over others.
True beauty receives praise with grace and humility.
True beauty is noble.
True beauty knows that physical beauty fades.
True beauty trusts the Lord above all else.
True beauty is you.
As I pray over these verses and descriptions, I notice a huge difference between physical beauty and true inner beauty. True beauty is our choice. Isn’t it soothing to have control over something? It feels nice, actually.
Since birth I have not had control over my nose size, boob size, or body structure. Having given birth to five children, I know we come out of the womb in all different shapes and sizes. Today, our daughters wrestle with this out-of-controlness. It doesn’t feel fair and it doesn’t feel nice and frankly they want what she has. But what if every day we practiced choosing to be beautiful? What if in our homes and in our own lives, we and our daughters began to take control over the things of beauty that are ours to control?
As you were reading the descriptions based on Proverbs 31, were you picturing what this woman or girl would look like? I was, but not her physical appearance. I saw joy in her eyes, a smile on her lips, and a strong, bold stance. Her beauty radiated all over. I want to be that woman. I know you want to be that woman too, and I know your daughter wants to become that woman.
Becoming a woman of true beauty takes one baby step at a time; it does not happen in one giant leap. We begin by changing the direction we are walking in and then taking a step.
Baby steps, friends, but baby steps with our daughters. That is the beauty of this journey. It is not one we teach our daughters in word only but a journey we go on with them. Hand in hand, we acknowledge the difficult terrain, we talk honestly about the pain we are experiencing, and we figure this thing out together.
When the physical beauty talks come, when the “I’m not as pretty as her” tears fall, identify the fact that this is not something we can change. Our bodies and our scale of physical beauty have been given to us once, and though we can oscillate a bit back and forth, we will never be completely satisfied. There will always be someone better and always someone worse, and we wear ourselves out when we spend all our energy in the physical beauty department.
What if we put that effort aside? Let’s get off the physical improvement plan and get on to the true beauty plan. Take the following quiz with your daughter. Circle the appropriate number: 0 means you never ever act that way and 5 means you act that way all the time.
I spend more time focusing on my godly beauty than my physical beauty.
0 . . . . . . . . . 1 . . . . . . . . . 2 . . . . . . . . . 3 . . . . . . . . . 4 . . . . . . . . . 5
I care more about my beauty of character than anything else about me.
0 . . . . . . . . . 1 . . . . . . . . . 2 . . . . . . . . . 3 . . . . . . . . . 4 . . . . . . . . . 5
I believe that true beauty lies in my confidence.
0 . . . . . . . . . 1 . . . . . . . . . 2 . . . . . . . . . 3 . . . . . . . . . 4 . . . . . . . . . 5
I am beautiful when I put others above myself.
0 . . . . . . . . . 1 . . . . . . . . . 2 . . . . . . . . . 3 . . . . . . . . . 4 . . . . . . . . . 5
I am beautiful when I work hard.
0 . . . . . . . . . 1 . . . . . . . . . 2 . . . . . . . . . 3 . . . . . . . . . 4 . . . . . . . . . 5
I am beautiful when I help meet needs.
0 . . . . . . . . . 1 . . . . . . . . . 2 . . . . . . . . . 3 . . . . . . . . . 4 . . . . . . . . . 5
I am beautiful when I try new crafts and skills.
0 . . . . . . . . . 1 . . . . . . . . . 2 . . . . . . . . . 3 . . . . . . . . . 4 . . . . . . . . . 5
I am beautiful when I use my body for strong work.
0 . . . . . . . . . 1 . . . . . . . . . 2 . . . . . . . . . 3 . . . . . . . . . 4 . . . . . . . . . 5
I am beautiful when I try my best to get the job done well.
0 . . . . . . . . . 1 . . . . . . . . . 2 . . . . . . . . . 3 . . . . . . . . . 4 . . . . . . . . . 5
I am beautiful when I am generous to the poor and those who have less than I do.
0 . . . . . . . . . 1 . . . . . . . . . 2 . . . . . . . . . 3 . . . . . . . . . 4 . . . . . . . . . 5
I am beautiful when I am fearless.
0 . . . . . . . . . 1 . . . . . . . . . 2 . . . . . . . . . 3 . . . . . . . . . 4 . . . . . . . . . 5
I am beautiful when I trust God with my future.
0 . . . . . . . . . 1 . . . . . . . . . 2 . . . . . . . . . 3 . . . . . . . . . 4 . . . . . . . . . 5
I am beautiful when I surround myself with other women of godly character.
0 . . . . . . . . . 1 . . . . . . . . . 2 . . . . . . . . . 3 . . . . . . . . . 4 . . . . . . . . . 5
I am beautiful when I am responsible with the money God has entrusted to me.
0 . . . . . . . . . 1 . . . . . . . . . 2 . . . . . . . . . 3 . . . . . . . . . 4 . . . . . . . . . 5
I am beautiful when I treat myself and others with dignity.
0 . . . . . . . . . 1 . . . . . . . . . 2 . . . . . . . . . 3 . . . . . . . . . 4 . . . . . . . . . 5
I am beautiful when I laugh.
0 . . . . . . . . . 1 . . . . . . . . . 2 . . . . . . . . . 3 . . . . . . . . . 4 . . . . . . . . . 5
I am beautiful when I speak wisdom.
0 . . . . . . . . . 1 . . . . . . . . . 2 . . . . . . . . . 3 . . . . . . . . . 4 . . . . . . . . . 5
I am beautiful when I lift others up.
0 . . . . . . . . . 1 . . . . . . . . . 2 . . . . . . . . . 3 . . . . . . . . . 4 . . . . . . . . . 5
I am beautiful when I receive praise with grace and humility.
0 . . . . . . . . . 1 . . . . . . . . . 2 . . . . . . . . . 3 . . . . . . . . . 4 . . . . . . . . . 5
I am beautiful when I am trustworthy.
0 . . . . . . . . . 1 . . . . . . . . . 2 . . . . . . . . . 3 . . . . . . . . . 4 . . . . . . . . . 5
I am beautiful when I acknowledge that physical beauty fades, but beauty of character lasts forever.
0 . . . . . . . . . 1 . . . . . . . . . 2 . . . . . . . . . 3 . . . . . . . . . 4 . . . . . . . . . 5
I am beautiful when I trust the Lord above all else.
0 . . . . . . . . . 1 . . . . . . . . . 2 . . . . . . . . . 3 . . . . . . . . . 4 . . . . . . . . . 5
I am beautiful when I can say out loud that I am beautiful simply because I am me.
0 . . . . . . . . . 1 . . . . . . . . . 2 . . . . . . . . . 3 . . . . . . . . . 4 . . . . . . . . . 5
Every quality that you circled a 3 or below on, spend a day focusing on nothing but that quality. Do it together! For example, say your daughter circles a 1 for “I am beautiful when I use my body for strong work.” Grab a day and use your bodies for strong work together. Or say you circled 2 for “I am beautiful when I laugh.” Then go somewhere to laugh together!
Now that we have hammered this point home, I need to say to you that though we may not be the most beautiful, we most assuredly are each physically beautiful in our own ways. There is not an ugly soul walking this earth. God does not create ugly; when he made you, it pleased him greatly.
Playing the Hand We Have Been Dealt
Through the years, I have wrestled with the question of how much of our physical beauty we should allow others to see. A few years ago I wrote a mildly controversial blog post titled “The Problem with the Bikini Debate.” In it I discussed that the real problem is not the bikini but the heart behind the bikini. Are we wearing a bikini or some other article of clothing to receive affirmation from others? Do we need to wear these clothes because we are unhealthily dependent on attention to our body? Are our daughters jaunting out of the house in booty shorts because a look from a boy in that way is better than no look at all? These are all heart issues and reveal deeper-level hurts that need to be addressed from the inside out. It’s not the bikini as much as it is the story that the bikini is telling.
The debate and disagreement about the post came up when I talked about wearing a bikini with a different mindset. For example, the young girl who excitedly shared with me that she finally feels comfortable enough in her own skin to wear a bikini for the first time. Or the mom who shared that when she goes on vacation she loves to wear that one bathing suit because she knows it’s her husband’s favorite. Some felt uncomfortable with these options, but the point here is this: let’s take the time to figure out why we wear what we wear and let’s be intentional with our choices. Whatever you decide for you, for your daughter, for your home, go at it with prayer, with intention, and with joy.
We should give the same attention and consideration to our choices in regard to our makeup, our jewelry, and our wardrobe. Let’s do this with purpose and share the process with our girls.
The question is not what is she, the one wearing the bikini, doing. The question is, What does God have for me?
I want to share with you my personal story about this but with one stipulation. This is an example, not a prescription. It is a testimony of a process, not a blanket statement of an end goal. My prayer is that you will do your own digging and soul searching with this question in mind: What do I want my daughter to learn from my “outward adornment” choices and philosophies?
Once upon a time (a long time ago, even though it feels like yesterday), I was months away from my wedding and sitting with a bunch of girlfriends. They were talking about plucking one’s eyebrows. “What is that?” I asked. To my surprise, this was something women do, though I had never in my life removed a hair from anywhere on my face. Well, like good friends do, on the spot those ladies plucked my eyebrows. I felt like a whole new woman.
It took my fiancé a little while to look at me without thinking I was surprised all the time. All in all, we decided it was a fine thing for me to shape those eyebrows just a tiny bit. Who knew, right? Apparently, I was the only one who didn’t know.
A few days later, I saw my sisters-in-law, and they said to me, “Thank goodness! We have been wanting you to do that for years!”
I’ll let that soak in a minute. True story. Every word.
I wondered, Why didn’t somebody help a girl out sooner? I’m fine with a few tips and tweaks along the way, and I had a rip-roaring time accepting the fact that I had lived with wonky (and very pluckable) eyebrows for the first twenty-two years of my life. I’m over it (eye roll), but the point is that my decision to pluck my eyebrows was no big deal. I liked getting to do a bit of a beauty routine, and it is fun to learn new things.
Same goes for me with clothes. Finally, at the age of thirty-five, I am beginning to allow myself to think I am important enough to wear clothes that fit correctly. I’m important enough to take the time to learn what styles are good for my body type and to buy something new every now and again. Juxtapose this to the old version of me who thought “I don’t deserve it” or “it’s not going to help anyway” or “nothing fits me right so why bother?” Rest assured, old Maria, there is a comfy pair of jeans and an adorable shirt for every shape and size. It’s just a matter of taking the time to find them.
I have spent vast amounts of time (probably so much that my daughter is entirely sick of me) showing my daughter that makeup is fun but that I don’t need it in order to leave the house. Faith has had an open door to makeup since she was little, and frankly she is entirely uninterested, but she watches me put it on often. I tell her that it is fun to try new colors and styles, and that it is kind of like painting a picture, but it is not the makeup that makes Mommy beautiful. It’s Mommy that makes the makeup beautiful.
What is your story? What is your clothes style? Your body type? What clothes make you feel like Esther after her 365-day beauty routine?
What about your sweet girl? What is her body type? What stores would be best for her?
What about makeup? Can you go without it and still feel good? Does your daughter need to learn how to pluck her eyebrows? (Trust me, help a sister out!)
What about jewelry, handbags, belts? Fashion not your thing? No problem. Is it your daughter’s? Do you need to step into her world and be interested?
I apologize for all the questions, but my desire is to earn your trust. When the Bible lays out a specific way as the best way, I promise I will tell you about it. If there are options, I want to give you the freedom to decide for yourself.
There is no option in this regard: tackle your honest view of physical beauty and align it with God’s Word.
But figure out for yourself the hows, whens, whys, and whats that make you feel lovely. Figure it out with your daughter too (because feeling lovely is an important gift you want your daughter to have for herself).
From an Expert on Mirrors
Before I had my own children, I had sixty junior high students I called my own. They called me “Mama Maria”; I was theirs, and they were mine. I laughed with them, cried with them, and most importantly taught them all I knew about Jesus. Those girls? Those middle school girls I led? They were the girls who inspired me to write this book in the first place.
I heard their stories, I heard their cries, and I saw firsthand how a young girl is incapable of articulating the full weight of her struggle to her mom. I grabbed on to one group of girls in particular. Quinn and her friends were so adorable, so cute, so sweet, and so lovable, but I knew they saw none of these things in themselves. They were the girls passing on the chips when I thought they should share the whole bowl. They were the girls who couldn’t quite get a handle on how to love themselves when I and the other adults in their lives knew there was so much there to love. I began writing this book ten years ago with the prayer that it might help minister to girls like Quinn and her friends.
Fast-forward a decade and guess who God sends back into my life? Quinn! One day she was reading her Holy Bible app and found a reading plan on fear based on a book called Breaking the Fear Cycle. She was struggling with fear over an old eating disorder rearing its ugly head again, and guess who God sent to love on her? The author of that book, Maria Furlough, her old youth leader.
Reconnecting with Quinn has been sweet, fun, and sad. It broke my heart to learn about the eating disorder she developed and how hard the journey to healing has been. I am sure she will be the first to tell you the journey is not over, but I am so honored to share a bit of her story with you. It is a story of hope. If God can bring Quinn peace in spite of that blasted mirror, there is hope for us too.
Q: Quinn, I know you have struggled with eating disorders. Can you share about what you used to see when you looked in the mirror?
A: I’ve always had trouble accepting the reflection I saw in the mirror. Every time I walked past my reflection, it would suck me in. I could spend hours in front of my bathroom mirror, picking apart every physical attribute I wanted to change. I saw all the other girls who I believed looked better than me. I saw their friends, I saw their happiness, and I saw how people acted around them. Maybe if I looked like them I could have more friends, more value, more purpose. I got sucked into that way of thinking in middle school, and my lack of self-confidence combined with various other issues and behaviors led me straight into a treatment center for eating disorders. I thought I had finally reached recovery after high school. I didn’t engage in any eating disorder behaviors anymore (at least none that I considered dangerous); however, I would walk around my college campus and constantly compare myself to other girls. These girls were thin and pretty. Not only that, but they were on fire for God! They seemed so happy, so pretty, so perfect. I would go back to my dorm and spend more time looking in the mirror. My face was rounder, I had gained around fifteen pounds in college, but I didn’t really care that much. I had an amazing boyfriend, a good work-study program, and seemed to be doing well in my classes. I got married after graduation, and all seemed well. Until I couldn’t find a job.
My husband and I struggled to stay afloat while I searched endlessly for anyone who would take me. When I finally did find something, it was a work-from-home job that I didn’t care for. After that, I began spending more and more time in front of the mirror. I couldn’t find my value in my job anymore, so I turned to the mirror to define me. I hated what I saw. I lost a lot of weight and did everything outwardly to change my appearance, thinking that would make me happy. However, I was never satisfied with my reflection no matter how much I changed. That thought process and those behaviors landed me in another treatment center after ten years of recovery.
Q: You are an amazing woman of God. How did he help you to finally start seeing yourself the way he sees you?
A: God has been teaching me a lot about fixing my eyes on what is unseen instead of on what is seen (2 Cor. 4:18). I have spent so much time looking in the bathroom mirror instead of going out and living life! And I would have spent so much more time doing that if it wasn’t for my amazing husband. You see, I came home from my six-week stay in an inpatient facility, went straight to the bathroom, and found that my husband had covered up the mirror with paper! I was ticked off at first, but then I saw his sweet note written on the paper. “I love you” and “you’re beautiful” were scribbled across the parchment, and even though these notes were simple, they meant a lot coming from a person who I know doesn’t necessarily wear his heart on his sleeve. That simple act from him has really freed up my time and my mind from focusing on what is seen. I have also spent each morning reading my Bible and journaling. Taking time to focus my mind on my loving Father every morning sets my heart in the right place to face the day ahead.
Q: What do you believe is most beautiful about you?
A: I’ve had a rough battle with self-hatred. I feel like I’ve had so many failures, and oftentimes I’ll define my worth and my beauty from those failures. I’ve been working on self-acceptance and self-love, and man it’s hard! However, I can finally say that there are beautiful things about me. I am a dedicated, hardworking, creative, and loving woman. I can finally accept that God has a different definition of beauty, and that truth in itself has transformed my life. God takes me just as I am, mess and all!
Q: What are some things that you have to do (or not do) in your life to protect your heart from focusing on your outer beauty instead of your God-centered beauty?
A: I have to work on consistency. Honestly, the chains of my eating disorder still grip me tightly. I struggle, but I know that I struggle with a purpose. I’ve already seen God use my story, and I have full confidence that he is able to bring complete healing to this chapter of my life. I still find that I compare myself to others, but I have tried to use that opportunity for prayer instead of comparison. Maybe if I pray for them, I will begin to see them as another person going through life instead of a marker against which I determine my worth. I know I have a long way to go, and I’m not exactly sure where I’m going at times, but I trust God to lead me.
Confident Mom
Challenge
This challenge is the best one ever; it’s a game changer, I promise! I pray you have the courage to do it and do it fully.
Challenge #4: Ditch the mirrors. All of them—in your whole house. Do we really need to look at ourselves so much? Keep a face mirror or two to brush your teeth and do your morning routine, but we don’t need to see our bodies from every angle all the time. If God didn’t give us eyes to see ourselves at that angle, then we don’t need to see it! Be creative. Isn’t Quinn’s husband a gem? He covered up all the mirrors in the house with love notes to her (not a bad idea). Yes, I am positive your daughter might hate you for this at first, but it will be so worth it.
By loosening our grip on our mirrors, may we loosen our grip on the importance of our looks. Set a time goal: one week, thirty days. I ditched the full-length ones for good.
Bonus Challenge: Together with your daughter, print out Proverbs 31:10–31 in such a way as to cover an entire full-length mirror with God’s definition of true beauty! Then put the mirror in a place where it can remind you often of what God’s mirror looks like.
Confident Daughter
Discussion Questions
A Mom’s Prayer
Father, we confess to you that we covet physical beauty. We see it all around us, and it seems like it would be an amazing thing to have. We think that if we were just a little bit prettier, we would not hurt as much. We tell you this, Lord, because we need you to heal us of this! And we want you to heal us so that you can equip us to heal our daughters too. We are sorry, Lord, that we have been chasing after the wind of physical beauty for too long. We desire greater things for our lives today. Help us to seek out the characteristics of true beauty. Give us your wisdom, and may the Holy Spirit give us all we need to model this well for our daughters. We pray that our sweet girls would loosen their grip on comparison. Instead, may we give them sweet places to land that make them feel lovely, beautiful, and whole just the way they are. Lord, as you know, this is no small thing, and we need your help. Come with us now, you who can do all things. In Jesus’s name we pray. Amen.