Rhett jerks away like my touch burns. I have to fold my hands in my lap to stop from reaching out to him again.
‘Please,’ I say again.
I don’t know what to do. If Sean’s right, my family can’t afford for either one of us to get in trouble. Not if we want a future.
Speaking up would see Sean kicked off the team and the scholarship I’ve worked so hard to win gone. I’m pretty sure the terms and conditions of the scholarship say drunk sisters of delinquents need not apply.
But how can I live with myself if I lie?
Rhett stares off towards the creek.
I clear my throat but he doesn’t move. ‘What is so bad that you’d rather take the fall for hitting Hayden than tell me about it?’
‘I don’t particularly want to talk to you at all.’ His soft tone belies his harsh words.
The whirring in my head becomes restlessness in my legs. I jump down and pace the small space, stepping over the cracks and holes in the concrete.
‘Make yourself at home,’ he mutters.
‘I will.’ I wander close to the back fence. The creek runs past here but even the water is rougher in this part of town. Churning and frothing over rocks, heading for the fall downstream near the sea.
There’s a narrow path along the edge. ‘Does this go all the way to the ocean?’
‘Yep. My own private shortcut to the exotic waters of Valley Beach. We’re practically waterfront.’
‘When I was five, Dad used to take me and Sean fishing in the pools before the drop to the sand. Mum would pack a picnic and sunbathe or read me stories.’ In my head I see Mum laughing on one of those trips. She’s wearing her bikini with her wide-brimmed hat, and acting out some silly scene from a book with fairies on the cover. I’d nearly forgotten that she used to be like that. Fun.
Rhett’s movement brings me back to the present. He leans back and raises a brow.
‘Did your brother try to knock the fish out with his fist?’
‘Hilarious.’
The air is thick with decades of grease and smoke and unwashed humans. It coats the walls even out here, and my skin as well, despite the lingering scent of bleach that burns my nostrils. Someone has fought to keep this place clean. Rhett? His mother?
I turn my face towards the creek and the tainted breeze that rushes down the shallow valley from the factories upstream.
The only noise from inside is Mrs Barker’s TV program. At the wire screen door I listen, trying to make out whether it’s Gone With the Wind. Rhett obviously hates his name but I think it’s kind of sweet.
I take another step and sense Rhett squirming. I turn and follow his gaze to a foldout bed in the most protected corner of the back porch. The faded brown sheets are tucked in with military precision. ‘Yours?’
He nods.
I can’t help moving closer. My room back at home is all clean and light and white, and he sleeps out here. ‘What happens when it rains?’
He shrugs. ‘Sometimes I get a bit wet.’
‘That’s awful.’
‘It’s only water.’
The end of an old guitar pokes out from under the bed frame. At last. Something we have in common. A silly leap of excitement has me grinning. ‘Is that yours? I used to play. Actually, I still do, when I have time …’ My voice trails off at his closed expression.
‘No.’
I tell myself it’s stupid to be disappointed.
‘It’s not like I’m a great guitarist or anything. It’s just a thing I used to do once. Before I realised that if I wanted to become a doctor I’d need to focus on subjects that can help me. Not music.’
‘Music is a luxury around here. I have to worry about paying the bills.’
‘Why’s it there?’
‘One of Ma’s boyfriends left it behind and she wouldn’t let me throw it out.’
‘Oh.’
One side of his mouth kicks up. ‘Not the happy story you were hoping for?’
‘I wasn’t hoping for anything.’ The longer I stay, the more I realise that coming here was a mistake. ‘In fact, I should have left when you told me to.’
‘You don’t seem the type to do as you’re told.’
I slump beside him again. ‘You wouldn’t say that if you knew me better.’
He nudges me gently with his shoulder. ‘Oh, I know you’re a rebel, all right. I saw you empty your guts in the school’s precious rose garden.’
I laugh. Somehow, because of Rhett, I can see the humour in the moment. Not that the embarrassment is gone. ‘That wasn’t normal behaviour for me.’
‘Everyone has to let loose sometimes. Even the school captain.’
I’m sure he doesn’t mean anything deep, but there’s something seductive about what he’s saying. Last night at the dance was the first time in a long time that I wasn’t analysing and second-guessing my actions. For a while I was free. ‘How do you let loose?’
The amusement fades from his eyes. ‘I work. I box. I work some more.’ He waves to the porch roof where it leans precariously on a post, glimpses of sky showing through rust holes. ‘You don’t get quality workmanship like that for free.’
Like the rest of the house, it looks as though it would fall down in a stiff breeze. ‘Have you always lived here?’ It’s not the question I intended to ask, but the less he tells me about himself willingly, the more I want to know.
‘I would have thought with Bree Madden for a friend you’d already know everything about me. And everyone else in this town.’
I don’t blame him for the edge in his voice. Bree is a bit of a gossip and she’s never hidden her dislike of Scarlett. She probably sensed Hayden’s interest in her. Before last night, I’d never spent much time thinking about either of the Barkers, or really listened to Bree on the topic. They weren’t part of my plan, so they didn’t exist.
Now, for some reason, Rhett’s all I can think about.
I lift my head and he’s closer than before. His breath stirs a breeze on my lips. It would be so easy to close that gap. Easy, but impossible. ‘You’ve told me you need to work to help pay the bills, so I get that your family would struggle if you couldn’t. Tell me about your history. Why did they find you so easy to blame?’
He drags a hand across his face. ‘You don’t know what you’re asking. The past should stay where it belongs.’
‘Not when the future depends on it.’
He jumps to his feet. His hands are clenched and I cringe at the tension in him. Maybe I shouldn’t have pushed. I mean, I don’t really know anything about him. He’s angry. And we’re alone out here.
The thrill in my body should be fear. But it seems that since last night I’m all about the unexpected. I move towards him. Take his hand. Feel it tremble and try to still it with both of mine.
His eyes darken. ‘Four years ago, I nearly killed a man.’
I let go.
Stumble back.
Killed a man. The words are too big. Too much. I can’t hold that gaze. ‘How?’
‘With my fists.’ He slams one hand into the wall behind him but doesn’t wince.
‘Why?’
He’s breathing heavily. ‘Does there have to be a reason?’
‘Yes.’
‘Maybe I just like hurting people. Isn’t that one of the rumours? That I have a temper that could go off at any moment? That I hurt people for fun?’
‘No.’ The denial is snatched from my throat. ‘I saw the fight last night. You could have struck the first blow. Or the second.’ My voice catches. ‘They were going to assault your sister. Three of them. Against a girl so much smaller and weaker than any one of them. You had every right to lash out. They were in the wrong.’ I think of Sean being a party to that and want to be sick. ‘You could have given in to the rage you must have felt.’ Tears escape and I wipe them away, determined to keep my gaze on his face and the eyes that show so much pain. ‘But you didn’t.’
His eyes harden. He’s remembering. ‘I wanted to.’
‘Because you’re human.’
He shakes his head. ‘Stop trying to pretend you know a damn thing about me. You think I need your approval?’ He turns his back. ‘I don’t.’
‘Why did you nearly kill a man?’ I ask again.
He doesn’t face me. ‘It was one of Ma’s boyfriends. He’d been seeing her for a while, and one day he decided Ma wasn’t quite what he wanted, but twelve-year-old Scarlett would be perfect.’ There’s no emotion in his voice. ‘I had to defend her.’
Holy …
I try to imagine Scarlett at twelve … myself at twelve, threatened by an adult. No wonder Rhett snapped. For the first time, the talk around Rhett fits with the person I’ve seen. It makes sense that he’d risk a beating to protect his sister.
The hard straight line of his shoulders through his thin black T-shirt should be forbidding but instead I’m drawn to it. My heart is beating so loud in my ears, it drowns out the scrape of my feet on the porch. He’s breathing hard too, and I’m sure he doesn’t hear me approach.
I see my hand reach out like I’m watching it from a million miles away. He doesn’t want me to touch him. I know it. But I can’t seem to help myself.
There’s remembered violence coiled in every inch of his tense body.
My hand wavers. I’m close now. I breathe in his fresh pine scent, with its hint of all-male sweat. His T-shirt is stuck to the muscles of his back, as if it’s damp.
I touch him.
The muscles contract. His breath sucks in like he’s winded.
I think he presses back into my hand but I can’t be sure it’s not my imagination. ‘What happened?’
He turns his head a little and I can see his granite-carved face. ‘He turned up late one afternoon. I tried to explain how Ma was out at work, but he wouldn’t leave. Gave me two dollars for the pinball games at the corner store and told me to take my time.’
His jaw works. ‘I didn’t want his money. I tried calling Ma but she didn’t answer. I found him in Scarlett’s bedroom. She was out of it, like he’d given her something. And his hands were on her wrists, holding her down on the bed.’
‘No.’
‘I couldn’t let him …’ His eyes are blank, seeing only the past. ‘I hurt him bad. The ambulance came, and the police. Sergeant Peters investigated the bastard, tried to have him locked up too, but a couple of bruises on Scarlett’s wrists weren’t evidence enough.’
‘But Scarlett would have said something?’
‘She doesn’t remember. Blocked it out or something. The guy tried to have me done for assault. Said I went at him unprovoked. But the sergeant helped me. Now I’m afraid my history of violence will make people think I always come out swinging in defence of my sister. So your brother’s accusation will stick, and I won’t get off lightly, not with the Chapmans wanting blood.’
‘But if Hayden wakes up soon he won’t want to admit what he was doing there, or why you fought. He might say it was an accident.’
‘He might,’ Rhett agrees in a way that says he thinks the opposite. ‘That would solve your little moral dilemma nicely.’
‘I was thinking about you.’
He cocks an eyebrow. ‘Not worrying about poor little Sean? You know, the one who actually threw the punch?’
‘He’s my brother.’
‘He’s an idiot who had too much to drink and put his friend in hospital. After queuing up to sexually assault a girl who thought she was meeting a guy who liked her.’
I want to argue, but I know he’s right. I saw Scarlett’s expression when she walked into the dance. Her disappointment was a reflection of mine—she’d been stood up by someone she thought cared. But I can’t let him paint my brother as the villain. ‘Sean would never have let things get that far.’
‘Hayden is in a coma. Your brother punched him in the face, and then lied and said I did it. You’re not going to convince me he’s simply misunderstood.’
‘He’s under a lot of pressure.’ Mum’s excuses for Sean’s surliness fall easily from my lips. Her reasons why he’s grumpy and on edge all the time. ‘You’re not the only one with something to lose. Football is his one shot at a future.’
‘Excuse me if I’m not concerned that he might get kicked off the football team. He’s got it easy. My family depends on me.’
My teeth grind at his arrogance. ‘You don’t know anything about our situation. All you know is our address. You don’t like it when people judge you on yours.’
He has the grace to duck his head. But not for long. ‘Then leave. Go home to your beautiful house and your happy family and leave me the fuck alone.’
‘Are you saying you don’t need my help?’
‘What I don’t need is you slumming it here to appease your conscience before you go home and decide you really can’t screw over your brother after all, but let’s all admire what a good person you are for considering it.’
He takes a step towards me and I back up at the anger in his eyes.
‘I—’
‘Don’t try to fool me. We both know you’ll keep your mouth shut. Sean will go free and you’ll let Hayden get away with what he tried to do. He’s dating your best friend. Have you even told her what he was about to do to my sister? I didn’t think so.’
I collapse onto the old table. Back where I started. I hold my head in my hands, resting my elbows on my knees.
Is that what I’m doing? Using Rhett to make myself feel better? Blaming Scarlett so I don’t have to blame Hayden, and therefore Sean?
I want to deny it but the righteous indignation doesn’t come. It’s way too close to the truth.
And he’s not done yet. ‘You will drive away today convinced that my sister’s a slut and was asking for it and that I’m a violent criminal, just like you suspected all along. It fits, it’s easy, and it means you won’t have to upset your family or friends.’
‘It’s not easy.’ He’s right, but I don’t want to believe him.
He’s beside me again, but the anger of before has gone. ‘It can be. You said it yourself, you owe me nothing.’
But he’s not the only one involved.
Can I live with another secret? Can I let someone else take the fall for my brother’s monumental mistake just because it will make my life easier?
Do I want to be the person Rhett is describing?
‘I don’t want to be that person,’ I whisper.
I look up. We’re close now and we’re both humming with emotion and awareness.
His dark gaze locks on mine and there’s nothing I can do but sway towards him. It doesn’t matter that it’s crazy, or that I hardly know him. My body acts without asking my brain for permission.
Sitting beside Rhett is like standing on the edge of the tallest cliff. I teeter, drawn ever closer. My belly wobbles and I’m dizzy in the same way that heights make me feel, but this terror is something else entirely.
There is nothing safe about Rhett Barker.
His fingertip brushes my cheek. So gentle is his touch, I could pass it off as the product of my overactive imagination except that it makes my breath catch and my thoughts tangle. All that’s left is him. His dark eyes, and his lips that look at once rough and soft. What would they feel like?
His kiss could never be nothing.
I know it even as I swallow and his gaze slips down to my throat. I’m exposed beneath his gaze, like he’s a vampire. If this was a movie, I’d be screaming at the stupid girl to run, but now I’m here, I want nothing more than to bare my skin for his touch. His teeth. His hand cups my cheek. He lifts my head as he lowers his.
Kiss me.
He’s closer. Hesitating. Giving me every chance to say something. Anything to stop this madness.
Please kiss me.
If he kisses me I will forget all the reasons I shouldn’t kiss him. The million reasons.
Jonny.
‘I have a boyfriend.’
His eyes close. Jaw tightens. ‘That’s right. Mr Perfect to go with Little Miss Perfect’s perfect life.’
I don’t argue with his description this time. I’ve done enough. When I stand, he doesn’t try to stop me. Nor when I walk away. Without looking back, but sure he’s not watching me, I pick my way through the tiny, rundown house, hoping not to bump into Scarlett.
He never wanted me here in the first place.